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Define love

whoissilmoy

JX: "HT, do you love me?"
HT: "Define the word love."
JX: "You would die for me, abandon yourself for me; without me, the world would collapse."
HT: "That is not how I understood love."

HT: "JX, Suitable is not a despicable word; neither is love particularly noble. It's hard to find the right person. Three views, goals, time, ideas, spirit, interests, even just the ability to continue a conversation and share humor... it's hard to have everything match up, to be suitable. I really like you, that's true. As for the kind of love you want, I thought that it would slowly develop day by day, accumulating over time in the future. For me, it's impossible to have it all at once."

At this time, she was too sad, too focused on her own pain, and didn't really try to understand what he was saying. Perhaps for a moment, her rational mind thought that he made sense. But he was someone who had a natural ability to make any argument sound convincing. But no matter how reasonable he was, her emotions were already full of holes that couldn't be filled by reason. Another tear fell and she shook her head, shaking it again, "you can be like this. But I can't, I can't... Because... He only like her, but she had already fallen in love with him.

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Kim_YeJin

I feel the definition Han Ting put forth in the novel is most apt. 

What happens at first sight is not love, it's attraction. Mere infatuation. 

Love and Respect are mutually inclusive. Love can not exist without respect, and that comes with time. I feel the core foundation of any relationship or love for that matter is  "Respect & Trust" and both of these take TIME to develop. 

Attraction is a physical thing, chemical reactions in the brain, nothing more than that. And as tolerance develops , that sort of love fades away. It doesn't stand the test of time. 

I totally agree with Han Ting's way of describing love. 

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angeliviki2022
 whoissilmoy:
JX: "You would die for me, abandon yourself for me; without me, the world would collapse."

Maybe I'm too pragmatic (married over 30 years) but I don't remember wanting the above of anyone, not even in my youth. I've always wanted to be with someone who stays true to himself and allows me the same; that's exactly who I ended up with. Our peace and happiness came after a lot of work on both our parts, esp. coming from very difference backgrounds, culture and having different temperaments. We do share core values, have very similar parenting styles and communicated well on our financial goals, all of which helped tremendously. In the end, I'm with Han Ting on this.

 whoissilmoy:
goals, time, ideas, spirit, interests, even just the ability to continue a conversation and share humor... it's hard to have everything match up, to be suitable.

Not everything will match up, but being able to talk and continue that conversation for a lifetime is rare. My spouse continues to fascinate me and he still makes me laugh.

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Kinara

I share HT’s views. Suitable is an important word. You are 2 very different people. Initially you definitely are attracted each other but that physical love fades after sometime.  If the relationship has to survive the test of time then your values and  goals have to be aligned and there needs to be loyalty and trust to form a strong bond. Because life happens And there are bound to be disagreements. And since not everything will align perfectly communication is extremely important  So is understanding and empathy 

i would go to the extent of saying that comparibility/ suitability become even more important for high profile couples like JX and HT given how ambitious and driven they are. Their opinions may clash many times because of who they are and they need to be able to have that mutual understanding and communication to weather that

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Kinara

JX: "You would die for me, abandon yourself for me; without me, the world would collapse."

I really would not expect that from the person I love . That is just some crazy stuff.  No person should go to such extremes for someone. There is a fine line between love and insanity and I would be very scared.  LOL

i would run as far as I can.

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