Excellent analysis, liddi. The findings also make my heart ache for Xiao Yao.solarlunareclipse:
Thank you.
I agree she probably first realized that XL might have loved her here. But, I don't know if she could be sure. Even if she didn't doubt at this point that XL loved her, his later actions to distance himself from her would make her would have made doubt creep back in her mind. This is why after she spoke with the Voodoo King and found out the exact nature of the bugs, she desperately wanted him to confess that he loved her.
Even though it gave her a sliver of hope, I don't believe she was ever sure in the early days when she first learnt the name of the bug from Shé Mei Er, because every single overture she made to Xiang Liu always met with a closed door. Which is why I ached so much for her, the amount of courage it must have taken her to bare her soul and appeal to him to take her hand, without any certainty at all that he loved her, allowing herself to be vulnerable, she who fiercely guarded her heart and kept it encased within a hard shell for fear of being hurt.
She only knew for certain when she learnt the true nature of the Lovers Bug from the Shaman King, but she was aware by then that Xiang Liu would still push her away. Her staying one night by the ocean was a testament to the yearning she could not fight, for him and the ocean that was their home. And their hearts were one in the intimate moments they shared after, listening to the song of the merpeople, a song they heard before, except this time it was different, because this time, she knew he loved her too.
The merpeople’s song reached her from the ends of the ocean. Xiao Yao's heart stirred, and she stood at the bow of the ship, gazing out into the distance. Under the silver moonlight, she saw a person with white robes and white hair treading the shimmering waves towards her.
He said nothing and Xiao Yao did not speak as well. Both of them, one on the ship, the other beside it, listened to the song of the merpeople together. The song was like heavenly music, dispersing across the vast ocean, ethereal and pure, stirring the soul, like a call of profound love in the dark, like a sigh of ecstasy that melted the bones, overwhelming the soul with the song.
When the song ended, Xiao Yao said softly, “So beautiful!”
Xiang Liu quietly concurred.
The merpeople’s song was like celestial music but very few people in the world could hear it. In that moment, Xiao Yao felt that her heart was infinitely close to Xiang Liu’s, as if there was nothing they could not share with each other.
-- Vol 3 Ch4 (Chapter 37)
Another point that was paramount on her mind was their linked lives. Knowing now that their lives too were intertwined, she was afraid for him - as the daughter of Chi Chen, with inferior spiritual powers, she was the weak link, and she needed to know whether his safety would be compromised in any way if she was killed. Hence her wish to remove the bug - because she did not want to endanger him even more, she who had repeatedly feared for his safety each time she saw him. As such, his deliberate insouciance, pointing out that she should be concerned instead about whether she stood a chance of surviving if anything happened to him, had her hopping up and down in frustration.
“The Shaman King said the Lovers' Bug means ‘the jian birds in the sky will not fly alone, the mandarin ducks in the water will die together.’ If I die, will you be able to live?”
“Why don’t you ask the question in reverse – if I die, then will you be able to live?”
In a calm, reasonable tone, Xiao Yao said, “I don’t know who dies and who lives, which is why I’m asking you. Please tell me!”
Xiang Liu’s smile was sly as he said in apparent helplessness, “How could I possibly know? At least you have studied poisonous magic before. I am playing with poisonous bugs for the first time. But there is no rush. When one of us dies, won’t we know the answer by then?”
Xiao Yao was so frustrated to the point of almost hopping up and down in anger. “You could remove the bug from Cang Xuan, so you must know how to remove it. Don’t you wish to remove the poisonous bug?”
Xiang Liu grinned, “I don’t want to!”
Xiao Yao asked helplessly, “What exactly do you want then?”
Xiang Liu’s body gradually sank into the ocean. “Apart from waiting for an opportune time to maximise its returns, what else do you think I can do?”
“Hey! Don’t go!”
Xiao Yao flipped over the railing ready to dive into the water and chase after Xiang Liu but a pair of hands grabbed her and forcefully pulled her back.
-- Vol 3 Ch4 (Chapter 37)
However, her instinctive reaction to dive into the water after him, could only have been driven by panic and a yearning she could not contain, knowing that despite loving her, he was leaving her again, which she masked with yet another cock-and-bull tale to Jing after that.
Another point that was paramount on her mind was their linked lives. Knowing now that their lives too were intertwined, she was afraid for him - as the daughter of Chi Chen, with inferior spiritual powers, she was the weak link, and she needed to know whether his safety would be compromised in any way if she was killed. Hence her wish to remove the bug - because she did not want to endanger him even more, she who had repeatedly feared for his safety each time she saw him. As such, his deliberate insouciance, pointing out that she should be concerned instead about whether she stood a chance of surviving if anything happened to him, had her hopping up and down in frustration.liddi:
Reading XY and XL's conversation on the sea after returning from Baili, I have never considered it was about the life connection between them or XY was afraid that she was the weak link and she might endangered his life.
In my view, XY wanted XY to confess his feeling to her but she did not have the courage to ask him directly. She still avoided to call the bug - the bond between them as the lovers' bug. She used the characteristics of the bug to clarify if he knew that the bug with special requirements (love and willingness). None of them were willing to admit their love first. The underlying message between is
XY: Such bug between us implies that you love me, don't you?
XL: Why don't you ask yourself if you love me?
XY: I don't know who loves whom. So tell me.
XL: you have studied the bug, you should know/understand the bug while this is the first time playing with poison bug.
XY: got frustrated, why do you keep the bug if you don't love me
So something like above is what I always read out from that conversation.
She knew she loved him and vice versa. She loved the ocean which she regarded as her home but she resisted to jump inside before hearing the mermaid's song. She also fully awared that there was not future for them. I don't think that was coincidence to meet him there. The setting for that meeting was well arranged: it was a fullmoon when they could encounter the mermaid, on East sea - XL's home and which was near Qing Shui. She could call him via the bug connection. That event is somehow similar to the 4th question in drinking scence in QS town. They had chosen their own path but it was like a selfish question from XY to know that he loved her too. In both scence, they did not give eachother the definite answer. But XY's resistance to answer his question in chapter 32 or her feeling of indefinitely close to his heart and his refusal to remove the bug was the unspoken answer, wasn't it?
So you recall the scene after Jing's grandmother's servant (sorry, I can't remember her name) told her about the name of the bugs. Her reaction of look towards Qingshui town. Her conversation with CX afterwards as well when she lamented about not being able to control life and death. What did you make of that conversation?HeadInTheClouds:
Earlier today, I posted a long analysis about Xiao Yao's frame of mind leading up to the creation of the crystal globe here. In my opinion, when she first learnt the name from Shé Mei Er, she began to wonder whether this meant Xiang Liu loved her too. At the time, she had no idea what the full nature of the bugs was. That would have given her the stirrings of hope that perhaps he did love her, but along with that hope was despair, because she could not change her bloodline, and had no control over the death that awaited him due to his loyalty to the Shen Nong resistance army.
What does she hope for? To see him? And then what?
My thinking is that she yearned to see him this time, knowing that he did love her too. Was she hoping he would say something? Perhaps. However, the intimacy they shared as they listened to the love song of the merpeople made words unnecessary, because in that moment, their hearts were one. Knowing that their lives were linked, she was afraid that his life would be in greater danger because of her and her inferior spiritual powers, and her identity as the hated Chi Chen's daughter. Hence her repeatedly asking him about removing the poisonous bug, which he swept aside much to her frustration.
In the years that followed, the failure and her lack of urgency to remove the bug was probably because it was the one link she had with him, a tangible testament of their love that she kept inside her heart. Could it be too, that with Xiang Liu having nine (actually eight by then) lives, she might have reasoned that even if she died, it would only affect one of his lives, similar to when he confirmed that he only felt 1/10th of any pain she experienced, so he would still be safe.
How long has it been since they've seen each other at this point? And yet, she instinctively recognized him and instinctively chased after him.
They returned to Shen Nong mountain in the fall. The war on Gao Xin started the following summer. She saw Xiang Liu again at the gambling den eight years later, during which time Jing had proposed to her and the Shaman King had tried to find a way to remove the bug to no avail.
And yes, she still instinctively recognised him despite his disguise, even without any mention of her sensing the lovers bug.
I feel like she didn't care very much if she died with him.
That was definitely never her concern. Her only worry was whether he would be affected if she died, which was the likelier of the two scenarios.
You are putting images in my head liddi :-).
If only the novel or drama had immortalised such images too!
This is a fresh and interesting interpretation of this scene. It's certainly a possibility (everything is a possibility with this novel, it seems :-)). XY is still quite heavily avoidance, which is also very in character for her. She could admit to her feelings for him and wanting to be with him, but is she really ready to deal with his death and their eventual separation? It appeared that she might not be. Do you think this is one reason why XL refused? Because he was afraid that she couldn't bear the ending and would follow him in death the way that CX's mother followed CX's father?
It is a possibility. However, I think ultimately, it is because he knew that he could not accompany her for her lifetime, and he did not want her to have to be alone once more. She was willing to face that future as long as she could be with him, but he only wanted what he believe was best for her, ensuring her safety and well-being for the rest of her life, when he himself could no longer watch over her.
In my view, XY wanted XY to confess his feeling to her but she did not have the courage to ask him directly. She still avoided to call the bug - the bond between them as the lovers' bug. She used the characteristics of the bug to clarify if he knew that the bug with special requirements (love and willingness). None of them were willing to admit their love first.H19279:
That is an interesting view.
It is highly plausible that the conversation held a hidden meaning behind the obvious. You are right that she did not state the actual name of the bug at first, merely alluding to the connected lives.
However, my interpretation of her shock when she realised he did know after all, is that she expected him not to, and it was a bittersweet secret that she kept inside, the secret knowledge that he loved her, while expecting him not to know that she knew. It was just like their 37 years under the ocean - she knew he did not want her to know what they did together, and she went along with it, pretending that she was unaware of it all.
The moment they were both aware that the other person knew what the bug was, was there any need for a confession? I don't think so, and I don't think there was any expectation of doing so. She already knew what his answer would be. When he rejected her so cruelly before, it was obvious now that he already loved her then, but that did not change the outcome, and she was still pushed away. How was that any different now?
What was significant for her, was that now, she knew that, rather than just causing him pain, she could actually be the one putting the man she loved in real danger. Hence her questions about what would happen if she died, and her request to remove the bug. She did not fear retaliation because her love towards him remained unchanged. So what was now a real risk to him was the possibility of her untimely death.
I don't think that was coincidence to meet him there. The setting for that meeting was well arranged: it was a fullmoon when they could encounter the mermaid, on East sea - XL's home and which was near Qing Shui. She could call him via the bug connection.
I do not know if she called him. Perhaps she did. I don't think she would have timed it based on the full moon though. However, I am fairly certain that even if she did not call him, he would have sensed her presence, just as he did when she went to Qingshui Town and Feng Long was killed.
I do agree that she is clearly aware they have both chosen their paths in life despite loving each other, one that held no future for them together. Knowing that, would she still have put him on the spot, demanding that he confessed his love for her? I am not as certain that she would have done so. But you are right. She already had her answer in that shared intimate moment as they listened to the merpeople's song, and in his refusal to remove the lovers bug.
Xiao Yao already told Fangfeng Bei the name of the bug the first time she mentioned about removing the bug. So there is never any secrecy between them in terms of what the name was, and who it was meant to be used by:
“I want to remove the poisonous bug linking us. When she was still alive, the late Tushan Madam kept a shaman from the Bai Li tribe. The shaman said that…….our poisonous bug seems to be the legendary Lover’s Bug. As the name suggests, the poisonous bug is used by lovers…..and you and I are really…..not suitable!” Xiao Yao laughed self-deprecatingly. “You were already very annoyed by the poisonous bug last time, so I was thinking… when you are free, please go with me to Bai Li and ask the Shaman King to remove the bug.”
-- Vol 2 Ch12 (Chapter 29)
This time round, when Xiao Yao first mentioned the bugs to Xiang Liu, she simply mentioned its life-linking characteristics, and pretended that she could not recall its other details - that only lovers are able plant the bug without it retaliating. However, the moment she realised that Xiang Liu knew too, there was no need to pretend anymore and she specifically calls the bug by its actual name once more.
Xiao Yao laughed. “I just came back from a trip to Bai Li. The Shaman King explained to me all the details of the poisonous bug inside our bodies. I can’t really remember the rest but one thing I do remember clearly is that these pair of bugs live and die together, and our lives are connected. If I am in trouble, don’t think you can escape unscathed either!”
Xiang Liu looked at Xiao Yao smiling without the slightest trace of surprise at all.
As realisation hit her, Xiao Yao asked in shock, “You knew all along what kind of poisonous bug it was from the very beginning, didn't you?”
“So what if I did?”
“The Shaman King said the Lovers Bug means ‘the jian birds in the sky will not fly alone, the mandarin ducks in the water will die together.’ If I die, will you be able to live?”
“Why don’t you ask the question in reverse – if I die, then will you be able to live?”
In a calm, reasonable tone, Xiao Yao said, “I don’t know who dies and who lives, which is why I’m asking you. Please tell me!”
-- Vol 3 Ch 4 (Chapter 37)
So I believe both of you are right too. Amid her very real fears for his safety, there is also an unexpressed unnecessary question, that she needed to hear for herself, even if they cannot be together. Would he respond and say "No, I will not", the unspoken answer being "Yes, I do love you, which is why if you died, the bug linking us will not allow me to live when the one I love has died". However, he chose to sidestep her question, because he simply would not give her an added reason to grieve over his impending death any more than she already would. Which in turn carried over to how he would brutally break her heart in the days to come.
MO XY's emotions were always ready to take over her reasonings, she could think straight when XL was away, but whenever she met him, her reactions were guided by her emotions, not by her mind. That night on the sea she fought with herself not to jump into water, but when XL apperead, she struggled with jing to dive into it and chase XL.blabla100:
Very true. Her reactions to him are usually involuntary, just as she kept telling herself and him that she could allow herself to love him in the beginning, and yet could no more stop herself from loving him anyway.
I used to chuckle at their easy banter in this next scene, but re-reading it this time makes my heart hurt. After their turbulent parting following the wedding, they had only met one more time since, which was at the old Lirong donkey meat seller's place, when he comforted and cheered her up over her devastation of being Chi Chen's daughter, and kissed her forehead before he left, though she thought she had imagined it. This time, they meet as equals - she finally realised that he did love her after all, and they slipped back into the old familiarity of their relationship back during the simpler, happier times in Qingshui Town when she was just simple Wen Xiao Liu and nothing stood between them, but now everything had changed too, and they both know that there is no going back.
Xiao Yao said, “My father is Chi Chen.”
A smile flashed across Xiang Liu's eyes. While "I am Chi Chen's daughter" and "My father is Chi Chen" might seem to share the same meaning, the attitude was completely different. "I am Chi Chen's daughter" was merely stating a fact, perhaps with resignation, or even resentment. On the other hand, "My father is Chi Chen" carried with it acceptance and intimacy. Xiang Liu said, "When I first met you, you were called Wen Xiao Liu. Later your name was Gaoxin Jiu Yao. Now you are called Xiling Jiu Yao. If there is a fourth name in the future, I'm afraid no one else would be able to keep track."
Xiao Yao burst into laughter then immediately clasped her hand over her mouth and glanced behind her. Having ascertained that she did not alert anyone, she responded wittily right back, "It's just three names so far. Even if there was a fourth name in the future, you have nine heads, so if each head remembered just half a name, you can still easily remember them all."
Xiang Liu coldly stared at Xiao Yao.
Without the least bit of fear, Xiao Yao declared, "If you dare lay a hand on me, I will dare yell out!"
Xiang Liu smiled and replied, "Why would I need to do anything? Your father is Chi Chen. There is no lack of people looking to make your life difficult."
Xiao Yao laughed.
-- Vol 3 Ch4 (Chapter 37)
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