HeadInTheClouds:
I'm going to take this as confirmation that Tong Hua chose these poems to be the titles of these chapters for specific purposes - to highlight messages in the chapter. It's not just by coincidence. Looks like I need to go back and look at the analysis of these poems again.
Yaoliu's feelings are in the lines of every chapter title
I believe Koala's translated the 2013 edition. Which one are you translating @plor20? Are you doing the whole novel?
I'm reading and translating the newest edition...because it came with LYF postcards. I have to translate as I go into Hmong, because my Chinese is not to strong, but there many similar nauced grammar and cultural context and concepts. Once in Hmong, it does makes it easier for me to translate it into English. My language is tonal like Mandarin, there are many sentences where once I translate it, word for word makes so much sense vs trying to translate it into English first. What I'm doing different when I translate is also find similar metaphors and idioms that means the same as the Chinese ones in order to make the translation more dynamic, and not plain language. Even when I translate it into Hmong, the words hold so much cultural context, that if you just translate it into English plainly, there are so much feelings/imageries lost.
Its not like anyone ever understood XL, a poor escaped orphan slave, who suffered harsh life, was always misunderstood just cause he's a demon. Its impossible to forget him. Broken, injured and tired, XL never got time to heal, neither got freedom to live for himself ever. He is loyalty and love proved to be more worthy than human.Devlin8:
Broken, injured and tired, XL never got time to heal, neither got freedom to live for himself ever.AH :
I don't quite agree with this. I take a great deal of comfort in knowing that there were points in his life when XL did have time to heal, time to live for himself, and freedom, and that his choice to join the remnant army, to stay with them, to die with them, and to be WXL/XY's temporary companion before that end were all choices that he made freely.
I can understand @AH's point of free choices that XL made that led to his ending. However, I also partly understand what @Devlin8 said about "neither got freedom to live for himself"
Abeit his origin of a scary sea demon, XL had a clear and selfless heart from birth. He hachted from an egg without parents and no caregiver. No-one taught him about life, morality, ethicality. He was captured and threwn in the death arena from young age and he learnt to survise in the most deadly environment. Such terrible circumstance could change his personality, his heart and could make his heart cold and cause psychological shortcoming as XY suffered.
When Gong Gong resued him but he did not trust GG. He even injured GG and run away after GG had taught him the healing method and rescued him from the big vortex. The preriod in the North, gave him time for self-reflex, realizing good manners from GG, the beauty of life and self-taught the suitable cultivation technique, also helped healing his physical wounds as well as his heart.
@AH mentioned many events in his life where he had connection and emotion from various relationships: such as unconditional motherly love, adoptive father's care, brotherhood/comradeship, friendship with WXL/XY and love etc. I also agree with you that he might feel he had experienced many kinds of relationship and emotions. He might have thought that would be sufficient.
However, I can partially share the point that he was never totally free with @Devlin88. He struggled to survise alone from birth when he was small and weak. And then he was imprisoned and had to fight in the death areana. Althought later he was freed by GG, he owned GG enormous debt (in his opinion). During that 100 years being FFB before joining Sheng Nong army, he probably carried the feeling of being debt in his heart. His characteristic at that time might be still simple as Left Ear.
And we can apply XY's observation of Left Ear to have insight of XL at that time:
Xiaoyao said: "Left Ear's life was very hard in the past, and it was unimaginable. He was very smart, but he was half-informed and half-uninformed about worldly things. You should be patient with him and take good care of him. Don't let him be deceived by others. People like him are stubborn. Once they decide something, no matter whether it's right or wrong, they will never look back even if they become a demon or ashes. Keep an eye on him and don't let him go astray. In fact, Left Ear's wish is very simple. He wants to have a sheltered cave, find a female beast, and live freely."
Left Ear was very loyal to FFB and XY. And XY taught him to become more human. In the case of XL, GG played such role of teaching him about life, moral, ethicality etc. So XY's perspective of life and values might got great impact from GG who was very loyal to Sheng Nong, very consistent to righteousness. Moreover, the comradeship also influenced on him. Thus, he valued such concept in his mind and it influenced his later choices. I wonder if anyone ever taught him to value his own freedom as an important matter.
Today, I finally finished translating the Forward to my edition of Lost You Forever...and in comparing to Kaola version, it looks like a lot of things were changed.plor20:
Thank you for sharing your translation plor20!
If I remember correctly, Koala said the text on the right was her translation of the prologue for Once Promised. Could the differences in your translation perhaps be due to changes that were made to that text when it was updated for use as a forward to your version of Lost You Forever?
Emperor Pang Gu had three subordinates, beloved like his own siblings. The most powerful god among them was a woman, whose name is lost in time. Several thousand years ago, she created the civilization of Huaxu and is known only by that name.
After the death of Emperor Pang Gu, the flames of war ignited. Hua Xu attempted to quell the bloodshed. Disgusted by warfare, she retreated far away and soon founded the peaceful nation of Hua Xu.
With Fuxi’s passing, Nuwa was overcome with unfathomable sadness. She returned to the nation of Hua Xu, and her existence, life, and death became a mystery.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about why Furball didn't play a role in the remnant army's final battle (or at least wasn't mentioned in Miao Pu's report), why the real Gong Gong also didn't seem to feature in the final battle, and why XL disguised himself as Gong Gong in the final battle.
That line of thinking made me think of a potential head-canon scenario for those who wanted an ending where XL survived, no matter what. Even if it wasn't what he wanted and he didn't end up with XY. Even if the ending seemed out of character.
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Before getting to the scenario, here's some additional context about the kingdom of Hua Xu from Chinese mythology, as described in A Dictionary of World Mythology by Arthur Cotterell:
Huang-ti
Literally, ‘yellow emperor’. Patron saint of all Taoists. Though the most ancient of the legendary emperors, Huang-ti was in fact among the last to be invented, not appearing in Chinese mythology till the fourth century BC. He is invariably associated with Lao-tzu.
In the Book of Lieh-tzu, the composition of which may be later than 100 BC, there is a large section devoted to Huang-ti, whose reign was troubled after fifteen years. While his subjects rejoiced in his benevolence, the Yellow Emperor ‘amused his eyes and ears, pampered his nostrils and mouth, till his complexion became sallow and his dulled senses were stupefied’. Another fifteen years on the throne, amid growing disorder, and ‘his face was haggard and pale, and his dulled senses more stupefied’. Whereupon, he decided to leave decisions of state to his ministers, dismissed his attendants, simplified his daily routine, and took up residence ‘in a hut in his main courtyard, where he fasted to discipline body and mind’.
One day he fell asleep and dreamed of the kingdom of Hua-hsu, mother of the mythical ruler Fu Hsi. The kingdom ‘was beyond the reach of ship or chariot or any mortal foot. Only the soul could travel so far’. It was an ideal state, ‘without head or ruler; it simply went on of itself. Its people were without desires or cravings; they simply followed their natural instincts. They felt neither joy in life nor abhorrence in death, so none of them died before his time. They felt neither attachment to self nor indifference to others; thus they were exempt from love and hatred alike… They rode space as though walking the solid earth, and slept on the air as though on their beds. Clouds and mists did not hinder their sight, thunder did not stun their ears, beauty and ugliness did not disturb their hearts, mountains and valleys did not trip their feet – for they made only journeys of the spirit.’
On waking Huang-ti assembled his ministers and said that The Way, Tao, ‘cannot be sought through the senses. I know it, I have found it, but I cannot tell it to you.’ After another twenty-eight years on the throne, when there was orderliness in his kingdom almost equalling that in Hua-hsu’s, Huang-ti rose into the sky as a hsien, an immortal. The people bewailed him for 200 years without intermission.
The legend of the wonderful emperor, whose long reign was a veritable golden age, is used here as an illustration of wisdom. Huang-ti attained to perfection, within and without.
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John Thompson wrote the following about Hua Xu:
"Huaxu" has long been poetic term for a utopian society or utopian landscape, and today it remains an allusion to a dreamland, i.e., a place where people have left their corporal bodies and exist as if in a dream ("Huaxu zhi meng: Huaxu Dream".4). Originally Huaxu is said to have been the name of the mother of the legendary emperor Fu Xi; as a result their clan took her name. Fu Xi was succeeded by Shen Nong, succeeded in turn by Huang Di (the Yellow Emperor, 2698 - 2598).5 The famous story that led to the name Huaxu being associated with a dreamland or utopia is first seen the book of Liezi, which relates a dream the Yellow Emperor is said to have had during a period in which he absented himself from government affairs, living it a hut in his courtyard. This story is repeated here in the preface to the melody Huaxu Yin.
...
The Huaxu, like Fu Xi himself, were said to be from Shaanxi Province.8 However, in the Yellow Emperor's dream, as recounted in Liezi, their country is thousands of miles west of the Middle Kingdom, i.e., far from civilization, enabling them to lead an idyllic existence free of anxieties.
...
Original preface11
The Emaciated Immortal, based on what is written in Qin History12, says
this piece is a very old one, even older than Dunshi Cao. Some people say that the Yellow Emperor created it; other people say that he ordered Ling Lun to create it. According to Liezi,
The Yellow Emperor had ruled for 15 years but he worried because the world was not well-ordered; so he withdrew, resting himself in the Palace of the Great Court. He purified his heart and submitted his body (to plain living). For three months he himself had nothing to do with carrying out the affairs of state. Once he had a daytime dream about traveling around the state of the Huaxu clan. This was a natural place, where people had no cravings and did not die prematurely. They did not think about clinging to life, nor did think about the fear of death. (Ideas about) beauty and ugliness did not grow in their hearts. mountains and valleys did not cause them to stop walking, and they took lived happily. When the Yellow Emperor awoke he felt happy and contented; he now understood the greatest Dao. For the next 28 years the world was very well regulated, resembling the state of the Huaxu (in his dream).As a result we have this Huaxu Yin.
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For those that are interested (please keep the caveats I mentioned above in mind), here is the scenario:
(1) Shortly before the final battle, Gong Gong has a dream where he is visited by the spirit of the former Empress Nuwa. She speaks to him about how she and her brother-husband Emperor Fuxi united all of Dahuang in peace, and how she returned to the peaceful kingdom of Hua Xu, established by her mother, after Fuxi's death. She speaks to him about how the Yellow Emperor and Grand Emperor gave up their thrones, letting go of ambition, power, control, and other such isolating and destructive desires. She speaks to him about the peace they found when they allowed a new generation to inherit and shape the world. And then she shows him Hua Xu, and Gong Gong's experience of seeing Hua Xu in his dream is just like the experience of the Yellow Emperor seeing Hua Xu in his dream, as described in the Liezi excerpt above.
(2) After Gong Gong awoke from his dream, he left his tent and observed XL leading the men in a training drill. Gong Gong reflected on XL's life, loyalty, and sacrifices, and his unspoken determination to fight and die with the remnant army to the end. He thought, with pain in his heart, of how XL was often treated (in part due to his identity as a nine-headed demon, and in part due to the integral role he played in keeping the remnant army going as its most formidable fighter and greatest strategist). Gong Gong was filled with a desire to bring XL to Hua Xu, so that he could live a life of peace - free from all burdens and treated without prejudice. But he knew that XL was determined to die on the battlefield with his comrades. Gong Gong understood because, before this moment, Gong Gong had been determined to do the very same thing.
(3) After the training drill ended, Gong Gong summoned XL to his tent to discuss plans for the final battle. To XL's surprise, the plan that Gong Gong described involved XL disguising himself as Gong Gong and leading the remnant army in Gong Gong's stead. Although XL did not question the plan, Gong Gong sensed XL's curiosity and explained that he would be undertaking another task, and for that task Gong Gong would need to "borrow" Furball. Gong Gong had not replaced his own winged mount after it was killed in battle, and this was not the first time that Gong Gong had requested to use Furball. But in this case there was an unspoken understanding that XL would die in the final battle, and therefore would not see Furball (or Gong Gong) again if they parted before the final battle began. Nevertheless, XL agreed to Gong Gong's request and did not push him to explain further. Finally, Gong Gong pulled out a small vessel. He smiled sadly, and asked XL if he remembered their first meeting. XL recalled Gong Gong saving his life 600 years earlier and confirmed that he remembered and would never forget. Gong Gong then asked XL to give him one extra life's worth of primordial spirit, and indicated the vessel. The process was difficult, but XL complied with Gong Gong's request and, after some time, filled the vessel with one life's worth of his primordial spirit.
(4) The events of the final battle and XL's death unfold as described in the novel. However, while XL disguised himself as Gong Gong and led the remnant army, Gong Gong rode Furball in a different direction. Despite XL's orders, Furball was reluctant to leave XL behind. Gong Gong told Furball that he had entrusted the fate of his army with XL, and that XL's fate was now in their hands. Understanding that Gong Gong wanted to help XL, Furball stopped delaying and flew in haste. Gong Gong disguised himself and Furball and the two of them snuck into the palace on Sheng Nong Mountain, which was once the seat of power for the Flame Emperors who ruled Sheng Nong (and was once defended by Gong Gong himself) and was now the capital of Xuan Yuan. Gong Gong arrived before Cang Xuan returned from XY's wedding on Xuan Yuan Mountain (the old capital of Xuan Yuan). Since the Black Emperor was away and the Xuan Yuan army was focused on wiping out the remnant army, the palace was quiet and not as heavily guarded as usual, and Gong Gong used his old knowledge to his advantage. In the palace, Gong Gong went directly to the prayer dias where Emperor Pan Gu, Emperor Fu Xi and Empress Nuwa were worshipped along with the former Flame Emperors (as mentioned in chapter 28). There, he used nearly all of his remaining spiritual energy to create an impenetrable and invisible barrier so that he and Furball would not be detected. Then he pulled out the vessel containing XL's primordial spirit and began to meditate.
(5) After a long, long journey, Gong Gong's spirit and Furball's spirit (now having attained a human form) arrived in the peaceful land of Hua Xu. Gong Gong paid his respects to the Empress Nuwa before finding a place to settle and turning his attention to XL's primordial spirit. After several decades, Gong Gong succeeded in resurrecting XL. XL's memories returned slowly over the next few years. In Hua Xu, no one treated him differently and no one tried to harm him. XL wielded an axe to chop firewood, used a bow to shoot rabbits and deer for their dinner, and used knives to skin them and for other domestic tasks. But he never wielded a sword again. In a land with no war, Gong Gong, XL and Furball finally found peace and lived out the full remainder of their natural lives. After Gong Gong died of old age, Furball continued to accompany XL until his natural end.
I can understand @AH's point of free choices that XL made that led to his ending. However, I also partly understand what @Devlin8 said about "neither got freedom to live for himself"H19279:
Abeit his origin of a scary sea demon, XL had a clear and selfless heart from birth. He hachted from an egg without parents and no caregiver. No-one taught him about life, morality, ethicality. He was captured and threwn in the death arena from young age and he learnt to survise in the most deadly environment. Such terrible circumstance could change his personality, his heart and could make his heart cold and cause psychological shortcoming as XY suffered.
When Gong Gong resued him but he did not trust GG. He even injured GG and run away after GG had taught him the healing method and rescued him from the big vortex. The preriod in the North, gave him time for self-reflex, realizing good manners from GG, the beauty of life and self-taught the suitable cultivation technique, also helped healing his physical wounds as well as his heart.
@AH mentioned many events in his life where he had connection and emotion from various relationships: such as unconditional motherly love, adoptive father's care, brotherhood/comradeship, friendship with WXL/XY and love etc. I also agree with you that he might feel he had experienced many kinds of relationship and emotions. He might have thought that would be sufficient.
However, I can partially share the point that he was never totally free with @Devlin88. He struggled to survise alone from birth when he was small and weak. And then he was imprisoned and had to fight in the death areana. Althought later he was freed by GG, he owned GG enormous debt (in his opinion). During that 100 years being FFB before joining Sheng Nong army, he probably carried the feeling of being debt in his heart. His characteristic at that time might be still simple as Left Ear.
And we can apply XY's observation of Left Ear to have insight of XL at that time:
Xiaoyao said: "Left Ear's life was very hard in the past, and it was unimaginable. He was very smart, but he was half-informed and half-uninformed about worldly things. You should be patient with him and take good care of him. Don't let him be deceived by others. People like him are stubborn. Once they decide something, no matter whether it's right or wrong, they will never look back even if they become a demon or ashes. Keep an eye on him and don't let him go astray. In fact, Left Ear's wish is very simple. He wants to have a sheltered cave, find a female beast, and live freely."
Left Ear was very loyal to FFB and XY. And XY taught him to become more human. In the case of XL, GG played such role of teaching him about life, moral, ethicality etc. So XY's perspective of life and values might got great impact from GG who was very loyal to Sheng Nong, very consistent to righteousness. Moreover, the comradeship also influenced on him. Thus, he valued such concept in his mind and it influenced his later choices. I wonder if anyone ever taught him to value his own freedom as an important matter.
I generally agree with this, with some minor caveats.
Althought later he was freed by GG, he owned GG enormous debt (in his opinion). During that 100 years being FFB before joining Sheng Nong army, he probably carried the feeling of being debt in his heart.
I see a parallel between XL and XY here.
XY was held captive by the nine-tailed fox for 30 years. After she escaped, she took on the form of a man and wandered the world for ~160 years. In that time, she added to her previous knowledge of medicine and poison, with deadly intentions ("When Xiao Liu entered the medical profession, it all began with the wrong intentions. He wanted to learn to kill someone and not to learn to save someone.") Eventually XY settled down in QS town and opened a clinic. She stayed there for 20+ years and took in an old Xuan Yuan army deserter and two orphan boys. Eventually she also nursed a severely tortured young man back to health, as attentively as if she were his mother, and she meets the wine merchant Xuan. After 300 years of separation, XY realizes that Xuan the wine merchant is Cang Xuan. Because of their previous bond, XY saves his life, but she does not reveal her identity. Eventually her identity is exposed against her will, and the two are properly reunited. At that point, CX was in a difficult position. He had ambitions to inherit Xuan Yuan's throne one day, but he had no supporters. XY chose to support him and to stand by his side at that point because of their strong bond (loving him like her own brother) and because CX had no one else to walk that difficult path with him. Over the next 100+ years, XY remained steadfastly loyal to CX.
XL was enslaved and forced to fight in the slave death match arena for an unknown period of time. After he escaped, his life was endangered by a whirlpool and Gong Gong saved his life, but XL ended up running away from him to the far north. He spent over 100 years in the far north before taking over the identity of FFB. At that point, he went to live in the Fang Feng family residence, and nursed FFB's mother for four years until she died. He lived as just FFB for 100 years. Then, when Xuan Yuan defeated Sheng Nong and Gong Gong was abandoned by the world, XL chose to go back to him to repay his debt. Their relationship evolved, and XL came to love Gong Gong like a father. Over the next 400 years, XL remained steadfastly loyal to Gong Gong.
So:
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My point in raising this parallel is that XY never stopped remembering and missing CX and she carried plenty of trauma with her in the ~160 years that she wandered and the 20+ years she lived in QS town. But despite all of that, she lived relatively freely, and she told her father that she did not regret the life she led during that time.
That night Xiao Liu talked to the Grand Emperor all night on the stone steps of the pavilion. She felt like she had so many stories to tell her dad – the first time she killed a tiger, when she stole the snake demon’s egg, when she went to a brothel, when she opened a medical clinic, the farm wife who took her in and taught her to cook, the Lao Mu she brought home, the Chuan Zi and Ma Zi she rescued…..so many things, so many people, she wanted to share it all so her dad would know.
She wanted her dad to know that the last few hundred years wasn’t all pain, there was a lot of fun things and happy times. Not everyone she met was bad, she met some really good people too. All these amazing adventures made her feel like she couldn’t live a right and proper life as a Princess, and in fact she felt like the life she did lead was the one she was meant to live. She didn’t want her dad to feel bad, to feel guilty anymore.
After she regained her female identity, XY described the time that she felt like WXL again (when she was with FFB):
The two of them were each other’s companions as they enjoyed life’s endless pleasures.
...
When she was with Fang Feng Bei, Xiao Yao often forgot her identity and she would feel like she was still Wen Xiao Liu except wearing girl clothes.
Xiao Yao knew Fang Feng Bei was Xiang Liu, but because this wasn’t the battlefield and he wasn’t being a cold and ruthless battle god, it was like he took off his armor and resumed living the ordinary life as well. He was a spare son who didn’t have any ambition or influence, she was an ordinary goddess girl with very low power. No one ever paid them any attention.
...
Xiao Yao gradually understood what Xiang Liu meant – he wasn’t pretending to be Fang Feng Bei. He was just being himself. To him, Fang Feng Bei was like having a job that gave him a lot of freedom and he didn’t need to work everyday.
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I feel like XL's experience was probably similar. I'm sure he never forgot the things that Gong Gong did for him and the debt he owed him. And I'm sure he still carried plenty of trauma and had some difficulty navigating the world mostly on his own. But despite that, I don't think the debt he owed Gong Gong or the trauma he carried would have stopped XL from living a relatively free and happy life in the 100 years he spent as FFB after leaving the far north and before re-uniting with Gong Gong. And just as XY often did things, after she regained her female identity, to try to recapture some of the better aspects of her life as WXL (e.g., opening multiple medical clinics / exploring and having fun with FFB), I imagine XL used his identity as FFB in a similar way.
His characteristic at that time might be still simple as Left Ear.
And we can apply XY's observation of Left Ear to have insight of XL at that time:
Xiaoyao said: "Left Ear's life was very hard in the past, and it was unimaginable. He was very smart, but he was half-informed and half-uninformed about worldly things. You should be patient with him and take good care of him. Don't let him be deceived by others. People like him are stubborn. Once they decide something, no matter whether it's right or wrong, they will never look back even if they become a demon or ashes. Keep an eye on him and don't let him go astray. In fact, Left Ear's wish is very simple. He wants to have a sheltered cave, find a female beast, and live freely."
Left Ear was very loyal to FFB and XY. And XY taught him to become more human. In the case of XL, GG played such role of teaching him about life, moral, ethicality etc.
Although I agree that XY thinks of young XL as being similar to Left Ear and there is probably a lot of accuracy in that, I think it's also important to remember how XL's circumstances differed from Left Ear's circumstances. Those differences show that in the first 100 years where he lived as FFB, younger XL would not have been exactly like Left Ear was when he reunited with XY in chapter 43.
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windiaaa041293:
Yaoliu's feelings are in the lines of every chapter title
So it seems. Poetry goes right over my head so I didn't pay much attention when you ladies were discussing it, but I may have to go back and read through the discussions. I think H19279 has a separate poetry thread, so I'll start there. Wish me luck :-)
I'm reading and translating the newest edition..
Then it would be the 2019 version. I don't think they have released any newer editions following the 2019 one.
What I'm doing different when I translate is also find similar metaphors and idioms that means the same as the Chinese ones in order to make the translation more dynamic, and not plain language. Even when I translate it into Hmong, the words hold so much cultural context, that if you just translate it into English plainly, there are so much feelings/imageries lost.
This sounds like a lot of work. There have been a few discussions on this thread about the challenges of translating between very different languages and/or cultures. And yes, the translation between Chinese to English tends to lose many nuances and imageries due to the vast differences in culture and languages. Do you think translating from Hmong to English would then be less challenging?
1) How are CX and XY related? From their mothers or fathers?Kimiya78:
According to the original novel, XY's mother was the youngest sister of CX's father. Their grandparents (Yellow Emperor and his queen consort Ah Lei) had 4 children: 3 sons and 1 daughter. CX's father was the 3rd child and XY's mom is the 4th child. So, in term of bloodline, CX and XY were 1st cousins. Because of censorship, in the drama XY's mother became diciple of Ah Lei
2) Well there were few moments that XY talked to XL about herself being in the cage and all that stuff and XL's eyes would turn into demonish form (just don't remember the accurate name lol) could XL literally see those things that happened to her??? As far as I read the novel it wasn't mentioned.
No, XY's story and experience is similar to what XL had experienced when he was a kid or young age. What was shown is his memory of himself. In the novel, it was not mentioned. However, later XY's past was revealed that he was once enslaved in the death areana. He was also alone from birth. So, he understood XY's experience
3) (I guess it was on episod 29 in drama in brothel scene)What was FFB intention for having Tushan Jing deliver goods to Qingshui Town? Or putting it this way that why he asked that? Well honestly didn't get a single word outta their conversations in that scene nor did I get the content of that letter :/ do you mind enlightening me?
I really hate this creation in eps 29 since it is not written in the novel. This part pushed down XL and improved Jing's impression. This is my interpretation: It seems that XL mention XY th threathen Jing to accept to transport provisions for Sheng Nong army. My first impression is XL used XY's safety to threathen Jing. Some viewers regarded that part as XL intended to withdraw his fight for XY's feelings to trade with Jing. I really hate that scene so I don't want to rewatch that part
he said to her that if she would hate him when she woke up
Because XY would become semi-demon. Her pure deity would be "contaminated" by his demonic blood. He mentioned later when they were under the sea after CX's wedding becoming demon is the price to pay for being alive. Somehow he felt being demon is inferior to deity.
5) Well personally I keep asking myself this question and yet no conceivable answer found :/that why XL always keeps rejecting indirectly XY's love (or let's say her emotions toward him) when he can literally have her love while it just takes a mere move/respond from him. I know it's not that easy but I just can't get through his mind maaann I mean predominantly the time in drama when XY told him she wished she was the one who saved him then he responded that she wasn't worth it :( kinda spiled that moment.
The main reason is he knew he is not suitable as life-time companionship for XY which XY wanted most. He understood that XY had trauma of being abandoned by her loved ones (i.e, her mom, her father and relatives). XY always wanted a person who could put her as the first choice whatever happened. XY had responsibility and tied with Sheng Nong resistance army and his adorptive father Gong Gong (or Hongjing in the drama). And he well understood that Sheng nong army would be wipen out one day meaning his fate was death with them. If he had relationship with XY, and she fell in love deeply with him, she would be devastated when he died. Addionally, he was enermy of her family and CX whom XY cherished most as a brother. So, it would place XY in very difficult situation when they were together.
1) How are CX and XY related? From their mothers or fathers?
Through XY's mother and CX's father, who are siblings in the novel.
More details here: https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/120191-are-cang-xuan-and-xiao-yao-blood-relatives-in-the-drama
2) Well there were few moments that XY talked to XL about herself being in the cage and all that stuff and XL's eyes would turn into demonish form (just don't remember the accurate name lol) could XL literally see those things that happened to her??? As far as I read the novel it wasn't mentioned.
My interpretation of that scene in the drama was that the red-glowing eyes were meant to indicate that XY's story triggered a flashback to a corresponding difficult moment in XL's past (when he was captured, enslaved, and forced to fight in the slave death matches). I don't think the intent was to suggest that he could literally see XY's memories as she described them.
3) (I guess it was on episod 29 in drama in brothel scene)What was FFB intention for having Tushan Jing deliver goods to Qingshui Town? Or putting it this way that why he asked that? Well honestly didn't get a single word outta their conversations in that scene nor did I get the content of that letter :/ do you mind enlightening me?
I don't recall the details of this scene well enough. I'll let someone else address this one.
4) (in drama) When XL was in his shell attempting to save XY, he said to her that if she would hate him when she woke up right after mentioning that TJ wasn't gonna make it alive. How come he said such thing? Why would she hate Him for the death of TJ??
XL wondered / asked XY if she would hate him twice, in different contexts.
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Chapter 22:
The monthly healing day arrived again.
Xiang Liu saved Xiao Yao by feeding her his essential soul blood and then used his powers to push life through all her vital organs. Then he bit down on Xiao Yao’s neck and sucked the poison out from his own blood that was now in her body.
When the healing was done, Xiang Liu didn’t immediately put Xiao Yao down and instead continued to cuddle her in his arms.
After some time, he gently placed her down and stroked Xiao Yao’s face. “Xiao Yao, I hope that when you wake up, you won’t hate me.”
Xiao Yao yelled in her heart: I won’t hate you, I won’t hate you, I promise I won’t hate you as long as you talk more to me.
But Xiang Liu grew silent again.
...
Who knows how many more years passed and Xiao Yao gradually felt her own legs. She tried to wiggle her toes and it wasn’t clear if it moved. She couldn’t ask Xiang Liu to check for her. But regardless of whether it moved or not, she felt that her body was close to awakening.
One day Xiang Liu came back but instead of his usual touching her forehead and cheeks, he instead quietly stared at her. Xiao Yao couldn’t figure out what he was thinking, but she knew he was deciding something.
Xiang Liu picked up Xiao Yao. “Tonight is a full moon. I’ll take you out to play!”
Xiao Yao was confused, wasn’t the night of the full moon a night for healing?
Xiang Liu took her all over to stroll around, sometimes leisurely swimming in the ocean, other times heading up to the surface to rise and fall with the waves.
Tonight was different than usual in that he talked a lot. Every time they got to a place he would start talking.
...
Xiang Liu took Xiao Yao out for a long time and they didn’t return until late into the night.
“Xiao Yao, do you remember Tu Shan Jing? Wen Xiao Liu’s Ye Shi Qi? Since you’ve been sleeping, he’s also been unconscious. His life has been maintained by spiritual medicines until now but it’s almost at the limit. He’s at the brink of death.”
Jing, Jing……Xiao Yao didn’t feel sad when she died, life has its beginning so it must have an end. It didn’t start happy and need not end sad. But right now she was very sad, she didn’t want Jing to die.
Xiao Yao tried to move.
Xiang Liu asked, “If he died, would you be really sad and hate me to the core?”
Xiao Yao answered in her heart: I don’t want Jing to die, but I also won’t hate you.
Xiang Liu said, “Tonight I’m waking you up.”
Xiang Liu fed his essential soul blood to Xiao Yao, and different than before where it felt like warm flames that chased away the coldness of death in Xiao Yao’s body, tonight his essential soul blood was a raging inferno that scorched Xiao Yao. It was colliding in her body and appeared to rip her insides to shreds before slowly bonding it back together.
Xiao Yao couldn’t cry out but her body violently shook. Gradually her hands could move, her legs could move, and then she painfully cried out as all the soul essence entered her body and she passed out in the midst of unbearable pain.
When Xiao Yao woke up, she felt the warm sun on her body and she subconsciously turned over to keep on sleeping. Suddenly she opened her eyes in disbelief. She laid there in a daze and then slowly raised her hand up.
Oh! She really could move!
“Xiang Liu!” Xiao Yao sat up but then her head bumped into something hard and she saw stars.
-----
Chapter 26:
Xiang Liu suddenly asked, “Does it feel strange?”
Xiao Yao turned a few times and swam above him and stared at Xiang Liu. “It does feel strange that my body isn’t like before.”
Xiang Liu coolly said, “This is the price you paid to stay alive, to become a monster.”
Xiao Yao was startled and remembered that one time when Xiang Liu was healing her he whispered, “Don’t hate me.”
Xiang Liu saw Xiao Yao dazed and saying nothing and felt she was upset that her body had turned deviant. He laughed and sped up quickly and zoomed right past Xiao Yao and swam towards the ocean depths.
Xiao Yao reacted and quickly went to chase him. “Xiang Liu, Xiang Liu…..”
But she couldn’t catch up to him, and even though Xiang Liu didn’t abandon her fully, he kept his wide distance and never looked back, leaving only his distant figure in her eyes.
...
Xiang Liu ignored Xiao Yao and swam forward but she held onto his sleeve and stayed right beside him. “My body is different than other gods but I don’t see this as a price to pay for living. I think of it as getting a great gift! I’m so happy about it!”
Xiang Liu continued to ignore Xiao Yao but didn’t shake her hand off.
-----
The first time he hoped that she wouldn't hate him, he was worried that she would blame him for turning her into a "monster" with his blood transfusions.
The second time he mentioned XY hating him, he asked if she would hate him if TSJ died. At that point (near the end of the 37 years), XY was much stronger and had regained most of her senses, while TSJ (in his coma) was on the brink of death. After XY felt that she was close to waking up, XL stared at her for a long time like he was making a decision. He knew that only XY could save TSJ, and if he didn't wake her up in time TSJ would die. IMO, he asked XY if she would hate him if TSJ died because he was convincing / preparing himself to wake XY up (using the different method mentioned - which was faster and more painful than the regular monthly essential blood transfusions) and to send her back to TSJ in time to save TSJ's life. And XL was also preparing to not meet her when she woke up. From that point on in the story, XL actively pushes XY towards TSJ and away from himself.
Well personally I keep asking myself this question and yet no conceivable answer found :/that why XL always keeps rejecting indirectly XY's love (or let's say her emotions toward him) when he can literally have her love while it just takes a mere move/respond from him. I know it's not that easy but I just can't get through his mind maaann
In QS town, XY told XL that she was afraid of being lonely, and that if she couldn't find a permanent companion, a temporary companion would do. XL could be a temporary companion to her, but he couldn't play the role of her life partner in the way that she wanted. XL could not promise to never leave XY. They stood on opposite sides of a war. XL would not abandon Gong Gong and the remnant army for XY, and XY would not abandon CX for XL (at least not before chapter 31 - it's not clear whether the ice crystal ball was intended to indicate that XY was prepared to leave CX in order to be with XL or not).
I mean predominantly the time in drama when XY told him she wished she was the one who saved him then he responded that she wasn't worth it :( kinda spiled that moment.
Well what was going on with him that moment?
XY was getting too close to directly addressing the unspoken feelings between them, which XL would not let her do. XL was also aware that TSJ was following them in that scene. He intentionally scared XY backwards and behaved in a way that prompted TSJ to reveal himself and come forward. Through his words and demeanor, that scene is a very overt example of XL pushing XY away from himself + directly into TSJ's embrace.
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