This would be a spoiler, for those who havent read the manwha. So you re going to get yelled at for not adding…
Added the spoiler tag phew haha sorry and thank you for reminding me and commenting ^^! And yayyy happy you saw it that way too and agreed it fits better/makes more sense to adapt it that way
I realised it after: I was first surprised to see the kiss scene in ep 3 because I remembered that in the original manhwa, it takes a bit more time before they share a kiss, which I found refreshing in the original because it showed that Jay and Yohan/Sun’s sexual relationship wasn’t just based on power dynamics of an ‘investor’ getting together with an ‘actor’ for benefits. So I went back to the manhwa, and indeed, their first kiss takes place on the rooftop which takes place quite a few scenes after the scene we’re currently at in the series. I find the symbolism of that choice stronger in the original because of it, so why would the series change it and choose to have the kiss now?
So I carefully went back to the specific chapter we are at right now in the latest episode, and realised: is the kiss we saw at the end of the episode imaginary?
Because in the manhwa, there’s a very brief moment, right where we are at, where Jay amusingly and grossly says to Sun/Yohan ‘did you imagine me r*ping you?’, and then we quickly see images of that vision (in a more crude way in the manhwa - I think that’s why it didn’t occur to me immediately when I went back to read it as it’s been a long time for me). If so, that would actually be so cool, because it would mean the series is indeed following the manhwa very closely and is planning on keeping the original symbolism of the development of their relationship (which I like a lot). Plus it keeps the viewers engaged and intentionally tricks us to consider the nature of Jay and Sun’s relationship. If I’m right, this will probably be the only time in a series that I’ll be fond of a kiss scene that turned out to be imaginary haha (since it’ll be much more fulfilling in the context when they finally do kiss for the first time). So now I’m very excited for next week’s episode, especially because it’ll cover the chapters where we see more of the long-awaited ‘flashback’, and we will get to see how Sun & Jay become closer emotionally.
Wanted to write this to know what other people thought of this analysis (whether it’s obvious or not or if ppl agree/disagree) so if you took the time to read, would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for reading this far ^^
Tried to make a Lu feng and Yichen edit to the lyrics of Michael Jackson's Dirty Diana where I wanted to show the tension between what the characters want but what their environment forces on them & how that influences their personality:
They shadow banned alot of people's post on IG recently.
Gotcha that explains a lot, I'm unaware, is it something that's happening with a lot of BLs in general or actually this one is more of an exception? (Thank you for the swift reply btw :D)
Great analysis!I thought it was in the present and they definitely make it on purpose to play both possibilities…
Thank you so much! I have yet to catch up to the remaining episodes but agreed that’s what I really like about this series, especially the details in what his partner chooses to share, withhold and convey like you mention, and I think that’s a pretty unique aspect of the series because there is more than one reason why the partner is concealing other aspects of their lives, even more so given what we as the viewers already know of their high school days (and how the partner chooses to navigate that, for one), let alone the mystery of what occurred during the years after. Wonder what you thought of the rest if you’ve had a chance to watch it till the end ^^
Your analysis is spot on! Had me seeing that scene in a new light!Usually I just skip through those "NC"…
Thank you so much! ^^ I actually still have to catch up to the rest of the episodes so can’t say much about what is revealed in the end, but completely agree that it gave a further dimension to the story and curious as to what you thought if you’ve had a chance to finish the series :D
There's a common expectation especially as a viewer or third party in a situation, to plainly view things as: if one person has feelings for another that the other person has to have a "valid" reason (ex: already dating someone or not being of the sexual orientation that would make them attracted to the person) if they don't accept the other person's feelings, especially in this case where it takes some time.
I think this comes from an inherent want (even as an external person) to see that the person who is pursuing gets their affection returned - perhaps because we hope to be loved back, or even more so, to be loved for who we are - since childhood - and that in a romantic context, then accepting a confession would be proof of that.
But confessions and dating aren't so straightforward, they're tied to societal perception, and each person will approach it with their own motives: whether for status, pressures of norms & others' views, purely wanting to escape loneliness, being physically attracted to someone, loving someone sincerely, wanting to explore one's identity and more. and within all that, it's easy to forget, that we treat people and ourselves with intentions, and we sense it between us (whether consciously or subconsciously).
On one hand, the person who is receiving a confesssion, shouldn't have any obligation to reciprocate of course, but it's also more than that: it's about authenticity and respect both toward the confessor and yourself, rather than as a reflection of someone distant or emotionally cold. on the contrary, being able to accept, reject or take time with someone's confession at one's own pace and based on one's genuine mindset/feeling, is the most warm-hearted and sincere answer.
This is why I really like how Duang With You introduces us to the story through Duang's perspective first to reel us into that default mode at first; we very much see and feel how Duang is affected - with time - by the uncertainty of whether Qin will ever reciprocate his feelings, and those feelings are underlined rather than dismissed. But one of the strengths of the series is that Qin's perspective is given equal weight, as he is portrayed as discretely gentle, guarded yet straight-forward, taking time to open up, doing so more slowly than societal expectations (and his friends - affectionately) impose.
Therefore any way that he does want to be with Duang feels that much more meaningful because of this. it's a reflection of himself rather than what we/the world hopes for, and gives further subjectivity & legitimacy to his experiences. it's the overall importance that everything he shows, every mutual feeling they share, is one that isn't for granted nor obligatory, it's free, it's thought out, and carried out with great care despite the fear, which is highlighted even more with the show's emphasis on consent.
I find that there’s so much beauty in how the intimate scene was made and edited in episode 2. Even though it is most likely a flashback, everything about it - from the pyjama clothes, to why Saebyeok was sleeping on the sofa - creates a mystery & ambiguity about when and what is actually happening, since it introduces the possibility of the scene not being a flashback:
In the present timeline, it could genuinely be that that’s where Saebyeok is sleeping prior to the morning scene, because we know he didnt leave the house and ended up in the same bed as Haneul in the end. But we’re also made to think it is a flashback because the current Haneul (with amnesia) wouldn’t initiate a sexual interaction with him and at the very least, would not act the way he did (with experience and familiarity of Saebyeok), meaning that, given it’s most likely a flashback, there is nonetheless an undisclosed reason as to why Saebeyok is sleeping on the couch (given they’re a couple), which directs us, the viewers, to have to speculate about what happened in a past timeline (for example, maybe they had a small fight and Saebyeok ended up sleeping on the couch or that S. came back home late from work and just fell asleep on the couch for some reason). Yet because the reason is undisclosed, it makes the viewer correlate the scene to the present timeline even more.
In fact, the past and present timeline feel merged in that scene altogether. What specifically makes it feel that way for the viewer, is that, when Haneul approaches Saebyeok on the couch, his first reaction is to trace Saebyeok’s face with curiosity, just like you’d assume he would in the current timeline(in fact the scene starts with us thinking we *are* in the current timeline due to this) - because it suits the reaction of a character/Haneul who is in disbelief that his rival friend has become his lover, and who would want to look at him more closely as Saebyeok is sleeping (since Haneul would be too stubborn & guarded to do so if Saebyeok was awake). But the following moments, where he’s sensual with Saebyeok, are clearly from the ‘consciousness’ of the 29 year old Haneul who is used to being physically intimate with Saebyeok. Still, the scene creates enough ambiguity, strangely enough, that we simply don’t know 100% what is true (even if it’s 99.9% likely that it’s a flashback). This makes the scene feel so much more eery and plays with notions of dream and reality. It makes the idea of memory/identity feel very vivid and yet ephemeral and hard to grasp. Even more so, it opens up a new possibility, that perhaps Haneul temporarily regains his memories at times, making the scene feel even more mystical and cryptic - are there even moments that we as the viewer don’t see in the current timeline and that Saebyeok experiences?
That’s the kind of mystery the scene gets us to feel. Even if Haneul doesn’t actually temporarily turn into his 29 year old self in the current timeline, it’s more about the fact that the series is playing with that ambiguity to make us feel like we’re in young Haneul’s shoes, seeing things from this fragmented, dream-like perspective, which is exactly why when he wakes up, he, himself, asks whether it was a dream. It’s one thing for the series to add an intimate scene and then show the character being confused to let us know what they’re experiencing, and it’s another to make us, the viewers, feel that confusion, desire, and curiosity *with* the character. I know it might not be for everyone, but I really liked that so much personally.
This is my take on Pai's reaction (as a non-novel reader), because I really feel this progression elevates the emotional layers of the story character-wise. What I really liked about the latest episode is that it showed a clear contrast between the two main couples but it also highlighted what makes the dynamic of each couple special beyond their trope-based characterisations. Most of all, it made the details of certain characters, especially Pai, shine.
As the audience, we saw how North and Pai reacted when they found out about Yu a few episodes back: the outcome, especially on Pai's end, was to resort to putting distance between them and Yu, even to the extent (logically) of wanting him gone altogether. So for us, this created more tension around how Pai would react to "Tim"’s true identity being exposed. It made us expect that Pai would similarly distance himself from Tim for a while - and this is the most common execution in a series for this kind of scenario. But instead, whilst Pai is in disbelief and angry, he still lets Tim stay in his vicinity. Instead of completely isolating himself as we would have come to expect, he doesn't completely cut Tim off, in fact he's (reluctantly) willing to see him, he's (ultimately) willing to go to his house, he even instinctually calls out to him for help when he's scared and jumps to hug Tim, reflecting that, despite the betrayal, there’s something more to this that allows Pai to have Tim around him, even if he is currently hurt (if someone was to argue that Pai is only around Tim right now because his grandfather blocked all his credit cards & access to his house, my thoughts on this are that, if he really wanted to, Pai would have other ways to find a place to sleep, such as his childhood friend’s place - so his choices showcase the openness that remains for Tim in his heart).
Now there are two particular reasonings behind Pai's reaction which I find meaningful:
1. Pai doesn't seem to let people in his life easily. He was suspicious and disliked Yu from the get-go, so when Yu’s true plan was exposed, Pai is decisive about cutting Yu off from their lives, especially as he's protective of North. Pai appears to be more logic-oriented and detached when making certain decisions, which I think is something he has honed at work (in his role as CEO), and which he seems to apply to people he isn't as close to or has put a distance from, from the start. But it's different when he cares about someone, especially someone he confides and feels safe with - which brings that down to a very few people because he is that specific about who he allows in his heart.
2. But even more interestingly, what stands out to me is that Pai's reaction also, almost in contradiction to my earlier point, solidifies Pai's ability to assess people, and his intelligence: a key reason as to why Pai isn't cutting Tim out of his life so far is that now that Pai knows the truth, he can think back on every interaction with that knowledge. Pai is most likely already putting together all the possible inconsistencies in how Tim presented himself, and differentiating between the act and the genuine. So even though it hasn't been shown or said explicitly, I feel like this is what is happening to Pai in the second half of the episode. Even as Pai knows what Tim did, he still knows and/or feels deep within that parts of what he saw of Tim are true. That what he had with Tim wasn't solely built on lies. Because Pai's reaction is of someone who is troubled by the shock of processing the extent of the lies and not so much on the premise that nothing was real.
This is a direct contrast to North, who, as a person, struggles more in analysing events logically, and judges based on his assessment of emotions, action and empathy - which is why the turning point for North was to learn about Yu’s perspective, his backstory, and experience with trust - because it is more difficult for him to assess purely by re-considering past events. Meanwhile, for Pai, whilst he also shows love & empathy for Tim (when he’s hurt etc), he operates more on the consensus of how he can, through his own judgement (not so much the other person), make out what led to this specific moment from an analytical point of view.I do believe that a lot of Pai’s reaction can be explained by the fact that Pai senses that he 'understands' Tim as a person even if he doesn't 'know' exactly who Tim is anymore, and this understanding is rooted in the time that they have spent together.
This also goes to show the difference in how the series represents betrayal psychologically in terms of the time spent between both couples. Pai has spent enough time with Tim, and has the depth of judgement, that allows him to reason Tim’s actions without even knowing the whole truth yet, and it is because he does have a grasp of who Tim is beyond the facade he was showing. What’s beautiful about this is that it is representing love (in a case where it was mutual like Tim and Pai) as based on a more profound understanding of the person, even if it wasn’t fully conscious, especially before knowing what was going on with the person. And you see this a little bit with Yu and North as well, where, unlike Pai, North has a more primal sense of distrust after he finds out about Yu (based more simply on the facts of what he learns at any point in time and the feelings they procure, rather than analysing the nuances), yet he also keeps Yu physically around and tries to test him, not because he doesn’t want anything to do with Yu anymore, but because he wants to know the truth and subconsciously wants to continue having Yu around, and hopes that the mutual love he thought he felt is actually real, and not just fabricated.This brings me to the aspect that personally comforted me the most in this episode.
Whilst some of the interactions of Pai getting scared by the geckos and hugging Tim come across as comedic on the surface, they are at the heart of why Pai is reacting the way he does. Tim is one of the only, if not THE only, person he truly feels like he can rely on and be vulnerable with (as can be seen by the fact that his instinct is to hug Tim when he is afraid). All he wants, now that he does know the truth….is to be reassured. He wants reassurance that Tim is still there for him, even when he has nothing. He wants the reassurance that Tim does love him, and wasn’t solely there for the money. He wants the reassurance that at least a part of what made him feel safe with Tim is real. That his judgement of reality had substance (because this goes further than a relationship with someone, it also ties back to questions of his identity and perception). So when Pai sees that Tim still goes after him even when learning that Pai is disowned, when he sees that Tim waited outside for him all night, I think it is intentionally symbolic that when he got scared by the gecko, he ‘opened a door’ to let Tim back in to protect him, and be with him. A first step toward accepting Tim despite the circumstances, and which leads to the second step of him accepting to go to Tim’s house (all of these are based on ‘proof’ that Pai is now continuously assessing how Tim reacts to him now that Tim’s plan failed and that Pai doesn’t have any wealth to his name). In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if, even if only subconsciously, Pai himself was the one to suggest getting disowned by his family, because he wanted, emotionally, to really see what would happen if that was the case, what this would reveal about Tim (even if part of it is of course due to the guilt Pai thinks he bears in his ‘lapse’ of judgement, and wanting to take responsability for his family).
And to me, it makes Pai and Tim’s scenes after the ‘reveal’ that much more heartfelt, and warm. Because Pai is already seeing that Tim’s love is indeed genuine, he senses it even before he asks any questions with all of the things I mentioned prior. So when the scene at night occurs, and he sees physical traces that further show the genuineness of Tim’s feelings for him and his intent to build the ‘family project’ together, you can see in Pai’s eyes a kind of gradual certainty, openness and gentleness that sets in. When Tim then tells him he does truly love him, even if not at first sight, you see this. What’s unique about the scene is that the execution is strikingly different to a lot of other series. Many series would show that the other character is overwhelmed with anger (understandably) to even be able to hear the person out. In Pai’s case, he’s listening whilst looking conflicted, because whilst it allows him to confirm more things that are brewing in his mind, then, just like he says himself, there’s a difference between understanding and forgiveness.
Yet, despite that, his heart is very much there for Tim, and that really shows, when he hugs Tim again when Tim pretends there’s a gecko, and then lets Tim kiss him on the cheek multiple times, even when he figured there wasn’t a gecko and is ‘seemingly’ trying to get out of Tim’s hold. To me, this says everything. He doesn’t even get angry when he gets teased by Tim, and doesn’t seriously try to push Tim away. He needs this. It’s healing for him. Because it is a true display of Tim’s feelings for him, and it’s anchored by the fact that the moment that precedes this is the moment Tim says “Well, I did ask”. It’s a moment when Tim had said he isn’t giving up on Pai, showcasing a new side of Tim, a real side of him that shows he is just as in love with Pai as he’d shown before. This is why the events of the episode play out so well in my mind, and really makes the episode feel heart-warming and soothing (and interesting in terms of themes of trust and forgiveness). Of course, I do think that Pai will not let Tim go so easy, and will have go about his own way toward forgiving Tim, but I think that that’s more a matter of Pai strategically regaining further trust in Tim and getting Tim to face some sort of consequence, but on an emotional level, this episode really captured the nuances of how Pai went about assessing whether he still felt safe loving Tim and allowing him back into his life. (Sorry for the long rant and thank you for reading, curious to hear any thoughts)
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1
So I carefully went back to the specific chapter we are at right now in the latest episode, and realised: is the kiss we saw at the end of the episode imaginary?
Because in the manhwa, there’s a very brief moment, right where we are at, where Jay amusingly and grossly says to Sun/Yohan ‘did you imagine me r*ping you?’, and then we quickly see images of that vision (in a more crude way in the manhwa - I think that’s why it didn’t occur to me immediately when I went back to read it as it’s been a long time for me). If so, that would actually be so cool, because it would mean the series is indeed following the manhwa very closely and is planning on keeping the original symbolism of the development of their relationship (which I like a lot). Plus it keeps the viewers engaged and intentionally tricks us to consider the nature of Jay and Sun’s relationship. If I’m right, this will probably be the only time in a series that I’ll be fond of a kiss scene that turned out to be imaginary haha (since it’ll be much more fulfilling in the context when they finally do kiss for the first time). So now I’m very excited for next week’s episode, especially because it’ll cover the chapters where we see more of the long-awaited ‘flashback’, and we will get to see how Sun & Jay become closer emotionally.
Wanted to write this to know what other people thought of this analysis (whether it’s obvious or not or if ppl agree/disagree) so if you took the time to read, would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for reading this far ^^
https://www.tiktok.com/@bilily.bts/video/7639787566648085782?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=mobile&sender_web_id=7639865860958520865
There's a common expectation especially as a viewer or third party in a situation, to plainly view things as: if one person has feelings for another that the other person has to have a "valid" reason (ex: already dating someone or not being of the sexual orientation that would make them attracted to the person) if they don't accept the other person's feelings, especially in this case where it takes some time.
I think this comes from an inherent want (even as an external person) to see that the person who is pursuing gets their affection returned - perhaps because we hope to be loved back, or even more so, to be loved for who we are - since childhood - and that in a romantic context, then accepting a confession would be proof of that.
But confessions and dating aren't so straightforward, they're tied to societal perception, and each person will approach it with their own motives: whether for status, pressures of norms & others' views, purely wanting to escape loneliness, being physically attracted to someone, loving someone sincerely, wanting to explore one's identity and more. and within all that, it's easy to forget, that we treat people and ourselves with intentions, and we sense it between us (whether consciously or subconsciously).
On one hand, the person who is receiving a confesssion, shouldn't have any obligation to reciprocate of course, but it's also more than that: it's about authenticity and respect both toward the confessor and yourself, rather than as a reflection of someone distant or emotionally cold. on the contrary, being able to accept, reject or take time with someone's confession at one's own pace and based on one's genuine mindset/feeling, is the most warm-hearted and sincere answer.
This is why I really like how Duang With You introduces us to the story through Duang's perspective first to reel us into that default mode at first; we very much see and feel how Duang is affected - with time - by the uncertainty of whether Qin will ever reciprocate his feelings, and those feelings are underlined rather than dismissed. But one of the strengths of the series is that Qin's perspective is given equal weight, as he is portrayed as discretely gentle, guarded yet straight-forward, taking time to open up, doing so more slowly than societal expectations (and his friends - affectionately) impose.
Therefore any way that he does want to be with Duang feels that much more meaningful because of this. it's a reflection of himself rather than what we/the world hopes for, and gives further subjectivity & legitimacy to his experiences. it's the overall importance that everything he shows, every mutual feeling they share, is one that isn't for granted nor obligatory, it's free, it's thought out, and carried out with great care despite the fear, which is highlighted even more with the show's emphasis on consent.
https://www.tiktok.com/@bilily.bts/video/7622055431451446550?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=mobile&sender_web_id=7622089575032653345
In the present timeline, it could genuinely be that that’s where Saebyeok is sleeping prior to the morning scene, because we know he didnt leave the house and ended up in the same bed as Haneul in the end. But we’re also made to think it is a flashback because the current Haneul (with amnesia) wouldn’t initiate a sexual interaction with him and at the very least, would not act the way he did (with experience and familiarity of Saebyeok), meaning that, given it’s most likely a flashback, there is nonetheless an undisclosed reason as to why Saebeyok is sleeping on the couch (given they’re a couple), which directs us, the viewers, to have to speculate about what happened in a past timeline (for example, maybe they had a small fight and Saebyeok ended up sleeping on the couch or that S. came back home late from work and just fell asleep on the couch for some reason). Yet because the reason is undisclosed, it makes the viewer correlate the scene to the present timeline even more.
In fact, the past and present timeline feel merged in that scene altogether. What specifically makes it feel that way for the viewer, is that, when Haneul approaches Saebyeok on the couch, his first reaction is to trace Saebyeok’s face with curiosity, just like you’d assume he would in the current timeline(in fact the scene starts with us thinking we *are* in the current timeline due to this) - because it suits the reaction of a character/Haneul who is in disbelief that his rival friend has become his lover, and who would want to look at him more closely as Saebyeok is sleeping (since Haneul would be too stubborn & guarded to do so if Saebyeok was awake). But the following moments, where he’s sensual with Saebyeok, are clearly from the ‘consciousness’ of the 29 year old Haneul who is used to being physically intimate with Saebyeok. Still, the scene creates enough ambiguity, strangely enough, that we simply don’t know 100% what is true (even if it’s 99.9% likely that it’s a flashback). This makes the scene feel so much more eery and plays with notions of dream and reality. It makes the idea of memory/identity feel very vivid and yet ephemeral and hard to grasp. Even more so, it opens up a new possibility, that perhaps Haneul temporarily regains his memories at times, making the scene feel even more mystical and cryptic - are there even moments that we as the viewer don’t see in the current timeline and that Saebyeok experiences?
That’s the kind of mystery the scene gets us to feel. Even if Haneul doesn’t actually temporarily turn into his 29 year old self in the current timeline, it’s more about the fact that the series is playing with that ambiguity to make us feel like we’re in young Haneul’s shoes, seeing things from this fragmented, dream-like perspective, which is exactly why when he wakes up, he, himself, asks whether it was a dream. It’s one thing for the series to add an intimate scene and then show the character being confused to let us know what they’re experiencing, and it’s another to make us, the viewers, feel that confusion, desire, and curiosity *with* the character. I know it might not be for everyone, but I really liked that so much personally.
As the audience, we saw how North and Pai reacted when they found out about Yu a few episodes back: the outcome, especially on Pai's end, was to resort to putting distance between them and Yu, even to the extent (logically) of wanting him gone altogether. So for us, this created more tension around how Pai would react to "Tim"’s true identity being exposed. It made us expect that Pai would similarly distance himself from Tim for a while - and this is the most common execution in a series for this kind of scenario. But instead, whilst Pai is in disbelief and angry, he still lets Tim stay in his vicinity. Instead of completely isolating himself as we would have come to expect, he doesn't completely cut Tim off, in fact he's (reluctantly) willing to see him, he's (ultimately) willing to go to his house, he even instinctually calls out to him for help when he's scared and jumps to hug Tim, reflecting that, despite the betrayal, there’s something more to this that allows Pai to have Tim around him, even if he is currently hurt (if someone was to argue that Pai is only around Tim right now because his grandfather blocked all his credit cards & access to his house, my thoughts on this are that, if he really wanted to, Pai would have other ways to find a place to sleep, such as his childhood friend’s place - so his choices showcase the openness that remains for Tim in his heart).
Now there are two particular reasonings behind Pai's reaction which I find meaningful:
1. Pai doesn't seem to let people in his life easily. He was suspicious and disliked Yu from the get-go, so when Yu’s true plan was exposed, Pai is decisive about cutting Yu off from their lives, especially as he's protective of North. Pai appears to be more logic-oriented and detached when making certain decisions, which I think is something he has honed at work (in his role as CEO), and which he seems to apply to people he isn't as close to or has put a distance from, from the start. But it's different when he cares about someone, especially someone he confides and feels safe with - which brings that down to a very few people because he is that specific about who he allows in his heart.
2. But even more interestingly, what stands out to me is that Pai's reaction also, almost in contradiction to my earlier point, solidifies Pai's ability to assess people, and his intelligence: a key reason as to why Pai isn't cutting Tim out of his life so far is that now that Pai knows the truth, he can think back on every interaction with that knowledge. Pai is most likely already putting together all the possible inconsistencies in how Tim presented himself, and differentiating between the act and the genuine. So even though it hasn't been shown or said explicitly, I feel like this is what is happening to Pai in the second half of the episode. Even as Pai knows what Tim did, he still knows and/or feels deep within that parts of what he saw of Tim are true. That what he had with Tim wasn't solely built on lies. Because Pai's reaction is of someone who is troubled by the shock of processing the extent of the lies and not so much on the premise that nothing was real.
This is a direct contrast to North, who, as a person, struggles more in analysing events logically, and judges based on his assessment of emotions, action and empathy - which is why the turning point for North was to learn about Yu’s perspective, his backstory, and experience with trust - because it is more difficult for him to assess purely by re-considering past events. Meanwhile, for Pai, whilst he also shows love & empathy for Tim (when he’s hurt etc), he operates more on the consensus of how he can, through his own judgement (not so much the other person), make out what led to this specific moment from an analytical point of view.I do believe that a lot of Pai’s reaction can be explained by the fact that Pai senses that he 'understands' Tim as a person even if he doesn't 'know' exactly who Tim is anymore, and this understanding is rooted in the time that they have spent together.
This also goes to show the difference in how the series represents betrayal psychologically in terms of the time spent between both couples. Pai has spent enough time with Tim, and has the depth of judgement, that allows him to reason Tim’s actions without even knowing the whole truth yet, and it is because he does have a grasp of who Tim is beyond the facade he was showing. What’s beautiful about this is that it is representing love (in a case where it was mutual like Tim and Pai) as based on a more profound understanding of the person, even if it wasn’t fully conscious, especially before knowing what was going on with the person. And you see this a little bit with Yu and North as well, where, unlike Pai, North has a more primal sense of distrust after he finds out about Yu (based more simply on the facts of what he learns at any point in time and the feelings they procure, rather than analysing the nuances), yet he also keeps Yu physically around and tries to test him, not because he doesn’t want anything to do with Yu anymore, but because he wants to know the truth and subconsciously wants to continue having Yu around, and hopes that the mutual love he thought he felt is actually real, and not just fabricated.This brings me to the aspect that personally comforted me the most in this episode.
Whilst some of the interactions of Pai getting scared by the geckos and hugging Tim come across as comedic on the surface, they are at the heart of why Pai is reacting the way he does. Tim is one of the only, if not THE only, person he truly feels like he can rely on and be vulnerable with (as can be seen by the fact that his instinct is to hug Tim when he is afraid). All he wants, now that he does know the truth….is to be reassured. He wants reassurance that Tim is still there for him, even when he has nothing. He wants the reassurance that Tim does love him, and wasn’t solely there for the money. He wants the reassurance that at least a part of what made him feel safe with Tim is real. That his judgement of reality had substance (because this goes further than a relationship with someone, it also ties back to questions of his identity and perception). So when Pai sees that Tim still goes after him even when learning that Pai is disowned, when he sees that Tim waited outside for him all night, I think it is intentionally symbolic that when he got scared by the gecko, he ‘opened a door’ to let Tim back in to protect him, and be with him. A first step toward accepting Tim despite the circumstances, and which leads to the second step of him accepting to go to Tim’s house (all of these are based on ‘proof’ that Pai is now continuously assessing how Tim reacts to him now that Tim’s plan failed and that Pai doesn’t have any wealth to his name). In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if, even if only subconsciously, Pai himself was the one to suggest getting disowned by his family, because he wanted, emotionally, to really see what would happen if that was the case, what this would reveal about Tim (even if part of it is of course due to the guilt Pai thinks he bears in his ‘lapse’ of judgement, and wanting to take responsability for his family).
And to me, it makes Pai and Tim’s scenes after the ‘reveal’ that much more heartfelt, and warm. Because Pai is already seeing that Tim’s love is indeed genuine, he senses it even before he asks any questions with all of the things I mentioned prior. So when the scene at night occurs, and he sees physical traces that further show the genuineness of Tim’s feelings for him and his intent to build the ‘family project’ together, you can see in Pai’s eyes a kind of gradual certainty, openness and gentleness that sets in. When Tim then tells him he does truly love him, even if not at first sight, you see this. What’s unique about the scene is that the execution is strikingly different to a lot of other series. Many series would show that the other character is overwhelmed with anger (understandably) to even be able to hear the person out. In Pai’s case, he’s listening whilst looking conflicted, because whilst it allows him to confirm more things that are brewing in his mind, then, just like he says himself, there’s a difference between understanding and forgiveness.
Yet, despite that, his heart is very much there for Tim, and that really shows, when he hugs Tim again when Tim pretends there’s a gecko, and then lets Tim kiss him on the cheek multiple times, even when he figured there wasn’t a gecko and is ‘seemingly’ trying to get out of Tim’s hold. To me, this says everything. He doesn’t even get angry when he gets teased by Tim, and doesn’t seriously try to push Tim away. He needs this. It’s healing for him. Because it is a true display of Tim’s feelings for him, and it’s anchored by the fact that the moment that precedes this is the moment Tim says “Well, I did ask”. It’s a moment when Tim had said he isn’t giving up on Pai, showcasing a new side of Tim, a real side of him that shows he is just as in love with Pai as he’d shown before. This is why the events of the episode play out so well in my mind, and really makes the episode feel heart-warming and soothing (and interesting in terms of themes of trust and forgiveness). Of course, I do think that Pai will not let Tim go so easy, and will have go about his own way toward forgiving Tim, but I think that that’s more a matter of Pai strategically regaining further trust in Tim and getting Tim to face some sort of consequence, but on an emotional level, this episode really captured the nuances of how Pai went about assessing whether he still felt safe loving Tim and allowing him back into his life. (Sorry for the long rant and thank you for reading, curious to hear any thoughts)
https://youtu.be/_LrgQQCn3MY?si=KxLoR_b5mLON9ENu