John Smith:

The person above me went to the person above them to find the person above them to get a tattoo of the person above them dancing with the person above them.

tpam is the creator of MDL

 Sunset:
tpam is the creator of MDL

The person above me..... can.... .... stop.... time.... at will. See.

tpam is standing at the top of a mountain right now. 

 Sunset:

tpam is standing at the top of a mountain right now. 

The person above me is a certified CAPTCHA test grader.

TPAM secretly lives in Tom & Jerry's house and is stealing the pieces of cheese from the mouse traps when no one is around to see it except for Jerry, but nobody believes him.

Tpam has a pet monkey

 Sunset:

Tpam has a pet monkey

The person above me invented that rough, half-ply toilet paper (the kind that falls apart just looking at it) you find at your work, the department store, and seemingly everywhere you use the bathroom  away from home.

The person above me married Pocahontas 

Tpam killed 3 people last night

 Fairiela:

Tpam killed 3 people last night

The person above me blushes in shades of green.

tpam can walk on water

 Sunset:

tpam can walk on water

The person above me has a fig orchard that has been in their family since the 1500s for the sole purpose of selling fig leaves as modesty covers for works of art around the world.

tpam is a wizard, knows many tricks

 Ananya:

tpam is a wizard, knows many tricks

The person above me got bitten by a radioactive firefly with the only "superpower" being they exhibit bioluminescence during flatulence.

tpam is planning a zombie apocalypse