Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance

 AH :

Instead, I think the resistance stemmed from the fact that she refused to truly let herself think that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with XL. And, more specifically, a version of XL that might actually choose to be with her (i.e., what FFB had been). She couldn't acknowledge the truth about her desire to be with him for several reasons. Not the least of which was that he was still CX's enemy and someone who would fight Xuan Yuan to to the death rather than ever foresake Gong Gong or the Shengnong remnant army. Someone who, for the entire month leading up to this question, was (intentionally) very cold to her - constantly creating distance between them and making her feel that, from his perspective, their relationship was only transactional. Someone who had just "killed" FBB, the version of himself that had been willing to at least be her temporary companion. 

Yes, I also view her resistance to answer the 4th question due to the fact that she had never let herself think of future with XL. However he was also the person that she truely wanted to accompany most. I don't believe that if XL hadn't killed FFB she would easily said FFB as she did with YSQ. In your POV, YSQ and Jing were 2 side of the same person who was married, she still easily said YES to YSQ. 

Her dream of swimming toward FFB but swimming back and crying when FFB turned into XL implied that she had thought of her destination with FFB. However, she was also alert that FFB was also a part of the whole XL package. She refused to think about him as her companion. Therefore the answer for that unanswered question should be XL. 

Unlike your opinion of FFB in chapters 23-32 when he was beside XY, it  was pure FFB, the text, his reaction and her response in these chapters gave me the feeling/vibe of XL. It was XL scared her when she wished to be born earlier to save him and let him be FFB only. It was XL (just had black hair but still white robe) who took her to the sea after CX's wedding, their conversation during the marriage, the excursion between XL and XY. The same applied for the meeting in chapter 25 when he said the archery lesson came to an end (when they met in Xiao Zhurong's manson in Xing yue and FL's birthday party, she address him as general XL to teach her archery) and chapter 29 (in the casino and the donkey meat restaurant). The their free enjoying the accompany of each other in chapter 19 was not describled into detail. 

 windiaaa041293:

Sorry for relying on you again, liddi, it seems the translation of the post above is not correct, maybe you can correct it

There are inaccuracies in the OCR Chinese text. This is what I corrected, and translated:

就是在这个时候,防风邶带她去花妖开的香料铺子玩,她用买的香露自己动手调配了十来种独特的香,小夭自己常用一种被她命名为“梦”的香,后来的左耳描述过这种香:<若有若无的幽香,遥远又亲近,犹如仲夏夜的绚烂星空。>

以前在清水镇,相柳给小夭的感觉是:“让人想接近又畏惧”;现在在轩辕城,防风邶给小夭的感觉则是:“若有若无、遥远又亲近”。

“仲夏夜的绚烂星空”这句话又是什么意思? 是仲夏夜之梦啊!《仲夏夜之梦》是莎士比亚的喜剧,一个富有浪漫主义色彩、有情人终成 眷属的故事。

所以小夭的梦是什么?是“有情人终成眷属”。

这和我之前对“入梦之人”的解释是一致的: 小夭早就在“海上生明月”时知道了自己爱相柳的心意,不能让相柳入梦不是指不能爱上相柳,而是她不能幻想和相柳终成眷属。

小夭还是做了有情人终成眷属的梦。她曾经不让相柳入梦,但是走了一个相柳,又来了一个防风邶,简直防不胜防。

那么,为什么小夭之前拒绝相柳入梦,现在却让防风邶入了梦?

这很好解释,虽然防风邶也跟相柳一样想杀颛顼,但是他又跟相柳有大大的不同。相柳狠辣毒舌,但防风邶却会温柔地和她说话;相柳总欺负她,但防风邶却会体贴地让着她;相柳无法满足她的,防风邶却会耐心地陪着她——满足。

当初小夭对相柳失望,其实还是由于相柳的态度问题,让小夭对他们的爱情没有信心,相柳让她没有安全感,才是她怯懦的主要原因,但凡相柳能像现在防风邶这样对小夭,小夭都会忍不住让他入梦。

即使防风邶现在也跟她哥哥立场对立,但是防风邶对她的热情,还是会让她对他抱有幻想。

It was during this time that Fangfeng Bei brought her to play at the perfume shop opened by flower demons, and she used the perfumes she bought to mix over ten unique fragrances. Xiao Yao herself often used a fragrance she named "Dream". Left Ear once described this particular fragrance as: "a delicate fragrance that is vague, distant yet intimate, like the glorious starry sky on a midsummer night."

In the past at Qingshui Town, Xiang Liu gave Xiao Yao the feeling of "making people want to get close yet afraid to do so." Now in Xuan Yuan City, Fangfeng Bei gave Xiao Yao the feeling of being "vague, distant yet intimate."

What does the phrase "a glorious starry sky on a midsummer night" mean? It's A Midsummer Night's Dream! "A Midsummer Night's Dream" is a comedy by Shakespeare, full of romanticism, a story where lovers eventually got married.

So what was Xiao Yao's dream? It is "lovers eventually get married."

This is consistent with  my previous explanation of "the person who enters dreams": Way back when "the moon rose over the sea", Xiao Yao was already aware of her love for Xiang Liu. Not being able to let Xiang Liu enter her dreams did not mean that she could not fall in love with Xiang Liu, but that she could not fantasise that she would eventually marry Xiang Liu.

Xiao Yao still ended up dreaming about lovers getting married. She once refused to let Xiang Liu enter her dreams, but with Xiang Liu's departure, Fangfeng Bei came, which made it impossible to guard herself against.

So why did Xiao Yao refuse to let Xiang Liu enter her dreams, but allowed Fangfeng Bei to do so?

This is easily explained. Although like Xiang Liu, Fangfeng Bei wanted to kill Zhuan Xu, there were significant differences between him and Xiang Liu. Xiang Liu was ruthless and had a cruel tongue, but Fangfeng Bei would talk to her gently; Xiang Liu always bullied her while Fangfeng Bei was considerate and accommodated her; What Xiang Liu could not do for her, Fangfeng Bei would patiently accompany her to fulfill her every wish.

Initially Xiao Yao was disappointed with Xiang Liu, because Xiang Liu's attitude gave her no confidence in their relationship. Xiang Liu made her feel insecure, which was the main reason for her cowardice. However, as long as Xiang Liu could treat her the same way Fangfeng Bei did, Xiao Yao would not be able to help but let him into her dreams.

Even though Fangfeng Bei was on opposing sides to her brother, his warmth towards her still caused her to harbour fantasies about him.

 AH :

I think the resistance stemmed from the fact that she refused to truly let herself think that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with XL. And, more specifically, a version of XL that might actually choose to be with her (i.e., what FFB had been).

 H19279:

I also view her resistance to answer the 4th question due to the fact that she had never let herself think of future with XL.

You both seem to agree that she couldn't answer the 4th question due to the fact that she had never let herself dream of a future with XL. 

What is difficult for me to reconcile with this is the fact that XY sent XL the snow globe with the mermaid and merman and then waited by the sea outside of Dragon Bone Prison for 7 days for him to take her away. These actions seem like pleas to XL, not FFB. My take on the situation is that XY was telling XL she was willing to give up everything to be with him and pleading with him to do the same. If this is the case, then how can we say that she never let herself dream of a future with XL?

Maybe she had let herself dream of a future with XL, but he was so resolute in shutting down her hope (by not answering her plea, robbing her wedding, ruining her reputation, killing off FFB, being cold to her, emphasizing the transactional nature of their relationship) that she was unwilling to let herself dream again.

XY also has a trait of being highly empathetic. We see examples of this when XY tells CX that she's willing to meet Jing not just because he asked her to (although this is definitely the case) or when she tells Jing that all she wants is someone who can't give her up when Jing says he knows that FFB is a more suitable to be with her. So I think another reason that XY refuses to answer is because she knows that XL has already made his decision and she doesn't want to put the additional burden on him of knowing that she wished for him to accompany her for the rest of her life. This would be a consistent with her previous sentiments:

Xiang Liu didn’t want her to know that when she was unconscious the things he did with her, and she didn’t want him to know that she already knew. Their embraces and companionship, just let it be buried deep in the dark ocean depths!

-- Vol 2 Ch 9 (Chapter 26)

 solarlunareclipse:

What is difficult for me to reconcile with this is the fact that XY sent XL the snow globe with the mermaid and merman and then waited by the sea outside of Dragon Bone Prison for 7 days for him to take her away. These actions seem like pleas to XL, not FFB. My take on the situation is that XY was telling XL she was willing to give up everything to be with him and pleading with him to do the same. If this is the case, then how can we say that she never let herself dream of a future with XL?

XL and XY had known each other for about 50 years by the time of wedding robery. And many of us believe that their love journey started on the day he took her to the ocean to watch the moon. And for sure she subconsciously loved him before she was taken to Gao Xin. Since the beginning, she had predicted his fate and always reminded herself that he could not be friend and since chapter 6 she openly said she was "scared" of him.

There are many posts discussing about the purpose of the ice crystal ball in this thread. Many (including myself) did not see her commitment to accompany XL via the scene and her message enclosed with the globe -"Two months later, I get married, and I made poison for you one last time, please kindly accept it". The scene in the globe implied her question, her doubt of his intention toward her and it was a kind of hope that the merman turn toward her (or her world) instead of following the merman. The globle with the message is kind of urge to him, however, at the same time shows her negativity and surrender to fate. 

Additionally, I think that the leaked script of LYF season 2 tried to elaborate more on her action of waiting on by the sea outside the Dragon Bone Prison. Her image gives the impression of passiveness. and in the drama, they added her lines that she didn't know why she did so. She waited for fate. If something happened, it was fate. If nothing happened, it was also fate. 

 AH :

Chapter 20:

After settling into Little Zhu Rong’s residence, Xiao Yao felt it not bad at all.

Even though Xing Yue was younger than her, but Xing Yue was a girl for much longer than her. Xiao Yao lacked a woman’s hand growing up so she followed Xing Yue around quite like Xing Yue was her older sister. Xing Yue taught Xiao Yao how to put on make up, discussed how to do her hair, helped paint her nails and told Xiao Yao that men liked to sneak a peak at a girl’s nails so she had to keep it in good condition.

Xiao Yao took out all the flower perfumes she bought in Xuan Yuan Castle and mixed it with herbs to create four unique scents for Xing Yue that she could use in each of the four seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. Xing Yue was beyond ecstatic.

Thanks for the information. I also thought that she gave the perfume to Xing Yue after she had relocated to the Middle Plain. However I was not so sure about the exact excerpt (also no time to search since my kids reminded me it was late for making dinner, hahaha). BTW, Kaola translation of the poisonous picture that XU made for XL in chapter 19 was wrong. She made the picture Lotus with koi fish. The flower, thus the essence that she tried to replicate is lotus, not water lilies . This picture has hidden meaning which is symbol for love

So, in chapter 16, she bought a lot of scents (flower dew)  In chapter 43, it is mentioned that Left Ear remembered her smell since she hugged him which happened in the casino/dead arena in Xuan Yuan in chapter 16. Thus the perfumed "Dream" was made before she got known that FFB was actually XL. 

In chapter 43, it was said as following

左耳说：“她身上的味道和你以前一样。”

小夭想了想，恍然大悟。那时候，邶带她去花妖的香料铺子里玩，她买过不少稀罕的香露，因为觉得新鲜好玩，自己动手调配了十来种独特的香，送了馨悦四种，阿念四种，她自己常用一种被她命名为“梦”的香，后来看苗莆喜欢，就送给苗莆用，她自己反倒玩厌了，不再用香。

Left Ear said: "She smells the same as you before." 

Xiaoyao thought for a while and suddenly realized. At that time, Bei took her to the flower demon's perfume shop. She bought a lot of rare fragrances. Because she thought they were fresh and fun, she mixed more than ten unique fragrances by herself and gave four to Xinyue and four to Ah Nian. She often used a scent she named "Dream". Later, she saw that Miao Pu liked it and gave it to Miao Pu. However, she herself got tired of it and stopped using incense.

As we see the she kept making incense/perfume for Xing Yue in chapter 20 when she move to Xing Yue's house for living (as requested by CX), meaning after FFB/XL left for Qing Shui in chapter 19. As summary by @AH about text related to her interest in smell and scents, chapter 20 was the last time when she showed her interest in perfume. At some point after that, she fed up with playing with scent/essence and no longer using perfume. I wonder if the moment she stopped using perfume corresponds to the time she hang out with Jing in Little Zhurong's manson. Miao Pu was given to XY to accompany and assist her when she moved to Little Zhurong, too. Thus, it is likely that her action of stop using "dream" perfume and perfume in general hints her choice of trying to forget XL and showing commitment to Jing

========

I would like to elaborate a bit in the inspiration of the "dream" perfume which was describled by Left Ear as "a delicate fragrane that is vague, distant yet intimate, like the glorious starry sky on a midsummer night".

As mentioned in my previous post, XY's inspiration for "Dream" perfume was Xiang Liu. She made this perfume before she and FFB met Left Ear in the death arena. Only after that FFB gave her a special hint that he might use to be a slave in death areana and she question who was he and check his heart beat. 

In chapter 5, TH describle WXL's view on the feeling of "making people want to approach but be afraid". However between them, there were a lot of intimacy such as he sucked her neck causing the arouse in chapter 6, WXL hold his hand when watching the moon, WXL showed his neck offer his blood to XL when he got injured etc.

"Xiang Liu sat on a tree next to the house, under the silver moonlight, he was dressed in white and white hair, like a person made of snow, clean and cold, making people want to approach but be afraid."

And the starry sky on a midsummer night was the what WXL watched when XL came to Huichun Clinic to ask/ request her to help him contact Jing for the matter of medicine herb. 

小六不去河边纳凉了，他紧锁院门，躺在晒草药的草席上，仰望星空，一颗颗数星星。

“三千三百二十七……”

有白色的雪花，从天空优雅地飞落，小六发现自己竟然有点惊喜，忙收敛了笑意，闭上了眼睛。

Xiaoliu stopped going to the river to enjoy the cool air. He locked the door of the courtyard and lay on the straw mat where he was drying herbs, looking up at the stars and counting the stars one by one. "Three thousand three hundred and twenty-seven..." 

There were white snowflakes falling gracefully from the sky. Xiao Liu found that he was a little surprised, so he quickly suppressed his smile and closed his eyes. 

(Vol 1 - Chapter 5)

It was summer at that time (WXL came to Yu's manson in summer and YSQ was recognised by Jing Ye there) and WXL could count thousands of stars on the sky. He was surprised but also happy when XL came. 

The star on the sky was also used as idiom for something that out of reach in the novel. It is also the impression that XL had given - ethereal 

 H19279:

Yes, I also view her resistance to answer the 4th question due to the fact that she had never let herself think of future with XL. However he was also the person that she truely wanted to accompany most. I don't believe that if XL hadn't killed FFB she would easily said FFB as she did with YSQ. In your POV, YSQ and Jing were 2 side of the same person who was married, she still easily said YES to YSQ. 

It sounds like you're saying that your view is that XY wanted to be with XL's XL side more than she wanted to be with his FFB side, and that she would not have named FFB in answer to this question even if XL had not "killed" FFB earlier in the chapter?

I don't really agree with the first part, but I think that's perhaps because we mean different things when we conceptualize what "FFB" means vs. "XL". I do agree with the second part, but maybe for different reasons.

When XY was asked if she was willing to marry TSJ, she did not answer. At that point, marrying TSJ would mean becoming the Tushan Clan leader's concubine, since he already had a wife (unless there's some possibility of him having two wives, like CX's two empresses, that I'm not aware of, in which case she would be the second wife). TSJ came with a lot of baggage and could not put her first, even though he wanted to (I know there are those who would argue that if he really wanted to he would have regardless of the consequences, but that's missing the point and ignoring XY's thoughts on the matter). All in all, in chapter 32 TSJ did not meet XY's criteria for a husband. 

In contrast, when XY was asked if she was willing to marry YSQ, she was able to easily say yes. IMO, that would be because if she was somehow presented with the opportunity to marry YSQ, that would mean that he had cut ties with the Tushan clan and met her criteria for a husband. In that scenario, he would forever be YSQ and he would always put her first. Plus, because it seemed very unlikely (almost impossible) that TSJ would ever be "YSQ" again, it would also seem very unlikely (and almost impossilbe) that she would ever actually face the possibility of marrying "YSQ". And when a question like that seems purely hypothetical, it's even easier to answer quickly and without qualms. 

Whereas when she is asked who (out of all the people she cares about in the world) she most wants to spend the rest of her life with, the considerations are different. IMO, the answer to this question is that she most wants to spend the rest of her life with a version of XL that was not tied to the army, that wasn't CX's enemy, and that was willing to be with her for life, and the closest approximation of that was FFB. But even if XL had not just "killed" FFB, there were other reasons why she would have difficulty even thinking about naming FFB (or XL) in answer to this question. 

First, confidence in his feelings. XY beleived that TSJ wanted to be YSQ and wanted to marry her. Although he wasn't able to deliver on his promise to return to her as YSQ by that point (chapter 32), she was confident about his feelings. Whereas she did not have confidence in FFB/XL's feelings, because he worked very hard to make her doubt them. Did XL actually want to permanently become FFB (meaning, a version of himself that could be "ordinary" and be her companion, rather than the version of himself that was the distant soldier who couldn't commit to her because of his ties to the army) the whole time they were together so that he could be her life-long companion, but was prevented from doing so, similar to how TSJ was prevented from permanently becoming YSQ, despite his feelings and desire to do so? Putting aside our views as readers on that point and thinking specifically about how XY would think about it, IMO she would not have confidence in XL's feelings or that he wanted to permanently become the version of himself that was not tied to the army / that could choose her. In their half-serious, half-joking conversation when he was FFB, he was not willing to give up everything to wander the world with her. When she woke up after the 37 years of healing, he did not meet her. When she sent him the ice crystal ball, he did not respond. He was cold and harsh and said so many things that were specifically designed to make her (already a very guarded person who was afraid of being hurt) question and doubt his feelings. So how could she confidently say (to his face no less!) that XL or FBB was the person she most wanted to spend the rest of her life with, when she didn't have confidence that he felt the same?

Second, her being willing (especially at that point, after the wedding with Feng Long had already been ruined) to marry YSQ is not a betrayal of CX or her promise to always be by his side. In terms of the impact on her relationship with CX, marrying YSQ wouldn't necessarily have to be all that different from marrying Feng Long. But if she were to say, at this point, that the person she most wanted to spend the rest of her life with was XL or a version of XL (i.e., FFB), wouldn't that be her openly telling CX's current enemy that she would choose CX's enemy over CX for her life-long companion? Naming FFB, rather than XL, would be less of a betrayal, but since FFB also previously tried to assassinate CX and was inextricably tied to XL, there would still be some element of betrayal by naming him, even if, in a hypothetical scenario where she did spend the rest of her life with FFB, she might hope that they would be able to make peace between FFB and CX. I can picture XY resisting even considering articulating such a betrayal of CX. And realistically, how likely would it be that XY could spend the rest of her life with any version of XL and still maintain her ties to CX and her grandfather? Even if she hoped that XL/FFB would not be their enemy in this scenario, I imagine she'd feel like choosing to spend her life with XL/FFB woud mean choosing to not spend her life with CX and her grandfather. 

There are probably other factors beyond those, but those are the first two that come to mind and his has already gotten overly long. 

 H19279:

Unlike your opinion of FFB in chapters 23-32 when he was beside XY, it  was pure FFB

I'm not sure what you mean by this / what opinion of mine you're referring to. 

 H19279:

Her dream of swimming toward FFB but swimming back and crying when FFB turned into XL implied that she had thought of her destination with FFB. However, she was also alert that FFB was also a part of the whole XL package. She refused to think about him as her companion. Therefore the answer for that unanswered question should be XL.

I'm not following your logic here as to why the dream would mean that her answer (if she had allowed herself to think about it) must be XL and not FFB. IMO, the dream seems to indicate the opposite. 

In her dream, she approached the smiling, black-haired version of XL and stopped + turned back when he turned into the cold, white-haired version of himself.

IMO, she clearly wanted to be with the smiling, black-haired version of XL/FFB. I think we can infer from other parts of the story that she also wants to be with the other side/version of XL/FFB, but she stops and turns back when faced with that version for other reasons (not a lack of wanting to be with him). IMO, XL's white hair, white clothes, cold demeanor, and etheral qualities were all reminders of how he was someone who was not attainable / not someone that XY could be with. 

I feel like the dream provides insight into what she means when she wishes that XL would forever be FFB. IMO, those wishes stem, at least in part, from a desire for him to be the approachable version of himself that she can be with. Even though she knows, when she makes those wishes, that he will never foresake the things that make his "XL side" his XL side. 

 solarlunareclipse:

You both seem to agree that she couldn't answer the 4th question due to the fact that she had never let herself dream of a future with XL.

What is difficult for me to reconcile with this is the fact that XY sent XL the snow globe with the mermaid and merman and then waited by the sea outside of Dragon Bone Prison for 7 days for him to take her away. These actions seem like pleas to XL, not FFB. My take on the situation is that XY was telling XL she was willing to give up everything to be with him and pleading with him to do the same. If this is the case, then how can we say that she never let herself dream of a future with XL?

I generally avoid absolute statements unless I'm very confident in them. 

In this case, it would be very hard to say with a high degree of certainty that XY never let herself dream of a future with XL. So I would not use those exact words. 

However, I stand by the wording from my comment, which speaks to my interpretation of XY's mindset at one particular point in time. 

 AH :

Instead, I think the resistance stemmed from the fact that she refused to truly let herself think that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with XL. And, more specifically, a version of XL that might actually choose to be with her (i.e., what FFB had been). She couldn't acknowledge the truth about her desire to be with him for several reasons.

When XY sent the ice crystal ball to XL, I personally do not think she was in a place where she "was telling XL she was willing to give up everything to be with him and pleading with him to do the same". That makes it sound like XY was actually being really honest with herself about her feelings, was really certain of her feelings, was willing to expose her feelings to XL, was willing to be active (rather than passive) and was willing to leave everything behind (including CX), and was brave enough to ask XL to leave with her. And I just don't see that level of self-honesty, willingness to be vulnerable, willingness to take action, or bravery (at least when it comes to romance) in XY. 

We know for sure that XY created the ice crystal ball and the scene inside of it shortly after CX became the Black Emperor in chapter 28, and that she didn't send it to XL until four years later (after she spoke to Feng Long about setting a wedding date). So the thought process that went into designing the scene in the ice crystal ball reflected whatever her mindset was four years before she ended up sending it. 

We know that XY told XL in chapter 29 that she would not make any more poisons for him after she was married to Feng Long, and that she wanted to remove the poisonous bugs.

We know that after XY finalized the ice crystal ball in preparation for sending it to XL, she stared at it and said to herself, "This is the last time."

We know that when she sent the ice crystal ball to XL, she sent it with a note that read, “In two months I am getting married. This is the last poison I will make for you. Please accept with a smile.”

We know that after XY sent the ice crystal ball to XL, she went to Gaoxing. There, it was her father who told her to take seven days to consider whether she wanted to marry Feng Long. During each of those seven days, she stood on the shore of Five Gods Mountain and watched the ocean. At the end of the seven days, she told her father that she had made her decision and to set the wedding date. 

The thing about that sequence of events is that XY gives herself a ton of internal and external cover. She can pretend to others, and even convince herself on some level, that she was sending the ice crystal ball to XL as the last poison she would make him before getting married. And to the extent that she allowed herself to be aware that she was really sending the ice crystal ball to XL for another reason (hence her spending extra money to send it to XL as fast as possible and then waiting for him on the shore of Five Gods Mountain for seven days), she could tell herself that the other / real reason for sending it was just that she hoped XL would show up and give her a reason to not marry Feng Long, without thinking to deeply or specifically about what that would entail (including what she was willing to do and what she wanted from XL). Or maybe she wouldn't even let herself acknowledge that much. She hadn't seen XL in years by that point (since they parted ways in chapter 29), so maybe she would try to convince herself that she just wanted to see him again before her wedding, perhaps as a goodbye since she would no longer be sending him poisons, and perhaps to have him acknowledge and appreciate the last poison she created for him, similar to the interaction they had in chapter 19. 

 solarlunareclipse:

Maybe she had let herself dream of a future with XL, but he was so resolute in shutting down her hope (by not answering her plea, robbing her wedding, ruining her reputation, killing off FFB, being cold to her, emphasizing the transactional nature of their relationship) that she was unwilling to let herself dream again.

Yes. If there was ever a point where XY did allow herself to have some small hope / to dream of having a romantic relationship with XL before chapter 32, I imagine that little hope would've taken a very thorough beaten, and might have been completely extinguished, by the time XL asked that last question in chapter 32 for all of the reasons you mentioned. 

I am reminded of her thought in chapter 35, when XL momentarily looked like FFB.

-----

Chapter 35:

She stared at Xiang Liu and the man before her was that dissolute wastrel, but the moment she was about to become torn again a strand of white hair fell that reminded her exactly who he was. Xiao Yao softly stroked his hair and said, “This place is not safe to stay. Pay your respects and hurry off!”

 solarlunareclipse:

XY also has a trait of being highly empathetic. We see examples of this when XY tells CX that she's willing to meet Jing not just because he asked her to (although this is definitely the case) or when she tells Jing that all she wants is someone who can't give her up when Jing says he knows that FFB is a more suitable to be with her. So I think another reason that XY refuses to answer is because she knows that XL has already made his decision and she doesn't want to put the additional burden on him of knowing that she wished for him to accompany her for the rest of her life. This would be a consistent with her previous sentiments:

Xiang Liu didn’t want her to know that when she was unconscious the things he did with her, and she didn’t want him to know that she already knew. Their embraces and companionship, just let it be buried deep in the dark ocean depths!

-- Vol 2 Ch 9 (Chapter 26)

I like the logic here, referencing back to Chapter 26, but I don't think it would explain the entirety of her reaction to XL's last question. 

It wasn't just that she didn't answer him. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to answer the question, but then underwent an internal struggle. And the text said that there was something that she usually refused to think about. And because it was something that she usually refused to think about, her mind was extremely resistant to the point of causing a painful headache. 

In the scenario you considered, it sounds like XY would have been willing to think about the question and the answer to it, and to be honest with herself about the answer, and just refused to express the answer to XL for fear of burdening him. But if that were the case, then why did the text talk about something that XY usually refused to think about?