"i'm going to start living for myself. i will live, according to my will."

it's been awhile since i've looked forward to a series quite like this one. the weekend couldn't arrive quickly enough. it hurts to even delve into my gripes with the story because of the masterclass it started off as, and had the potential to be, so let me start with the positives.

the acting was oscar-worthy, as expected from such a cast. the script and dialogue flowed seamlessly. the evils portrayed made me balk and manifested in some very chilling scenes that will forever remain etched in my memory. the themes were explored beautifully: the lengths humans are willing to go in order to retain power, control, fame, wealth, and whether it's worth selling one's soul for.

all impeccable.

however, somewhere between the episodic ghost-of-the-week formula it commenced with, the weak characterizations that existed purely for the sake of creating plot contrivances and armor, and the slightly cartoon-esque, happily-ever-after ending — deceased voices and all — i felt underwhelmed.

perhaps if they'd used more brain-power and had the characters utilize more of it via existing folklore, rather than coming across solutions due to mere plot conveniences that could've easily been prevented, i would've found it more compelling (eg. why didn't the grandma tell them about how to actually destroy the ghost when she realized there was no turning back for her? and having no access to something that could inform her of the date, in such an outrageous manner at that? seriously, lmao?!) the constant miscommunication between the characters only ended up resolving itself in the last two episodes, but at that point, the story had begun relying on other conveniences to generate feelings of suspense: illogically planned decisions, lags in attempts to liquidate one's enemies, unnecessarily cryptic behavior.

then there were the elements that i wish would've been better explained, something that could've been done by cutting out a lot of the filler in the first half. why did the shaman end up dying, or even end up getting apprehended? how exactly did GSY's dad end up getting possessed? ultimately, it felt like the great deal of effort the writer had put towards weaving the plot with the folkloric elements waned due to a certain laziness towards the end...perhaps due to an urgency to wrap the story up.

the message, albeit a bit too sentimental for the overall tone of the show, hit like a ton of bricks, however. it was an eventful finale for me, especially as my city's fireworks festival began at the very moment the show's did. these past couple of years of my life have been unspeakably dark. something akin to eternal blindness, to losing your entire family. the only thing that quells my despair is looking at limbless syrian orphans or the like. those who've been dealt the same cards as hyangi. but today, i woke up suddenly realizing i have a chance of escaping my abysmal circumstances, no matter how much they altered my life. i still have my limbs, my sight, my hearing, my youth. the one who's dragged me into darkness, is myself. maybe there's a reason i no longer felt the weight of my plight prior to watching this, only to have it reiterated in the most life-affirming way.

i will remember this show for the rest of my days.

Read More

“I gave up everything trying to protect you two.”

i went into this thinking it would be just another subpar drama. and not for a second did i think it would be one of the more prodigious ones i'll ever see. a lot of this i attribute to the the masterful way in which everything is shown rather than told, and the creator's ability to construct their own unique world. much like jean-pierre melville's delon trilogy or gilda, while maintaining a sense of realism, it operates within its own code, removed from the banalities of mundane, everyday life. a criminal underbelly isn't an appropriate term, either. it's more of an uncanny parallel world coexisting alongside our own, deftly concealed from its non-inhabitants.

i love its unmistakable soul and stylistic edginess: chain-smoking, gaudy wardrobes, characters that leave an indelible impression without needing to utter any words, characters that remain sleepwalking straight into their doomed fate; the impersonal noir overtones that omit any sentimentality (which would've ultimately weakened the story's ability to incur true devastation in you).

as for the story, i've probably not been affected by the ending of a series this immensely since cowboy bebop, and that was like, 7 years ago. i dreaded the moment it would come to a close, and it was worse than what i envisioned. and aside from the director's deliberate decision to underdevelop eui-jeong for the sake of noir, as he stated in an interivew (and thereby, her relationships with each respective character), i found few issues with it.

i've seen people justifying what happened to gicheul, but i don't think many understand just how not-evil of a person he was. selling drugs, eye-for-an-eye killings, overthrowing your boss, favoring some over others — most of these things are depraved, and they make you a bad person, but they don't make you evil. not when you treat the innocent with respect, refrain from abusing others, show clemency and magnanimity to those you love in the face of treachery, and are willing to die for and give the world to someone who shows you a smidgen of care or loyalty. i think things like piracy and things that constitute genuine malevolence exist in two different realms entirely.

and maybe it's because i've seen the worst of evil, but what i can most definitely say is, it was not gichuel. not only that, but those on the side of the law surpassed his depravity. not just in the vile extent of their betrayal, but in terms of their principles, too. but they'll never know true peace, and for now, that is enough.

Read More

a story through the lens of a doomer with a penchant for manipulating his girlfriend, talking down to her, and letting himself be consumed by his envy for her (and possibly everything else that breathes). his self-loathing was unbearable at times, to a point of making me wonder just how much he was subduing and feeling grateful for it. that much self-hatred has the capacity to create a full-fledged monster.

i also liked how his girlfriend acknowledged the role she played in the dynamic, while simultaneously pointing to the fact that she'd outgrown him. she knew what kind of individual he was from the jump, and decided to debase herself and let him treat her like a doormat therefrom.

also, the bike scene is one of the most beautiful and poignant scenes i've ever seen in all of cinema. it had me bawling my eyes out. i was unexpectedly transported back to my very own heartbreak, the pain feeling anew after years of indifference had banished from my mind. still reeling. wow.

Read More

Finding Beauty In the Imperfect

"Beauty can be coaxed out of ugliness. Wabi-sabi is ambivalent about separating beauty from non-beauty or ugliness. The beauty of wabi-sabi is, in one respect, the condition of coming to terms with what you consider ugly. Wabi-sabi suggests that beauty is a dynamic event that occurs between you and something else. Beauty can spontaneously occur at any moment given the proper circumstances, context, or point of view. Beauty is thus an altered state of consciousness, an extraordinary moment of poetry and grace."

— Leonard Koren, Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers

what i expected to be a humdrum take on dismantling the patriarchy and girlbossing turned out to be a complete subversion, prying our eyes away from the systems in place and dissecting what it means to solemnly accept our fate and destiny; to cultivate beauty out of the incomplete and imperfect, the very essence of wabi-sabi.

it poses a question to those seeking to grind, work, and reproduce in the most functional manner, only to be discarded or disregarded when their productivity ceases or completely stops: who are you, beyond what is expected of you? do you possess a true individuality? and if so, does it pale in comparison to your lack of feeling accomplished in life?

many undertake their responsibilities out of a sense of honor and duty, mistaking it for a life doomed to convention and misery. others are more whimsical about their roles, overestimating their abilities and failing to realize the ways in which they've been brought up prevent what they hoped to expect. without a middle-path, the only feeling that dawns is that of failure, and subsequently, despair.

my favorite scene is one where one of the main characters, while walking through the city, stops and stares at two girls across a bridge giggling on their bike. upon noticing her, they give her a wave to which she returns, warily at first, then enthusiastically.

one of my favorite activities is walking around the city alone, and it's something i do often. for the sake of my faith, i've given up a lot i used to partake in. watching my 20s go by in a blur, all that's left is for me to settle down and start a family. but i also know that nobody wants an orphan with a shoddy past as a future daughter-in-law. that it might just be my destiny to die alone before i meet someone suitable. but it's enough for me to watch the cityscape and observe the crowds of people, and yearn for something outside of the duties that await me. to know that i'm not defined by them, no matter how many men use it to determine my worth. that while my upbringing and newfound morality preclude a lot, i can still blossom into an individual i love being. whatever is destined for me, will find me. i try to make peace with that. this film is an illustration of those who share that same struggle, irrespective of one's social-status, class, and circumstance. perhaps, so long as you put yourself first, you'll draw to you what belongs to you.

Read More