TONG HUA's : YaoJing drama & novel exploration 💜

My reflexions on 15 year promise:

1. TSJ's Promise and Risk-Taking:

   • @Peng rightly notes that Tushan Jing made the promise to break his engagement twice, emphasizing his conviction and determination. The acknowledgment that he has no right to ask this of Xiao Liu reflects his respect for her agency. The observation that TSJ is taking a risk and giving himself a chance aligns with the idea of "nothing ventured, nothing gained."

2. Xiao Liu's Response and Denial:

   • You accuratly identifies Xiao Liu's response to TSJ's question about what he wants her to do during the time he's breaking his engagement. Xiao Liu's statement that her heart is sealed and that she only seeks companionship is seen as a form of denial. The analysis correctly notes that Xiao Liu is, in fact, in denial about her true feelings for Ye Shi Qi.

3. Longing for Ye Shi Qi:

   • The insight that Xiao Liu has been longing for Ye Shi Qi, despite her denial, and how Xiao Liu will learn to hear her heart as the story progresses hints at a character development arc.

4. Consent and Informed Decision:

   •  Tushan Jing did not force or coerce Xiao Liu into making the promise. The observation that Xiao Liu agreed, fully aware of what she is signing up for, highlights the difference from the promises she made with Xiang Liu. This emphasizes the importance of informed and voluntary decisions in their relationship.

5. Willingness to Take a Chance:

   • Yes, to  the significance of Xiao Liu's willingness to take a chance, even though she may not want to hope. The fact that Tushan Jing initiated the promise, and Xiao Liu accepted while knowing the terms, reflects a positive step in their relationship.

- Shi Qi said “I know you never give yourself hope so you don’t trust first and won’t give first. You have a true heart but if the other doesn’t appreciate it, then you won’t give it. I’m willing to wait, wait until you’re willing to hope.”

Shi Qi's statement reflects a deep understanding of Xiao Liu's character and emotional defense mechanisms. => key points in his statement:

1. Recognition of Xiao Liu's Emotional Guard:

   • Shi Qi acknowledges that Xiao Liu has built emotional walls around herself, likely as a protective measure. Her reluctance to give herself hope and trust first indicates a past filled with experiences that may have led her to be cautious and guarded in matters of the heart.

2. Appreciation of Xiao Liu's True Heart:

   • Despite Xiao Liu's guarded nature, Shi Qi recognizes the authenticity of her emotions. He sees beyond the walls she has erected and acknowledges that, at her core, she possesses a true and genuine heart. This implies that Xiao Liu's reservations are not a reflection of insincerity but rather a response to past hurts or disappointments.

3. Willingness to Wait:

   • Shi Qi expresses his patience and willingness to wait for Xiao Liu to open up. By stating, "I'm willing to wait," he conveys a profound commitment to understanding her, earning her trust, and allowing her the time and space she needs to feel comfortable enough to embrace hope and trust in their relationship.

4. Understanding Xiao Liu's Conditions for Giving:

   • Shi Qi articulates that Xiao Liu's willingness to give her heart is contingent on the other person's appreciation of it. This suggests that Xiao Liu values reciprocity and mutual appreciation in a relationship. It aligns with the idea that she may have been hurt in the past when her genuine efforts were not reciprocated.

5. Waiting Until She's Willing to Hope:

The statement concludes with Shi Qi's commitment to wait until Xiao Liu is ready to embrace hope. This underscores his respect for her pace and autonomy in navigating her emotions. It also reflects his confidence that, given time, Xiao Liu may choose to open herself to the possibilities of hope and trust in their connection.

****Shi Qi quietly held Xiao Liu and Xiao Liu quietly listened to his heartbeat. In this place of death, separated from the world’s enticements and entanglements, it made the complicated relationship between a man and a woman so very simple. It was just him and her. ****

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@Winny to @peng-peng

We see that  Xiao Liu wants companionship only  and this is because  she believes her heart is closed to love.   We see that Xiao Liu is in denial as she has been longing for YSQ.  Her heart has been longing for him. We will see  as their story progresses,  how Xiao Liu will learned to hear her heart.   

What I love about the promise is that Jing has not forced it on Xiao Liu.  He asked her   if she wanted  to take this chance with him. Xiao Liu has agreed  knowing  what she is signing for unlike the 2 promises she made with Xiang Liu.  She has not been forced, coerces  via excruciating  beating and information has not been withheld from her in order to  make her agree. I love that Xiao Liu has finally been willing to take a chance even though she does not want to hope as Jing took the 1rst step and she accepted to wait for him.  

Jing made it clear to Xiao Liu that this deal is not a  business transaction as it is about love and only love is a rare treasure that cannot be bought with any amount of money. 

Jing is finally extremely happy that he took the courage to reveal his greatest wish. The way Xiao Liu   raised her  to seal the deal. : in a lazy way foreshadow that she will be making the least effort since she does not want to hope in the chance she is giving herself.  

I felt sad that whilst Jing has reveal everything about himself, Xiao Liu has not. She also has not reveal anything regarding FFYY assassination attempt of Zhuang Xu. after all any woman or man  wanting and longing for a specific companion  would have tried to remove the obstacle/ competition as quickly as they can in order to get their never parting.

[Shi Qi laughed lightly and his laughter was just like his personality – gentle, peaceful, pure]

I Love how the writer describe Jing personality.  It is what Xiao Liu who has suffered a lot and is tired of suffering actually is looking for : gentleness, peace and purity .

Yes WXL only aim to get someone for companion, yet she fell in love. Jing gave in to take the first step. Yes he was totally opening up to her. Totally honest .Yes i also wish she told him about Ffyy assasinate attempt on Xuan.

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Navigating LINKS:

Prologue & Chapter 1: https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?page=1

 Chapter 2: https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?page=2

Chapter 3 : https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?page=2 &https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever-season-2/122339-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?p=2928519&page=3

Chapter 4 : https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?page=3

Chapter 5 : https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?p=2929973&page=4

Chapter 6 : https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?p=2931067&page=4 

Chapter 7 :https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?p=2932103&page=5

Chapter 8 :https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/122337-tong-hua-s-xiaojing-drama-novel-exploration-x1f49c?p=2933193&page=6

Chapter 9

My Analysis Part 2

Abstract 

Zhuan Xu sat there in a daze for a long time before walking out, stumbling like he was drunk as he returned to Hua Yin Court.

Shi Qi and Xiao Liu sat in the corridor leaning against a beam enjoying the cool breeze. Shi Qi had a crystal plate on his leg filled with various fruits (mangosteen, lychee, loquat, longan..and colorful fruits) and he was peeling it and handing it to Xiao Liu.(Additional from Thai ver: Shi Qi peeled off longan handed it to Xiao Liu. Xiao Liu said "No". Shi Qi put longan into his own mouth. Then he peeled off mangosteen, split it into half and then gave it to Xiao Liu. Xiao Liu ate a piece after a piece.)

Seeing Zhuan Xu, Shi Qi politely stood up and bowed but Xiao Liu made no move other than to wave with a wide grin. Zhuan Xu walked over and sat down across from them. Images of all his interactions with Xiao Liu flashed before his eyes.

He ordered her tortured and they ought to hate each other, but she used her body to save his life. He thought she wanted him indebted to her and it was another plot. When Nine-lives Xiang Liu was chasing him, he lost the white fox tail satchel but later he discovered it wasn’t lost and was tucked into his robe.

He was shot in the chest by a Fang Feng family arrow and lured her over thinking that if needs be, he would shoot her as well so that she would go ask Tu Shan Jing for help. But she didn’t even hesitate and went to ask Tu Shan Jing for help and got him the ice crystals.

She planted a voodoo bug in him, supposedly just pain but no life threatening danger. But he didn’t believe her, especially when she made up all sorts of excuses not to remove the bug. He thought she clearly wanted to use the bug to control him. But when she sent word that she removed the bug, and he felt it was gone, he still didn’t really believe that she removed it.

Because Master wanted to see her, he thought she was the descendant of the traitorous Five Princes, that she approached him for nefarious purposes. He hurt her but she always only smiled back at him, without any anger in her smile, and instead there was comfort that he was now able to be so ruthless.

And their nights of drinking, time and time again….. Everything came back to him, and really the truth was so clearly before his eyes but his cold and suspicious heart chose not to see it.

Zhuan Xu looked at Xiao Liu’s legs wrapped up in wooden boards, so clumsy and painful. He reached out towards her legs and Shi Qi thought he wanted to hurt her again so his attack was swift. His finger was like a sword as it shot out but Zhuan Xu didn’t duck like Shi Qi thought he would, in fact Zhuan Xu let the finger blade pierce his arm and the blood came down.

Zhuan Xu’s hand touched Xiao Liu’s leg and he tenderly asked “Does it hurt?”

Xiao Liu turned her head and closed her eyes “No.”

Zhuan Xu had hundreds, thousands of words he wanted to say, tightly wound in his chest so he felt like exploding but he didn’t dare to open his mouth. In the three hundred years since, he was no longer the boy pushing her on the swing under the phoenix tree. Both his parents were dead, he was exiled and had to scrape by under others, he had worn his mask for too long and no longer knew how to feel genuine joy and genuine pain. He learned to manipulate others but forgot to to act with sincerity. He learned to use all sorts of strategy to achieve his goals but forgot how to converse candidly.

Zhuan Xu stood up and said to Shi Qi “Take good care of her.”

Zhuan Xu walked out the door, aimlessly strolling in the darkened night. The flowers in Cheng En Pavilion were in bloom and all sorts of incredible flora was present. The night wind gust blew the petals all around and sent the fragrance billowing. But in this distant land as far as the edge of the ocean, there was no red phoenix flower, the flower that bloomed like sunrise, the flower that looked like flames dancing when it fell.

Shi Qi saw Xiao Liu had her eyes tightly shut, and only after the sound of Zhuan Xu’s departing footsteps faded did the tears tumble down from the corner of her eyes. Shi Qi pulled Xiao Liu into his arms and Xiao Liu buried her face in his chest as her tears fell like the rain.

She once roamed in the deep mountains, drinking blood like an animal; she was once locked in a cage, raised like a pet; she was once chased and she killed many; her life was a lie, it was blood, it was death, everyone lied to her so she didn’t know who to trust, she didn’t know who to be in front of everyone.

Zhuan Xu Recalling The Past

Zhuan Xu finally knew Wen Xiao Liu was his long lost beloved sister, Xiao Yao. He realized that his scheming ability and ruthlessness that made him miss to see the sincerity Wen Xiao Liu showed him when he was Xuan, and saved him two times. He even thought of hurting her to get Tushan Jing to bring the ice crystal to get healed.
Zhuan Xu chose to believe Wen Xiao Liu was the child of on of 5 princes, the sibling and traitors to Grand Emperor. Therefore he treated her roughly in bringing her to Five Gods Mountains. He even broke her legs when he capture her.
So in this chapter, in this scene, finally he cured her with his power but still dare not ask her anything.
It is implied that Wen Xiao Liu smiled to his ruthlessness as she understood he had to be like this for survival. 

Shi Qi's Protectiveness

Up to this scene, chapter 9 does not seem to  give Shi Qi importance. However, we can all notice clearly that he's been taking care of Wen Xiao Liu throughout. He had been carrying her around because her legs hurt. Feeding her fruits( to make her happy) and swiftly attack Zhuan Xu when he thought Zhuan Xu was going to hurt Xiao Liu although he was weak in power. And she did lean in his arms especially when she cried and thought about her past.

Chapter 9

Part 4

Abstract 

Suddenly there was a sound of a bird calling from above and a large swallow zoomed down from above and landed right next to Xiao Liu. Its body was inching forward and its head was bowed as if it was bowing to Xiao Liu and inviting Xiao Liu to pet its head.

Xiao Liu stepped back and dropped her crutch, her body stumbling.

Shi Qi wanted to go assist her but the Grand Emperor and Zhuan Xu arrived and the Grand Emperor raised his hand and a giant force blocked Shi Qi’s path. Shi Qi could see the swallow didn’t want to hurt Xiao Liu so he didn’t resist and quietly watched.

The swallow saw that Xiao Liu was ignoring it so it cocked its head quizzically and walked towards Xiao Liu.

Xiao Liu backed away faster and faster and it walked forward faster and faster. Xiao Liu fell on the ground and the swallow thought Xiao Liu wanted to play with it so it happily called out and started rolling on the ground a few times. It then stretched its neck out and curled up next to Xiao Liu.

Xiao Liu stared at it and the swallow was heartbroken and cried out pitifully. It put its head under Xiao Liu’s hand and whined, clearly it wasn’t going to stop complaining until Xiao Liu paid it attention. Xiao Liu finally reached out her hand and stroked its head.

The swallow flapped its wings and cried out happily in song, its joy evident to everyone watching.

Xiao Liu held the swallow’s body and slowly got up “You thing, how’d you get so fat?” She then raised her head and saw the Grand Emperor and Zhuan Xu staring at her.

Xiao Liu laughed and pointed at the swallow “This fat bird seems to like me a lot, likely it’s a female.”

The Grand Emperor said “I selected this swallow as the winged ride for my eldest daughter Xiao Yao. Xiao Yao slept with it every night when it was still an egg. When it hatched, the first thing it saw was Xiao Yao. She named it Yuan Yuan and every day she would ask when she could ride Yuan Yuan in the skies. I always answered “When both of you are all grown up”. Now Yuan Yuan is all grown up, but Xiao Yao still has not returned.”

Xiao Liu bowed apologetically “I didn’t know it was the Princess’s winged ride, if I insulted it then will Your majesty please forgive.”

The Grand Emperor stared at Xiao Liu and then left with Zhuan Xu without saying a word.

Xiao Liu saw them leave and then walked to rest on a rock with Shi Qi’s assistance. The swallow came over and Xiao Liu patted it “Don’t bother me, you go play by yourself.” The swallow Yuan Yuan crouched pitifully near Xiao Liu for a bit and then flew off.

Xiao Liu rested for a bit and then said to Shi Qi with a smile “Let’s go back.”

(Remark: the bird written in Thai ver is not exact a swallow but it is a bird from Chinese myth, written as Xiwian(เสวียน). It has four wings and has wild rough behavior. It looks like swallow at first but can transform into phoenix with a chicken crest on its head, its legs are like crane's and has a tail like peafowl.)

...

Xiao Liu was soon able to walk without crutches and she walked all over the court but never to the yard anymore. One day, a very hot and muggy Summer day, Shi Qi followed Xiao Liu to Qi Qing Garden and was resting under a tree when Xiao Liu said “This would be a perfect time for an iced melon.”

Shi Qi stood up “I saw some maids icing melons, I’ll go bring some.”

Xiao Liu laughed “I was just mentioning it, let’s wait until we go back.”

“I’ll be back quickly.” Shi Qi took off quickly and Xiao Liu sat down to wait for the iced melon.

Xiao Liu remembered when she was small, she loved playing in the water and often when it was hot out she stayed in the water and refused to come out. Her mom would lure her out with a big plate of iced melon, eating it on land and indicating that she would finish it all if her daughter didn’t come out. She would quickly climb out and run to her mom’s side and open her mouth wide waiting for her mom to feed her a bite.
.......(I am skipping the whole scene of Ah Nian's torture)
Ah Nian saw her mom and immediately forced a smile and asked “Mom, why are you here?”

Xiao Liu kept her head lowered to let the servants hit her, but when she heard what Ah Nian said, her body shook and she wanted to look up but didn’t dare. This woman might not be the Empress, but she was the only woman now in the Grand Emperor’s life. Almost no one in the entire world had ever seen her before, rumors were that the Grand Emperor kept her hidden because she was so beautiful.

Consort Jing An said nothing but Ah Nian called out “Stop!”

Xiao Liu slowly raised her head and in the split second when she saw Consort Jing An’s face, her entire body spasmed with pain and her heart was shattered. She cried out through the muffled shoe in her mouth “Mom, mom……” Her cries was unintelligible but she desperately tried to crawl over and violently struggled to escape the hands of the servants holding her. She desperately reached for the woman wearing blue standing there.

Xiao Liu’s hands were bloody and bruised and the woman was startled and took a step back. Ah Nian quickly held her mother and screamed “Hold on to that lowlife!”

The servants were afraid that Xiao Liu would hurt the Consort and violently pushed her down on the ground but Xiao Liu appeared to be possessed and her strength was shockingly great as she struggled with all her might to grab the Consort.

“Mom, mom…….” Xiao Liu’s mouth was stuffed up and she couldn’t make a sound.

The Consort looked at her like she was a crazed dog and Xiao Liu could only cry and cry and reach her hand towards her. She just wanted to hold her mom, to not let her leave again “Mom, mom….don’t abandon me….”

She wanted to ask why her mom abandoned her so many years ago. You promised to come pick me up, but you left and never returned. Did I do something wrong? No matter what I did wrong, if you tell me then I’ll change! As long as you don’t leave me! Am I really a cursed spawn who should have never been born? Mom, you tell me, why don’t you want me?

When the Grand Emperor and Zhuan Xu rushed over, all they saw was a bloody Xiao Liu being pressed to the ground by servants as she struggled with all her might staring at Consort Jing An, her face streaked with tears, her hands outstretched, begging her not to leave “Mom, mom…..”

The Grand Emperor’s entire body shook and he appeared to be unsteady on his feet.

Zhuan Xu felt his entire head burst open in that very second and he rushed forward like a crazed person. He pushed everyone aside and grabbed Xiao Liu as he cried “Xiao Yao, Xiao Yao, she’s not! She’s not Auntie!”

Zhuan Xu pulled the shoe out of his mouth and crumbled it into ashes. Xiao Liu’s entire body was shaking like a dried leaf “Mom, she’s mom. Gege, I want to ask her why she didn’t want me anymore. Was it because I was being bad? I will be good, I promise I will be good, I will be good…..”

Zhuan Xu’s entire face was buried in Xiao Liu’s shoulder as his tears came down “She’s not Auntie, Auntie already died on the battlefield. She is Consort Jing An, she just looks a lot like Auntie.”

Xiao Liu’s entire body shook and she howled through her tears like a wounded wolf “She said she would come pick me up, she said she would come pick me up. I waited for her for over 70 years! She never came, she didn’t want me anymore! I don’t blame her but I just want to know why…..:

Zhuan Xu tightly embraced her, just like when they were small, when his father died, his mother committed suicide, in those endless dark nights he held her tightly.

Xiao Liu’s cries gradually subsided but her body continued to shake and spasm. She could feel Gege’s tears silently soaking the collar of her robe. He was still like when they were kids, no matter how hurt, he would never let anyone see him cry. Only her. Xiao Liu’s hands slowly reached out and encircled his back and she tightly hugged him back.

The two of them said nothing, just tightly holding each other. They were each other’s comfort, each other’s strength.
....

My Thought

Xiao Liu's memories and past are coming back. 

In chapter 9, it is too obvious that Xiao Liu memories of her being princess and her mother. Especially in I felt she completely felt she was a woman. First she encountered her bird (wing ride purpose) whom she had to be parted with since it's still in its egg. But the bird still recognized her.
Then she remembered how she once played with her mother in this garden.
And then after the torture and meeting Consort Jing An, who exactly look like her mother but not her mother. We can see how much this affected her and how much she missed and longed for her mother. Because she totally lost to act as Wen Xiao Liu. At the moment she was the princess Xiao Yao, her original and former self.
And Zhuan Xu came to embrace her. This is how he reunited with Xiao Yao. We can definetly see their bond was indeed very strong. According to the context, when they were young they supported each other when left alone together by parents and elders. As Xiao Yao (Xiao Liu) hugged him back meaning she's accepting to be his sister again, his accepting his support (and to back in his life to continue support him.)

Chapter 9

Part 6

I will share parts of the novel here and my thoughts in another reply because it is so long. 

Abstract 

It got dark and the maids lit the sconces in the hall. The three leaned on jade pillows and started drinking on the pallet. Shi Qi was silent and Xiao Liu would sneak peeks at him.

Zhuan Xu put down his wine and went to change, but then didn’t return for a long time, clearly to give Xiao Liu and Shi Qi time to talk privately.

Xiao Liu knew Shi Qi guessed her real identity, but seeing with his own eyes is still very different. She knew Shi Qi didn’t want her to be the Grand Emperor’s daughter, the granddaughter of the Yellow Emperor. Just like she didn’t want him to be the son of the Tu Shan clan. But the only thing a person cannot choose is birth.

Xiao Liu said “Whatever you want to ask or say, go right ahead.”

Shi Qi said “Actually, I don’t care who you are. You are just you. Except things have become more and more complicated.”

Xiao Liu raised an eyebrow “What? You scared now?”

Shi Qi smiled “I’ve always been scared. To desire comes worry, to love comes fear. It would be strange not to be scared.”

The Shi Qi under the lamp was so warm, so calm, so peaceful, even Xiao Liu felt her heart warm. She laughed “I don’t understand.”

Shi Qi played with his wine and smiled “What shall I call you from now on? When do I see your real face?”

“My father is the Grand Emperor. My mother is the daughter of the Yellow Emperor, she is the Xuan Yuan Princess. My full name is Gao Xing Jiu Yao. Because my forehead has the birthmark of a peach blossom, my parents gave me the nickname Xiao Yao, from the poem about how the peach blossom is blooming. But for now, you can still call me Xiao Liu.”

Xiao Liu only answered his first question and for the longest time never answered the second.

Zhuan Xu came back and said “Xiao Yao, now there is only the three of us, I want to see your real face.”

Xiao Liu leaned back and looked at the sky, and then she spoke “These past things I’ll only say once. If later on Dad and Grandfather ask about it, then Gege you go tell them!”

Zhuan Xu sat down next to her “Fine!”

Xiao Liu’s voice started “During the final battle between the Xuan Yuan Yellow Emperor and Sheng Nong’s General Qi Yo, my mother died during battle. Before she went to battle, she left me with the Royal Mother in Jade Mountain. I wanted to go home, but year after year I waited and Dad never came to get me. I was very immature then, and the Royal Mother rarely spoke and never smiled, every day forcing me to practice my spiritual powers. I hated her, and one time when Dad had a servant bring a present for me, I hid in the undercarriage and escaped down the mountain. Initially I wanted to hide in the carriage all the way home to Five Gods Mountain, to scare Dad and ask why he didn’t bring me home. I wanted him to tell me that Mom wasn’t dead. On the way home, the two servants were gossiping about me. They said a lot of bad things about my mom and me. They called me a bastard spawn. They said I was so pathetic, wanting to go back to Five Gods Mountain, but my dad would never bring me back. It was his grace that he didn’t have me killed. That was when I learned that my mom actually divorced my dad! She wasn’t my dad’s wife anymore!”

...

“I don’t remember exactly how I felt – despair, disappointment, rage, disbelief – I hated my mom, hated my dad…..my entire head was spinning. When the servants stopped to rest, I snuck away and didn’t know where to go but knew I couldn’t go back to Five Gods Mountain. But that was the only home I knew, I didn’t know where else to go. I followed the way to Yi Zhou because I heard that was where my mom died. I didn’t know what to do and just walked on. Probably because I was so cute, people were nice to me and fed me. One time an uncle let me ride in his carriage and said he was headed the same way. I sat down and he took me to his residence. He was nice to me, told me stories and made me laugh. I felt like Dad didn’t want me anymore so I thought he could be my dad. But one day he tried to take my clothes off, and even though I didn’t understand what was happening, I remembered the Royal Mother saying that a girl cannot take her clothes off randomly. I wasn’t willing so he hit me and I accidentally killed him. I was……” Xiao Liu gestured to the height of an eight year old human girl “Just this tall. I couldn’t believe a person could have so much blood, my clothes were soaked in his blood.”

Zhuan Xu knew now why Master couldn’t find Xiao Yao, she had been hidden away by a human in his residence.

Xiao Liu was cold but didn’t want to move and only curled up to keep telling her past. Shi Qi got up and opened a blanket, lightly covering her with it. He wanted to sit back down but Xiao Liu grabbed his sleeve and Shi Qi sat down next to her.

“Dad and Grandfather made a proclamation to the world looking for me. Many people started looking for me. Some wanted to bring me in for the reward, others wanted to kill me. I saw a little girl my age get killed. Some demons wanted to eat me because rumor was that I was bathed in the holy Yang Valley water when I was born, and live in Jade Mountain for 70 years. The Royal Mother was very harsh with my training but generous with her bounty and I ate whatever treasures were there willy nilly. So rumor was that eating me would increase their power multiple folds. I was afraid and started running and hiding. One time I hid with beggars but the people chasing me had us cornered. I was so scared and dreamed that if I could change my looks, if I was covered with the pox, my eyes crooked, my nose flat, my forehead without the birthmark, then they wouldn’t recognize me. They checked all the kids and when they got to me, I thought I was a goner but they looked at my face and let me go. I didn’t know why until I got to the river and discovered that I changed my face. I transformed into exactly the face I was thinking of. And after trying it time and again, I learned that I not only could change my face, I could change my gender as well. After learning I had this ability, I was rarely in danger.”

Zhuan Xu had so many questions but he didn’t ask and only listened.

Xiao Liu looked at the sky and calmly continued.

“In the beginning I was so excited and changed my face every few days. After a year the people chasing me gradually decreased and I felt safe. I changed my face all the time and traveled the vast wilderness. One day I looked in the mirror and discovered that I forgot what my real face looked like. I desperately tried to remember and reassemble it but nothing looked it. Initially I tried not to be nervous, I knew magic transformation could never destroy the true face. I tried to learn the magic to transform back and discovered that there was no transformation ability quite like mine. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find my real face anymore.”

Xiao Liu closed her eyes “Those days were like an nightmare, my face changing all the time. I walked on the street and a girl walked towards me and if her eyes were pretty and I thought about it, my eyes would become hers. I was so nervous every day, and at night I would worry about it and my face would change even in my dreams so I woke up with a new face. I was constantly changing and every face was a false one. I was too scared to look in the mirror or see anyone. One day I was eating at a restaurant when I heard a girl call grandmother and remembered my grandmother and my face changed and everyone saw it and screamed. I rushed out the restaurant and ran and ran until I ran into the mountains. I hid there seeing no one. I had no mirror and when I washed my face in the river I closed my eyes. If I didn’t look at myself, it didn’t matter what my face turned into because I was still me.”

Shi Qi and Zhuan Xu were both very distressed. They knew Xiao Yao had experienced very bad things, but they never would have imagined that she would lose her face. Everyone envied the Gods for having spiritual powers and could change their forms, but to lose oneself is the biggest nightmare of all.

“I lived like a beast and thanks to the Royal Mother’s harsh training I had pretty decent powers and the normal beasts were no match for me. It was free in the mountains but there was no one to talk to and I was very lonely. But I didn’t dare leave so I started talking to myself. Later I talked to a snake demon in training but it didn’t want to talk to me. I stole its egg so it would chase me every day to kill me. I would run and talk to it. It understood what I was saying but hadn’t developed the ability to talk yet so I would talk for it and converse with myself. My talkative habit was formed there. Day after day, year after year, I didn’t know how much time passed, and it was only later I learned 20 years had passed.”

Zhuan Xu held her hand tightly, as if wanting to give that frightened lonely girl some companionship. He asked with a raspy voice “How did you maintain your face?”

“One day I met a man and he candidly admitted he was a demon and was gravely injured and was seeking medicines. He talked to me so I talked to you. Initially I was very wary so I sat far from him and ran away after a few words. After a long time and I kept testing him, he never expressed any ulterior motive towards me. So I talked more to him and he wasn’t afraid of my changing face. He changed his face and I changed my face and we had a competition and had a great laugh about it. In front of him I didn’t feel like a monster, I didn’t feel scared so I gradually trusted him. One night he caught me and wanted to take me away. The snake demon got mad and wanted to stop him but he killed it. He took me to a far off Southern place where the mountains was tall and perilous. He hid me in a remote cave where he built a nest and a cage to raise me in. He said he was the Nine-tailed fox, a hundred years ago my mother’s………friend cut one of his tails off. He was greatly injured and his powers were severely diminished. Because of my special body, he wanted to raise me for tens of years to become the best medicine.”
Zhuan Xu’s face changed and he pulled out his satchel with the furry white fox tail “Is this his?”

Xiao Liu nodded her head and Zhuan Xu wanted to destroy the white fox tail but Xiao Liu snatched it away and wrapped it around her wrist and continued talking.

“That bastard fox demon hated my mom, and not just because my mom’s………friend injured him. It was also because my mom killed my ninth uncle and he was best friends with my ninth uncle. Whenever he thought of my ninth uncle, he would curse my mom with the most vicious loathsome insults. But mom was dead so he could only torture me. I was raised by him for 30 years, tortured by him for 30 years. One night he said that in two more full moon nights then he could eat me. He sang a sad song and got drunk and didn’t shut the cage completely. I had been devising how to run away for 30 years so I opened the cage and came out and secretly poisoned his drink then snuck back in the cage. He didn’t sense anything odd and the second day I tried to get him drunk by purposely mentioning my ninth uncle. He beat me up and started drinking again and ingested the poison that I developed from all the weird things he had been feeding me. He collapsed on the floor and returned to his true fox form. I climbed out the cage and he opened his eyes and looked at me. I picked up a knife and cut off each of his tails. After I cut off a tail, I would show it to him. His entire fox mouth was covered in blood but in his eyes was the sense of release. He closed his eyes and I lit a fire and burned the entire cave down.”

Xiao Liu picked up the fox tail “He locked me in a cage for 30 years, cursing and torturing me, stripping all my powers developed on Jade Mountain and turned me into a useless person. But he taught me many things. In the mountain it was just the two of us. When he wasn’t having a crazy fit, he explained the various transformation powers to me and gave me a priceless treasure. It was the mirror made from the soul of a mystic gorilla beast that could record the past. He told me to use the mirror to record my face so that if it changed the next day I could use the mirror to change back. Gradually I learned to hold my face and when he took me out occasionally he would teach me how to differentiate between the plants and told me all the various demons and beasts he had killed. He told me all the weaknesses of the various types. In the end when I killed him, when I cut off each of his remaining 8 tails, then he and I ended our vengeance at that time. I’ve long stopped hating him so just keep this tail!”

Xiao Liu handed the tail to Zhuan Xu “The Nine-tailed fox is as rare a beast as the phoenix. I can transform myself so this tail has no use for me. You keep it, in the future you can use it to help you transform and break through mystic enchantments.”

Zhuan Xu tossed it on the ground in disgust “I don’t want it.”

Xiao Liu knew Zhuan Xu was furious right now so pointed to Shi Qi to pick it up. She said to him “That night in the inn when you asked me to show you my true form, I declined not because I was planning to abandon you and disappear forever. It’s because I couldn’t show you my true form. That fox dummy mocked me correctly, if I don’t know what I really look like, how can she transform into me.”

Zhuan Xu was so angry that the anger even rubbed off on Shi Qi who carried the Nine-tailed fox lineage “They say the Nine-tailed fox is adept at transformation, what problem does Xiao Yao have that she can’t return to her true form?”

Shi Qi thought and realized that Xiao Yao’s childhood face was probably already a false one. If she had a false face from the moment she was born, that meant the Grand Emperor and the Xuan Yuan Princess must have used an incredibly powerful magic or the assistance of a magical object to transform the face of an newborn infant who had no powers yet. And do so in a way not to be seen through by others. But why? This inexplicable action must be hiding a huge secret, but one done so they could protect Xiao Yao. Shi Qi slowly said “I don’t know either. You should go ask the Grand Emperor, perhaps he will know why.”

Zhuan Xu was very perplexed and turned to Xiao Liu “I can’t see your true form so I feel like you’re hiding in a shell. I’m scared that if I open the shell, you’ll run away again.”

Xiao Liu teased him “What do you want me to look like? I’ll transform into her for you. You can have whatever little sister you want.”

Zhuan Xu was exasperated and raised his fist “Are you itching for a fight?”

Xiao Liu laughed “I can’t beat you in a fight anymore” then turned to Shi Qi “When we were kids, he could never beat me in a fight.”

Zhuan Xu remembered how all Xiao Yao’s powers were forcibly stripped from her, and the pain she must have endured, and how she would never be able to develop her powers ever again. All his tamped down rage bubbled forth and he couldn’t pretend to be unaffected anymore. He stood up abruptly and rushed towards his room “I’m going to rest.”

Xiao Liu looked at his departing back and murmured “It’s all in the past now.”

Xiao Liu stood up and said to Shi Qi “I’m off to rest as well.”

Shi Qi said to Xiao Liu “Don’t worry, you’ll find your true form.”

Xiao Liu laughed. They all wanted to see what she looked like but the person who most wanted to know what she looked like in this world was herself.

End of chapter 9.

Chapter 9 Wrapped Up

Part 1

Grand Emperor Pampering Xiao Liu

We first encountered Grand Emperor here in the novel. In previous chapter the way his palace looks modest is already described. In  here, Grand Emperor neither looking young or old, looking around as 30 age of a human, but the clear fact is that there is sadness in him.
Wen Xiao Liu was surely seemly wanting to annoy him with all those noisy and messy manners. But Grand Emperor was not bothered one bit by that. He even asked her about her favorite dish and flavor and seems to know her well , by revealing about how she likes snacks before bedtime. One could take that it is because she reminds him of someone special. But of course we do know things will be revealing for the rest of the of the chapter. 

Zhuan Xu finally guessed who Wen Xiao Liu is..

In this part, we see or guessed that Grand Emperor already knew who Wen Xiao Liu was when Zhuan Xu/Cang Xuan was only beginning to realize it. It was clear that Grand Emperor did not want to force Wen Xiao Liu into admiting. It's all up to her, whether she was willing to reunite with him or not. But he's making her feel comfortable.
Grand Emperor also hinted that sometimes not only ill intent that causes harm but also love. Therefore, nothing should be forced. 

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever-season-2/119991-tushan-jing-and-xiao-yao-here-s-to-a-happily-ever-after?pid=2923787&page=364#p2923787

Part 2

Zhuan Xu Recalling The Past

Zhuan Xu finally knew Wen Xiao Liu was his long lost beloved sister, Xiao Yao. He realized that his scheming ability and ruthlessness that made him miss to see the sincerity Wen Xiao Liu showed him when he was Xuan, and saved him two times. He even thought of hurting her to get Tushan Jing to bring the ice crystal to get healed.
Zhuan Xu chose to believe Wen Xiao Liu was the child of on of 5 princes, the sibling and traitors to Grand Emperor. Therefore he treated her roughly in bringing her to Five Gods Mountains. He even broke her legs when he capture her.
So in this chapter, in this scene, finally he cured her with his power but still dare not ask her anything.
It is implied that Wen Xiao Liu smiled to his ruthlessness as she understood he had to be like this for survival. 

Shi Qi's Protectiveness

Up to this scene, chapter 9 does not seem to  give Shi Qi importance. However, we can all notice clearly that he's been taking care of Wen Xiao Liu throughout. Feeding her fruits( to make her happy) and swiftly attack Zhuan Xu when he thought Zhuan Xu was going to hurt Xiao Liu although he was weak in power. Anf she did lean in his arms especially when she cried and thought about her past. 

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever-season-2/119991-tushan-jing-and-xiao-yao-here-s-to-a-happily-ever-after?pid=2923821&page=364#p2923821

Part 3

Mount of Money Vs The Moon Light

Grand Emperor was still pampering Wen Xiao Liu and she was still randomly answering his questions of what she wanted. Without thinking much she answered what normally a person would want. Money of course. The way she roll on the money mountain was a fun scene. But yet the mountain made her unable to see the beauty of the moonlight she loved. She realized Grand Emperor was serious with her, so she no longer dare to bullshit with him. 

In this particular scene, we could see Grand Emperor was still trying best to make Wen Xiao Liu feel comfortable. It also explained Wen Xiao Liu's love for the beauty of nature/moon more than a lot of money. In other words she is not materialistic but love  the beauty of the world that include moonlight. 

"It's best not to marry the woman who do not sweat"
(Different usage of translation from thai ver, but I will still be using Koala ver, because its still the same)

We could see Wen Xiao Liu was feeling more and more comfortable at Grand Emperor's palace. In this certain passage on what she said to Jing/Shi Qi was that avoid marrying woman who are all beautiful  but not like to enjoy outside life but all kept themselves inside to be beautiful and not to get tired with sweat, such woman could be petty. Therefore marry someone like her who enjoy life? I could be wrong. So how do you interpret this passage?

In my personal opinion, Xiao Liu is accepting herself as a woman more and more. Moreover, I have a feeling as if she was indirectly flirting with Jing.

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever-season-2/119991-tushan-jing-and-xiao-yao-here-s-to-a-happily-ever-after?pid=2924643&page=366#p2924643

Part 4

Xiao Liu's memories and past are coming back. 

In chapter 9, it is too obvious that Xiao Liu memories of her being princess and her mother. Especially in I felt she completely felt she was a woman. First she encountered her bird (wing ride purpose) whom she had to be parted with since it's still in its egg. But the bird still recognized her.
Then she remembered how she once played with her mother in this garden.
And then after the torture and meeting Consort Jing An, who exactly look like her mother but not her mother. We can see how much this affected her and how much she missed and longed for her mother. Because she totally lost to act as Wen Xiao Liu. At the moment she was the princess Xiao Yao, her original and former self.
And Zhuan Xu came to embrace her. This is how he reunited with Xiao Yao. We can definetly see their bond was indeed very strong. According to the context, when they were young they supported each other when left alone together by parents and elders. As Xiao Yao (Xiao Liu) hugged him back meaning she's accepting to be his sister again and to back in his life to continue support him him.

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever-season-2/119991-tushan-jing-and-xiao-yao-here-s-to-a-happily-ever-after?pid=2925481&page=366#p2925481

Part 5

Xiao Yao Reunion with Grand Emperor and Tushan Jing
 Xiao Yao was reunited with her dad after her long anxiety. It seems like she was afraid he would not accepted her because he did not came to pick her up at Jade Mountain back then. But both are very happy; father and daughter.
Xiao Yao was guilty that she did not tell her true identity to her Shi Qi before when Shi Qi told her everything about his background. To my personal opinion, she did not tell him because she herself was not sure how things will turn out to be. Besides, I have a feeling she has sort of feeling haunted by her past loss and things that had happened, and still wanted to run away from it. But now everything was well settled.

And then in the next scene when Shi Qi or Jing showed up in front of Grand Emperor. Grand Emperor knew who he is and straight talk of his fiance, Fang Feng Yi Yang. It must be very difficult feeling Jing.
Jing wanted to deny it because Grand Emperor is Xiao Liu's father. We all know he wants her. But he could not run away from his truth. And Xiao Liu/Xiao Yao did not want her dad to make him uncomfortable.

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever-season-2/119991-tushan-jing-and-xiao-yao-here-s-to-a-happily-ever-after?pid=2925489&page=366#p2925489

Part 6
Running Away from Jade Mountain
We learnt the reason why Xiao Yao ran away from Jade Mountain and did not dare to go back to Five Gods Mountains. It must be really hard for her to accept the fact that her mother involvement with another man. Her parents divorced. She probably did not want to face her father, Grand Emperor. The servants talked badly of her. So that she decided to go find her mother first. She probably could not accept the fact that her mother die in war.

Abused as A Child (Nearly Raped)
She was still a child. Some people found her cute. Some may pity her but some may want to take advantage from her. Such as the man who tried to raped her. I really feel terrible for a kid around 8 years (human age) to have commit such a deed as killing somebody even it meant to defense. It is horrible. 

Face Lost and Wandering
It was after that then she probably got more scared of others. She became lost and despaired. Because she has this peach blossom birth mark inside, her face keep changing. She had no control over it. Because she was still young and not knowing how to use this ability. As a metaphor, I take it as her being lost to who she was because she was not sure who she was at all. So all those hundreds of years, she just wandered around. 

Caged By Nine Tailed Fox And  Revenge 
The nine tailed fox took revenge on Xiao Yao just because she was the daughter of the a woman who was friend of the one that cut one of his tailed. 30 years in capture, making her eat disgusting things, stripping all her power. It ended with her poisoning him, cutting all his tails off and burning down the whole cave. 

Again very horrible experience. But I am glad how Xiao Yao had strong spirit and soul. I mean she did not give herself completely into horrible way. In fact when she started to entering medical profression it's because of the wrong intention of learning to kill, but she ended up creating more lives by treating infertility in ladies. 

I do love that Jing was there making her warm from cold by putting on blanket onto her. I mean he noticed her being cold. And how she made him to be near her. It is sweet. Jing already could tell Xiao Yao appearance was fake from the start but he's not going to mentioned it because its not the time and he guessed it must be for protecting Xiao Yao. Both Zhuan Xu and Jing  felt so bad for Xiao Yao. But I love how Jing was quick in taking care of her. Zhuan Xu was also affected. He held her too. At the same time he showed disgusted towards those who hurt someone he care. His anger fell upon the furry fox tail. But Xiao Yao was already over with all of her vengeance feelings. 

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever-season-2/119991-tushan-jing-and-xiao-yao-here-s-to-a-happily-ever-after?pid=2925533&page=367#p2925533

Wrap Up
Overall chapter 9 focus on Xiao Liu going back to the place which she called home. Her identity is revealed as well as her torturing past. The reason why she had been  wandering for so long. It's really is intriging how her wandering, loss of identity flow together well with her lost of true appearance.
But what really make me delighted is that at the stage of Wen Xiao Liu changing life, from a mere Qing Shui town doctor Wen Xiao Liu, into a Princess of Gao Xing, Jing was there besides her. He also get to witness her reuniting with her brother and father, the other two important men in her life. He was there for her to cried upon and rest in his arms. 

Xiao Liu’s sucking was like a thunder loud.

ahahaha! Tong Hua words are so visuals! I laughed much to this one! :D Xiao Liu and her humor...

(ep.14) 

While CX inner thoughts are........ 

Ahahahaha!!! <3 I enjoy her clowning side sooo much! Let's never forget this Xiao Yao's side: her humor! 

Contrast in Dining Etiquette:

The stark contrast between Xiao Liu's eating habits and the refined manners of the imperial hall's occupants serves as a visual metaphor. This dichotomy may represent Xiao Liu's outsider status and her reluctance to conform to the expectations of the elite. It also underscores the theme of societal norms versus individual authenticity.

The theme of identity and the power of personal choice has been a central focus in various philosophical traditions, with thinkers exploring the nature of selfhood, free will, and the implications of our choices. While it's challenging to pinpoint a single philosopher or set of words that encapsulate this theme, several notable figures and their philosophical perspectives contribute to our understanding of identity and choice.

Exemples: 

1. Existentialism - Jean-Paul Sartre:

   • Sartre, a prominent  french existentialist philosopher, argued that existence precedes essence, emphasizing human freedom and the responsibility that comes with it. His famous phrase "existence precedes essence" suggests that individuals are first born into the world without a predetermined essence or identity. Instead, they construct their identities through their choices and actions.

   • Sartre's notion of "bad faith" explores how individuals may avoid taking responsibility for their freedom by conforming to societal expectations and not fully embracing their capacity to choose. In the context of Xiao Liu's situation, the Grand Emperor's insistence on her deciding her own identity aligns with Sartrean existentialist principles.

2. Personal Identity - John Locke:

   • John Locke, a philosopher of the Enlightenment, discussed personal identity and consciousness. According to Locke, personal identity is tied to consciousness and memory. Individuals are the same person over time if they retain memories of past experiences.

   • Applying Locke's ideas to the scene, Xiao Liu's potential struggle with her identity aligns with Locke's emphasis on memory as a key component of personal identity. The Grand Emperor's encouragement for Xiao Liu to decide her identity recognizes the role of memory and self-awareness in shaping one's sense of self.

3. Determinism and Free Will - Friedrich Nietzsche:

   • Nietzsche's exploration of eternal recurrence and the will to power delves into the concepts of determinism and free will. While he did not provide a straightforward solution, his writings invite contemplation on the idea of embracing one's existence and choices, even in the face of an eternal return.

   • Xiao Liu's predicament, coupled with the Grand Emperor's insistence on her agency, echoes Nietzschean themes of embracing the weight of one's choices, knowing that they contribute to the continual shaping of one's identity.

4. Ethics of Care - Nel Noddings:

   • Nel Noddings, a contemporary ethicist, discusses the ethics of care and relational ethics. Her work emphasizes the importance of relationships and caring for others in moral decision-making. Applying this to the scene, the Grand Emperor's approach may align with a caring perspective that allows Xiao Liu the freedom to determine her identity.

   • Noddings' philosophy introduces a softer, more compassionate understanding of moral agency and choice, suggesting that the relationships between individuals play a crucial role in shaping ethical decisions.

While these philosophers may not have directly addressed the specific scenario in the novel, their ideas provide a philosophical backdrop to the themes of identity and choice presented in Chapter 9 - Part 1. The narrative invites readers to contemplate the profound philosophical questions embedded in the characters' struggles and decisions. 

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So, to wich philosophy could  Xiao Liu  and Grand Emperor -fit  mostly?...In my opinion it's Jean Paul Sartre:

- Xiao Liu's character, with her journey of self-discovery and the emphasis on personal choice, aligns closely with existentialist themes. In particular, her situation resonates with the existential philosophy of Jean-Paul Sartre. Sartre's ideas, such as "existence precedes essence" and the importance of individual freedom and responsibility, provide a philosophical lens through which Xiao Liu's character can be viewed.

• Existentialism - Jean-Paul Sartre:

  • Xiao Liu: Her quest to define her identity, the freedom to make choices, and the existential angst she experiences in confronting her past align with Sartrean existentialist principles. Xiao Liu embodies the existential hero who must grapple with the responsibility of shaping her own identity through her choices.

  • Grand Emperor: The Grand Emperor's approach to Xiao Liu's identity and the emphasis on her making her own choices reflects a Sartrean recognition of individual freedom. By allowing Xiao Liu the agency to determine her identity, the Grand Emperor adopts a perspective that resonates with existentialist themes of personal responsibility.

While Xiao Liu's character leans towards existentialist notions, the Grand Emperor's role aligns with the mentor figure who acknowledges and respects the individual's freedom to shape their identity.

                     Jean Paul Sartre and his wife, Simone de Beauvoir

Further : https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Paul_Sartre  + Book Quote: