I know it's fiction. I know it's all made up and the standards and circumstances are completely unrealistic. However, somewhere around hour thirty of a five-day dramathon, the lines between drama and reality become blurred and I start to ask myself questions like these...
1. Am I bad with money?
In City Hunter, Kim Na Na was so broke she tried to pay for her father's treatment in tears but was always well dressed. In Mary Stayed Out All Night, our heroine was so broke, her father pretty much sold her (and her impressive collection of crocheted clothing) to his rich friend, but she still had a smartphone - AND it had service! In Office Girls, super frugal Xing Ren shares a pretty spacious and awesome apartment with one of her co-workers, something I know can't be cheap in a country the size of Kentucky. The poorer citizens of dramaland somehow manage their limited funds in such a way as to not only have an expensive cell phone, but also a pretty sweet wardrobe and other perks that seem impossible on a budget. No one is that good with money, but I've watched so much drama I feel like I should be.
Sporadically employed, but has a phone that can take good pictures in a dark crowded room from at least 30 feet away? In 2010? What am I doing wrong?
2. Am I unfashionable?
I've always been a fashion risk taker, I like accessories and bright colors, shiny things. I've even had a few rings that lit up. The stars of Asia make me doubt my fashion sense. I watch all the rich fashionistas of drama land parade before me and I want to find their Bedazzler and break it. I want to explain that any color that resembles vomit is not ok. Office attire that reminds me of the 80s is also unacceptable. And it's not just the ladies. By the end of Heirs, I got Stockholm syndrome and started liking Lee Min Ho's sweaters. After a while, you start to wonder if the clothes are really as ugly as you think they are or if you're just blind to real style. There are obviously many well-paid professionals behind these outfits. surely they know what they're doing…right?
This was never cool. I don't care how famous you are.
3. Am I going to die?
Forget traveling to Asia. Everyone gets sick so easily in dramaland, they must have some as yet undiscovered super bugs over there. Being outside for more than a few hours is enough to do it! Too hot? Ya faint. Too cold? Ya faint. Just got bad news? You have about a 50% chance of falling over! And they've got some sort of nastiness that gives you a nose bleed if you're stressed! How are these people still alive?! Germs travel, and I'm starting to worry that without the immunities that allow the people of dramaland to recover from damn near anything with an attractive caretaker and a good night's sleep, I could not survive an outbreak of the virus the causes fainting spells if you walk in the rain or fall asleep on the couch.
Does it even get cold in Thailand? I'm pretty sure rice porridge does not cure malaria.
4. Do I exfoliate enough?
I'm talking about scouring your skin off with what can only be described as sandpaper on a regular basis. Don’t feel bad, neither did I until I started watching dramas. It seems silly and unnecessary until you start thinking about the fact that Asian people don’t get visibly older between the ages of 40 and 70. They must know something we don’t. And thanks to dramaland, now I know that when it comes to exfoliation if it doesn’t hurt you aren't doing it right.
Beauty is pain, Oppa.
5. Am I fat and ugly?
I've always been pretty confident about my looks. Until I started watching dramas, that is. Gil Ra Im is HOT. Kim Sam Soon was handled as if she were a freaking whale. I know plenty of women who would be stoked to have her figure. If I.U is ugly then I'm a troll.
6. Am I generally a bad person?
When I watch dramas all the perky, work till you bleed, never say die, endure it all, cry pretty when you're alone drama heroines make me think I'm not trying hard enough. If my man's mom tried to pay me to go away I'd either slap her with her envelope or take it and bolt. Depends on how much I liked him. Speaking of slapping as an ignorant pugilistic American if someone slaps me I'm PUNCHING them back. If my BOSS hits me I'm suing him and the entire company for all they are worth. I can't understand the Zen that allows these chicks to just stand there and let someone scream at them.
What I would do to the first crappy mall patron who tried to return damaged merchandise. No apologies.