Tintentaucher

Why did she stab him? I dont like stories where FLs stab first and ask questions later also didnt like how she just killed the snake which was innocent....

Ok I didnt know any previous works by the screenwriter
Anyway it just didn't land for me.
Can you recommend a romantic comedy where people behave more responsible and mature where communication is healthy?

I get that you think I lack empathy but lets be real, how can people overcome these issues if not by themselves...sure other people can lend a helping hand but no matter the issue wether trauma from abuse or depression or similar issues only the person facing the issue can overcome it and those issues never solve themselves on their own but only by making an effort. I am solution oriented because otherwise the person remains stuck in their misery. Also the FL does not need to change if she does not see an issue or want to change, but she clearly does because she is unhappy with how she is perceived by others. Unfortunalty, we do not get to dictate to others how they are supposed to see or receive us.

Also what annoys me about shows with this trope of ugly ducking with heart of gold which goes unrecognized is that the FL always make the claim that they deserve to be valued just as they are flaws and all and I agree but its curious how they always always fall for a guy who is anyrhing but ordinary but really really outstanding. Those normal girls always fall for the top dog which is why I find their own complaind how only inner values matter kinda phony cause they themselves dont fall for the loveable ordinary guy who also has acne but for the 10.

Her having acne also was not at all the problem and I didnt call her a clown but the makeup she had on. They try to say she made an effort with makeup but failed but it was so ridicoulously clownish and overdone I dont buy how she cant see that in a mirror or that her bestie failed to tell her she looked ridiculous. Especially when by EP 20 the FL suddenly wears earings wears a nice coat looks much more professional but still true to her own understated style. Yet it just happens through drama magic and is never explained as her finding her style or making an efford which I find very strange also. That is on the drama makers not the FL but it undermines their entire message.

What I am saying may be unpleasant but everyone is responsible for their own feelings and what actions to draw from that. That does not make those feelings invalid and I never said that but it does put the responsibility on themselves what conclusion to draw from it. I also never said tFL.and Fengjiu are at fault for what happend to them but they bare partial responsibility by staying in that situation. I understand the reasons why somebody might struggle to escape the situation right away and that experiemces shape who we are and what we become to an extendbut it is also a question of how much we let those influences shape us. We are not some floating leaf without control over our lifes and what happens to us. Selfpity and too much focus on on our feelings does not move anything foreward instead it takes us prisoner and makes us passive just like FJ. I can understand why she is struggeling and the pain of her husband abusing her trust so but I also couldnt help but be annoyed when she remaind so passivefor a long time. Especially because I was rootingnfor her to break free from that douche.
Even therapy might analyse the past and what influences us but part 2 is always changing oursleves or how we deal with these experiences and how we look to the future. It is very easy to get stuck at the 1. Part . Eventually they need to move to part 2 and save themselves. Only resilience and growing tougher does that.
In my opinion FJ never saved herself but was saved by outside forces which is very lucky for her but realisitcally rarely the case. However you are right abuse can be very scaring to the soul so maybe I am too harsh on her. However the FL grievance is seriously common place so much so that anybody has made her experience sometime or another.

We can lament all we want that we wish others would treat us differently or perceive us just the way we see ourselves but that will never happen unless we take action. For example the FL feels people judge her to superficially and quickly yet she never adresses the issue and stands up for herself. Lets say for arguments sake she did say it to her sister for example or her parents and they didnt listen, then she could have retaliated by giving them their own medicine or distanced herself from them...there are 100 more options I am sure. But she chose to swallow her frustration for years and allowed herself to be treated this way when she has no trouble beating up people all the time I do feel her passivity is an active choice which led to her doing questionable things that hurt others. She was self aware enough to feel bad about it so she did know what she was doing. When did anything change for the better for her? When she started to adress the issue and stood up for herself.

Another point why I think we cannot look to society for our emotional well being and cant complain that we are not seen they way we wish to be seen by the outside world is that people delude themselves all the time and not really see themselves realisitically. Plenty of people are unreflected or have a distorted perception of not only others but also themselves. Therefore I refuse to validate how others see themselves by default and I also dont expect others to validate me by default. Perception is always up to negotiation.Therefore we can only negotiate those terms with other people/ society and find people with common ground. People who put you down you can either ignore or dicuss the issue to maybe make them understand your point of view like we are doing now. But we cannot dictate to others how to see us and what values to have. Personally, I would never surround myself just with people who share my views because I think it is important to challenge ones own views and feelings to not get stuck in a vacuum.

You also say I dont have the characters best interest at heart and thats true to some extent because its their own job to have their best interest at heart. That does not mean I wish them anything bad or would be intentionlly hurtful to someone, but I cannot account for all the things that might potentially offend or hurt someone, nor is that my responsibility. I maintain that each person for themselves needs to build up resilience towards the harshness of the world and deal with their emotions, you cant put the responsibiliy on society or outside of yourself. Even if society tried to acommodate everyones feelings that would not work because peoples requirements are so vast and different and subjective they are bound to clash somewhere and be incompatible.
For example hypothetically if the FLs feelings are valid, then my feelings of being annoyed at her lack of personal responsibility are equally valid. The difference why you take the FLs side is: you know the whys and her suffering and empathize. But you do not know what my personal suffering is or why I feel this way about these characters . Yet instead of simply disagreeing with my point of view you also feel comfortable to question whether I am a good person or not and make hasty jidgements about my character, which is not really fair given how little we know each other. Fact is you know me to little to empathize with me or know where I am coming from and how my experiences have shaped me, but you have followed the FL journey enough to empathize with her or maybe you even share similar experiences. Now how do you want to honor both feelings which by your definition are equally valid without ignoring one party and being truely fair? The answer is simple: You cannot. IT is not possible to honor both equally: firstly because the FLs view on society and how to deal with her issue is incompatible with my point of view and secondly because you also have your own point of view and bias and that is alright. And it also should not be your responsibilty to communicate in a way that doesnt offend either me or the FL because how do you want to achieve this without being a mindreader? So I need to deal with my feelings of annoyance with the FL and for example watch something else that doesnt annoy me. Or I can vent here and share my thoughts to see if there is anybody likeminded or I could suck it up decide to keep watching despite the FL and stop complaining about her, but however I deal with my emotion it has to come from me, nobody else can change how I feel. I argue the same for the FL. I hope my point comes across.

Also what you define as toxic behavior or stereotype might not be toxic to others. What is toxic or not is based very much on culture and current opinion. There is no real concensus on a universal morality either. It has to be constantly negotiated and shifts all the time and can even be different from situation to situation. Therefore one cannot make it right for everybody based on this either. In my opinion for example there is such a thing as toxic empathy that makes exuses and fains understanding for everything and lacks the value of being responsible for your own life and happiness. I think we cannot afford this and asociety that is that open will loose functionality and will no longer bring people together. But I am sure you completely disagree with me on this which is fine, a debate exists to give food for thought not to force an opinion on somebody.

I think ultimately we differ in how much influence we have over our own lifes. I think that while outside experiences are a factor that shapes us it is only a contributing factor not the deciding factor. Instead the choices we make are. I guess you think we are more outside governed and playball of what happens to us therefore we cannot help what hinders us or hurts us. I think we decide not if something hinders or hurts us but we decide how much.

I am not blaming them for feeling that way but I think they do bare the responsibility of not doing anything about the situation that makes them feel this way. What I dont understand to be honest is why the get so hung up on the negative but ignore the positive? If Feng Jiu for example had only gotten negative feedback all around I would understand her more. But she gets a lot of positive reinforcement from others. The only one who puts her down is her douche husband. I get how that still hurts but she is passive throughout. In the end nobody can help you or save you if you dont do it yourself regardless of what is happening to you. Also that people make unkind remakrs about your looks or the like...I dont think there isnt a person on earth who had to get over unkind remarks about themselves...the question is how do you handle it? She could have told her family to stop doing it that it was hurtful and not funny for example or she could have made an effort and dress better or ask her friends for help to look better. In the drama we are supossed to beliefe she likes makeup and is good at it but then we only see how she looks like a clown when she is in high school. I dont expect people not to hurt from such experiences or be completely unhindered by them but eventually you got to get over it because society in reality isnt that nice and there are much harsher problems people face on a daily basis than being teased about your looks.
Thats why I dont like selfpity and passivity if it never changes into something else: either call people out who abuse you or ignore them and distance yourself from them if they impact you negatively or evaluate if their criticism maybe has a point and change something and if not disregard it and do your thing. The important thing is that if something bothers you or makes you sad to do something about it because you have a much higher chance of living your best life when you do something about it instead of waiting for others to display the kind of behavior you want. You cannot change others but you can change how you deal with them. Not doing anything keeps you unhappy for life worse the vicitm mentality of the FL makes her do pretty aweful things and hurt others in return just because she doesnt stand up for herself and blames the world for not seeing her worth. Also I gotta say the longer I watched the more doubtful her suppossed good character became for me...she really did aweful things to the ML and lied constantly. Her trauma is no excuse to hurt others and cause trauma for others. At least FangJiu didnt hurt anybody but herself. And nobody says getting over trauma is easy but in the end nobody can do it for you others can just be supportive and the way I see it both characters have plenty support. Also I find it equally callous that the FL just assumes that she is the only one with bad experiences, as if pretty people just sail through life without their own fair share of bad experiences. Its fair to assume that everybody suffers in some shape or form so it would be helpful to be less selfimportant. She does her sister an injustice to think she has no problems.

I'm at ep 6 and I am also not liking her. She is spoiled arrogant and entitled...I prefer her friend...unfortunatley I also don' t really like the FL actress.Something about the way she acts bothers me but I cant really put my finger on it...maybe its her constant wide eyed staring and looking artificially cutsy.
Though this is my first time seeing her in anything...maybe it gets better with time.

I think Prisoner of beauty is now a worthy contender...maybe it doesnt dethrone LbfaD as a story since its too different but the kiss scene certainly did...if you are looking for great chemistry Id reccomend you check that drama out

The book has a happy ending but the ML becomes a total whimp for her...their relationship felt very unequal...I would have prefered it if he had gotten over her to be honest which is why I really hope they change the second half comepletely.

I still have a hard time liking the ML he is so obsessive....I am at the point where she can turn into a dude now...but still not liking the FL...she is so brain dead ...there are meant to be a lot of funny moments because of her antics but I just cringe...she never thinks before acting and as 0 impulse control. How she is not discovered yet is beyond me. The scientist girl also was such a doormat....both her and the FL have such a victim mentality and seemingly only define themselves by their looks which is on them to be honest. The doormat is a repsected scientist nobody looks down on her but herself. She never stands up for herself. The FL also is praised for her supposed hard work and good ideas yet it does nothing to boost her confidence because she is so hung up on looks more so than anynody around her it seems to me. Both have a lot of support yet feed their insequrities and blame prettier people...I felt bad for her older sister.

That depends how you look at it. They pretend to be instantly attracted and even make out very early...she kinda becomes his casual lover. But they catch real feelings much much later.
It could be seen as enemies to lovers but in the novel he is not really her enemy but she needs the antidote which he would never give to just anybody which is why she tries to make him fall for her. Id say they are more antagonistic later in the novel because of betrayal. But I think they will change a lot of the second half in the drama...because it wasnt very good.

I am only 4 ep in but throughout all those discussions about the FL being mistreated for her looks ( which are completely fine) I find at hard to ignore thta she really does let herself go and dresses like a slob. What she wears to work or the interview is completely inapropriate no wonder people diss her. I think these are valid criticisms pointed at her that have nothing to do with looks. But she just pities herself instead of changing anything or making an efford. The other people at work all take care to look and dress professional so to me the problem of the FL doesnt really exist because A she is pretty and B could easily fix her problem by dressing differently. They should have used an actress that is actually average looking who dresses well than I would find the story worth discussing. As it is it is very nonsensical to me and the ML is very superficial.

I agree

I agree I prefer the drama by a mile. I also like that they switched the timeing of some events in the relationship and that WS doesn' t just fxxx her whenever he wants or is in a bad mood without a concern for her feelings. I get that historically that is not unrealistic but it would translate so so bad on screen. WS in the drama is way better and repsects her boundarioes even if he doesnt like her. It also undersocres his emotional journey much more when his level of intimacy with her is linked to his feelings which was not the case in the novel. Also all the important conversations between the couple are there nearly one to one from the novel.

After finishing I have to say its one of the best dramas almost throughout. Id say only the last 3 ep didnt grab me because it went down the predictable and boring route of the antagonists suddenly becoming OP for 2 Eps only to be defeated in the finale . Ultimately one spends too much time with characters one doesnt give 2 flies about. Instead I would have prefered more time with the leads and the period after consumation. Also the jealous qiao uncle was really stupid...too stupid to be believable. I was most disapointed by his advisor who suddenly egged him on for no reason other that the drama needed a final battle. Like why did you seek an aliance with Wei in the first place? And that people still follow such horrible rulers that blatantly disregard their peoples lives for selfish infighting...Bizhi was alo kinda braindead...they said he was a mindless strong animal easy to control and it least here he kinda was. We knew WS would win in the end so this entire plot point feels needless. Especially since it feels implausible how the strenth wei build over the entire drama could be so easily destroyed. I dont know why cdrama always need to have the same big battles/ supervillain enemys in the final episode especially since here the antagonist was always ineffective till now. i think another obstacle could have been possible. Still since this drama didnt waste too many episodes on it and its basically to be expected in a cdrama and the last scenes with little Feifei where precious I am willing to look past it without subtracting points. LY is really an actor I look out for now because he has very good range and charisma. The FL as well. I dont find her too pretty as she allows herself to act rather than concern herself whether her facial expression makes her look ugly. She felt real and very beautiful and captivating when she smiled or stared at the ML. PoB is no in my top 3 Cdrama. 1. LbFaD 2. PoB 3. BftB

Can we talk about ep 32...I could hardly believe I was watching a chinese drama...I thought ep 29 was already pretty unbeatable and thay the rest would be tame or hinted at but damm the consumation scene was fire. the talking in such close proximity was hotter than 90 % of kisses in cdramaland...Id take that over dead fish kisses any day. Finally a couple where you feel the closeness and passion for each other. I hope other dramas will follow PoB in how to portray romance effectively in the future. Also it once again shows that such scenes dont need to be so basic and porn like as romantic scenes on western television. Nobody needed to be naked for the passion to translate on screen.

Question regarding ep 23: once WS woke up he said the kiss by drunk Manman was a dream....was it really a dream or did he only think this? To me it seemed like it really happened.

Thanks for explaining. Can you also explain why this was done in chinese society? Seems confusing and unnecessary to switch names later in life. Why was this done?

I am confused is the ML called Wei Shao or Zhonglin and when is what name used and why? And why can the FL not call him by name like his grandmother or mother does?

Not today

Wow that kissing scene was rare for a cdrama....i dont need many but a decent one after all the build up...they did not disappoint. I am disapointed in Manman...Wei shao was right to be angry for never telling him after they became a real couple. She made Wei vulnerable. This is a serious error that could cost him his life. I am also worried that he keft like that...people should never part on bad terms.

Why not?