EndOfParadis

Soul Mate isn't a typical BL story where everything eventually works out and the characters simply live happily ever after. What makes it stand out to me is how real and close to home it feels. It explores how difficult it can be for one person to come to terms with another person's feelings, especially when those feelings don't fit the kind of love they're used to understanding (female to male relationship, to male to male relationship). It shows how a friendship can slowly fall apart because of love, and how that love can become painfully one-sided.

I really liked Ryu's cowardice and his decision to run away to Japan because, honestly, that's something people actually do in real life. Sometimes, when we don't know how to face something, we run away from it. I also loved the scene where Ryu and Johan meet at the church. It felt incredibly symbolic to me. At that point, I think Johan already knew and accepted what he was (him being gay/bi, or accepting his torn apart life), while Ryu was still struggling to understand himself, or perhaps he was still somewhere between attraction and denial.

Yet somehow, both of them seemed to be carrying the same thought: "I did something wrong, and I need salvation." Ryu felt guilty for not being able to accept Arata's love, while Johan had practically sold his soul to the devil. And then, of all places, they meet inside a church.

I loved Johan's eventual acceptance and the way he began breaking free from the chains that had been holding him back when he saw Ryu again. It felt like he was thinking, "I need to change after being saved by this person." There's something beautiful about the idea that someone who once thought he was beyond saving could still find a reason to change because of that one specific person.

Ryu's journey also felt like a domino effect. After spending so long mourning and being trapped in the aftermath of Arata's suicide attempt, he eventually realizes that it was only his world that had stopped. Life around him had continued moving forward. While he was running away from everything, nothing in his own life was actually changing.

Then came the surprise visit, which felt like the beginning of their own little world. It was such an important turning point in their relationship. I especially loved the scene where Johan draws Ryu and Ryu keeps the drawing in his room. It's such a small thing, but it says so much about how important Johan had become to him.

And then there's the scene where Johan calls Ryu while he's in the military. That scene felt strangely comforting to me. From what I understand, military service in Korea can be extremely strict, and opportunities to make personal calls aren't exactly something you can take for granted. So, seeing Johan make that call to Ryu felt like there was something deeper behind it. I don't know how to explain it, but I definitely felt something there, and I got butterflies while watching that scene.

One of the things I loved most was Ryu eventually searching for Johan, despite knowing everything that had happened and seeing all the news. And when Ryu asks Johan to live with him in Japan, it felt like Ryu was finally opening up his most vulnerable self to him. He was allowing Johan into his personal space, into his life, in a way he had never really done before.

There was also that scene where Ryu was eating while Johan sat at the table, quietly watching him. Before the ending even revealed it, I already had a feeling that Ryu was the person Johan was drawing. It felt so intimate without either of them having to say anything.

Although, I have to admit, I wasn't a huge fan of the part where Sumiko started living with them. It felt like their lives suddenly began revolving around her. At the same time, though, I can't say I was completely surprised, considering Ryu's personality and his connection with his childhood friend.

Then we get to the final stretch of their relationship. The part where everything finally starts falling apart.

Johan accepting the job at the bar and then sleeping somewhere else felt like it carried an undercurrent of jealousy and resentment. Especially when Ryu calls and someone else answers. That small moment becomes the catalyst for everything that follows. When Johan says, "I'm sorry," and Ryu answers, "Sorry isn't what I'm asking for," it felt like they were both just waiting for the other person to say, "Come here. Sit down. Let's talk." They were both waiting, but neither of them knew how to take that first step.

And when they finally fight and Johan asks Ryu why he brought him to Japan in the first place, I felt like Johan was waiting for Ryu to finally say something, anything along the lines of "I want you here," or "I want to be with you," or maybe even just "I like/love you." But when Ryu couldn't give him that answer, it felt like Johan finally realized that maybe this was all he was ever going to be in Ryu's life. Just a friend.

And then we get to the hospital scene. Damn. That scene felt like a love letter.

There are a few lines that have been tugging at my heart ever since.

"He was trying to come to terms with something, something I could never come to terms with."
Johan was a skilled boxer, yet he willingly to threw away his dignity as a professional by taking money to lose. And despite not fully understanding what Ryu was going through, he could see Ryu slowly coming to terms with things and preparing himself for whatever was going to happen.

Then there's:
"When I heard that voice in the ring... in all seriousness, it sounded like salvation. To me, that voice was a place of refuge."

Johan had already made a contract with the devil. He had practically danced with Satan himself. He believed he was beyond saving. But Ryu kept reaching for him. It was almost as if Ryu was saying, "You can still get out of there. You need to get out of there. Let’s get out of here."

“He thinks of himself as a weak person”.

But from Johan's perspective, Ryu is the strongest person he knows. Ryu was the person who repeatedly helped him get back on his feet. The person who gave him something to hold onto.
A salvation.
A refuge.
A haven.

And then Johan finally says:

"I wanted you to be... the last thing I saw. I wanted you to be here."

That broke me.

After spending so much of the story believing that their relationship could only ever be friendship, Johan finally lays his heart completely bare. This is his final hope. After everything he's lost, the one thing he wants is for Ryu to be there with him.

And then:

"If you really are here right now... I think I wanna live a bit longer."

This line made me realize why the title is Soul Mate. It feels like a combination of suddenly being hit with the harshness of life, a friendship that became the source of both love and pain, the loss of a career, guilt, regret, and the endless longing for someone who has always been by your side, hoping that someday, somewhere out there, they will finally look back and see you too.