*The Great Press Conference of PedoHyun* (Setting: A room filled with journalists, cameras flashing like a K-drama…
My take:
The room is packed. Reporters, influencers, and that one guy who always shows up at press conferences for free food are all in attendance. The air is thick with tension, and the walls are covered with banners reading, "NO QUESTIONS. ONLY TRUST."
At the center of the stage sits PedoHyun, dressed in an expensive suit, but with the look of a man who has lost every sponsorship in a week. His lawyer, Shady McLegal, sits beside him, flipping through a stack of papers labeled "Deny Everything."
A single microphone is on the podium. Security guards stand on both sides, holding giant signs that say “NO Q&A” in case anyone gets ideas.
PedoHyun (clears throat, reading from a script): "Ladies and gentlemen of the media, I am here today to say… absolutely nothing of value."
He pauses for dramatic effect. Nobody claps.
"Recently, there have been many malicious rumors about me. But let me be clear: I am the true victim here. The internet is cruel. The media is unfair. Photoshop is powerful. AI is getting out of control. And—oh, would you look at that—NO QUESTIONS!"
Reporter #1 (ignoring the rule): "But sir, didn’t your agency confirm you dated—"
Shady McLegal (interrupting): "OBJECTION! Leading the witness!"
Reporter #1: "…This isn’t a courtroom."
Shady McLegal: "It is when my client is on trial in the court of public opinion! And in this court, we declare him… NOT GUILTY."
Reporter #2: "But nobody actually asked if he was guilty yet—"
PedoHyun: "NO QUESTIONS. THANK YOU."
*Somewhere in the back, a fan faints.*
Just when it seems like things can’t get worse… the lights flicker. A COLD WIND blows through the room. A microphone, which was supposedly turned off, suddenly sparks to life. And then—a voice echoes through the speakers…
Ghostly Voice: "Tell the truth, Soo-hyun… Tell the truth…"
PedoHyun (SCREAMING): "I KNEW THIS PRESS CONFERENCE WAS A BAD IDEA!"
Chaos erupts. Journalists rush forward, demanding answers. Security panics, waving their “NO Q&A” signs like shields. The microphone topples. PedoHyun and Shady McLegal grab their briefcases and sprint out the back door, pursued by reporters and former sponsors. A sad violin plays in the background.
FADE TO BLACK. [ENDING CREDITS: A montage of internet reactions]
K-Netizens: "We knew it."
Brands posting cryptic IG stories: "We value integrity."
Random Fan on Twitter: "OMG oppa is innocent!!! Leave him alone!!! 😭😭😭"
Everyone else: "Let’s be honest, we all saw this coming."
I've just discovered that, according to the haters, almost all the kings of Korea are paedos, including Sejong…
If you’re going to bring up history, at least do it with some accuracy and common sense. Comparing the actions of historical figures to modern standards is intellectually lazy at best. If you were truly interested in history, you would recognize the difference between contextual analysis and modern-day standards.
So, do yourself a favor: go touch some grass, educate yourself beyond Twitter threads, and maybe stop humiliating yourself. Or better yet, keep going. Watching you self-destruct is entertainment gold.
Look who's here, I still remember that you called Kim Saeron a b****, Psychopath, mentally ill, and what not.https://mydramalist.com/discussions/support/139546-writing-shameful-things-about-a-dead-woman-and-spamming-the-comment-section
The room is packed. Reporters, influencers, and that one guy who always shows up at press conferences for free food are all in attendance. The air is thick with tension, and the walls are covered with banners reading, "NO QUESTIONS. ONLY TRUST."
At the center of the stage sits PedoHyun, dressed in an expensive suit, but with the look of a man who has lost every sponsorship in a week. His lawyer, Shady McLegal, sits beside him, flipping through a stack of papers labeled "Deny Everything."
A single microphone is on the podium. Security guards stand on both sides, holding giant signs that say “NO Q&A” in case anyone gets ideas.
PedoHyun (clears throat, reading from a script):
"Ladies and gentlemen of the media, I am here today to say… absolutely nothing of value."
He pauses for dramatic effect. Nobody claps.
"Recently, there have been many malicious rumors about me. But let me be clear: I am the true victim here. The internet is cruel. The media is unfair. Photoshop is powerful. AI is getting out of control. And—oh, would you look at that—NO QUESTIONS!"
Reporter #1 (ignoring the rule):
"But sir, didn’t your agency confirm you dated—"
Shady McLegal (interrupting):
"OBJECTION! Leading the witness!"
Reporter #1:
"…This isn’t a courtroom."
Shady McLegal:
"It is when my client is on trial in the court of public opinion! And in this court, we declare him… NOT GUILTY."
Reporter #2:
"But nobody actually asked if he was guilty yet—"
PedoHyun:
"NO QUESTIONS. THANK YOU."
*Somewhere in the back, a fan faints.*
Just when it seems like things can’t get worse… the lights flicker. A COLD WIND blows through the room. A microphone, which was supposedly turned off, suddenly sparks to life. And then—a voice echoes through the speakers…
Ghostly Voice:
"Tell the truth, Soo-hyun… Tell the truth…"
PedoHyun (SCREAMING):
"I KNEW THIS PRESS CONFERENCE WAS A BAD IDEA!"
Chaos erupts. Journalists rush forward, demanding answers. Security panics, waving their “NO Q&A” signs like shields. The microphone topples. PedoHyun and Shady McLegal grab their briefcases and sprint out the back door, pursued by reporters and former sponsors. A sad violin plays in the background.
FADE TO BLACK.
[ENDING CREDITS: A montage of internet reactions]
K-Netizens: "We knew it."
Brands posting cryptic IG stories: "We value integrity."
Random Fan on Twitter: "OMG oppa is innocent!!! Leave him alone!!! 😭😭😭"
Everyone else: "Let’s be honest, we all saw this coming."
If you were truly interested in history, you would recognize the difference between contextual analysis and modern-day standards.
So, do yourself a favor: go touch some grass, educate yourself beyond Twitter threads, and maybe stop humiliating yourself. Or better yet, keep going. Watching you self-destruct is entertainment gold.