https://koalasplayground.com/2016/01/15/lost-you-forever-ch-47-no-one-to-share-in-the-sorrowful-desolation/
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Xiao Yao said "You all think that I saved Jing's life and he just glommed on to me, but in truth it was Jing who saved me."
Zhuan Xu stared in disbelief at Xiao Yao.
Xiao yao continued "When I left Jade Mountain, I was just a kid who knew nothing. Later I encounterd all those horrible things, I only glanced over it when telling you and didnot share all the details. I did not forget any of it, it's just those tens of years of agony and shame are horrible for me to stomach. When I was locked in a cage by the nince-tailed fox, he would beat me and torture me and make me eat all sorts of digusting things. I lived even worse than an animal. I hated everyone I could possibly hate - I hated them for abandoning me, for making me live a nightmare. I may have survived in the end but my heart and soul was battered. When I met Jing, he was dirtier than then dirtiest beggar. I saved him in split second's kindness and didn't actual care if he lived or died. But when I discovered all the wounds and bruises on his body, it remind me of myself so many years ago. I suddenly had a strong desire for him to survive, to keep on living. It was like seeing myself get past it, if Jing could survive. I endured the same torture and shaming, so I know how it can turn a person extreme, cold, suspicious, and how hard it is to be someone who is warm, trusting, and kind. But Jing dit It! He showed me, proved me, that no matter how others have treated us, we can choose to still be kind and good and forgiving. Gege, you might see him as weak and indecisive but you tell me, if one day, I betrayed you in the worst way, can you just kill me afterwards?"
Zhuan Xu said with certainly "You would never betray me or hurt me!"
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Zhuan Xu softly asked "Xiao Yao, if Jing Killed me, would you punish Jing this way for me?"
Xiao Yao : "Jing would never hurt you! He knows how important you are to me. He would rather endure pain himself than put me in such pain." Xiao Yao's voice got softer and softer.
Zhuan Xu held Xiao Yao thightly and kissed her forehead "Xiao Yao, I'm sorry! I was wrong! I was wrong"
From childhood until now he did everything and never regretted anything until now.
Zhuan Xu's tears fell and Xiao Yao saw it and smiled "Gege, Zhuan Xu... I ... I forgive you! It's too hard to hate you... worse than cutting my own heart to pieces.. I forgive you..."
Zhuan Xu cried "Xiao Yao, tell me! If we could do it all over again and I held you close after we reunited on Five Gods Mountain, with no chance for Jing to get close to you, would you have picked me?"
Xiao Yao was about to pass out but Zhuan Xu's words took her back to the very beginning and it was as clear as yesterdat "When I was locked up in the cage by nine-tailed fox, all I could think of was you... all I missed was you... when you didn't recognize me, I still use my life to save you... back then... there was no Jing yet... " Xiao Yao's voice trailed off.
Zhuan Xu cried out "Xiao Yao! Xiao Yao!.... " but he could feel only silence as her breathing ceased.
On Cao Yun Peak, they played during the day and slept in each other's arms at night. They burried and said farewell to their love ones, they endured the pain together... Xiao Yao said her heart had turned cold into stone, but he remained the most precious treasure that Xiao Yao kept deep in her heart,in the softest most secure place. When Jing said he would give first and trust first to try and win Xiao Yao's heart, Xiao Yao had already done the same for Zhuan Xu. She didn't like politics and care about the greater good, but she accompanied him back to Xuan Yuan Mountain and always protected him...
He always thought Jing was not good enough for Xiao Yao, could not treat her right, and only made her sad. But what about himself? Zhuan Xu kissed Xiao Yao as his tears splashed on her face, but she would never embrace him back or comfort him "Don't worry, don't worry, I'm here with you."
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