Episode 8: On Home is the Safest Place

The series is full of restorative social values. This review will focus on why home is the safest place to be who we really are.

Parallelly, one of the reasons why Cai ran away aside from fear of being not accepted by his family was he felt that the home was not safe for him to be who he really was. “Ma, I am sorry, because I am not the son you think I was.” Although the core outtake of this is we should never feel sorry for who we really are – that we have to be unapologetically us – there is an unpolished wisdom here.

Family offers the experience of belonging that we needed. We long to belong. And if we think we don't belong to any other classes, then the family will save our dread and anxiety for that. But what happen when we don't feel like we belong to the family – that is we feel that we are not safe at home where our family domiciled? We are forced to fit into the mould of moral normalism. We are forced to wear the armor of masculinity or uniform of femininity. We are compelled to be the good child. Such a case is the endgame of freedom of being who we really are.

This is why the home should be the safest place for the member of the family to be who they really are. We have had enough of wearing mask in corporate world or at university or with the company of our friend. We should unwear all these masks effectively when we say, “I am home.”

Redeemingly, the Lazaro family is the perfect illustration of this. Cai didn't feel safe at home to show who he really was and when he was outed – afraid of rejection – he ran away. But his family reassured him that the home was the safest place to be who he really was. “You don't apologize for being who you really are,” Cai's mom said. In her serious attempt to console and for Cai to not feel apologetic, she humbly apologized, “I didn't make an effort to gain your trust to make you fell that you could tell anything to me, to us... I didn't make you feel that we are on your side. That you are safe with us.” On the part of his brother Lazaro, he had already told Cai that he accepted him in Episode 7, albeit told in the mood of grief and anger. But knowing that his brother would blame himself for the demise of their father – and as an eldest brother – he said, “I am sorry for making you feel that way. It is not your fault.” Lastly his father – too knowing that his son was blaming himself – sent a scheduled email that freed Cai from all the guilt that consuming him: “It saddens me every time you texted me at the hospital. I already told you that it's not your fault. Maybe, you really need to hear me forgive you. OK, I forgive you, Cairo. I hope you forgive yourself, too.” These lines – banal and modest but they have not been told in our everyday life – coming from the member of Lazaro family encapsulate that home is the safest place to be who we really are.

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In Re: Teejay's characterization of Ben; equating out stereotypical prejudice

The consensus is Teejay's portrayal of Ben is effective. We feel what he feels. How he throws his lines is natural. Contrary, there are those who find Teejay's portrayal inconsistent. Once, he acts explicitly effem; other time, not.

To me, that is stereotyping. That is a prejudice. Should an effem gay act one in all circumstances? Certainly not. Effem gay is perceived masculine until he shows cues. And there is a spectrum of effiminity, hence gender expression. The personal anecdotes of BL Bros in re to this matter is enlightening.

This is why we need to understand the difference between gender identity and gender expression. How you express yourself may be a cue to your identity but not necessarily the controlling factor.

I am saddened that this type of comment i.e stereotypical prejudice on how effem gay should act is from a member of the LGBTQI+. We hate to be stereotyped and yet unknowingly we practice the same and worst in our own community.

Notably, if we factor out our stereotypical prejudices and biases on how effem gay should act, we nevertheless and at best we feel the emotion of Ben when he is reminiscing their memories and stalking Jim's IG. We feel his kilig, his frustration, etc. The primary question in characterization is do we feel the character's emotion. Dama ba natin ang emosyon na dapat ilahad ng isang tauhan sa kwento? If affirmative, then that is a successful characterization and intention.

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