Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance

 liddi:

 AH :
Seeing how Chi You was scapegoated for the war is rather infuriating. 
Yes. Then again history is always written from the POV of the victor... so Chi Chen's villification is frustrating, but not unexpected.

Chi you was depicted and considered as villain by many noble clans in Shen Nong Kingdom during his time already.

 solarlunareclipse:

"Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy also reminds me of LYF - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_S_TbD1XFM&ab_channel=AFineFrenzyVEVO

Oof that's a sad one </3

 solarlunareclipse:

Nice, that is so meta.

So meta! But the whole song is super meta so it fits. ^^

@AH @solarlunareclipse

All the recent discussion about resurrection and reincarnation reminds me of a song 有翡 With Fei, from the recent Cdrama 难寻 Hard to Find's OST which never fails to move me to tears. The drama itself is one of the rare, understated gems of recent viewing fare with characters I root for, particularly Feng Yuan, who is such an awesome heroine - level-headed, courageous and strong despite being gentle and vulnerable. 

Back to the song. The lyrics of the song should have originally been based on the Legend of Fei - with the reference to 翡 Fei (周翡 Zhou Fei), 洗墨江 Ximo River (where she first meets 谢允 Xie Yun who is dying from a poison in his body) etc. 

However, it is the imagery and meaning behind the lyrics that breaks my heart and reminds me so much of Xiao Yao's perspective when she finally loses Xiang Liu, and that last line "What do you look like now?" implies a plaintive hope that she might finally see him once more, even if he no longer looks the same,  is no longer the same person, reincarnated, or resurrected.                                                                                  

 blabla100:

That's a very interesting take, I never linked the colors that FFB's used to the ice crystal wind chimes from Jing's residence. I don't know if they hint to the resurrection theory, a bit of a strech IMO, but I can see a connection there.

Let me clarify the explanation, since my previous explanation was very wordy.

The wind chime color order predicts the order of assassination attempts/deaths. Wind chimes were mentioned right after XL's first assassination attempt on CX and right before XL's successful assassination of Feng Long.

• Scarlet red = FFB
• Bamboo green = Jing
• Purple indigo = Feng Long
• Moonlight white lotus = XL

XY's dress color order predicts the order of XY's weddings and hints at a XL's resurrection as FFB. FFB changed XY's dress different colors at Feng Long and Xin Yue's birthday party. Birthday parties and weddings are both social gatherings.

• White = XL (PLB transfer = wedding)
• Violet = Feng Long
• Green = Jing
• Red = FFB

Tong Hua didn't arbitrarily make the order of the wind chime colors the exact opposite of the order of dress colors. The color orders definitely mean something. Whether TH actually meant for the orders to mean what I interpret them to mean is up for debate. I'd be curious if anyone has other interpretaions for the color orders.

 blabla100:

" In the end, because of his greed, Jing suffered a fate as bleak as the other fox: he had the majority of his tails chopped off, lost his wealth, status, and life's work, and forever lived in the shadow of his love rival."

I agree. Great analysis.

Thank you :-). This is why I don't feel bad at all for Jing that XY used him as a substitute/mask for XL. He comes off as being inept, but he's actually just super shady--especially at the beginning. That said, his feelings for XY probably evolve to something approximating love as the novel goes on, just like XY grows to deeply care for him, like she cares for her closest family members. 

 blabla100:

"Is Jing Ye prettier, or is Lan Xiang prettier?”

I always thought the reason why XY repeatedly asked Jing this question is to put him on guard, because she thought one of them betrayed him. 

 H19279:

No, It was WXL asked Jing about Jing Ye and Lan Xiang. At that time, there was not any suggestion about betrayal from Jing's maid.

In my view, it just shows WXL was not interested in his business, his family. She just knew that he had 2 private maids. She had no common hobby or interest with Jing. She did not have topic to talk with him. Thus, she just asked such nonsense thing. Jing's fan always says that WXL was jealous with his maids. LOL, WXL even did not care how he looked by that time, why did she care for who was prettier,

Agree that the question isn't because XY thought they might have betrayed Jing. Jing was too powerful to be injured by a couple of maids. Also, this was before CX intercepted the medicine meant for XL's men, so there was no reason to suspect the maids of leaking information yet.

I also agree that WXL was probably not jealous. She didn't like Jing romantically at that point (or ever). Her intention in asking who was prettier was probably to tease Jing and make him uncomfortable and because she was curious as to Jing's feelings on Jing Ye, given how clearly devoted Jing Ye was to Jing. There's also the matter that Shi Qi had promised he would always do what she said even if people he was familiar with showed up. The question may have been a passive-aggressive reminder to him that he broke his previous promise by going back to being TSJ.

 AH :

If Jing slept in this ocean then she would rather be here with him.

This translation is not accurate. A more accurate translation is, "Since Jing was sleeping in this sea, she was willing to be with him." I think there is a big difference between "was willing" vs. "would rather." I also think she thought this because she was momentarily overcome with grief, but she wasn't suicidal going into the situation.

 AH :

I do think there are times where the neutral narrator's voice in the novel presents information about XY's thoughts, feelings or intentions that I think is meant to be taken as it is presented.

I agree that the narrator probably wouldn't outright lie. That said, I think the narrator can be cunning just like XY, so you may think the narrator means one thing, but they actually mean another. Also like XY, the narrator may intentionally omit information and not give the whole picture. Based on the narration, I agree that XY was genuinely very sad about TSJ and was upset to have her hopes dashed that he was alive, no matter how minuscule. However, this doesn't necessarily mean she didn't go into the situation also hoping that XL would come save her.

 AH :

If XY simply wanted to put her life in danger in order to compel XL to come and save her, then there would be no reason for XY to ask the seagull demon why XY should believe the seagull demon before getting on the ship and no reason for XY to confirm that the jade plant wine wouldn't harm her before drinking it. 

I think XY was willing to take large risks, but wasn't suicidal. I agree that the narration confirms that at least part of the reason XY came was because she was hoping to really save Jing, and was willing to put herself in extreme danger to do it.

However, it may not be the whole reason because the narrator may have omitted the other reasons. Another reason for her coming might have been to get an answer to, "If I die, can you live?" that she asked XL earlier, but didn't get a response to. 

Even if she missed XL or wanted to test him, there was a reason for her to be cautious about putting herself in a situation that even he would not have been able to save her from.

 AH :

The risk of telling Miao Pu was quite limited because XY already knew that Miao Pu was loyal to her and that Miao Pu would follow her orders to go with her and to not tell anyone else about it.

The message said not to tell anyone. It didn't say it's ok to tell people she knew were loyal to her. Besides, at this point, XY fully trusted CX, so what was wrong with the information getting to him?

 AH :

If that was the case, why would she instruct Miao Pu to go get Xiao Xiao and even to gather the Xuan Yuan army to bring them to that location if it did turn out to be a trap? Bringing the Xuan Yuan army to the location where XL was saving her should be the very last thing that XY would want to happen. 

XY thought Xiao Xiao was coming anyway and was only two or three hours behind, so all Miao Pu would do is wait for her. As for the Xuan Yuan army, they were only to be involved if something really did happen to her. So if XL saved her, then there would be no reason to involve the Xuan Yuan army.

 AH :

However, the East Sea being "like" XL's home is not relevant to XY's chances of seeing XL after putting herself in danger. While the East Sea might be "like" XL's home in some senses, there would be no guarantee that he would be anywhere near the East Sea on that particular night. He could have been with the Shengnong remanant army outside of QS town. Or he could have been in the far north for all XY knew. Or in any other part of Dahuang, although he'd have to be extra careful in most parts that were under CX's control. And if XY were under the impression that XL would come save her if her life was in danger no matter what / no matter where she was, then the fact that the danger occurred in a place that was "like" XL's home would be irrelevant.

I don't think XY knew that XL would save her no matter what. I think she wanted to test whether he would or not. You're right that there was no guarantee XL was in QST, but XY probably thought QST was the most likely place he could be, especially since he killed his FFB identity, and the entire world was controlled by CX. Obviously, the closer XL was, the more likely he would have been able to save her in time, so it made sense for her to put herself in danger close to where she thought XL was likely to be. 

Add to that the fact the PLB works in mysterious ways. XL found her on the boat after she saw the voodoo king. I'm guessing he wasn't stalking her so either she signaled to him to come or he sensed her nearby and came. It's reasonable to assume that whatever happened to get him to come last time could happen again.

 AH :

There are moments elsewhere in the novel where XY is described as being in a daze when she is thinking of XL (e.g., after she finds out that the bugs are called Lovers Bugs in chapter 26). However, I think it would be a mistake to assume if XY is described as being in a daze at any point throughout the novel, that always must mean she is thinking of XL. 

I did a search for the word "发呆" (daze). The first time it appears is after XL told WXL to work for him if he wanted to live. I think all the other instances of when XY is in a daze can be attributed to her thinking about XL. I'll publish the full findings later in a separate post, but I don't think this instance is an exception to the rule, especially since XY is in the sea. That said, XY thinking of XL in this moment doesn't necessarily mean her purpose in coming to the East Sea was to test XL by putting her life in danger. Even if her sole purpose in coming to the East Sea was to save Jing, we could still interpret her thinking of XL to be a contributing factor (in addition to saving Miao Pu) in getting her to decide to take action to get herself out of that situation alive.

 AH :

While I do think that the poem and chapter title can be viewed as relating to YaoLiu, I don't think that the chapter title serves as evidence that supports the idea that XY went to the East Sea, and intentionally put herself in danger there, in the hope that she would see XL.

For me, the YaoLiu vibes of the poem make me think of YaoLiu at the end of chapter 43 when XY and XL are on the boat. Not the beginning of the chapter when XY decides to go to the East Sea. 

Agree that it doesn't serve as evidence of her intent in  going to the East Sea. It could just apply to her being upset that XL suggested breaking their PLB connection, which she didn't want at this point. 

 liddi:

All the recent discussion about resurrection and reincarnation reminds me of a song 有翡 With Fei, from the recent Cdrama 难寻 Hard to Find's OST which never fails to move me to tears.

It's a beautiful song. Thanks for pointing it out. I never paid attention to the lyrics before. I picked up the drama after you recommended it earlier. I'm currently on episode 19.

 liddi:

He could grow to be the person he would have become, if he had never been in the death match arena, never been beholden to anyone, living free and unfettered as he was meant to be, as was his true character. But is he the same person Xiao Yao fell in love with? Who did she fall in love with anyway? When she met him, he was already the man he had become with and in spite of all the baggage he carried with him. She wanted him to be free, without all the experiences he suffered, all the debt of loyalty and kindness he took to heart. But, without it, was he still the same man she loved? Those experiences made him the man he was. By the same token, would the man who live unfettered from the very beginning, have fallen in love with her? Xiang Liu was first drawn to her because what she said echoed in his being, resonating with him exactly because they shared such similar, tragic pasts. Would the reincarnated man be similarly drawn to this woman who had lived through so much, whose past he could not relate to?

Agree with all the points you raised regarding reincarnation meaning that XL would not be the same XL that XY loved anymore and also that he may not have fallen in love with her. Also, reincarnation wouldn't tie up the loose ends with XL's association with the Gui Fang clan or what happened to his demon core. 

 liddi:

Reincarnation definitely does away with a lot of the issues that resurrection has. As you say, he need not be burdened with first hand memories, grief and guilt.

From what I've read about the rumored second epilogue, the Gui Fang clan resurrects XL as Gui Fang Bei, but erases his memories because they were afraid he would go to find Xiao Yao.

 liddi:

There is of course, the question of Xiao Yao and Jing. If she had been involved in his resurrection, what would that entail? Could she let him go again, after bringing him back? Or perhaps the real question is, would he wish to come between her and Jing?

Rumor has it that Jing dies early. He only lives another 200 years or so. Also, it's rumored that the epilogue ends without XY and Gui Fang Bei meeting, so it keeps an open ending.

 liddi:

However, if he had been resurrected, having died fighting to the last with the rest of the Shen Nong resistance army, could Xiang Liu have finally come to accept that he did do right by them, had given his all and honoured his comrades in life and death.

Xiang Liu is dead. Gui Fang Bei gets resurrected.

XL died honoring all his commitments to the army and his comrades, who are also all dead. He died fighting for a cause he didn't even believe in, so there's no reason to stir up more trouble now that the word is at peace. Also, since he has amnesia, he doesn't remember his comrades and past commitments anyway.

Your comment did have me think of an interesting scenario: what would XL have done if the entire remnant army, including Hong Jiang, had vanished into thin air before the final decisive battle where he died?

I believe he'd grieve for them, but would then go on with his life. I don't think he'd view suicide as the honorable thing to do in this scenario. 

@liddi,

Thanks for the additional information on the rumors about the second epilogue. I wasn't aware about the rumor that FFB and XY had crossed paths, nor about the other rumored reasons why the Gui Fang clan sealed XL's memories. 

I read about another clue that points to XL's resurrection and thought I'd share it.

On the gourd-shaped lake, after Xiao Yao gave Xiang Liu her blood and told him she never wanted to see him again in this lifetime, the chapter closed with this passage:

相柳把血红的珠子递给鲛人，鲛人小心翼翼地接过，用一个金天氏特殊锻造过的蓝色贝壳藏好。相柳用鲛人的语言吩咐了他几句，鲛人仔细地听完，甩着鱼尾对相柳行了一礼，转身向着大海的方向疾驰而去。
Xiang Liu handed the blood-red pearl to the merman, who carefully received it and stored it in a blue shell forged by the Jin Tian Clan. Xiang Liu gave him a few instructions in the merman's language. The merman listened attentively, then flicked his tail in a gesture of respect to Xiang Liu before turning and swiftly heading towards the sea.

相柳目送他的身影消失在湖面上后，低下头，看着胸口的小箭，伸手轻轻抚过，手在箭上停驻了一瞬。他无声地叹了口气，猛然一用力将箭拔出，随着鲜血的喷出，他好似累了，直挺挺地躺倒在水面上，仰望着天空，笑容慢慢淡去。
After watching the merman's figure disappear on the lake's surface, Xiang Liu lowered his head and looked at the small arrow in his chest. He gently stroked it, pausing his hand on the arrow for a moment. He sighed silently, then suddenly pulled the arrow out with force. As blood spurted out, he seemed to be exhausted, lying straight back onto the water's surface, gazing up at the sky as his smile slowly faded.

黑云遮蔽住了圆月，相柳的双眸内映出的是——没有一颗星辰的苍穹，无边的黑暗、无边的寂寥。
Dark clouds obscured the round moon, and what was reflected in Xiang Liu's eyes was a sky without a single star, endless darkness, and endless loneliness.

— Vol 3 Ch 13 (Chapter 46)

Tong Hua specifically mentioned the Jin Tian Clan here because Jin Tian Xin Chen (金天星沉) forged Xiao Yao’s bow and arrows, including the arrow that Xiao Yao shot into Xiang Liu’s chest. Xin Chen (星沉) is the second half of the Chinese idiom “The moon sets, and the stars sink” (月落星沉 - yuè luò xīng chén), which means the moon has set and the stars have dimmed, referring to the time right before dawn. The last sentence of the passage alludes to this idiom.

• The moon sets (月落)  - “dark clouds obscured the round moon”
• The stars sink (星沉) - “a sky without a single star”

 liddi:

 However, if he retained his memories, he would certainly mourn but I don't believe he would continue to undermine Cang Xuan's reign, because his comrades had all died, their remains interred at Liang Wang Peak, just as Cang Xuan once promised him.

I agree the XL wouldn't undermine CX's reign after the Shen Nong Remnant Army and Hong Jiang were defeated. Even in LYF, I wonder if XL secretly helped CX to succeed in uniting the wilderness and bringing peace. XL did tell XY that if he didn't have any principles, he'd personally help King Xuan Yuan defeat King Gao Xin. Also:

• By stealing the maps of De Yan and Yu Yang's residences and attempting to steal the maps of the secret granaries and armories of the Central Plains, it created a convenient diversion that ultimately resulted in CX getting sent to the Central Plains. His opponents felt they could let their guard down with CX since he was such a mess when Yue Liang searched his residence after the maps went missing.
• The nine stalks of soul reversing grass gifted by the Gui Fang clan at CX's first wedding alludes to XL's secret backing.
• XL's assassination of FL hastened pace of the war, thereby speeding up the unification of the wilderness. I do believe FL was the actual target of the assassination and not CX.

 solarlunareclipse:

The hidden meaning behind the last sentence is that the darkness is only temporary and a new dawn is coming, hinting at Xiang Liu's resurrection.

Thank you for pointing out about the blue shell case also being specially forged by the Jintian family. It goes to highlight once more Xiang Liu's continued access to the Jintian family via his Guifang connections.

However, I do not agree that the last line hints at the period just before dawn.

The saying "月落星沉" literally means "the moon has set, and the stars are fading away".

Xiao Yao went to look for Xiang Liu by the gourd-shaped lake after midnight. At the time, the moon was shining over the lake:

Beneath the bright, clear moon, the ripples on the surface of the lake shimmered but Xiang Liu still did not appear. Unable to stop herself, Xiao Yao shouted, “Xiang Liu, I know you can sense me! Get out here and see me!”

-- Vol 3 Ch13  (Chapter 46)

After the merman left with the blood-red pearl, the text states this:

相柳目送着他的身影消失在湖面上后，低下头，看着胸口的小箭，伸手轻轻抚过，手在箭上停驻了一瞬。他无声地叹了口气，猛然一用力将箭拔出，随着鲜血的喷出，他好似累了，直挺挺地躺倒在水面上，仰望着天空，笑容慢慢淡去。

黑云遮蔽住了圆月，相柳的双眸内映出的是——没有一颗星辰的苍穹，无边的黑暗、无边的寂寥。

Xiang Liu watched until his figure disappeared from the surface of the lake. He then lowered his head to look at the arrow in his chest, reached out and gently caressed it, his hand lingering on the arrow for a moment. He sighed silently and suddenly pulled out the arrow with force. As blood gushed out, he appeared exhausted and laid straight down on the water’s surface, staring up at the sky, his smile slowly fading.

Dark clouds obscured the full moon and what was reflected in Xiang Liu’s eyes was—a sky devoid of stars, boundless darkness, unending loneliness.

-- Vol 3 Ch13  (Chapter 46)

Xiang Liu was not standing and looking at the moon setting in the horizon. He was lying on the surface of the water, gazing up at the sky. This was not a setting moon, but a round moon still visible up in the sky, merely obscured by the dark clouds. As such, this is not referring to the period just before dawn. 

So to me, the emphasis in that last sentence is the unending desolation and loneliness that Xiang Liu faced, having decisively severed their relationship beyond repair, and the full moon that once bore witness to their most intimate moments together, that represented their love, was now covered by the darkness of the clouds, leaving an unilluminated dark sky that reflected the same loss of light in his life. 

 solarlunareclipse:

Even in LYF, I wonder if XL secretly helped CX to succeed in uniting the wilderness and bringing peace.

I don't believe that the theft of the maps was intended to pave the way for Cang Xuan to go to the Central Plains. Xiang Liu's target was the locations of rations and weapons in the Central Plains. The theft did not impact Cang Xuan in any way. He supposedly fell from his grandfather's good graces a few months later due to problems with the canal project. Then, Cang Xuan was sent to the Central Plains because the building of the palace on Shen Nong mountain was a task no one wanted, and served as a way for his uncles to prevent him from being in close proximity to the Xuan Yuan king.

 solarlunareclipse:

The nine stalks of soul reversing grass gifted by the Gui Fang clan at CX's first wedding alludes to XL's secret backing.

The Guifang clan's support for Cang Xuan was an unexpected move no one saw coming. It is possible that Xiang Liu might have had a hand in convincing them to do so. Certainly, it would bode better for the  families of the Central Plains if Cang Xuan was to be in power, compared to his uncles. 

 solarlunareclipse:

XL's assassination of FL hastened pace of the war, thereby speeding up the unification of the wilderness. I do believe FL was the actual target of the assassination and not CX.

For me, Xiang Liu's target was Cang Xuan all along. He was aware Cang Xuan had come to Qingshui Town because he sensed the presence of the Lovers bug, and knew that if Xiao Yao was there where a war was ongoing, it meant that Cang Xuan was present too. If he wanted to kill Feng Long, he had plenty of opportunities in the past because Feng Long, as the Great General, was already stationed at Qingshui Town in the first place. This time, I believe his reason for assassinating Cang Xuan was twofold. With Cang Xuan dead, the unification of the Great Wilderness would certainly be thrown into disarray, and the Shen Nong resistance army might be able to hold out a little longer. The second, I believe, is the fact that Cang Xuan himself had already tried to kill Jing, and will continue to do so if Jing were to return. Since Jing is the one Xiao Yao had chosen to marry, Cang Xuan's existence poses a threat to Xiang Liu's arrangement for Xiao Yao to have someone to rely on when he himself is gone. However, because Feng Long died in his stead, and Xiao Yao confronted him, this time round, Xiang Liu had no choice but to tell Xiao Yao who truly masterminded Jing's assassination. Why didn't he do so in the past? I think he did not wish for Xiao Yao's heart to be shattered more than it already has by revealing Cang Xuan's treachery, knowing just how much she loves Cang Xuan. 

 solarlunareclipse:

This translation is not accurate. A more accurate translation is, "Since Jing was sleeping in this sea, she was willing to be with him." I think there is a big difference between "was willing" vs. "would rather." I also think she thought this because she was momentarily overcome with grief, but she wasn't suicidal going into the situation.

"I am willing to die to be with X" does indeed sound slightly more passive than "I would rather die to be with X than continue living". But either way, XY is in the middle of an attempt to assassinate her. And she's not willing to fight for her life. She's willing to allow herself to be killed and to join TSJ in death in the ocean, because she isn't willing to continue being in pain for the duration of the long life ahead that she would have to face if she were to survive the assassination attempt. 

When she left for the East Sea and first encountered the seagull demon, XY didn't appear to be willing to accept death (for example, she didn't drink the wine until she confirmed that it wouldn't harm her) but she was very reckless with her own safety and well being because she felt the risk was necessary / worth it. That was also the case throughout the time that she spent searching for TSJ after he disappeared. Then, when the seagull demon reveals that it was indeed a trap all along and that she was not taking XY to meet TSJ alive, that is when XY is overcome with sadness, when she has no fear of death, and when decides that she doesn't want to be in pain any longer and is willing to join TSJ in death in the ocean. 

We see this confirmed when XY does not resist at all, mentally or physically, when the coffin sinks into the ocean. XY thought she was going to die and faced her death calmly. She expected to sufficate and did not fight it, and when she survived thanks to enough seawater seeping into the coffin to allow her to start breathing again, she wasn't expecting it. It felt like she had jumped off a cliff, but instead of hitting the bottom and ending her life, she was stuck falling endlessly, still in pain. 

-----

Google, rather than Koala:

Xiao Yao looked at the blue sky. She had no anger of being deceived, no fear of dying, only sadness after her hopes were dashed. From childhood to adulthood, she had always lived a hard life, her heart had been wandering, and she always felt that she would be abandoned at any time. After getting engaged to Jing, her heart was finally at peace. She thought everything would be different, but she didn't expect Jing to be gone. He was like her parents, and had to abandon her for unavoidable reasons! The days ahead were too long, and she didn't want to persist in pain anymore. Since Jing was sleeping in this sea, she was willing to be with him.

...

Xiao Yao felt suffocated and breathless, as if she was going to suffocate to death, but when the sea water seeped into the crystal coffin and soaked her mouth and nose, she felt comfortable instead, like a stranded fish returning to the sea. Xiao Yao couldn't help but smile bitterly, this was a well-planned perfect murder: deep in the sea and sky, no blood was seen, they didn't even kill her, even the purple clothes [the seagull demon] wore were burned to ashes, leaving no evidence, but the only imperfection was that they didn't know she couldn't be drowned.

Because she drank the red jade grass, Xiao Yao's head was dizzy and it was difficult for her to think clearly. When she was sunk into the sea, she actually thought she was going to die. She had decided to face death calmly, but suddenly found that she couldn't die. It was like jumping off a cliff. She originally expected to be smashed to pieces and end it all, but suddenly found that the cliff [was small and]* had no bottom. She could only keep falling down, falling down... She couldn't see the beginning or the end, and was stuck in the middle in pain.

* To be honest I'm not sure how a cliff can be both small and bottomless.

 solarlunareclipse:

I agree that the narrator probably wouldn't outright lie. That said, I think the narrator can be cunning just like XY, so you may think the narrator means one thing, but they actually mean another. Also like XY, the narrator may intentionally omit information and not give the whole picture. Based on the narration, I agree that XY was genuinely very sad about TSJ and was upset to have her hopes dashed that he was alive, no matter how minuscule. However, this doesn't necessarily mean she didn't go into the situation also hoping that XL would come save her.

I agree that it is possible that XY could have had more than one reason for going to the East Sea or for willingly facing death, as long as those reasons were not fundamentally opposed. 

However, if XY didn't want to face a long life of pain anymore, was wiling to die / be with TSJ in death in the sea, and and had no fear of death, then it seems to me that she couldn't simultanseously want XL to save her from death, even if she would have liked to see him. If he did save her this time, she would be right back in the position she was in before the coffin sank: facing a long life of pain alone and abandoned once again. As XY thinks later in the chapter (after XL saves her), facing a long life without giving up seemed, to her, like facing a neverending night with no sunrise. 

I do think her saddness and pain (and the endless longing she mentions) was about way more than just TSJ though. TSJ's disappearance / death was just the straw that broke the camel's back. 

-----

Google, rather than Koala:

Xiang Liu said, "Live! Even if Tushan Jing dies, you must live!"

Xiao Yao stared at Xiang Liu blankly for a moment, then looked past him and looked at the night at the end of the sea. A long life, endless longing... How would it feel to live without giving up? Probably like a dark night that will never have a sunrise. Xiao Yao didn't understand why Xiang Liu cared about her life or death?

...

Xiao Yao shed tears silently, not daring to tell Zhuanxu. At that moment, she gave up! She forgot everything, including Zhuanxu. She did not try her best to escape, but just wanted to end the pain. Xiao Yao promised Zhuanxu: "I won't do it again in the future." Zhuanxu thought she meant that she would never trust others and fall into their traps again. Zhuanxu patted her on the back and said: "I won't give you the chance to make mistakes again." 

 solarlunareclipse:

The message said not to tell anyone. It didn't say it's ok to tell people she knew were loyal to her. Besides, at this point, XY fully trusted CX, so what was wrong with the information getting to him?

IMO, XY clearly exercised her own judgment and decided that, regardless of what the message said, telling Miao Pu was an acceptable risk, which makes sense to me since Miao Pu was a variable that XY could control while anyone else, like Xiao Xiao and CX, wouldn't be. She didn't have much information about the situation she was walking into and what kind of help she might need. Bringing Miao Pu along meant that she would have a loyal and obedient person with her to provide help, or to obtain more help, if needed. And Miao Pu did provide help from the very beginning. Miao Pu helped XY move Xiao Xiao's body to XY's bed and was the person who manned the carriage and presented the token to the guards, while XY hid inside the carriage, which allowed XY to leave without being detected. And XY could count on Miao Pu to stay back if XY ordered her to, with some extra convincing, which she did end up doing. 

When XY considered CX to be her closest person, she trusted him when it came to certain things, but she didn't trust him with everything. If she knew he would stop her from doing something, she wouldn't tell him about it. Like in chapter 29 when she pretended to let him drug her and then attended the ceremony in disguise anyway without telling him. She acted similarly in chapter 46, when she disguised herself as Xian and slipped out of the Xuan Yuan military base to see XL without telling CX. She lied to CX all the time about XL and downplayed the nature of the bug connection between them. There are many other occasions where XY lies to CX or hides things from him, despite considering him to be her closest person and trusting him. Sneaking away to see TSJ without telling CX seems very consistent with her behaviour throughout the novel. 

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Google, rather than Koala:

Xiao Yao walked up to Xiao Xiao, put her hands on Xiao Xiao's shoulders, put her head close to Xiao Xiao's ear, and said in a low voice: "Xiao Xiao, you are a good girl, but sometimes too old-fashioned. I'm going to the East China Sea, but I won't take you with me, because you will definitely not let me go."

Xiao Xiao's eyes went dark, her body went limp, and she fell backwards. Miao Pu hurriedly hugged Xiao Xiao, staring at Xiao Yao in panic.

"Why aren't you helping?" Xiao Yao asked Miao Pu to lift Xiaoxiao and put her on the bed, cover her with a quilt, and put down the gauze curtain. At first glance, it seemed that Xiao Yao was sleeping.

...

Miao Pu selected two of the strongest celestial horses, and together with Xiao Yao, set up the cloud chariot.

Xiao Yao shrank into the carriage and handed a jade token to Miao Pu, who was driving the celestial horses: "This is my grandfather's token. I can enter and exit Shennong Mountain at will."

Miao Pu took a deep breath and said to herself: "I'll die if I die!" Miao Pu raised the whip, and with a sound of "gig", the celestial horses ran a few steps and soared into the air.

When passing through the East Gate of Shennong Mountain, Miao Pu raised the token arrogantly, and the guards looked at it carefully.

After letting Miao Pu pass smoothly and away from Shennong Mountain, Xiao Yao poked her head out of the carriage and said to Miao Pu: "Thank you! "

 solarlunareclipse:

XY thought Xiao Xiao was coming anyway and was only two or three hours behind, so all Miao Pu would do is wait for her. As for the Xuan Yuan army, they were only to be involved if something really did happen to her. So if XL saved her, then there would be no reason to involve the Xuan Yuan army.

If anything happened that would make her think that XY was in danger (e.g., XY not returning from scouting the ship as she promised), especially before Xiao Xiao arrived, Miao Pu might have followed XY's instructions and asked the Xuan Yuan army that was stationed nearby to help. The danger to XY would proceed any rescue by XL. So XL saving XY wouldn't necessarily stop Miao Piu from rallying the army. If XL did show up to save XY, that would mean that XY had been put in danger, which would increase the liklihood that Miao Pu would have already gotten the army involved. 

As far as I can tell, the only reason Miao Pu ended up not getting the army invovled after XY didn't return from scouting out the ship (still long before Xiao Xiao would have arrived) was that Left Ear showed up and knocked her out before she could do so. 

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Google, rather than Koala:

Miao Pu couldn't answer, thought about it and said: "Xiao  Xiao will definitely chase us. They have high spiritual power and their mounts fly fast. It is estimated that they will arrive in two or three hours. No matter what happens, wait until they come."

"We can wait, but Jing may not be able to." Xiao Yao picked up the fish jewel hanging around her neck and shook it, coaxing, "I will swim over from the bottom of the sea and take a look quietly. If there is any danger, I will keep sinking to the bottom of the sea, and they can't do anything to me. If you go with me, it will be a burden. Besides, if you stay here, it means I have a support. We can attack or defend. If something really happens, you can tell Xiao Xiao and the others, or ask for help from the Xuan Yuan army stationed nearby."

Miao Pu had to admit that Xiao Yao was right. She said with a grim face, "Then come back quickly, just take a look. No matter what is in the boat, we will act after discussion."

"Okay!" Xiao Yao took advantage of the cover of the reef and slowly dived into the sea.