kkimchay

then that i do understand completely so honestly it's definitely my fault for not considering the way i wrote this reply and just not putting my thoughts out correctly as everybody feels a specific way about it which is significant to them.

sorry again by the way, i really didn't want to tone my replies that in a way that came off as rude at all and i definitely should've taken more time to think about your comment before saying anything because i can see why you feel that way about the series so far !

it's okay to criticise my review and if you believe it's far-fetched or "pompous windbaggery", i just like to look into details way more than other people as this series is very significant to me. i'm not trying to have a "professorial-wannabe" style at all, it's seriously just how i write.

i don't know why you seeked out this comment just to invalidate every point i made because i was condescending in my previous reply to you. every person can interpret cinematography, dialogue, performance in their own way and that's why media is appealing to people. i've always loved films and series so i enjoy leaving these reviews even though, i've said before in my previows reviews for it that it could be a bit far-fetched because i'm looking too much into it and thinking too much about it.

i agree, i once again came off as passive-aggresive for sure and i always accept other people's opinions as they always have their own great insights so it is on me, i should've just not said anything like i did on letterboxd about it because i worded myself wrong entirely. thank you for telling me all this and i do mean it geniunely.

it's just the way i write and i'm romanian, not a brit lol.

if i came off as rude and condescending then that's definitely on me so i'm sorry for that, i can definitely come off like that from time to time when i write comments.

but i don't know why you're assuming i'm a child just because of how i replied to you. not everybody is a child and people need to stop assuming that all the time honestly.

a three hour movie would not have the capacity of encompassing every bit of symbolism and meaning of the series. this episode plot's was to remind us that this series is also about love and love is slow, gentle and careful. heavy themes don't equate to heavy, blunt executions which are rough and straight-cut, often times, having a lighter execution works out as this series is deeply rooted in the realism of other people's experiences with religion, god and their faith. if you think there's a disconnect there then that's your inability to relate to the story.

the pace has always been slower and the execution also has been lighter compared to its heavy themes. if you always try to do heavy themes with no light executions then that just begins to feel forced and strange in a situation like theirs.

whilst it's ok to have your opinion, you're viewing this too shallowly and at such surface-level hence why you feel like the show isn't great overall because you're not understanding that not everything has to move at quicker paces or not every episode has to have an even deeper, stronger meaning.

anyway, i'm not trying to be rude about your comment about this because like said before, it is your opinion so don't get me wrong about this, just wanted to tell my own piece of why some people might feel like you do ! :)

hello everybody, guess who's back again to talk about episode four? yes, it's me ! 🥲 (taken from my letterboxd, again).

this episode was so beautifully tender yet the underlying countdown to the sheer sadness that's about to come looms over your brain the softer and gentler their souls become and the closer they get physically. but i'm not going to go into that just yet as the episode itself has its own sadness and sorrow.

to begin with, the quote to begin the episode "love is patient." - 1 corinthians 13-4:7. on the surface, this means a selfless, unconditional love and often a sacrificial love. it's the virtues of love and the characteristics of true love. it talks about both what love actively does but also what it avoids. however, for barthtanrak, it also encompasses their differing beliefs in god as well as how their love blossoms from different roots - their love is full of 'sin' although it's powerful and secret. - thus going to the point which will be talked about next episode. secrecy.

'secrecy' is often defined as the act of hiding or withholding information from a person or a group of people or simply being hidden. in barth and tanrak's instance, they're hiding away from both the eyes of god (significant in the scene where tanrak walks away from the crucifix and only holds barth's hand and physically stays close to him in the hallway, lit up by light near the utility closet). which is often considered futile as god always knows everything as he's omniscient and omnipresent, making it essentialy impossible to hide away, however, in a state of fear and shame, inability of true acceptance - one will choose to hide, just as tanrak chooses to. through small facial expressions, it's clearly obvious this affects barth but he never says anything to tanrak yet. another way they're hiding is from everybody else at magdalene, father arnon, master phak, kongdech etc. although love is everywhere and in every form, not all types of love are accepted regardless of arguments that god is love, therefore everything and all types of love must be accepted, that's not always the case. - teachings and interpretations have strayed away from actual meanings through translations and personal literal or far-fetched interpretations.

another thing i wanted to talk about was the significance of tanrak picking the two sheep ornaments as symbolic and representative of him and barth. one sheep usually means a faithful follower of christ, there is humility and reliance of god there which requires guidance. however, two sheep on their own usually represent, metaphorically how they are isolated, timid and usually how they've strayed from their herd. this truly represents barth and tanrak, barth who completely isolated himself from god and walked away from that belief, meanwhile tanrak who's mind has been wavering and his control has been fraying - two sheep who no longer fit in the herd among the perfect, youthful followers of god.

i also have to talk about the beauty that lays in the significance of them exhanging their blankets. a personal blanket which you've had for long symbolises comfort and safety, the two of them giving one another that safety and comfort, something completely contrasting in its creation is not just beautiful but also highly adorable, it really shows how much they love each other and want to protect each other alongside being as close to each other as possible while being far away in their sleep. the scent of one another emphasising that sense of comfort due to its familiarity and increasing safety.

and oh gosh, i can't think straight whenever i think about tanrak writing "b" on the 'roof' of the bunk-bed. i literally could not. and don't get me started on the drawings of the daisy. (fucks, daisies remind me of williamest 😭).

daisies which universally symbolise innocence, purity, cheerfulness and things like new beginnings (a pattern no? with innocence and purity in terms of tanrak?). but daisies also symbolise true love and harmony because of how they are two flowers blended in one. it focuses on the loyalty in their relationship and the devotion. it is the purest form of love.

now i want to talk about the scene of them under the window when tanrak says "when i'm near you, i can't control myself." this not only links to the last episode which was about lust, showcasing tanrak's uncontrollable desire for barth but it also links to how deep inside, he's still trying and forcing himself to follow the rules and expectations of people when he's in the house of god but when it comes to barth, it's basically impossible. the lighting on his face which is faint yet still strong is green, green often represents nature but in this case, linking it back to his own dialogue, it gives a sense of corruption - as if barth is corrupting tanrak away from what he's supposed to do - consider kongdech's disappointed and almost condescending dialogue of "i thought you'd take this more seriously." - this uncontrollable desire and love he has for barth has already made him stray, his mind is wavering although he says "i'd choose god over anything else.", he's already chosen a different path yet signifying that he might later still follow god. contrast that to the intense red reflecting on barth's face from tanrak's shirt - it reflects how deep his love runs for him as well as all the sacrifices he would make for him.

going back to the scene previous to this, master phak talking about how he's afraid of disappointing others but still does what he does because he knows that compared to people like joe, he's not there to be anyone's hope really shows how everyone has their own doubts and everybody specifically has a fear of disappointing those around him - that reflects tanrak and the pain on his face seeing kongdech ignoring him and being cold to him, he feels his disappointment. also, the scene of barth on the field, the way he lays down looks exactly like a crucifix (curciform stance) which can act as a visual allegory to align the character to jesus christ and his heroic self-sacrifice, redemtion and suffering for a greater cause. in barth's case - this is him suffering yet having to endure the word that tanrak had said of ultimately choosing god over anything, he's conflicted and pained yet he still believes in tanrak and their love for each other.

the scene of barth and tanrak on their beds, touching fingers is so beautiful yet so significant. it recreates 'the creation of adam/ the creation of man' by michelangelo which symbolises the divine spark of life and consciousness from god to humanity, in their case, it almost signifies the leap of faith requires for their love and intimacy, it also symbolises the 'spark' of new love and the awakening of their desire. it's such a beautiful visual motif and you always have to give p'aof his kudos for his research and thought process that went into creating this beautifully meaningful story.

now, let's talk about barth revealing the abuse of his father and the reason for his disbelief in god and his 'love' and 'care' for humans but specifically, him. i feel that my questions were answered when we saw the scene play out with his father hitting him using the bible. we'd seen his scar above his eyebrow many times and i knew this wouldn't and couldn't have been anything to do with gemini so i was wondering all the time, was there more to this than seemed? and there was. the outraged and full of fury reaction of his father towards barth being gay truly encompasses the feelings and experience of so many queer people around the world, not only does it cover the fear of coming out because of such reactions, but also the experience when coming out to such strict, straight-cut belief parents as well as also signifying the amount of lives lost to domestic abuse because of one's identity.

barth's dialogue of "my mom stayed because she feared sin." really and truly reflects a universal experience. when in religion everybody talks about sin and every aspect of sin, vows being made in the eyes of god cannot be broken and her leaving would be breaking her vows and sinning which made her fear that. yes, religion is not supposed to be hurtful, god isn't supposed to be hurtful, however, the way religion is adopted by others and utilised as a weapon is what creates fear and judgement.

the way his mother used a candelabra which often signifies illumination, divine presence and guidance to hit barth's father which ultimately led to his death due to all her opppresed pain, fear and hatred is highly symbolic because it is a sacrilege, it shows the corruption of faith regardless of divine presence, it reflects how years and years of abuse, judgement and pain turns something holy into a weapon. it turns love into hate and hate into nothingness.

tanrak telling barth that "i'll pray to god for your mom." reflects how although barth no longer believes in god, he'd still do anything for him. he'd offer him the protection, love and care of god in his name regardless of how much he feels like doesn't believe in god, it also shows how tanrak's faith is still unwavering in moments where it would for many.

this also links to barth's own line of "i guess god was busy.". i honestly relate to this so much, i used to pray and pray that things would happen in a certain way, similar to barth but not entirely, i had hoped and prayed that my mother would find a better person to be with, somebody who would treat her better and care for her better yet that never seems to happen. on the day when my auntie had messaged me urgently asking for my mom, i was praying with tears running down my face and my heart racing that it had nothing to do with my grandmother yet, deep inside, i knew it was about her death. i knew and felt it in my heart that my grandma had passed away yet i didn't want to accept it so i kept trying to pray to god asking him that my grandma is ok and that nothing happened, but it wasn't. that makes a person waver, it makes their fath crumble - yes, there are people who are unwavering about their faith, there are people who believe the more you pray, the more you believe and the stronger that belief is, that god will listen but others don't believe that, not when they're at the edge of breaking and barth was just like that. no matter how much he cried and cried, nobody listened.

let's move slightly from depressing things and talk about the tenderness of the final five minutes of the scene as well as the significance of tanrak taking his rosary off. when taking his rosary off, he's once again chosen barth over god and his beliefs, he's put barth above everything else, even his own faith. this is because their love is what's mostly unwavering and strong. it's deep and blossoming.

waterfalls symbolise cleansing, rebirth as well as the flow of divine energy. however, here, it also symbolises their freedom and love. the waterfall acts as the untamable force of nature which almost reflects barth and tanrak's untamable love and unconventional love, it shows how their passion is extremely deep and it allows them to release their romance. it's also a way to show their youthfulness and parts of joy when being somewhere with the person you love, free and uncaring of the rest of the world. something enjoyable and extremely memorable for boys at a seminary. the wide framing of their kiss as the waterfall flows continuously which is unyielding shows how they're being 'swept away' in the moment yet they're right there for each other.

gosh, i've said so much and i've spent more than an hour writing this but this is just how beautiful and meaningful this series is. it might be a bit far-fetched, it might be different to what others think but that's what the beauty of cinema is, you're able to interpret things in different ways.

ok, i'll stop now but please, if you have other interpretations do tell me here, i've been loving having discussions with different people about ticket to heaven ! (if there are any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, sorry, i'm too lazy to read back !!!).

"when i'm near you, i can't control myself."

also, i would like to point out that if you truly think this series is bad or you don't want to keep watching it etc. it means it's not for you but it doesn't make it bad, there's so much thought that has gone into it and so much consideration, the acting is beautiful, the directing and all the symbolism. if you don't get it you don't but trying to make it seem bad and giving it low ratings when it's not even bad it's just a blatant lie. you can have your opinion but at least either finish it or step away from it because it wasn't made for you clearly.

okay, i've finally collected my thoughts and i can properly review episode three. (taken from my letterboxd).

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, OH MY FUCKING GOD (ironic). TICKET TO HEAVEN FEELS SO UNREAL, LIKE, HOW WERE WE GIVEN THE ABILITY TO WATCH THIS LEGENDARY, BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, HEARTBREAKING, HEARTWRENCHING, THOUGHT-PROVOKING, IMMERSIVE ETC. SERIES!??!?!?!?!?

anyways.

as somebody who studied religious studies/education in school, seeing the focus of the episode being on the 'seven deadly sins', specifically on 'lust' made my heart beat so fast before the episode even started. lust is defined as the 'disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure' but seeing lust through the character of tanrak - we understand and see his fundamental vulnerability, a 'flaw' and a sign of his struggle in sacrificing his principles, self-control as well as belief. from the last episode, in the ten minutes we'd seen his inner-conflict and turmoil due to his lust - the desire and uncontrolable temptation he felt for barth. fourth's ability to portray the guilt, the overwhelming feeling that made him feel 'bad', him walking away from confessing, his eyes everytime barth and cherry interacted - it reflects how lust is not one of the most grievous sins however, it is one of the sins that in a person like tanrak leads to a downward spiral and actions that are usually out of character, this is relfected to us as an audience in the preview of the next episode in the dialogue "i thought you'd take this more seriously." - tanrak is already doing things which are unlike him.

how many more times is crina going to talk about the lighting in the series and the shots used because it's clearly endless. seriously, when they were outside getting the benches set in place, the soft lighting hitting the side of tanrak's face as well as barth's intensifies the dramatic feel of the moment but it also gives us an insight, specifically to tanrak's psychological turmoil as the lighting hitting the side of his face is much stronger compared to barth's. so, not only does it sculpt their faces but it also reflects both the mood of the moment as well as the state that the characters are in. the wide and long shots which are often used to show barth and tanrak are so beautiful because they give us as the audience the space to observe the difference between the two characters, barth - who's already come to the acceptance that the house of god isn't one that truly welcomes him, nor are the people; he's somebody who's "out of place" therefore, he's already put himself on a trial meanwhile tanrak is somebody who grew up with strong beliefs and reliance, father arnon trusts him and believes in him and his faith, master phak relies on him and his guidance to all the other boys at magdalene - he's somebody reliable and somebody who fits in, just like the c chord in the previous episode.

and don't get me started on the brief close-up shots of barth's hands, the veins, the sculpted and tender yet chaotic sensation they bring to tanrak everytime he sees it, once again, emphasising the 'lust' and temptation that he continues to fight against, to 'run away' from every single time.

the scene of barth on the ladder asking tanrak to dip the brush into the red paint, the moment he makes tanrak hold the ladder for him and the small, singular droplet of red paint right on his arm. it's such a powerful visual motif - yes, usually it links to some type of hidden danger and something eerie but here it's supposed to link to the break in the illusion of tanrak still fighting with his guilt, it's the 'corruption' of innocence amongst the pristine, soft, holy and faitful surroundings and of the heavy change that is about to take place for tanrak. it can also be subtely visualised as how the 'perfect, idyllic, faithful boy' is now tainted by the 'troubled' boy.

i also have to talk about the beauty that lies within the softness and tenderness of the growing relationship between barth and tanrak. the little playful moments they have, the gentle gazes that they share, small, almost impossibly imperceptible touches that they share. there is a youthful curiosity there; it's woven within the chaos and the 'sin' of what they're doing.

not sure whether anybody has thought about this too but the series is riddled with rain and thunderstorms. we literally begin our 1996 timeline with a thunderstorm, powerful heavy rain, roaring thunder, lightning and blazing wind. the weather is truly so significant here. it rains everytime we're together with tanrak - the rain reflects his grief and guilt meanwhile the thunderstorm reflects the inner-turmoil and conflict that he goes through, take the scene of him running in the rain as it thunders and lightning strikes constantly, take the last scene in the washroom, the lightning keeps cutting the electricity and it roars even stronger alongside the thunder as they kiss. it also reflects how as they're caught in such intense and dangerous elements - they also have to confront their feelings, either be externally or internally and it almost signifies a newfound, honest confession and psychological rebirth for tanrak especially.

i also really liked how tanrak was holding the umbrella continuosly but he wasn't the one to keep it in the rain regardless of walking in it, he left it behind for barth. umbrellas are not only a physical shield but here, it acts as divine protection and god's grace; it's tanrak's own way of showing his active faith but also divine refuge and the safety beneath god's love - "he will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge." psalm 91:4. he's practically giving away his refuge to barth.

i cannot begin to emphasise how fast my heart was beating at the two shots as they were washing themselves and barth began to look down at tanrak's body. the way his eyes kept moving up and down meanwhile tanrak's own eyes fought to stare as far away from him as possible. the break. the break the moment barth's gentle touches came upon tanrak, checking whether he truly had a fever. the lights cutting off. the intense and suspensful closeness there. the deep blue lighting and the dark feel of it as if they're hidden and nobody can see them. the silence besides the lightning and thunder as they're so close to each other. the near kiss before the moment breaks. LITERALLY LEGENDARY.

and please, how do i even talk about the last scene, seriously. the physical barrier placed between the two of them with the door. the way barth is in the blue lighting meanwhile tanrak is in the yellow, neutral tone. barth telling tanrak "you're running from yourself.", tanrak's own facial expressions and the way you could understand the moment the situation truly, really hit him. all the close-up shots and extreme-close up shots of both of their faces - there's guilt, sorrow, temptation, devotion, regret. JUST EVERYTHING.

and the kisses? the gazes and stares. giving into the desire and the temptation. barth having already accepted he wouldn't be welcomed in the house of god, putting himself on trial. tanrak challenging his faith and belief as he's also accepted that he's not "favoured" by god although teachings would often say god has no favourites. I LITERALLY CANNOT.

SOMEBODY PLEASE CHECK ON ME. I'M CUTTING THIS SHORT NOW BECAUSE I JUST CANNOT. I WAS GRIPPING MY PILLOW SO TIGHTLY AND TEARS WERE RUNNING DOWN MY FACE, MOUTH WIDE OPEN, SCREAM CONTAINED.

this series makes me so happy yet so heartbroken.

"i'm not god's favourite son."

"i'm not god's favourite son either."

I SHIT MY FUCKING PANTS (metaphorically).

ah i'm sorry then ! i seriously wasn't trying to be rude either but the same type of remarks are made about jeff so often and it's getting very frustrating sometimes. i'm very sorry, it was my bad.

jeff doesn't have anything to do w the release of that lol. hanyang was the production company not studio on saturn, he was just a part of the cast.

vamp is mike's production and i don't understand why people can't grasp the fact that these people are busy and productions to this extent aren't going to be easy to make. we've had many updates from jeff about happy ending as he is the producer, scriptwriter etc. and he's been updating us on how far in he's on writing the script, scriptwriting takes some time, especially having to revise it and finalise it so that its perfect. wuju unfortunately was not in his control like you said but this is just the entertainment world, series like these take some time but they will happen (obv not wuju).

first one had absolutely no deal with him in terms of production, he was only part of the cast so he had no power over whether it ever came out. the second one is his own series and as a film student, writing a script and then going through production is smth that will take some time, especially when he's the one doing literally everything for happy ending. my chef in crime is a production in works w the government and it's definitely coming out. and vamp is mike's production, not jeff's so once again, it's an independent production which takes time compared to once from fully established production houses. it seems to me that people don't really understand production of any kind of entertainment with these kinds of comments.

no, jeff and barcode keep talking about happy ending, that IS happening because it's jeff's own production.

no idea what jbls you're watching lmao. most jbls are extremely good when it comes to intimacy.

just finished watching it and it truly depends on how easily you get scared. i wasn't scared at all personally but it was actually very well done, like someone else said, especially the first scene !

no problem, i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did ! :)

i watched it on netflix and used urban vpn (i connected to thailand) ! <3

DON'T REVEAL MY COMMENT UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SPOILED PLS. IK I PUT A SPOILER WARNING BUT IK SOME PEOPLE MIGHT BE TEMPTED TO READ 😔

just finished watching it and i'm crying so much. this is just crazy. i loved this so much. the acting, the cinematography, the story. everything was so good.

spoiler for the ending scene:
I SOBBED MY EYES OUT ONCE THEY KILLED JINGNA, BOY WAS MY 2ND FAV CHARACTER LIKE I CANNOT. rain wedding is definitely sadder once you've watched the movie like, honestly.

i seriously cannot describe how much i bawled at that ending scene. this movie was just so good and all of their efforts truly paid off.

i'm going to point out the fact for people who seem to be throwing the term "bromance" around to simply explain what they believe the ending and this whole series ended up being.

a bromance is literally a close friendship between two men that goes beyond the "norm" of a close friendship, it's more intimate, HOWEVER, it does not cross the line to a romantic relationship. it's strictly platonic.

now, the sheer fact that sheng wang admitted his feelings for jiang tian IS what would lead to a romantic relationship. the fact that he acknowledges that he has feelings that go beyond the line of a close relationship already tells you that this is a romance between two men, not just a depiction of their friendship.

for people complaining about the ending or the show overall, it's quite clear that you guys have a problem understanding depictions of relationships and the mere fact that most of you keep mentioning "but they should've done more" or "they didn't even kiss that much" is just straight out igonoring the gravity of their situation.

also, i would like to add that for this series to be a bl, they do not need to kiss, they don't need to have sex or even be romantic with each other in any way, as long as they admit and acknowledge their romantic feelings for one another, it is a bl. and, at the end of the day, we only categorize series as "bl" because it's romance between two men specifically but realistically, it is JUST romance. it's a depiction of the growth, feelings, love, acknowledgement, understanding and so much more of someone.

PLEASE KEEP SUPPORTING SO THAT SEASON 2 COMES OUT !