rewrite my essay!

help me, second draft is due in 38 hours and I don't have time! My thesis statement needs to be clarified , probably that first quote needs to paraphrased I need a naysayer I need more on who cares and why? And I need a so what? and a tie back at the conclusion Plus I need an end note ( which I have no idea how to do) MLA 7 format

lol it totally lost it's format...oh well... if you don't feel it's fair to rewrite it...just give me ideas :)

OOPs It's a they say I say essay. I picked a short article in the They Say I Say with readings text book by Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstien, and Russel Durst....the prompt is long....let me go copy that for you..darn professor didn't post the prompt in moodle here is the jist: They say, her point is,as he himself puts it I say yes/no/okay,but--and yet skeptics may object (naysayer) so what, who cares as a result I am supposed to use some templates--I used "on the other hand" it should flow from one paragraph to the next.

Moodle would be awesome if the instructors knew how to use it properly :)

Oh, gosh, I had to use that book freshman year in Lit Theory. That was a long time ago...based on what I remember:

I think it's fine to leave that first quote as is, imo.
Did you outline at all? Not that an outline is always necessary, but I had a hard time following the argument. It would help if you state your main points more clearly, and organize your supporting material/anecdotal examples under those. Once that is clear, it will be easier to extract the main components of your thesis. I'm not going to write a thesis for you, since I'm not sure what your argument is, but getting it into a tight one or two sentences should do the trick.

Who cares and why: explain how the internet and cell phone usage pervades our society, how we rely on electronic communication. Maybe expand on the education/school children aspect. Talk about some positive or negative implications this change might be causing now, or in the future. If your main claim is that a big change is happening, it is kind of simple. If you round out your claim to include something like "Crystal claims that we are seeing language evolution in a small way. I would like to argue that we are actually witnessing its evolution in large ways. It is important to recognize this evolution because _____. (or: ) This evolution is having a positive/negative effect on _____ because _______. (or: ) This evolution is impacting society/children/technology users' productivity and language efficiency/etc,etc, in ________ way." Adding a claim similar to one of the bolded statements to your thesis could give direction for how you want to develop the "who cares" part.

Naysayer: I doubt most people will actually challenge that technology is greatly affecting every day life in America. I would develop this part after solidifying your "who cares". One potential naysayer, though, is whether or not the evolution that has happened online will have a lasting, far reaching affect. In other words, will newly adopted words still be around in 20 years, or will slang continue to evolve while standard English stays more stable? Do these changes influence language use outside of electronic contexts (ie, saying "OMG" or "You're my BFF" in real life, or kids being unable to punctuate because they are surrounded by unpunctuated text), or are they limited to the internet and texting, and therefore negligible?

Conclusion: Should also be connected to the "who cares" and thesis.

Hope that helps somewhat, and isn't just more confusing. I don't know how to do a footnote, sorry. One last note, maybe your professor doesn't care or maybe it's just because this is your first draft, but the register (tone) of the essay is conversational, not academic. In general, academic writing should avoid contractions and slang (like "cussing"; cursing or swearing would be more standard word choices).

Good luck! Interesting topic, and you have a great start :)

Draft 1.2 thank you waterbird! Now I just need to wrap this up...but lets not get too fancy yet this is only draft 2...I still need to write a draft 3 which is due in a week. so here is what I have so far --give me a good concluding paragraph guys In his article, 2b or not 2b, David Crystal concludes, “In texting, what we are seeing, in a small way, is language in evolution.” Crystal claims we are seeing language evolution in a small way. I would like to argue we are actually witnessing its evolution in a large way. It is important to recognize this evolution because this technology isn’t going away. It is in use by more and more people every day. Our children are required to be computer literate in junior highs across America. Internet access is cheap and easily accessible; it is literally free with a library card. We need to consider texting part of the online phenomena because internet slang and text shorthand have the same authors. Text messages may seem to be separate from the internet, but to today’s user they amount to the same thing. Many of us receive a notification when we get an e-mail. Now that our phones are equipped with internet we can hop right on Facebook or Google mail to see what is up. We Americans are friends with people all over the world to whom English is often a second language. We can find ourselves using words like “Oppa” or "tsundere"(look them up), if not using them, then at least knowing what they mean. Crystal’s article is a response to a newspaper article titled, “I h8 txt msgs: How texting is wrecking our language,” by John Humphrys. Humphrys believes texting is “bleak, bland, sad shorthand.” Crystal refutes this with two lovely text poems sponsored by T-Mobile in 2007. I can understand where Humphrys is coming from. I must admit when I get a text message like, “CUB4C,” I blink. Anything more complicated and I need to look around for an interpreter. I too, refused to text or receive texts for a long time before I realized I prefer texts when I am busy or I don’t want to be drawn into a long conversation. Replying, on the other hand, can be grueling. As Crystal puts it, “The keypad isn’t linguistically sensible.” When I realized I was texting more than once a day, I quickly purchased a new phone with a QWERTY keypad. (The camera was just icing on the cake.) Crystal touches on the history of abbreviations and relates how many of the acronyms in use in texts today have been around for hundreds of years. He also refers to a study done which correlates language achievement in grade-schoolers with use of text messaging. The study found “positive links” between texting and language skills. I hope that’s true because my daughter’s children stare at cell phones more than two hours a day. On the other hand, in his article, Humphrys complains about how the Oxford Dictionary has stopped using hyphens, and although I also find change tragic, it does no good to complain about it, us old fogies must focus on keeping up with all the new words in use by young people today. As if the English language isn’t large enough we must add Japanese words like “tsundere” and German words like “Shadenfreude”. Then there is the slang. Internetslang.com has listed 8865 slang words, abbreviations and acronyms, what they call netspeak, in use today. I doubt most people will actually challenge that technology is greatly affecting everyday life in America. One potential naysayer, though, is whether or not the evolution that has happened online will have a lasting, far reaching affect. In other words, will newly adopted words still be around in 20 years, or will slang continue to evolve while Standard English stays more stable? Some of these changes already influence language use outside of electronic contexts i.e., saying "OMG" or "You're my BFF" in real life. Take the word “ship” for instance. No, it doesn’t mean a large boat or even to move goods. In this instance it refers to a romantic relationship. It must have come from chat rooms or text because this abbreviation is used mostly by girls, “I ship them,” seriously, I’ve read that many times. Like Humphrys, I first tried to make it grammatically correct by substituting worship but that’s not what it means. It means I like that couple together, or they make a good couple. The thing is, I have not only read it in chat rooms, but on celebrity gossip site, called allkpop in an article written by a journalist! I am just as bad. The only punctuations I use on Facebook are emoticons, unless I am cussing. Then I press shift and run my finger from 8 to 1 on the keyboard. I have no idea what that expletive means, but it makes me feel satisfied, and my friends smile (happy face emoticon), just like any other cuss word. Yes, I believe the English language is going through a large rapid change as we add new tech words, words from other languages, and written slang from chat rooms filled with young people from all over the world.

use endnote. as long as u dont have 150+ citattions it shudnt lag reminded me to dl endnotex6 for my new com

endnote looks even crazier than easybib and Thanks again waterbird...that's not my second draft...it's my 1.2 I just added the stuff you said...cause like I said I have no ideas of my own :) Is their any particular reason why I can't just type a bibliography like we did in the good old days? I mean I am not turning this in electronically ....if the info is right....why can't I type it...is it because of Word or something....hmmm.....how do I get those little numbers in beside the text????......gaaaaa! I HATE WRITING!