‘My Beautiful Man’, or ‘Utsukushii Kare’, is a heavy series that requires deep analysis and empathy to understand the characters’ motives and emotional complexities. Its delicacy in poetic lines brings depth to the leads’ narrations and the beautiful cinematography touches scenes of intimacy with a serene taste of true love. This fragility, combined with the leads’ fiery romance, creates a very intricate yet powerful watch. The plot worked in unison with the characters to bring out their flaws, and doesn’t portray them as bad traits that serve no other purpose other than weakening. Instead, their vulnerability became their source of strength, fueling their chase for each other’s heart and intensifying the push and pull of their attraction.

Two teenagers—whose childhood traumas have distorted their perception of love, and whose lives thrive to satisfy their selfish desires—fall in love. Kyoyi, a famous idol and model, wants to be hidden from someone’s eyes for the first time. Because of his loneliness, he has always wanted to be the center of attention, and wishes to find a space for himself in someone’s world. Through the lens of his camera, Hira, an aspiring photographer, wishes to capture his newfound beauty in life. Kyoyi is the first person he lets into his world, but he keeps putting up walls between them, only wanting to admire him from a distance. Even so, the passion in Hira’s gaze ignites something within Kyoyi: the desire for their bond to transcend the camera that separates them; the desire to truly be discovered instead of just admired.

Their compassionate love for each other goes beyond the surface, and their realistically imperfect relationship defies the norms of typical healthy on-screen representations of couples. Their relationship is shaped by their insecurities that yearn to thrive off of someone strong and understanding enough to hold them close. One of the main messages the series conveys to its audience is that one doesn’t need to be perfect in order to be deserving of love. It also teaches us that flaws aren’t necessarily bad, but are representative of an opportunity for self-improvement. The unwavering care and support Kioyi and Hira provide each other with as they navigate through their struggles in identity leaves room for growth to sprout alongside their romance. This enables their scars from the past and fear for the future to flourish into beautiful and heartfelt moments where both slowly get closer and learn to break the barrier of secrecy between themselves.

When the characters collided with the storyline, everything, from their incessant pure love to their dangerous and obsessive desire to hold each other close, started making sense. It jumped into their unique relationship with a smart approach, using narration from both Kioyi and Hira to slowly unravel their backstories amidst their blossoming growth. The leads were put through many hardships to prove their love for one another, and all throughout the story, their flaws are what pushes their relationship forward instead of restraining them into an ordinary type of love that touches only the surfaces of their struggles and true personalities. Along self-discovery comes doubt, and their uncertainties in their relationship bring out their most vulnerable sides. Despite the fire of chaos they ignite in each other’s lives, their fear of losing each other only grew stronger day by day and laid bare their hidden but overbearing insecurities. Through the time they spent journeying the depths of their love for each other and weighing the possibilities of the future they can make out of their messy romance, one learns what it’s like to be loved rather than just admired, while the other learns how to love instead of just admiring.

There's this scene in the movie that perfectly captures the essence of this beautiful and thought-provoking series. When Anna dances in the rain, it represents something powerful that shines bright in the midst of a downpour. A beautiful outfit that should flow in the wind seems misplaced in the wet, with its color muted by the water's drench. Yet, it was so happy and messy all at once that it was enthralling, and just one look at the unusual scene wasn't enough for those witnessing the photo shoot, mesmerized by the contrast between the lady’s bright smile and the way her beauty bathed in darkness. This is reminiscent of the professional photographer who used the camera to get closer to the world and capture both its beauty, and its darkness. Similarly, Hiro's camera was no longer a shield or place to hide; it was an entryway to the discovery of the individual whose heart was fated to belong to him.

In this series that explores themes of insecurity, the fan/idol industry, and first love, nothing is evident at first glance, and the characters’ aren’t meant for the viewers to like. Instead, their purpose is to bring a greater sense of understanding to the audience regarding stereotypes and insecurities. The series delves deep into the human aspect of vulnerability, using its well-crafted characters to convey the message that sometimes it’s the most vulnerable individuals who seem weak that are the most strong minded and confident in what they want, while those who do seem strong can be the most insecure, wearing only a facade of the strength they appear to have.

This lesson is embodied in the characters, particularly in Hira, who is portrayed as the most timid of all in his class but is secretly the most determined and assertive one. He’s always sure of himself and what it is that he wants, expressing this through his determination to physically protect Kyoyi, whom he deems his only true love. Hira always lessens Kyoyi of emotional burden, bringing him constant reassurance whenever he holds back, and never hesitating to abide by his pleas whenever he makes him promise to forever stay by his side. Something that also supports this ideology is Hira’s ‘top’ role in the intimate aspect of their relationship (which is more explored in the manga/light novel), in which he furthermore asserts his dominance and controlling nature. Additionally, another character whose main purpose is to foster this message through his actions would be the one portrayed as Anna’s utmost fan. He’s initially portrayed as timid and weak, but reveals himself to be brave and determined when driven by his feelings of love and admiration for his idol.

Both leads felt like they didn’t have their place in the world. His whole life, Kyoyi had been surrounded by people who wouldn’t hesitate to leave him in an instant, causing him trust issues. No one truly cared about what he felt or had to say, and weren’t interested in discovering his real self. Hira, on the other hand, felt like no one cared enough to wait and hear what he had to say because of his speech disorder. To summarize this brief overlook at the series’ main leads: both felt unvalued in their world. Hira felt worthless of finding his place in the world whereas Kyoyi felt worthless of being loved. Together, they turned each other's flaws into something beautiful. They came together like missing puzzle pieces, turning their flaws into a reason to love each other. Their flaws caused them to collide and laid the foundation for their strong and passionate romance, where both give and take and feel fully satisfied with what they share.

Their emotions both explain the way they act. One stalks because he can never get close enough, while the other doesn’t have control over his emotions, so he exerts the power of dominance he does have physically. Kyoyi acts bossy and and rather mean, using this harshness to get closer to Hira without being vulnerable, though it is clear from the look in his eyes that he deliberately pushes this personality onto himself. While it may be controversial, without the physical aspect—which was ultimately a fundamental base to their relationship—they wouldn’t have a story. It was needed to show their relationship develop and reveal who truly had the hidden weakness.

Bossing Hira around was Kyoyi's way of getting closer to him without being vulnerable and making his fear of abandonment and need for love evident. This insecurity of Kyoyi's is furthermore explored later on when he is always asking for reassurance and for Hira to stay, begging in a way that doesn’t seem vulnerable or direct. Instead, he tries pulling Hira closer using this method to understand him more and see if his feelings were real before deciding to let him into his heart. Although Kyoyi was wrong for dealing with his frustration and personal insecurity through physical means, Hira was just as much in the wrong regarding habits in their relationship.

He did not give Kyoyi privacy or respect his boundaries, nor did consider his feelings. Instead, Hira only cared about satisfying his own desires without thinking of the consequences his actions and choices would have on Kyoyi. This reasoning stemmed from how highly Hira views him, giving light to the bad among his blind support towards Kyoyi. He never considered he’d influence Kyoyi’s thoughts or actions and would misunderstand whenever Kyoyi would try to inquire about what they were. He'd always just answer that Kyoyi was his favorite, etc., without seeming to have a desire for more. Kyoyi was being emotionally burdened with his ever-growing uncertainty and unreciprocated romantic feelings in contrast to Hira, who seemed content with merely being bossed around by him and satisfied with sharing an unhealthy relationship where only he was benefitting. So even though it seemed like Kyoyi was the one always getting served what he wanted whenever he’d ask for it, Hira was the one taking advantage of the latter.

The barrier Hira places between Kyoyi and himself is representative of problems individuals can experience in the entertainment industry. Although idols receive so much love, they have no one in particular to direct their love towards, out of uncertainty and fear. “Do they really love me for who I am, or just my image?” With these thoughts that separated him from the world around him, which he felt was full of fake people, Kioyi was truly just as lonely as Hira. “Can I truly trust them, or will they leave me in the dirt once my reputation hits rock bottom?” Kioyi asked himself endless questions as he fought to understand whether or not Hira’s feelings for him were genuine. Even once Kyoyi realised he could indeed trust him, Hira's mindset of Kyoyi being so superior compared to himself still separates them.

Despite all of the flaws in their connection—with his loving eyes and overwhelming and seemingly endless amount of support—Hira effortlessly and quickly slipped into Kyoyi’s heart before he even had the chance to notice. Even Kyoyi didn’t understand his own emotions, so not only was he not used to being loved since a young age, but he couldn't believe how spontaneous and sure of himself Hira was in his many confessions. In terms of what allowed someone so sure of his feelings to connect with someone who was hesitant in accepting his own and believing the other's, Hira’s personality was, in a way, a perfect match for Kyoyi, who took a lot of time to realize he truly liked someone. Hira, whose personality stayed constant and steady over the years, made the jump between their high school days and college years only deepen their connection. His certainty in his feelings allowed Kyoyito to fully grasp his own feelings before slowly gaining the courage to make little efforts to deepen their bond. In other words, Hira’s personality made it seem as if he was waiting for Kyoyi to gain the courage and get used to his new feelings so that Kyoyi could eventually be more certain in his confession and love for him.

Hira told his admirer he liked him, but even with his speech deficiency, the words were even harder for Kyoyi—who seemed confident on the outside than Hira—to say aloud. In reality, Kyoyi is weak, vulnerable, scared, and insecure—everything he doesn't seem like he'd be at first glance. These qualities show in his actions to push Hira away, his constant asking if he will stay by his side, and his hesitation in putting his true feelings out in the open. Hiro is selfless, while Kyoyi pays close attention to the way he acts, both in the professional and personal aspects of his life. His lack of confidence is shown when he tells Hira that the reason he doesn't want to understand him is because of his fear in bringing him down, which is more a question of self-esteem than anything else.

However, Hira isn’t any braver, even with his spontaneous words and assertiveness in his actions. He's scared to get closer to Kyoyi because it would elevate him, while on the contrary, he wishes to stay at the bottom of the social class and continue living in his own bubble. As the cameraman in the movie says, Hira sees himself as higher and better than everything else. He expressed how he feels Hira’s selfishness and disgust for the world through his photos; where he erases all people. “You haven’t succeeded at all, but you think you’re so amazing. But instead of showing it outright, you make a shell by belittling yourself. You look down on this world with youth, stupidity, and ambiguity.” On the other hand, Kyoyi is insecure and scared of being so high (in the celebrity world) because he is so lonely up there. Kyoyi's struggle is essentially shared with Hira, who is equally as lonely, but for different reasons—Hira’s loneliness stems from putting himself above everything else and thinking nothing else matters. The poetic lines in their narrations highlight the similarities they share despite their huge difference in popularity and rank in society.

As for the casting of the characters, the lead actors amazingly embodied Hira and Kyoyi, who share such an electrifying chemistry. Yagi Yusei truly stood out to me in terms of acting. Through his role as Kyoyi, he acted so ruthless and mean, yet held a look of intense fondness and love in his gaze that never ceased to linger on Hira. The stunning cinematography and pleasing music only add to the enigmatic and beautiful storytelling, deepening my love for the amazing trilogy that is ‘My Beautiful Man’.