Stockholm Syndrome is not ok... nor will be ok

After reading many comments and reviews, I'm astonished. Where are the people who are aware that there is a kidnapping (seriously a kidnapping all the way) and cannot pass that fact??

She says no, no, no, no... She makes it very clear. NO is NO: I don't want to leave my wedding, get in the car, go with you and so forth.

What is going with the screenwriter after the masterpiece that was "It's ok not to be ok?". What came through her mind when she decided to make a story of sugarcoated abuse? Or when she decided that the ML would hide behind the FL when her fiancee was holding a gun? Or when she thought that it would be funny that the FL's head bumped here and there when she was kidnapped in her wedding?

And what is going on with our community that sees romance in a Stockholm syndrome??

I'm cringing in my sofa thinking of younger audiences that will think it's understandable, tolerable or romantic to put on with a guy's bullshit: because they were meant to be together... they love each other... there is a reason behind... at the end everything is ok...

No, it's not ok. He is increeedibly hot and has issues we empathyse with, but nothing, NOTHING justifies the premise of this show. Yes, even if she wanted to marry a moron for the wrong reasons and she eventually changed her mind, so it looks that he made her a favour.

I thought we had passed the Indiana Jones kind of era where there was a hero and a blond stupid woman kicking and screaming and getting in all kind of troubles, eventually saved by the hero. But it seems we haven't move on.

I'm all about healing series and journeys of self-realization... but not this way, not by force, never against the will of a woman, nor in reality nor in fiction.

I agree with you,  and usually could not watch past that kind of scene, but I must admit to persisting and somewhat enjoying this.  I would NEVER recommend it, and I will be questioning myself and my response for a while.  I think it comes down to hitting me at the right moment from the perspective of parenthood and the fable that 'blood' family is. And it was about abandoned  and emotionally abused children, which will always be my default first loyalty.  Somehow it managed to garner my empathy and not be triggering. 

I think I wanted to see what they would do with this beginning, and hoped for some character development.  But I definitely feel like I've had to go through some Olympic level mental gymnastics, to fill in the gaps in the characters and their plot lines.***spoiler alert here*** For example, why is there never a question that his arterial disease was inherited from his mother?  That would make sense of why she died so young, in an accident in the mountains. But that's just one thing amongst many.

I am a fan of the cast, across the board, but especially Lee El and Woo Do Hwan.  And I will watch them again. But the screenwriter has cemented my opinion with this.  "It's okay..." was hugely problematic for me, and with time and introspection, I think this will be too.

It's a really good example of inherent or internalised patriarchal bias. His mother is not important when it comes to his genetic line.  Why would he even consider her?!

It's more frustrating to know that the scriptwriter did this. The characters just do what is written.

It was a gaping hole in the plot for me, for sure

Thank you for your comments @Laila and @Toot. They enriched the discussion (and myself) so much! Especially me not knowing many things of how the story develops.

After 3 hours of him knocking her down, persecuting her, grabbing her, getting on top of her body on the floor, tying her down to a table… and she calling for help and trying to escape for all means, I had enough. I knew what it was coming for me and I was afraid that I’d develop, as you said Toot, empathy (especially loving Woo Do Hwan so much for being one of the most humble and kindest actors out there). I didn’t want the love story and my empathy for traumatized people to suck me into forgetting what was really going on.

<It reminds me of what happened with “La Casa de Papel” (Money Heist), a famous series in my country. I wanted to know where all the international hype came from and I suffered going through the whole first season doing that kind of “Olympic mental gymnastics” lol. The show makes you empathies with a gang of egoistic thieves robbing the bills factory in Spain. They kidnap and hurt people, innocent people who were working and visiting there. But what truly hit me hard was the dynamic behind that. They are like puppets guided by “The professor”, the great mastermind of the whole plan. And he tries to deceive the amazing policewoman in charge of the case in all ways possible, through the crime, but also personal and romantically! He is a narcissist criminal; she is a woman of integrity. And the series makes us fonding for him and his gang and kind of succeed! So after watching the first season and even starting the Korean version, I had to do an emotional and ethical cleanse of how disguise I was with it and myself for falling into the trap. So… do you think I take this kind of things too seriously? Hahaha hell yes! There is a fine line of condoning the type of things that we see on a series, and on the news. I don’t want any screenwriter to mess up with my moral compass! Lol>

Coming back to this series, it’s very interesting what you mention guys/gals about the mother DNA line. It seems like, as usual, what matter is the masculine/active part of the conception (aka semen) and not the feminine/receptive side of it (the egg). But I’m confused… ****Spoiler Alert Bis**** Do you say that the mother died young in the mountains? Isn’t the mother the one who raised he until he was (I don’t remember exactly) 8 years old? She was the one inseminated by the wrong sperm, hence the biological mother, isn’t it? Obviously it must be another plot twist that I didn’t get to before I run away :’D

 Toot:

And in it, the gender roles were reversed. The FL kidnaps and locks up the ML, and touches him constantly without consent.  if my memory serves correctly!? 

Spot on! The only difference for me is that here the ML is portrayed as a charming prince who rescues her from a disastrous marriage and everything that follows is excused. Whereas in “It’s ok…” we know what we are watching from minute one. Her mental health issues are not considered an excuse for her behavior. They make us see, although too subtlety, that it’s wrong to do what she does and there are consequences for her acts, and ultimately a sense of accountability.

I’d love to fall into the rabbit hole of talking plenty about “it’s ok…” and make the longest message in the story of Mydramalist (so much to say!) hahaha. The psychologist and writer in me wants to fall into it but nooo, there is another lazy and careful part in me who screams “do not engage!” lol

 Toot:

At the very least, they could do with some consent education IMO.

You are absolutely right. I came back from a long hiatus of watching kdramas because they are not mental health or gender equality informed and they normalize verbal/physical violence in EVERY SINGLE drama. I thought this show would be a refreshing one, but I found it was a step back in the same old same old...

I appreciate your points BUT as I said, I think it's taken A LOT of mental gymnastics to come to these points of view.  All of those points would be reasonable assumptions in real life, but in this drama NONE of that is actually shown.  We as viewers have had to fill in the gaping holes in the story.

Hello, I just thought this conversation here is interesting so decided to share some thoughts.

There's definitely a huge trend of abuse being romantisized in all media. It's in almost every romance comic and anime; definitely part of many shows as well.

Then I'd like to point out the issue with genres in Korean shows. They do not stick to one, they jump  across comedy, romance and drama or, in different words, lighthearted & heavy scenes all the time to the point of it getting off-putting. It's very difficult to find a balance. Some things are used for comedy purposes but when you think about it even for a second, you realize it's awful.
Very common example is a female hitting a male in these shows, making it a funny scene where male said something females dislike and female's reaction is to simply hit him; after which everyone but the male laughs. That's very tame example but you get my point.

Next point would be that there's a difference between these shows and reality. Very often, these are a form of escapism for people. Asian shows specifically have the tendency to use only perfect looking young actors, very often with some kind of awful romance idea that would not fly irl. Most of the show is filled with fan-service, flirting, infinite shots of pretty actors' faces. The entire way which these shows are filmed is to indulge fantasies, while trying to tell some kind of story with slightly deeper meaning.
Now, I'm not saying there's nothing more to any of these shows, but majority will lean into it.

Knowing all this, I have the idea of what to expect when deciding to watch a Korean show. Every country has different issues, they have theirs.

This show started off with enough comedy and lightheartedness to prepare me for it. Kind of.
FL constantly yelling, trying to escape, ML with his issues just kidnapping her, yeah sure I understand he's doing it for her and that it's coming from a good place. Still f-ed up.
Would that fly in real life? Definitely not. No is a no. But this is just another dumb show I decided to watch, with some braindead writing to entertain me for a bit. And that's why instead of dwelling on logic, I started enjoying some of the scenes. Wondering what way is she going to try get away next time.

And eventually, I started appreciating the themes they got going and issues they are trying to portray. Family, bonds, biological parents, adoptive parents, orphans. What makes family a family.  I even teared up for a bit during fifth episode. They handled the abandonment and the hurt well. In the end, I enjoyed a lot of it despite being annoying by some of it.

One last thing I wanna scream at everyone in these shows would be: Adoption is real, people! Wake up.

In summary: I think romance is portrayed as awfuly as usual, but the show has some redeeming qualities that can make it worth a watch.