How To Woo A Girl: Kdrama Style

***WRITER'S DISCLAIMER: I am aware that these aspects are not found in all dramas. I only wish to provide entertainment derived from the common and (sometimes) annoying cliches you can find in kdramas. I value my life and request that you please don't hurt me.***

Okay, so we've all been watching a drama and found ourselves shouting at the screen in annoyance with the characters, writers or director of whichever cliche drama we decided to watch. I know. I watch them. I also like them but would never admit it. 

So I decided to compile a step-by-step, 10 piece guide for all you strapping young men - or women, I don't judge - to woo the leading lady of your life. I have taken this factual and accurate information from the world we call Kdramaland. This information is known to get you the girl of your dreams ~85% of the time, assuming you follow these steps closely. Unless, of course, you decide to call your leading lady Ariel, then she may just run off to marry your best-not-quite-friend. If this incident occurs, then feel free to search out women you may not have looked at, be it sisters, friends or brothers of your ex-leading lady's life. Any attempt to maim, steal, kill or kidnap your ex-leading lady will probably result in ultimate failure and a long term prison sentence. Thank you for your time and best of luck.

1. Be handsome.

1. Okay. So if you want to woo the girl of your dreams, the first thing you need to do is be handsome, with at least some noticeable abs. This is important for the moment when she accidentally walks in on you after you both get soaking wet and have to take a shower in the nearest hotel. Separately. This is a kdrama, not porn. But handsomeness is the first step. Without it, how will she notice you in a crowd, if all the nearest female species don’t fall to their knees in awe of your beauty? Girls are stereotyped to be short, you know. And weak. Really weak. No way could the girl of your dreams possibly push or jump her way through the crowd, despite the fact she does weightlifting every weekend and has a blackbelt in karate. Nah. Just be handsome. It makes life easier.

2. 

2. Be rich.

1. Apart from those really strange anomalies, you won’t get the girl if you aren’t rich. Everyone knows that it’s normally the kind, best buddy who fought off rats in the slums to protect the damsel in distress... who end up becoming the second lead. If you want to be the leading man in your leading lady's life, then you’ve got to gain some cash. If you weren’t born into a family of rich and grumpy grandparents/parents, raised with the milk of a golden elephant and dressed in the finest Dodo feathers, then just get adopted as the perfect son of some random CEO. Either way, with a combination of steps 1 & 2, your multitude of family issues will gain her sympathy and persuade her to not leave you in a mess on the floor.

2. 

3. Be a jerk.

1. Of course, if being handsome and rich isn’t enough, then your girl must obviously have some issues. You could be kind and warm towards her but that would completely ruin your reputation. Yeah, she spilled some coffee on you the other day when she so rudely bumped into you when you were on your phone, but it was her fault! That stain which cost you £5.99 to remove at the dry cleaners is worth making her life a living hell. If you insult her enough, she will eventually love you so don’t worry about it. You steal her first kiss, it's fine, she loved it really. You kick her out of her 2 room apartment whilst her siblings cry that they're hungry? Just move her into your house, she'll be a pretty little cleaner. She’s about to beat you up? Nah. That’s not because she hates your guts, it’s just tough love.

2. 

4. Stalk her.

1. Maybe you just don’t know enough about her? God knows why she hasn’t fallen head over heals for you just by seeing you breathe, all your other side girls have. Follow her home for a while; see what she gets up to in her spare time. Maybe you’re missing something? Just to be sure, go ahead and add a tracking app to her phone, or bug her house. It’s all in the name of a lost cause; she’s poor/outcast/anti-social, definitely a lost cause. Who’d date her but you? That really sweet and caring best friend she has? Nah. You’re much cooler. You have fancy cars and a questionable family history.

2. 

5. Accidentally strip in her vicinity.

1. Okay. So the above four didn’t work. I don’t know why. Maybe you aren’t being handsome enough? Remember that shower scene we talked about earlier? Now is a good time to act it out. Somehow get both of yourselves completely covered in dirt, cake or… other things, then find the nearest booked out hotel room/motel and you’re good to go. It’s really easy to forget that an angry man is showering in the room right next to you, so she is sure to accidentally walk in on you naked. Give her some fan service. Or just drop your towel when you walk out of the shower… That might work.

2. 

6. Man-handle her at all possible times.

1. ….You really aren’t getting any of this are you? Okay. Stop being timid and man up. Grab her wrist, drag her around, don’t tell her what you’re doing – make it a romantic surprise! She’s afraid of the dark and got harassed by a stalker at night once? So what? It’s only you! It’ll be romantic! Go on! You know you want to~ Aim for the wrist… or hug her. If you’re feeling really daring try and get a smooch in. If she didn’t fall for you looks, riches or charming ways, worm your way into her life through your skills in bed. You’ve taken enough chicks home to know the difference between a French kiss and a French bulldog.
2. 

7. Keep your side girl until the last minute.

1. I forgot to mention this earlier, but if you have a crazy ex-girlfriend or someone who is madly obsessed with you, make sure to have her on speed dial at all times. If your newly found servan- girlfriend ever feels great about herself, make sure that psycho-ex is around to push her down and make her feel like dirt. Plus it’s two for one! Everyone loves a good bargain except them, but they’re only the loves of your life. No one important.

1. If you don’t have a psycho-ex, your next best bet would be to employ the services of a moody, stuck-up mother/grandmother. Nobody is more suited to finding you the best, psycho girlfriend than a grumpy old cow, who wants grandkids and a social standing so that she can sit with the golden spoon grandmas when she goes out.

2. 

8. Deny your feelings.

1. At no point should you ever actually admit you like this girl. That is a BIG no-no. Why would you tell anyone that you like her? Especially if you're dying, or have an incurable, terminal disease which will kill you shortly. You obviously don’t care about her really; you’re just playing around with her for the hell of it. It’s not like you miss her every time she leaves, or that you really want to punch that ‘best-friend’ of her's who obviously wants to get in her pants. And it’s not like you doodle Mr&Mrs in your secret diary, and the home screen picture on your phone is definitely not an adorable picture you took of her sleeping that one time. It’s some one else, completely different… personalities… Yeah. Keep those feelings locked away like a murderer with an axe. No one needs to know. 

2. 

3. 9. Be sick.

1. So urm… You didn’t like any of my ideas? And your leading girl hates everything about you? Yeah, that’s really not my fault. Okay, okay, okay. How about this. Sleep outside for the night and get a cold, but not just any cold, a REALLY bad cold! Basically force the flu into yourself. Then just guilt trip her into caring for you. Unless she feels like you’re a helpless human being who can’t read a book without help, then she’ll just do it on her own. Bonus. Did it work? Yes? Good. Now go and make small, spoilt babies with your newly found wife, who will be outcast from any social circle you enter.

2. 

10. Just marry her.

1. If all else fails, just marry the woman. Who cares about your picky grandmother, alcoholic aunt and scary ex-girlfriend. It’ll take about 14 episodes plus a slight time skip, but at least she’ll love you. Or your best friend/new arch-enemy.

2.