A commentary on ITSAY Ep 1, after the rewatch:
On first watching, Ep. 1 left me kinda cold…..like “why all this to-do about the kids?” I really wondered if I should continue watching the series. Frankly, I went on watching just because of the cinematic beauty – the lights and colors and images of SEAsia. I am sooooo glad I continued……
The thing about the first episode is that the first-time viewer doesn't know what to watch for. It seems a bit disorganized with these scenes from the past life of the boys Teh and Oh, and then Teh doing some sort of university acting test and it kinda jumps around. (That non-linear storytelling is not a feature of later episodes.)
But omigod, now that I've been through the whole story and have gone back and rewatched ep 1 I would say it is a masterpiece. The cinematography -- use of colors, framing of shots, beautiful use of Phuket scenery (which only gets better as the series goes on)......it's all fantastic. And then the performances......wow. I was not a big fan of Teh -- in fact they both had asshole tendencies displayed in ep. 1. Only on re-watch can you really see Billkin's superb capture of the internal struggle that already had Teh locked into an emotional prison, and how that plays out on Billkin's face. If you don't know what you're looking at, that is so easy to miss.....
Note that the scene where Teh dedicates his audition performance to Oh, with tears brimming in his eyes -- that scene actually came several weeks BEFORE they "buried the hatchet" and became friends again. What that says: for five long years Teh kept Oh in his heart, so strongly that it came bubbling out in his university auditions when he thought of Oh. He WANTED to make up and be friends, but "couldn't push send." And then, a few weeks later, when the reconciliation finally happens, and well after Teh has cried for Oh, in front of the audition panel, Teh still cannot bring himself to tell Oh how important he is. When Oh says "we can be friends but maybe not best friends" look at Teh's face!!!!! He is crippled by fear. Five long years, and he can't bring himself to say "but I missed you so much." Instead he says "yeah sure, whatever you want." Pushing the love down.....hiding it inside.
But then immediately he begins the series of good works to try to help Oh. He cannot bring himself to tell Oh he likes him that much, but he starts helping him.....over and over again. Works of love that neither of them recognize -- oh, but on rewatch we recognize them. Instantly you realize how completely relatable Teh really is. And it culminates much later, with the cut-up workbook that Teh cannot use to get his own life back on track, because he cut it to pieces to try to help Oh. Teh was not the only one crying, at that point……
Rewatching Ep 1 makes all now crystal clear.....Now it all becomes obvious; you know what is coming -- the hurt that Teh's fear and self-suppression will do later, to almost everyone -- Oh, Bas, Tarn, his mother and of course Teh himself whose life is derailed and who is nearly broken by it -- all that pain begins squarely in Ep1. Far more are the tears I shed on rewatch, knowing what is to come.