Elise:Yep, that's exactly what it said
"Because she just cried, Xiao Yao’s eyes were extraordinarily clear and bright. Xiang Liu could clearly see himself reflected in her eyes so he covered her eyes with his hand “I’m off!”
Xiao Yao felt a soft coolness brush over her forehead, a brief touch that immediately vanished. Xiao Yao clasped her forehead in shock and opened her eyes to see the room was already empty before her.
Mistaken illusion! It was a mistaken illusion!"
I belive she was în denial, but in her defence I can't really blame her. She did try quite a few times before this scene to get closer to XL and he never, not even once gave me the impression that he is also willing to do that. He always pushed her away, there were times when she did want to say more to him but he didn't allow it, so în a way I can understand why she thought it was a mistaken illusion ( i don't belive she tried to convince herself that it was just an illusion, I think she really thought it was). She clearly tried to make more steps towards him than XL ever did towards her and that îs coming from someone who said it herself that she îs not the type of person who will ever make the first step or something along the lines "someone to pick her, not the other way around*, which îs important, because I belive that regarding XL she did go against her principle. The crystal ball she gave him was obvious a declaration from her part, while with Jing he was the one who declared himself to her.
I love that chapter btw, it was the chapter when she was sitting with CX and Jing and she realised / admit who her real father îs. What I liked best was that even though she was with 2 of the most important men next to her, it was XL who eventually managed to comfort and cheer her up and that îs not the only time when this happened. After she met her mother, even though she had Jing by her side, she wanted to spent one more night în the ocean, when XL died, the first thing that made her smile again was the doll that he made for her, and all these things happened while having Jing by her side, but honestly Jing was never able to comfort her the way XL did. I feel like she never opened her heart for Jing the way she did for XL, I don't remember them having any deep conversations through out the whole novel, it was like everything was just on the surface for them.
Also "Because she just cried, Xiao Yao’s eyes were extraordinarily clear and bright. Xiang Liu could clearly see himself reflected in her eyes so he covered her eyes with his hand “I’m off!"
Again, he could see himself reflected în her eyes, but he chose to cover them and leave. That's like their whole dynamic, so again, I can't really blame her. He didn't cover her eyes so he can kiss her, he covered her eyes because he was în her eyes. That's also a paralel to the scene with Jing and XY, where Jing didn't want to kiss her because he could see that there was someonelse în her eyes. I think în the drama was right after the beach scene she had with XL, and în the novel they were underwater.
blabla100:She clearly tried to make more steps towards him than XL ever did towards her and that îs coming from someone who said it herself that she îs not the type of person who will ever make the first step or something along the lines "someone to pick her, not the other way around*, which îs important, because I belive that regarding XL she did go against her principle.
I thought so too but so why does XL tests XY's love for him so many times, if it's that's blatant? (like when he used his power to probe her heart and asked her "Who do you most want to spend the rest of your life with?"...)
I'm not even talking about the fact that as the bugs didn't turned as "Heartbreaking bugs" this should have been enough proof for him
blimarch:I thought so too but so why does XL tests XY's love for him so many times, if it's that's blatant? (like when he used his power to probe her heart and asked her "Who do you most want to spend the rest of your life with?"...)
I'm not even talking about the fact that as the bugs didn't turned as "Heartbreaking bugs" this should have been enough proof for him
I think koala explained this quite well and I do agree with her on this matter.
"What Xiang Liu was trying to read in her heart was not WHO she loved, but which man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with the most. I know in most books there wouldn’t be a distinction in those two questions but here this is absolutely a difference because Xiao Yao loves Jing, Zhuan Xu, and Xiang Liu. She might even love Zhuan Xu the most because she’s willing to die for him in a heartbeat. So the question isn’t who she loves, but who she wants to walk her life’s journey with.
She refuses to answer that question is so telling. I also looooove Xiang Liu asking her if she’s willing to marry Ye Shi Qi. He didn’t ask if she’s willing to marry Tu Shan Jing. He purposely said Ye Shi Qi. That means so much that he knows exactly what she wants in life, the ordinary life with Shi Qi. He also knows why she refuses to say who she wants to spend the rest of her life with the most because her mind will say Shi Qi but her heart will say Fang Feng Bei."
blabla100:She refuses to answer that question is so telling. I also looooove Xiang Liu asking her if she’s willing to marry Ye Shi Qi. He didn’t ask if she’s willing to marry Tu Shan Jing. He purposely said Ye Shi Qi. That means so much that he knows exactly what she wants in life, the ordinary life with Shi Qi. He also knows why she refuses to say who she wants to spend the rest of her life with the most because her mind will say Shi Qi but her heart will say Fang Feng Bei."
Actually that's not true. He first asked about Tushan Jing, before switching to Ye Shiqi based on her response. However, I agree that the question she refused to answer was the one she refused to acknowledge to herself. This is what the novel said in the 2019 revised edition:
-------
Xiang Liu suddenly asked “Do you want to marry Feng Long?”
Xiao Yao was already drunk, but still sneered, "Why should I agree to him if I don't want to?"
Xiang Liu said: "Xiao Yao, look into my eyes."
Xiao Yao looked at Xiang Liu. Xiang Liu's eyes were like bright black gems, emitting a bewitching light. As Xiao Yao continued to look, she felt herself drowning in them.
Xiang Liu asked, "Are you willing to marry Feng Long?"
Xiao Yao's expression was dull and she replied softly, "I don't want to."
Xiang Liu asked, "Are you willing to marry Jing?"
Xiao Yao's expression changed, as if she was struggling to wake up. Xiang Liu's eyes shone even brighter, and his voice became softer as he asked, "Are you willing to marry Ye Shiqi?"
Xiao Yao murmured, "I do."
Another question was right at the tip of his tongue but Xiang Liu was actually torn. A moment later he asked, “With whom do you most want to spend your entire life with?”
Xiao Yao opened her mouth as if to answer, but her expression reflected her resistance and her will refused to let her respond.
:
@liddi
Oh, yes, he did ask about Jing first, but maybe that's the answer to why did he ask the last question. Spending her life with Jing as Jing îs different than spending her life with Jing as Ye Shiqi. Maybe that was XL reasoning for asking the last question, since I personally really don't think he did it just to test her / see whom she really loves..
That doesn't make her answer any less, I will forever belive that her answer to that question is FFB.
blabla100:@liddi
Oh, yes, he did ask about Jing first, but maybe that's the answer to why did he ask the last question. Spending her life with Jing as Jing îs different than spending her life with Jing as Ye Shiqi. Maybe that was XL reasoning for asking the last question, since I personally really don't think he did it just to test her / see whom she really loves..
That doesn't make her answer any less, I will forever belive that her answer to that question is FFB.
Koala's translations which were done in 2014 does not include the question about Jing. This part might probably have been added in the 2019 revised edition, which includes other changes, including names of characters and places.
Either way, based on how Xiang Liu hesitated before asking, I feel that that last question was as much for himself, his own need to know, as it is to find out who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. And her refusal to answer, to the point of experiencing terrible pain in her head, would have given him the name she clearly would not allow herself to verbalise.
And to be honest, I think that at that point she already aknowledged her feelings towards FFB/XL to a degree, it was his feelings for her that she wasn't sure of. The bugs for exemple, XL could feel her emotions, but XY couldn't feel his. Also the crystal ball she made for him.
"There was an all-white giant clam shell like a blooming flower and inside a beautiful mermaid sat on the clam shell. Her hair flowed like seaweed and her beautiful tail was half on the clam shell and half in the water. She had one hand on her heart and the other hand reached out towards the distance like she wanted to grab onto something or like she was calling someone to her. In the direction where her hand stretched there was a merman floating in the water. He appeared close to the clam shell but he was coldly staring outside the ice crystal ball so that it felt like he was actually in another world and not in the world of the peaceful isolated ocean with the mermaid.
The underwater world inside the ice crystal was too beautiful that it appeared like a blue-colored dream.
When the ice crystal ball was placed on the table, it was so cold the icy air swirled around it and make it even more illusory like it could vanish in a gust of wind, except the ice crystal was so hard that even knives and swords couldn’t damage it.
The Yellow Emperor saw what Xiao Yao had made and he was so taken aback. He walked into the hut and carefully examined it for a long time. He said nothing other than to sigh “Only you will waste such precious things.”
Xiao Yao stared at the ice crystal ball and said “This is the last time.”
The mermaid had one hand on her heart while the other hand was reaching towards the merman, but the merman was detached, coldly starring în a different direction. It's obvious that this beside being a declaration of her feelings (hand on her heart, hand towards the merman) îs also points out the way XY sees / belives XL's feelings are towards her, he doesn't look / sees the mermaid, but instead he stares far away în the distance.
blabla100:The mermaid had one hand on her heart while the other hand was reaching towards the merman, but the merman was detached, coldly starring în a different direction. It's obvious that this beside being a declaration of her feelings (hand on her heart, hand towards the merman) îs also points out the way XY sees / belives XL's feelings are towards her, he doesn't look / sees the mermaid, but instead he stares far away în the distance.
True. We see this repeatedly - when she told Feng Long about the one who was able but unwilling (no feelings towards her); when they left the donkey meat seller, and he hinted to her not to marry Feng Long, and that Jing is the one who can't forget her and whom she can't forget:
There are many good men, but not many who would truly put you in their hearts."
"What do you mean? That I shouldn't marry Feng Long?"
"I don't mean anything. You asked me, so I just gave you my honest opinion."
"Xiang Liu, I truy can't tell what your heart is really thinking."
"You and I are mere passerbys in this mortal world, keeping each other company and having fun when we meet! Why should you care about what I think?"
Xiao Yao laughed self-deprecatingly, "I'm the one overthinking it! No matter what you're thinking, it has nothing to do with me anyway!"
Xiang Liu stared at the end of the long, dark street and remained silent.
This highlighted section "不管你心里琢磨什么,反正都和我无关!" is interesting, because it can mean she doesn't care what he is thinking, or whatever he is thinking, it definitely is not of her, once again indicating she believes he cares little for her.
------------------
and even in the end when she realised he was truly dead:
“我才是傻子!他根本不在乎,我为什么要难过?我不要难过……”
"I am the one who is the fool! He never cared, so why should I be sad? I don't want to be sad... "
I really wonder whether she truly bought Xiang Liu's lies that he didn't love her at all, or was she so afraid of the answer inside her heart, because of what it entails. She told her grandfather before that her bloodline had already bound her fate and she could not be impetuous with whom she wanted to be with because of it. Then again, we are talking about Xiao Yao, who has the propensity to lie through her teeth be it to others, as well as herself, and every now and again, we see her stumble over her own lies about the one she dare not acknowledge.
@liddi
"I really wonder whether she truly bought Xiang Liu's lies that he didn't love her at all, or was she so afraid of the answer inside her heart, because of what it entails."
That's the big question, I personally think it's a bit of both, altough I lean more towards the" she bought XL's lies because that was the only option she had. I started reading the novel already knowing the ending and XL's perspective / epilogue and that made it easier for me to see XL signs of affection towards her, but also easier to turn a blind eye when he was being cold / pushed her away. But from XY's perspective, who didn't know what I, as a reader knew, it's for sure quite hard to reach a conclusion regarding XL feelings.
The thing is I am not as convince as other people that she refused her feelings for XL/FFB or that she was în denial, I belive she was aware of them to a degree, but she didn't want to fuel them because that îs not what HE wanted and it would have been pointless no matter what.
This is from chapter 22
"All these years, Xiang Liu placed her in the middle of a clam shell to sleep in the ocean. Xiao Yao couldn’t contain her smile, didn’t that make her like a pearl hidden inside a clam shell?
Xiao Yao put her hands around her mouth and yelled “Xiang Liu, Xiang Liu. Where are you? I’m awake.”
A white and gold condor descended but without Xiang Liu on his back.
Xiao Yao stroked its back “Furball, where is your master?”
Furbal flapped his wings and called towards the sky once, as if urging Xiao Yao to get on his back.
Xiao Yao happily asked “Xiang Liu asked you to bring me to see him?
Furball shook his head.
Xiao Yao quizzically asked “Xiang Liu asked you to take me home?”
Furball nodded his head.
Whether Xiang Liu had matters to attend to or he was purposely avoiding seeing her, Xiao Yao stood there in a dumbstruck daze, the initial happiness of regaining life and light disappearing like receding waves.
Furball pecked Xiao Yao’s hand to urge her to hurry up.
Xiao Yao climbed on Furball’s back and it rose into the air and flew towards the Middle Plains.
Xiao Yao stared at the passing ocean surface as it rushed past her like a shooting arrow, disappearing behind her. The feelings in her heart were so jumbled.
The next morning, Furball landed outside Zhi Yi Castle and Xiao Yao knew many people would recognize Xiang Liu’s winged ride and knew Furball could only take her as far as here.
For whatever reason, Xiao Yao’s heart was filled with an endless ache. She suddenly grabbed Furball’s neck tightly and Furball squirmed in annoyance but didn’t really put up a fuss. It cocked its head and endured with a sigh.
Xiao Yao buried her face in Furball’s neck as her tears came tumbling down, one after another, falling silently on Furball’s feathers and disappearing."
It's obvious she was happy when she wake up and couldn't wait to see XL, also obvious she was sad when furball told her that XL sent her back, also obvious that she wasn't too excited to go back and also obvious that this yet again was another rejection from XL part. To me she did aknowledge HER feelings, but again, nothing much she could do anyway, because XL always hid his feelings from her and most of the times she îs left only with his rejections.
The crystal ball isn't a declaration of XY's love for XL. It's her hedging her bets, and being afraid to declare her love. It's her STILL saying she's afraid of the type of man she thinks XL is and afraid to love him.
If it was a declaration, she'd have put the merman with the mermaid, rocking that shell with their love song. It would have expressed her feelings and her hopes for the future, not her fears.
I guess we'll see in the drama, IF they follow the book, but if XL returned the crystal ball with a white haired man in the shell WITH the mermaid, which I suspect he did, because he is not afraid to love her and THAT is what he wanted for them in a perfect world.
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