This review may contain spoilers
Murder is the solution to all your problems
This was...something. A sci-fi movie so apparently low-budget the practical props look like they raided a cosplay convention, and the CGI - which remember there are weird "sexy snake man" aliens romping around throughout - looks like it came from a late 2000's game's cutscene. The romance is cheesy, and as substantial as a hot air balloon, and he's at least one adulthood ahead of her, which for some reason no one questions, and did I mention it's cheesy and the supporting cast has to half hug them while they first kiss on the floor?
[minor spoilers ahead for various specific things, but since most people could probably guess the end about a third of the way through I don't think that's too heinous]
I'm sorry, I watched a couple of actually good films today, and I wasn't expecting too much going in, but it's just so bad, the more I think about it the worse it gets ^^". The characters are predictable, the plot is predictable, the world setting is flimsy. There's one good scene where the female friend convinces the soyboy to not be a soyboy after all and maybe like her back, and then he actually goes back and acts like a mature friend...that's the only character development we really get though, unless we're counting daddio finding out he's been acting on false information this whole time and switches up his objective from giving his little girl one big happy family again to making her an orphan: nice one dad. I'm not really counting that though, because it's not really like he changed, the facts changed and so his response followed.
There's one friend who just disappears from the face of the earth halfway through; his only role in the movie really is to get slammed into a wall so ML can sub in to his place on the team, but like, they never visit him in hospital or anything. Also, it's never explained why they're breaking into the warehouse at the beginning, like "just cause" I guess - like they nab a headset too and it just never comes up again until they're officially released and the idiot club is like "huh, we've seen these before". It's also mentioned that people are starving in the streets and people literally cannot breathe the air in the city without gas masks and air filters, and we see some girl get hers mugged in the slums and fall down wheezing, like it's bad, so you think the protagonists are gonna be all about it like baby batman club since FL's father is so rich he basically runs the city, but literally all they do is game and hang out at bars while bemoaning the state of the world - like huh?
[kinda big spoilers in this paragraph ig]
The big bad is a big bad because he was mad that his people were dying due to serving as bloodbags for humans, and there's just so much to unpack here because first of all why were the slyth ever giving the humans their blood in the first place, in complete anonymity for literally no reward - actually how were they doing this, because the whole big thing was setting up portals, yet the sylth have apparently been blood donors for thousands of years, to the point they're deified in myth. Second of all, no one, as far as is mentioned, is forcing them to give blood. We don't know why they martyr themselves en-masse for an alien race that doesn't even know they exist, but it does at least seem to be of their own admission, so why is the blame all getting shifted to humans??? And the longer he stays on earth the more he hates humans, that's fair enough, we get you buddy - but in what world is the solution to being enraged by the deaths of your kin dragging them into a war by turning them into target practice? Even if you wanted to start a war, shouldn't it be you and your terrorist buddies picking off humans while pretending to be a vanguard or something? Speaking of which, where did this guy's lackeys even go, because they were definitely mentioned, but the final battle was just him vs everyone, and as soon as he died all their problems just went "poof" - global warming, pollution, all those slyth they massacred...nah we're living in utopia now, and the slyth are giving us more blood than ever?
Every time they mention the slyth my kneejerk impression is the slitheen from doctor who ^^"
[minor spoilers ahead for various specific things, but since most people could probably guess the end about a third of the way through I don't think that's too heinous]
I'm sorry, I watched a couple of actually good films today, and I wasn't expecting too much going in, but it's just so bad, the more I think about it the worse it gets ^^". The characters are predictable, the plot is predictable, the world setting is flimsy. There's one good scene where the female friend convinces the soyboy to not be a soyboy after all and maybe like her back, and then he actually goes back and acts like a mature friend...that's the only character development we really get though, unless we're counting daddio finding out he's been acting on false information this whole time and switches up his objective from giving his little girl one big happy family again to making her an orphan: nice one dad. I'm not really counting that though, because it's not really like he changed, the facts changed and so his response followed.
There's one friend who just disappears from the face of the earth halfway through; his only role in the movie really is to get slammed into a wall so ML can sub in to his place on the team, but like, they never visit him in hospital or anything. Also, it's never explained why they're breaking into the warehouse at the beginning, like "just cause" I guess - like they nab a headset too and it just never comes up again until they're officially released and the idiot club is like "huh, we've seen these before". It's also mentioned that people are starving in the streets and people literally cannot breathe the air in the city without gas masks and air filters, and we see some girl get hers mugged in the slums and fall down wheezing, like it's bad, so you think the protagonists are gonna be all about it like baby batman club since FL's father is so rich he basically runs the city, but literally all they do is game and hang out at bars while bemoaning the state of the world - like huh?
[kinda big spoilers in this paragraph ig]
The big bad is a big bad because he was mad that his people were dying due to serving as bloodbags for humans, and there's just so much to unpack here because first of all why were the slyth ever giving the humans their blood in the first place, in complete anonymity for literally no reward - actually how were they doing this, because the whole big thing was setting up portals, yet the sylth have apparently been blood donors for thousands of years, to the point they're deified in myth. Second of all, no one, as far as is mentioned, is forcing them to give blood. We don't know why they martyr themselves en-masse for an alien race that doesn't even know they exist, but it does at least seem to be of their own admission, so why is the blame all getting shifted to humans??? And the longer he stays on earth the more he hates humans, that's fair enough, we get you buddy - but in what world is the solution to being enraged by the deaths of your kin dragging them into a war by turning them into target practice? Even if you wanted to start a war, shouldn't it be you and your terrorist buddies picking off humans while pretending to be a vanguard or something? Speaking of which, where did this guy's lackeys even go, because they were definitely mentioned, but the final battle was just him vs everyone, and as soon as he died all their problems just went "poof" - global warming, pollution, all those slyth they massacred...nah we're living in utopia now, and the slyth are giving us more blood than ever?
Every time they mention the slyth my kneejerk impression is the slitheen from doctor who ^^"
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