littleberry09

"....When did a piece of my heart go missing? Flickering on and off, as if hope had been lost...." 🎶
"...you don't have to keep chasing anymore... You can quietly watch the sunrise, learning to be happy on your own.
You don't need to piece together a map of love anymore.
It's not as if you need to go somewhere specific to warm your heart." 🎵

~ The lyrics to 'See Happiness,' Ye Li's theme song and which perfectly encapsulates the feeling of this drama. ❤️

A beautifully heartbreaking and healing drama in every sense. ❤️

There's simply no easy way to put how The First Jasmine made me feel from Episdoes 1 - 34. It's a long, devastating, but mentally healing drama. It's gentle, grounded, quiet in it's tone and atmosphere. Yet also has a firm grasp on how it tells Ye Li's story.

When you meet Ye Li, you start off thinking she is a clever and shrewd woman who readily wants to help Mo Xiu Yao and rid him of some pesky enemies. This is not an uncommon trope in Cdramas, and certainly not untrue for Ye Li. She ruthlessly plots her way and destroys several of her new husband's enemies within only a few weeks of being married. She could literally be an assassin in the dark taking her form of perfect revenge whilst disguised as a non-threatening, soft spoken woman.

But actually here's the twist - and something which is hugely unique for a Cdrama - you start to think something is definintely wrong with Ye Li. Something doesn't sit right with her story and how her maid 'Qing Shuan' seems to appear in this ghostly white form whenever Ye Li is alone. The unreliable narrator technique is very interesting in this regard and one of my favourite elements of the whole drama. Should we trust and believe Ye Li? Are the things she is saying about Li Mountain all adding up? Soon enough when she is mentioning Li Mountain a lot of the time, you begin to wonder more about the reality of the place. But you never find out until the crucial time, the drama does a brilliant job of hinting to you, but NOT actually telling you just so it can keep up the whole mystery.

This is a very female centric drama, but I never thought Mo Xiu Yao was hugely left out being the Male Lead character. He had equal importance to the plot. His character equally mirrors Ye Li, he was like her counterpart in every aspect. She patiently heals his leg and to stop mentally torturing himself of his brother's death. Whilst he patiently heals her mental illness and to accept the new reality. This drama starts with a sense of duty, but gradually they end up doing everything for each other out of love and care. Like the level of commitment she has to retrieve the late Emperor's edict to help absolve his family of any wrong doing. And how he went through the political system to go find her on Li Mountain.

Ultimately this was a drama about trauma bonding and healing. Indeed just as the lyrics to their theme song says, "Love is not just a romantic thing, maybe the world doesn't understand my devotion." 🎶 Helping to treat each other might have been exhausting and possibly as unromantic as can be, but they form a love that makes them connect with each other. This portrayal of 'love' worked fine for me. It was comfortable.

This is also why I have really admired the dynamics and chemistry between this couple; quietly subtle and gentle. Very quickly into Ep 4 & 5, Ye Li and Mo Xiu Yao just reminded me of an old married couple, as they come off as if they had been married much longer than they really have. They had a mature level of understanding between them, as well as a gentle, comforting kind of chemistry. Mo Xiu Yao's POV of her early on in the drama was just so lovely, quietly observing everything she does because he is obviously very quickly intrigued by her. Their chemistry is not overflowing with sizzling passion and skinship, but that is not necessarily needed in this drama. I feel they deliberately kept it understated, which actually works to a huge advantage because the focus is more on their healing instead of physical intimacy.

By episodes 15-17 it's obvious Ye Li has a deep rooted mental illness which is now known to Mo Xiu Yao. Even then, the psychological aspect of this drama is very well written to the point they still don't spell out EXACTLY what happened to her ghost friend Qing Shuan or the others at Li Mountain. It's a psychological play for Ye Li as well as for the viewer. They don't tell you anything, instead they show you signs throughout that you can put together, and part of the puzzle which several of the characters have to work out.

Whilst I thought the unreliable narrative, their relationship, trauma and mental illness was well portrayed - the overall plot was weaker in comparison, and I felt part of the plot and character arcs was very much just filler. A lot of the negative or gray characters were well portrayed, the Dowager Emperess, Consort Qin, Mo Jing Li, Marquis Muyang and both his sons. But for example, what was the point of Marquis Muyang going off on a whole rant to Mo Xiu Yao revealing that Ye Li's mother was the one who took the late Emperor's edict 8 years ago, leading to Mo Xiu Yao's elder brother being killed? Why would Mo Xiu Yao agree to listen to whatever nonsense the Marquis had to say?

Simply put, it was just a way to forward the plot - because that is what led to the divorce, which is what led to Ye Li leaving to Li Mountain, which is what led to Mo Xiu Yao going there and finally discovering the reality. I think they could have executed this better, it seemed to come out of nowhere with Mo Xiu Yao having this HUGE brain fart and blaming the past problems on Ye Li. Even if he didn't know everything to the extent the viewer knows - he ALREADY KNOWS things are not all okay with her mental state, yet he is still okay with her leaving to God knows where. It doesn't even seem as if he even bothered to find out where she went, not until he had to find out the truth from her senior brother about her actually being severely mentally ill with hallucinating a whole crew of ghosts. Maybe they could have with a better script, or more episodes to have this make more sense and less rushed. But alas, we only have this drama.

Another aspect of the psychological impact here is when Mo Xiu Yao's hair turns white. His hair goes white overnight due to extreme sadness and worry for Ye Li - that he might never see her again and that she is all alone. I appreciate that Cheng Lei was not portrayed as this sublimely hot ML with white hair as often happens in Cdramas. Although I usually love the visuals of our Cdrama white haired men, Cheng Lei's white hair deliberately making him look less attractive was well done here. He needed to look unkempt and devastated, not a visual eyecandy for the viewer.

When he does find Ye Li, she is in an even worse mental state compared to before, which was just heartbreaking to watch. You could see the sorrow and emotional difficulty seeing her suffering brilliantly emoted through Cheng Lei's eyes. I don't often cry for dramas, but I was SOBBING along with Bai Lu in both Ep 31 at the divorce part and again at the start of Ep 34. When it goes back to the time when she lay in her own makeshift grave, after having buried possibly dozens and dozens of her dead acquaintances....Damn, I just felt so devestated 😢.

It was then that I knew this is by far the best acting I have seen from Bai Lu in any drama, and I have watched several of her other ones. This has to be her career BEST for me. Further proof of this is how she portrays Ye Li as a mentally ill and dissociated character overall. Whenever Ye Li dissociates, she looks dazed and her eyes have no light in them. Her voice even takes on a much softer tone. Compared to when she is hurt and upset and broken down - her crying scenes were just so compelling. Bai Lu is so utterly convincing in this role and perfectly casted.

Some have also said that Mo Xiu Yao only went to find her because he felt guilty, even if he did I felt he still definitely loved her overall. He already greatly missed her *before* he knew of her living by herself with her ghost friends on Li Mountain. It was just he needed that info to have a wake up call and to go find her himself. And the greatest thing here? He did not care if she even loved him back anymore. All that mattered was that HE loved her, and that he knew she was mentally vulnerable being all alone so needed a lot of care. This is *true love* above all.

I loved Cheng Lei's portrayal of grief striken Mo Xiu Yao here. You can see every bit of his grief in his nuanced expressions when he goes looking for Ye Li, and finds how she has to survive all by herself on a deserted mountain. Yet you can also see his love for her and the tenderness in which he cares for her - VERY nuanced. He takes it slow and goes at her pace, explaining things to her in a gently soft manner so her mentally deluded mind could understand. And actually he had always been doing this at some level, like when he had been trying to take Ghost Qing Fuan's place as Ye Li's companion who is closest to her (apart from the divorce part when he then left her alone, still serious eyeroll here 🙄).

Other characters also felt like they had bigger potential but then ended nowhere. Like the way the Princess of Cangbei is suddenly killed...just why??? She was such an interesting character, a powerful Princess who changed the fate of her own homeland, and cross-dressed as a male whilst travelling and in order to meet her lover (poor Feng Zhi Yao 😢). Yet she is taken out within a single second by her evil maid Su Zui Die stabbing her. Hugely anti-climatic to say the least. I get why she couldn't have a fake death though, as Marquis Muyang's illegitimate son Qin Cang surviving from the same kind of stab wound was already used as a twist. It couldn't have worked twice! But still, Princess of Cangbei's character could have had a much better emotionally impactful death. Instead her exit just felt rather fleeting and almost non-existent to everything else, and the aftermath was really only felt by Feng Zhi Yao.

Another character I thought could have been dealt with better is Ye Ying, FL's half-sister. She had 0 character development throughout the whole show. What was the point of her character besides being Mo Jing Li's wife and the spoilt, childish younger sister of Ye Li? At one point it seems like she wanted to do better for herself by pursuing other things, but she ends up still going back to Mo Jing Li who (predictably) abandons her again. He briefly seemed to have developed a kind of fondness for her in Ep 38-39 - but the drama does not explain why/how he develops this new feeling for her, so it just seems very empty and fleeting. This couple had no depth or character development between both of them.

These aren't the only thing that was poorly written parts though.... Episodes 35-40 felt like a different drama altogether. They feel like it must have been written by someone different from who wrote the rest of the drama, or a huge part of it was edited out so we are missing like 10 episodes or something. The plot only goes on about Mo Jing Li's rebellion and the war, which I was fast forwarding through. When Mo Jing Li finally dies in Ep 39 it just feels like a big Aha! moment, it was all very predictable and almost dramatic IMO. I just couldn't care about these episodes and it would have been a better drama if they stuck to the plot and tone of Ep 32-34. Where is all the love and angst? Why has the comforting, soft vibe and tone that was there completely shifted? The drama almost forgets the leads are even together for God's sake.

I also hated that this last part of the drama just completely leaves out the topic of Ye Li's trauma, which was the central part of the drama until then. Once she is seen back at home after Ep 34 it doesn't delve into the topic again, almost as if she's magically healed because she has stopped hallucinating her dead maid or the others who died on the mountain. I understand that Mo Xiu Yao brought her back into the land of the living, but this is not how such severe trauma works - certainly not overnight as was portrayed in a single episode. It literally gave me whiplash with how fast they took her healing arc out and changing the tone massively.

Neither do they delve into Mo Xiu Yao's past trauma. His issues mostly revolved around the Late Emperor's edict which would have saved his late brother having been taken by Ye Li's mother, which he was depressed by and led him to divorce Ye Li. But is there really no trauma over having been stabbed in the leg and crippled for 8 years? Maybe it's because unlike Ye Li, he keeps his sanity intact over time, and further that Ye Li helps him by getting rid of the superstitions causing him emotional/mental trauma very early on. So the drama doesn't really go into it again in detail. It just sort of wants you to assume he was traumatised mostly before Ye Li marries him, and he gets better by being with her and falling in love with her. But still, it's a little bit surprising the topic never comes up again in the next 35 episodes. Just a little nagging thought.

Episode 40 - the vital finale in every drama. I didn't hate this ending, but neither did I really love it. Most this finale episode went on these little side explanations for what happens to all the supporting characters, which I appreciated as it's not uncommon for dramas to forget the other cast altogether. Only some things are missing I suppose, like they never addressed what happened to the Ye family? We never saw Ye Li's father for a long time now, neither are the other family members mentioned. Which is weird because they were responsible for the late Emperor's edict being taken, but they are never remembered again apart from the half-sister Ye Ying getting a brief show for 2 seconds.

Neither are the leads given very much screen time together. I was literally relieved at that point to see Ye Li come out of her depressed, dazed state to actually run away from home to see Mo Xiu Yao. You almost worry they will never see each other again when there's only half the episode left. I wish there was more shown for these 2, they didn't get much screen time from Ep 35 onwards and it still isn't solved in the finale.

The final episode's last 10 minutes also veers very much towards Ye Li, and it comes full circle to her saying a goodbye to her dead friends and family on Li Mountain. This was very sweet and emotional. It was further very sweet to see Li Mountain Academy brought back to life again, cleaned up and opened for more talented scholars. I think this part was needed especially because it figuratively showed Ye Li's healing - she was broken and deserted just as Li Mountain was back then, now pieces of her have come back together just as Li Mountain Academy has been brought back to life again. A perfect mirroring and representation.

The soundtrack fully delivers in this drama. The songs are emotionally connecting and always the perfect bgm to whatever scene is going on. Most of all I loved that the OST was usually these quiet, comfortingly sweet songs. When they were centered on Ye Li alone, or Ye Li and Mo Xiu Yao, the bgm matched the quiet atmosphere that was typical throughout the drama. This is also why the most emotional scenes felt so heartwrenching.

My favourite was definitely 'See Happiness,' which was Ye Li's theme song and I had quoted some of it at the start of this review. Just so, so beautiful and this song playing when Bai Lu cries is such a heartfelt combo ❤️

I also loved Cheng Lei and Bai Lu's duet 'Within a Square Inch,' I was delighted to have recognised their voices when this song played. Also their other maybe-theme song, 'Love is More Than This.'

And last of all not to forget the running theme throughout the drama, 'Heart World' as the Bhuddist scripture chanting at various points of the drama was so riveting.

Overall a mostly excellent and heartfelt drama until Ep 34, and I have very little complaint about the episodes until then apart from the little things like Princess Cangbei's death, and Marquis Muyang being a plot device for the main lead's divorce. This could have possibly been atleast a 9.5/10 drama if it kept going at this kind of tone and pace. If only if it wasn't for the poor last several episodes, 35-40 could have been a lot better.

I would rate this 8.5/10 which is still very good, I really enjoyed about 90% of this drama and don't regret watching it. I will absolutely be rewatching parts of it in the future. Both Cheng Lei and Bai Lu did an amazingly convincing job, and not to forget this being an acting masterclass from Bai Lu 👏👏👏