I don't think it is oversight on Tong Hua's part. She wrote XY with those contradictions, IMO, to show how XY deluded and lied to herself to 'protect' herself from facing reality and choices. It's not that she's stupid. It's that she chooses not to admit what she knows or sees.Kokuto:
To be fair, not many people are self aware or willing to look at themselves honestly. It's much easier to blame others, than oneself.
I developed a very strong, unimpressed perception of XY when she became a princess. Despite her leisure, power, and influence, she made some really questionable decisions and knee-jerk reactions based on her trauma.
I'm not going to let her play the trauma card. These feelings are intense because, while I could relate to XY when she was WXL, I couldn't when she became the gilded princess. What happened to the courageous, carefree, kind, and frank WXL? Even XL questioned this, which is why, in their last face-to-face encounter, he coldly told her she is finally the WXL he remembered in Qingshui town.
Have you ever dealt with a person like XY, someone with strong emotional and psychological deficiencies? I ask because it is very exhausting and traumatic. I still have PTSD from it, and reading and watching a protagonist allude to those same traits was alarming. I've also witnessed this same person consistently involving themselves with Jing-like characters, and codependency just throws off our whole family - it's drama after drama.
I am not shy to say that this has a strong influence on my worldview of XY. I would also argue that it's fair game to draw in these kinds of feelings in interpreting XY as a character since TH has said that the choices in her book mirror reality. Hence, we can also conclude that, in reality, codependent relationships like YaoJing's don't end up in happy endings.
Another foreshadow image is that Jing used the spider to weave a net for them to rest during the trip (Chapter 36 or 37?). And TH used butterfly to compare with XY several times in the book. So, Jing - the spider trapped the butterfly - XY. They got engaged shortly after the tripH19279:
Omgad! What great analogy! I totally missed this one. Thank you. Oh, my poor heart.
plor20:
I would love to read these "Friend" threads but don't know how to search the forums. It's such a jungle! But I have my own strong opinions on this word because it holds so much meaning from a cultural side, and if your culture doesn't have this kind inferences, then again, it gets lost in translation.
A few pages around page 372
What happened to the courageous, carefree, kind, and frank WXL? Even XL questioned this, which is why, in their last face-to-face encounter, he coldly told her she is finally the WXL he remembered in Qingshui town
You will be shocked when you read their opion about this. They said Jing took care and pampered XY so well. She felt like a child cared by mother during their trip. In chapter 43, XL told her that “The Wen Xiao Liu I knew a long time ago had many deficiencies, but the one deficiency not there was to roll over and accept a beating like an idiot. Has Tu Shan Jing taken such good care of you all these years that you’ve forgotten how to stay alive now that he’s dead?”. It showed that Jing took care of her very well. and poor XY that after this encouter she became back to WXL in their last encounter. She had to fight, to stay alerted and felt insecured because she was alone beside CX.
You will be shocked when you read their opion about this. They said Jing took care and pampered XY so well. She felt like a child cared by mother during their trip. In chapter 43, XL told her that “The Wen Xiao Liu I knew a long time ago had many deficiencies, but the one deficiency not there was to roll over and accept a beating like an idiot. Has Tu Shan Jing taken such good care of you all these years that you’ve forgotten how to stay alive now that he’s dead?”. It showed that Jing took care of her very well. and poor XY that after this encouter she became back to WXL in their last encounter. She had to fight, to stay alerted and felt insecured because she was alone beside CX.
XY mentioned in one of chapters that he made her feel like a child and he was like a mother. My brain basically exploded, haha...it's not a romantic thing to say to someone who is trying to woe you.
Another foreshadow image is that Jing used the spider to weave a net for them to rest during the trip (Chapter 36 or 37?). And TH used butterfly to compare with XY several times in the book. So, Jing - the spider trapped the butterfly - XY. They got engaged shortly after the trip
Omgad! What great analogy! I totally missed this one. Thank you. Oh, my poor heart.
XY mentioned in one of chapters that he made her feel like a child and he was like a mother. My brain basically exploded, haha...
Even though Xiao Yao wandered for hundreds of years, it was in the Middle Plains and she never explored Gao Xing. Jing was different, being the clan leader designate since he was young meant he traveled for business all over the vast wilderness. Whether it was the dangerous and scary Jiu Li, the unpredictable ocean, he visited everywhere before. This trip he knew where all the fun things were and the delicious food spots and he planned everything so that Xiao Yao was totally taken care of.
Since her mom died, Xiao Yao finally felt like she could be a kid and just enjoy without any worry or planning.
That night the two of them camped out on the mountain top.
Xiao Yao smiled “Let me show you something!” and then she climbed up a tree like a monkey to rest on the branch.
Jing took out a jade container and released spiders who quickly got to work between the branches.
Xiao Yao stared “Are you planning to make a web lace?”
Jing vaulted to Xiao Yao’s side and embraced her, blocking the cold night wind for her “I’ve raised these spiders since I was small, they make light and soft but impervious webs.” (Kaola chapter 36)
Xiaoyao watched intently as the eight spiders spun silk and busily weaved webs. They were like the most dexterous weavers in the world, and they could weave an exquisite web in just a cup of tea.
Eight spiders crawled toward Jing, and Jing fed them each a drop of chalcedony. The eight spiders seemed satisfied and crawled back into the jade tube staggeringly.
Xiaoyao looked at the spider web and wondered what Jing used to feed the silk spiders all year round. The silk they spewed out was sea blue. This sea-blue spider web is in the shape of a trigram, with eight corners connected to the tree branches, and suspended in the middle. The spider webs are arranged horizontally and vertically in a fine grid, but intertwined in circles, like ripples. Under the dim starlight, the entire web is The spider web looks like a piece of exquisite blue satin.
Xiaoyao looked left and right, but couldn't figure out what Jing would do with such a spider web, and asked in confusion: "Are you going to take it back to make clothes?"
Jing smiled, hugged Xiao Yao and jumped down. Before Xiao Yao could exclaim, she found herself falling onto the spider web, very comfortable, like lying on a soft couch.
Xiaoyao touched the spider web curiously. It was not only soft, but also a little warm. She laughed and said, "Jing, you were really naughty when you were a child. You actually came up with this method of sleeping in the wilderness. However, you are the only one who can realize it." Only the Tushan family can afford to live as such."
Jing's eyes were full of nostalgia and sadness for the past, and she smiled and said, "My mother and eldest brother have always indulged me."
Xiaoyao lay on her back on the silk couch, looking at the vast sky above her head and the bright stars.
Since living among the people, Xiaoyao has slept in the street countless times. In her eyes, sleeping in the street is not something elegant and interesting, but homeless, which means various dangers. She must stay alert when sleeping. But tonight, sleeping outdoors became completely different from before. Xiaoyao whispered: "Jing, these days I feel like I have become smaller and turned into a child again. Being with you feels like being by my mother's side."
Jing coughed violently and said helplessly: "This really doesn't feel like a compliment to me."
Xiaoyao turned over and their eyes met. She said with a smile: "It's not that you look like my mother, but...just like when I was a child, I didn't have to think about anything, I didn't have to worry about anything, I was happy every day ." The smile on Xiaoyao's lips gradually disappeared, "Everything feels like a dream. I'm really afraid that I will wake up from the dream like before."
Jing kissed her gently and said, "This is not a dream, we will stay like this for the rest of our lives."
Xiaoyao smiled: "Yeah." (Google translate - chapter 36)
@AH
Or did the nine-tailed fox capture XY more than once, but with different faces (so XY didn't recognize him the second time he captured her)?
the fox demon kidnapped XY twice in her life. first time when she was a kid during Yun Xang’s wedding. it was Chi You cut off one of his tail and gave it to XY. In chapter 9, XY told CX that the 9 tailed fox was actually 8 tailed one
Very interesting. The way she tells the story of her 30 years of captivity in LYF (first to XL and then in more detail to CX and TSJ) you'd never know that she had encountered the nine-tailed fox before the 20 years she spent in the mountains after escaping from Jade Mountain, or that she was the reason that her mother's "friend" cut off one of his nine tails - the root of his grudge.
So I guess the nine-tailed fox captured XY the first time at the request of her ninth uncle / Ah Heng's ninth brother, to pressure Ah Heng for something?
How much did XY know about the first capture? Was she awake? Did she talk to the nine-tailed fox back then? Or did she only get to talk to him / find out more details about the first capture after he captured her the second time?
P/S: XY's ninth uncle asked the 9 tailed fox demon to kidnap XY to force Ah Heng to tell in front of everyone who was XY's real father in order to humilate her and her family (her mom, and brothers)
Edit: Huzzah! I thought it might be something like that.
4 hours ago
AH :
A prison of a kind indeed, but one she agreed to impose on herself. A "prison" that she could have escaped from at any time if she really, really wanted to (as she almost did in chapter 14 - and in chapter 16 she ignores + successfully forces herself to walk away from TSJ, until she remembers that she told CX that she would meet TSJ for CX's sake).
Could she, really? I mean, the whole tragedy of XY is that her trauma forces her to make these really crappy choices.
She can't escape the prison of the 15 Year Promise and the false hope that Jing holds out, because she's convinced herself that is what she wants the most.
When XY makes a decision (e.g., agreeing to the 15 year promise) that is driven by her trauma / complexes / related needs, I personally don't view that as XY being "forced" to make the decision. She is aware of her trauma and limitations, and how that has influenced what she has decided she wants / needs, and makes her decisions informed by that awareness. IMO, she was not forced or tricked.
To the extent that she sticks to those decisions (e.g., each time she decides to continue fulfilling her end of the 15 year promise), IMO she does so because she still feels that the potential benefit is worth the price that she is paying. And that potential benefit is the return of YSQ (i.e., a person who theoretically will never let her go and will always put her first). Each time she decides to keep her side of the promise, it demonstrates (IMO) that she is still willing to continue waiting to see if TSJ will make good on his side of the promise.
If XY is trapped, she is knowingly trapped by her own issues that led her to agree to the promise in the first place, and not so much by the promise itself.
And Jing knowingly manipulates her into that prison and makes sure he shows up and does the minimum to keep her in that prison, whenever she thinks about walking away.
“Xiao Liu….I……I know I am engaged and have no right to say this to you…..and I never dared to….but…….I will call off the engagement, I will call off the engagement! You wait for me for twenty years….no…..no, fifteen years. You give Tu Shan Jing fifteen years, and after fifteen years I’ll give you back a Ye Shi Qi.”
Xiao Liu asked, “How do you want me to wait?”
“You…..you won’t let another man……into your heart.”
This shows that Jing KNOWS exactly what he's doing. If he loved her and wasn't trying to imprison her with this 15 Year Promise, he would have simply confessed and not try to bind her to him or make these conditions.
Even XY recognizes this is a deal and a manipulation, and she's getting screwed.
Was TSJ trying to constrain WXL with the 15 year promise? IMO, yes he was.
And then does he later knowingly / intentionally say things that are intended to convince XY to keep the promise (which could also be framed as "manipulation" if you like)? IMO, also yes.
But as you noted, XY was aware of that. She agreed to the terms of the 15 year promise knowing they were skewed in TSJ's favour. And she knew that she had a soft spot for YSQ/TSJ that prevented her from being as hard-hearted with him as she was with others, and that she had failed in her previous attempts to sever the threads of longing in her heart. Knowing all of that, she decided to agree to the terms of the promise and to see what would happen in 15 years. She went into it with a rational mindset, lacking trust and with her heart still guarded against disappointment.
-----
Chapter 10:
They ate snacks and chatted, talking about whatever came to mind, or silently sitting next to each other.
The sun gradually set and the sky gradually darkened.
Xiao Liu couldn’t eat anymore and washed her hands. Shi Qi took out a handkerchief and Xiao Liu reached for it but he didn’t hand it to her. He wrapped her hands in it and slowly dried them. Her hands were long dried but he still didn’t let go. He tightly held on to her two hands.
Xiao Liu’s heart was a bit jumbled and she kept her head down.
Shi Qi said in a low voice, “Fifteen years. Don’t let another man into your heart.”
Xiao Liu raised her head and said with a laugh, “Then what about fifteen years later? Can I let another man in fifteen years later?”
Shi Qi’s face darkened and he tightly gripped Xiao Liu’s hands.
Xiao Liu lightly shook their hands and softly said, “Don’t worry and go. Fifteen years, I’ll wait for you.” Since that connection and longing couldn’t be severed, then let it remain for fifteen years. After that fifteen years, whether the thread would disappear or become a web, no one knows.
After dinner Zhuan Xu personally escorted Shi Qi off Five Gods Mountain. When he came back, he saw Xiao Liu laying on the pallet in the courtyard staring at the stars. He sat down “What are you thinking?”
“Star gazing.”
“Not sad? I thought you really liked his company.”
“I really do like his company, but what I know even more is that there is no person who can keep company forever in this life. You and I have experienced too many partings, that heartbreaking gut wrenching sorrow we have endured too many times. I don’t want to hurt anymore so I learned to protect myself. You can call it being rational, or see it as being coldhearted. Zhuan Xu, do you have that feeling? If you have something and you like it so much, you will still remind yourself that it might be gone so you remain rational. Even if you like it, it comes with a sense of melancholy, so when the time comes and it’s gone, you can be fine accepting the loss.”
Zhuan Xu slid down the pallet to sit on the ground and he leaned back against the pallet so his head was pressed against Xiao Liu’s head as both of them looked up at the stars. After some time he spoke, “I thought I was the only one left in this world. But you’ve come back, so I don’t feel lonely anymore.”
Compared to Xiao Liu, Zhuan Xu was the real orphan. When he was very small, his father died in battle and his mother committed suicide on his father’s grave. His grandmother died of illness, and the auntie who was taking care of him also died in battle. He lost all his relatives who would have protected him. To survive, he had no choice but to leave his homeland and come to Gao Xing all alone.
Xiao Liu said, “I’m sorry.” Xiao Yao was a very selfish, cruel person. She knew Zhuan Xu was waiting for her, she knew Zhuan Xu needed her, but because of her own fear she kept running.
-----
Chapter 16:
The Yellow Emperor ignored her barb and suddenly said, “Pick a good husband! Before I die I can guarantee that you can marry any man you want.” He wanted to make sure Xiao Yao was happy.
The Yellow Emperor’s conversation jumped topics so abruptly Xiao Yao was stunned and suddenly she felt this tenderness in her heart. No matter how much she blamed him, he was still her grandfather.
Xiao Yao controlled her conflicted emotions and asked with a goofy smile, “Anyone I want? Even someone who is already engaged? Even someone who is your enemy?”
The Yellow Emperor stared at Xiao Yao. “What kind of man do you want?” The Yellow Emperor did not come from a noble or imperial birth right or received such an education, he was born in an ordinary family so when conversing with him, he was much more blunt than the Grand Emperor.
This bold topic would have made any young girl blush but Xiao Yao. She really thought about it and said, “Before I came of age I was already pretending to be a man. When young ladies are just noticing guys I was trying to just survive. I was alone for so long that really I just wanted someone to keep me company. Not someone I want to marry – I want someone I can live with, share happiness and sorrow with, fight and make up, I just don’t want to talk to myself anymore. But I’m scared because think about it, my own grandfather, mom, dad, they all abandoned me before. How can I trust someone won’t abandon me? I took in lonely elders and orphans because I know they need me so they won’t abandon me.”
Xiao Yao chuckled. “People think I am kind but really I’m just weak. When I’m with those who are weaker than me, I feel like I am in control and am needed so I won’t be abandoned. That is when I feel safe.”
The Yellow Emperor rested on the pallet and stared at Xiao Yao.
She continued, “When I became a girl again, I thought marrying is so far away and never thought about it. But I know I’m scared of a man like you. In your heart, there will always be choices that are more important than the woman you love.”
The Yellow Emperor was expressionless and he said, “Men like me are not suited to be husbands.”
Xiao Yao slowly said, “I am too afraid of having and losing, so I would rather not have at all. Unless there is a man who, no matter faced with any choice, will always pick me first, who will never abandon me no matter what reason, then I will be willing to spend the rest of my life with him.”
The Yellow Emperor said, “That’s very hard.”
Xiao Yao smiled. “I know it’s hard which is why I don’t think about any man. I’m too scared of falling in and not being able to save myself…..” Xiao Yao sighed. “Even if I have a bit of stirring, I do my best to rein it in.”
The Yellow Emperor said, “The question you just asked me, there is actually an answer and you know what it is. If he picked another woman, that means you are not his first choice. If he chose to be the enemy of Zhuan Xu or myself, then it means you are not most important to him and he can give you up.”
Xiao Yao’s heart was jumbled and she sat with her arms around her knees and stared at the mulberry forest.
The Yellow Emperor said “Actually you think too much. People need to pretend to be clueless sometimes. If you pick the right person, treat him well and it’s not hard to grow old together.”
Xiao Yao mulled over what he said and after a few minutes smiled ruefully. “I understand what grandfather is trying to say but I’m already this way. If I can’t find the kind of man I want, then I would rather not marry and take in some orphans and live my life.”
----
Chapter 22:
She was tired and closed her eyes to nap and the carriage was silent until Zhuan Xu suddenly asked, “Are you certain? Jing may not be the best man, or the man most suited for you.”
Xioa Yao opened her eyes. “You and I are both abandoned children, you know more than anyone what I want.”
Zhuan Xu said “Even if he gives up being Tu Shan Jing, but you and I know that the blood ties are too thick to ever just give up and cut off that easily. The Grand Madam is infamous for being stubborn and difficult. Have you thought about the future?”
“The future is not up to me, it’s up to him. I am merely willing to wait for him to give me an outcome.”
Zhuan Xu murmured, “You’re not the type to wait for people, clearly he’s special in your heart.”
Xiao Yao said, “Don’t worry about me! I’ve experienced too many disappointments and have long learned to keep expectations low and always think of the worst case scenario. You and I both know, to not be disappointed, one must never have hope.”
Zhuan Xu sighed. “No matter what the outcome, I’ll always be here for you.”
Xiao Yao rested her head on his shoulder and smiled. “I know.”
And Chapter 16 is more of the same. She tries to walk away from the promise prison, and Jing shows up again, to remind her! And this time uses his transactions with CX, as well as his usual manipulations.
In chapter 16, XY gives up on TSJ and decides to stop waiting for him. She focuses on her poisons, and then FFB approaches her and she agrees to learn archery from him. XY initially hopes that TSJ will find out that she is spending time with FFB and become jealous / do something about it, but eventually she outright forgets TSJ.
When TSJ finally shows up 16 months later, XY ignores him completely in their first encounter, and ices him out in their second encounter. Despite the soft spot in her heart that makes it difficult for XY to walk away from TSJ in their second meeting, she succeeds in forcing herself to walk away from him. She only turns back after leaving because she recalls her promise to CX, not because of TSJ's manipulation or her inability to resist it / her inability to escape from her promise to TSJ.
If she could escape her trauma so easily, she could have made a life with XL.
Between her fears of abandonment, and the hopeful games and pity parties Jing plays, XY isn't able to free herself anymore than she is able to take the first step and confess her love to XL.
IMO, XY's trauma is only one of many reasons why she is not able to enter into a romantic relationship with XL or to openly confess her love to XL.
And on a related note, I know some YaoLiu's believe that XY might have chosen to "kiss" XL in chapter 13 (rather than drown) if she had not made the 15 year promise, or that she might have confessed her feelings to XL and started a relationship with XL if she had not made the 15 year promise. Personally, I don't take that view. I think of XY agreeing to the 15 year promise as an indicator of her mindset, rather than a constraint that prevented her from doing anything that she really wanted to do in that 15 year period.
AH :
A prison that, in the context of her trauma, complexes, and circumstances, seemed to give her some semblance of security. Or maybe hope for future security and simplicity.
It's a false sense of security.
I agree that any sense of security (or hope of future security) that XY drew from the 15 year promise was false, since TSJ ultimately failed to uphold his side of the promise.
Based on the scenes that I quoted above where XY talks about remaining rational and limiting her expectations, I think she consciously tried to prevent herself from putting too much hope into the promise and tried to stop herself from relying on / feeling too secure because of the promise.
The security of the abused for being abused, because that's what they know as normal. It's like a long time prisoner, that only feels comfortable in prison, instead of outside and free. Magnified even more for XY because she has a crippling loneliness that she wants alleviated at any cost.
I'm not sure I agree with this. Can you elaborate on how the "prison" of the 15 year promise that XY agrees to is akin to another prison that XY views as normal / that she is comfortable with?
After escaping from her 30 years of captivity, XY spent ~160 years wandering, and then spent 20+ years running a clinic in QS town where she was the person in charge of the household. She built an arrangement in QS town that made her comfortable, and I don't view that arrangement as a prison for her.
AH :
A prison that, in the context of her trauma, complexes, and circumstances, seemed to give her some semblance of security. Or maybe hope for future security and simplicity.
It's a false sense of security. The security of the abused for being abused, because that's what they know as normal. It's like a long time prisoner, that only feels comfortable in prison, instead of outside and free. Magnified even more for XY because she has a crippling loneliness that she wants alleviated at any cost.
I'm pretty sure it isn't about future security and simplicity, when the prison is described thusly:
Darkness like death, silence like death, the most infamous jail cell in the vast wilderness made any prisoner seek death, but to Shi Qi and Xiao Liu, as they talked they didn’t even feel like time was passing. Shi Qi was so grateful that Zhuan Xu locked him up in the same cell as Xiao Liu, and only here did he have the courage to reveal his greatest wish. He even wished now to never leave, he was willing to spend an entire lifetime here with Xiao Liu.
That's half of the description.
But the same scene also includes the following description:
-----
Chapter 8:
Shi Qi quietly held Xiao Liu and Xiao Liu quietly listened to his heartbeat. In this place of death, separated from the world’s enticements and entanglements, it made the complicated relationship between a man and a woman so very simple. It was just him and her. Xiao Liu suddenly felt right being here and that was calming.
Xiao Liu said, “How about we never leave here?”
“Fine.”
“What’s fine?”
“It’s fine staying here.”
“What’s fine about it?”
“Just you. And me.”
Xiao Liu laughed knowing that Shi Qi also understood. There was so much that made life complicated purely due to circumstance. The old married couple living in the far off secluded mountains, they were actually the envy of so many who live glamorous lives of conflict.
AH :
A bit like the unusual feelings that TSJ and WXL had about being locked in the dragon bone prison together. WXL felt that being locked there: (1) simplified complicated things; (2) felt right; and (3) felt calming. She suggested that they never leave. TSJ felt grateful to be locked up in the prison with WXL and wished to never leave.
1,2,3 are a reflection of what FFB proposed when he taught XY archery. "Why not give up everything and come explore the world with me? Except one is in the light and is about a life in the world. Whereas this is hidden, in a tiny space encompassed by a dark prison.
I can sort of see what you're getting at.
In chapter 8, TSJ and WXL being locked in the dragon bone prison "separated from the world's enticements and entanglements" is indirectly compared to the life of an "old married couple living in the far-off secluded mountains" - a life that is "actually the envy of so many who live glamourous lives of conflict". That scenario covers an escape from a more complicated life through seclusion, where the simplicity of seclusion is framed as a positive thing that their present situation (being locked in a prison) also gives them, which WXL finds calming and which makes them both feel like they don't want to leave.
In chapter 16, when XY sighs and talks about the downsides of her role as princess, FFB expresses a similar sentiment (half seriously, and half in jest). If XY isn't enjoying her life as a princess, why not abandon that title and life in order to wander the world with him? That scenario also covers escaping, but in this case through wandering the world rather than seeking seclusion.
The two options are different, but I'm not sure I agree with the suggestion that one option is portrayed with positive connotations (freedom, openness and light) while the other is portrayed with negative connotations (lacking freedom, openness and light).
----
Chapter 16:
After they entered the residence, Xiao Yao jumped off her winged horse and sighed. “My version of the wild Princess is so different from Ah Nian’s. With the entire street staring at me, my first instinct is to wonder what I did wrong. Is this a side effect of doing too many bad things in my past?”
Fang Feng Bei asked half seriously half in jest, “Why don’t you not be a Princess anymore and go wander the world with me?”
Xiao Yao giggled. “Sure! If you can let everything go first.”
Fang Feng Bei chuckled while Xiao Yao stared at him. She felt like she called him on his bullshit. When she was wandering the world being a con artist, he was likely home tickling his maids!
But Shi Qi is grateful to be there where he can reveal his greatest wish and keep XY all to himself for life ... in the death like prison. Yeah, that's not future security, that's a murder suicide pact.
I don't get that vibe from the scene.
The idea of being trapped somewhere forever with another person, even my favourite person, is not appealing to me. But it does seem to be appealing to XY. In fact, in many ways, due to her issues, it's her ideal scenario. She is assured of having company and someone to talk to forever, with no possibility of being abandoned.
----
Chapter 8:
Darkness like death, silence like death, the most infamous jail cell in the vast wilderness made any prisoner seek death, but to Shi Qi and Xiao Liu, as they talked they didn’t even feel like time was passing.
-----
Chapter 16:
She really thought about it and said, “Before I came of age I was already pretending to be a man. When young ladies are just noticing guys I was trying to just survive. I was alone for so long that really I just wanted someone to keep me company. Not someone I want to marry – I want someone I can live with, share happiness and sorrow with, fight and make up, I just don’t want to talk to myself anymore. But I’m scared because think about it, my own grandfather, mom, dad, they all abandoned me before. How can I trust someone won’t abandon me? I took in lonely elders and orphans because I know they need me so they won’t abandon me.”
There's a reason why Tong Hua had child XY spend 30 years in a cage at the hands of a fox demon, with only him for company as he tortured and depowered her and why Tushan Jing is has the traits of a fox demon and is in a cage when he robs XY of choice and freedom and puts her in his promise prison.
I agree that there are parallels here. But just as XL and XY's relationship is much more complex than XY's relationship with the snake demon that alleviated her loneliness in the mountains, IMO it's often not helpful to focus too much on viewing TSJ and XY's relationship through the lens of this analogy, as it can lead to oversimplification and false equivalencies... It's an analogy that can be observed from a bird's eye view of the story, but (and apologies if this comes across as patronizing) taking a bird's eye view approach to understanding the story can sometimes prevent readers from appreciating the rich layers and complex details that Tong Hua built into the story and each relationship.
@AH had some exchanges of view about how TH use the word friend with them. So for them, when the word "friend" is used for XL it literally means friendship. @AH pointed out some cases XY also regarded Jing as "friend" in several context;
To clarify a bit, my points in that thread were: (1) that XY didn't simply refer to XL as a friend, and instead used more nuanced terms like, "a friend who is not quite a friend" and "知音" (zhī yīn); and (2) that she sometimes referred to TSJ as a friend (e.g., "I'm just ordinary friends with Jing") or as CX's friend, but in those cases (IMO) she was clearly lying / hiding her true feelings. So, IMO, readers should take those examples and conclude that if XY does refer to someone as a friend, they shouldn't take her use of that word (on its own) as proof that she doesn't have any romantic feelings for that person.
Thank God that there was still a reasonable Jing fan who said that I am not liar and the text about the writing technique was correct and they should also take them into account when doing the analysis.
A good reminder that each YaoJing (and each member of any shipping community) has their own views and mindset. Some are reasonable. Some aren't. Best to avoid painting a whole community with the same brush based on the positions or behaviour of a few individuals.
5 hours ago
AH :
She initially wanted to avoid the marriage and tried to meet with Chi You as promised, but wasn't she convinced by her brother to go through with the marriage in order to protect the people she cared about?
She still came to Jiuli and waited for Chi You the whole night but he didn't come. She was so desperated. She carved his name hundreds of times on the tree sterm. Chang Yi showed up in Jiuli and told her the whole picture of her marriage, tried to convince her to progress it. And on her wedding, when they were on the bridge to Gao Xing, Chi You showed up but loss to Shao Hao, he returned her the robe. Ah Heng could not do anything there but she tried to get out of her marriage.
She spent 3 years teaching the people in Gaoxing to grow mulberry and making clothes to have chance to go out. She sent back the robe to Chi You. She came to Jiuli but Chi You did not show up (he actually went there but did not want to meet her).
If I remember correctly they solved their misunderstanding during Chang Yi's wedding. Yellow Emperor wanted her to be checked by the royal doctor because of no pregnancy after long marriage. Thus Ah Heng and Chi You freed to Jiuli after he gain the legendary map (in the shape of an egg) in Yu Yuan. He gave her half of the egg map. Zhu Ju (?) was sent to follow her by Qing Yang (Ah Heng didn't know it) to steal the other half. Chi You knew about Zhu Ju's action but thought that it was planned by Ah Heng. He misunderstood her miserably. They returned Yu Yuan and Zhu Rong wanted to take advantage to kill Chi You (while he was fighting with Yan Long who lost 1 hand during this fight). It was Ah Heng shielded him and got the magical flame by Zhu Rong. She was burnt from inside and fell into Yu Yuan with Lie Yang. Chi You then realized his mistake of untrusting her.
AH :
Before Ah Heng died because of Zhu Rong's fire and gravity attaction by YuYuan, Chi you loved her but he also doubted her love, he was always alerted and afraid that she used his love to kill him since he was the enermy of her family. After her death, he regretted and when she was reincarnated as a magical stone (they sensed her soul inside), Chi You did his best to resurrect her and fully committed.
"Chi You stared at Ah Heng, "I was born in a deserted mountain, grew up among wild animals, my family background, education and demeanours are not comparable to Shao Hao, nor can I be like him, giving you status. the most noble, let you become the queen of a country, making the whole world respect you. If you follow me, you will definitely be scolded by people, but... If you still don't want to remember everything about me, I will give you the only thing I have." Chi You punched his chest hard and said loudly, "It's my heart!""
I have not been able to find much in English about this part of the story, so thank you for those details.
That said, I feel like this is in line with what I was saying above. Ah Heng did love Chi You, but she didn't "commit" to that love in the sense that she initially denied and avoided it, later hid it
Because Chi You had not trusted her before her 1st death, when she was resurrected, she pretended to lose her memory about him. That was why Chi You kidnapped her to Jiuli and tried to convince her as such.
AH :
H19279:
When Chi you was back, XY was 3 year old. He was jealous and wondered why Ah Heng was back to Shao Hao and had kid with Shao Hao. But then he still wanted to be with her, willing to forgive her.
This feels consistent with the idea of Chi You being more committed than Ah Heng.
H19279:
If I remember correctly that Chi You got seriously injured in the same event he killed Qing Yang. It took him 5 years to recover in Bei Ming sea. So what could Ah Heng do in such situation while she was pregnant and her lover killed her brother. She needed to protect XY too. And after that they still reunioned.
Thank you for these additional details! ^^
After the discussion about Ah Heng-Chi You, I realized one thing that how come that XL and Chi You were so different in expressing their love?
They both have animal instinct, they were very straigtforward and loved freedom. They both were owned great gesture and favor by Sheng Nong headers or general. They were both taught by their saviours and became general for Sheng Nong army, carrying enormous responsibility. However, the way they express their love was opposite. Chi You told Ah Heng that he would take her away, shake off the responsibility after the last battle (to secure the liberation, independence of Sheng Nong from Xuan Yuan). We don't see any XL's sign on any possibility to spare something for his own's happiness.
I wonder if some of the differences can be attributed to how the two relationships began?
Chi You saw Ah Heng and fell for her before he met the Flame Emperor. When he first saw her, she was not in disguise (although he did not know that she was Xuan Yuan's princess) and Chi You instinctively wanted to protect her from being harmed by his pursuer, Zhu Rong. He did not view her as an enemy / potential enemy / someone to be wary of. My understanding is that Chi You later agreed to leave Jiu Li with the Flame Emperor to learn how to be a person from him because he wanted to be part of Ah Heng's world.
And Chi You didn't seem like he was determined to die with the Flame Emperor, Yu Wang, or his comrades in arms. He wanted to uphold his promise and remain loyal to them, but once he had done everything he could for them he was "ready to let it all go" and walked towards Ah Heng.
XL met and became loyal to Gong Gong before he met XY. Gong Gong adopted XL as his son, which seems like an even closer relationship than that of a shifu and disciple (the relationship between Chi You and the Flame Emperor) or that of a loyal man who pledges to help another man (the relationship between Chi You and Yu Wang). XL also learned how to live in the world of deities (through his time as FFB and through his time with Gong Gong / the Sheng Nong remnant army) before he met XY, and it seems like he had plenty of experience with women through his time as FFB.
When XL met XY, she was in disguise and behaved like a possible enemy and definitely someone suspicious who needed to be handled carefully. She poisoned Furball and tried to poison him, among other things. Although XL seemed drawn to / interested in XY's song, her poison skills, and her self-identification as someone with no means of protecting herself, no one to rely on and no place to go, it seems reasonable that he was wary of her... and it also seems like he wasn't struck with the same kind of overwhelming feeling of having found one's match and life mate in the way that Chi You was when he first saw Ah Heng. For at least part of their relationship, XL also thought that XY "ought to hate" him.
And XL seemed to be more attached to Gong Gong and his comrades, and seemed like he had long planned to die with them on the battlefield. Which left no room for a potential romantic happy ending with XY.
So it makes sense to me that Chi You was much more straightforward and open about his feelings, while XL hid his feelings and later took steps to protect XY from the pain of losing him in the future.
XL met and became loyal to Gong Gong before he met XY. Gong Gong adopted XL as his son, which seems like an even closer relationship than that of a shifu and disciple (the relationship between Chi You and the Flame Emperor) or that of a loyal man who pledges to help another man (the relationship between Chi You and Yu Wang).AH :
Chi You indeed respected Jan Emperor but he was closer and cherished Yu Wang more. He regarded Yu Wang as his brother. It was Yu Wang who persuaded him to stayed in Sheng Nong mountain. Chi You also had 4 very close oathed brothers who fought besides him. His army was formed by low classed (or poor classed) men who supported, followed and respected him unlike XL's case that many soldiers seemed to discriminate his demon origin. By Jan Emperor's death, Chi You didn't have his own troop. Jan Emperor fully entrusted Sheng Nong's fate on him. And if I remember correctly Jan Emperor asked him to help Yu Wang; in the case Yu Wang didn't follow, Chi You could kill Yu Wang.
I don't take into detail of their first encounter. But when they formed official relationship or friendship, Chi You was already general of Sheng-nong and Ah Heng hid her identity. Similarly, XL was general, strategic advisor, he didn't know about WXL's real identity. But WXL knew hers.
Both of them didn't have ambition in power. Chi You could limit his debt repayment for Sheng-nong and Yu Wang and he had only 1 live. XL had much more lives and he did not spare even one for himself
Another foreshadow image is that Jing used the spider to weave a net for them to rest during the trip (Chapter 36 or 37?). And TH used butterfly to compare with XY several times in the book. So, Jing - the spider trapped the butterfly - XY. They got engaged shortly after the trip
That's an interesting observation.
I don't know if the same meaning comes through in the original Mandarin text, but XY's feelings for YSQ/TSJ are also originally described as threads of longing that later become a web.
I think that might have been mentioned in this thread before? But I'm afraid I don't remember who pointed it out.
And CX refers to a spider plotting to catch a butterfly in its web (by pretending to be in a bind) in chapter 39, not long after the association between TSJ and spiders is established in chapter 36.
-----
Chapter 3:
Xiao Liu walked to the edge of the river and watched it rumble past. He wasn’t angry that Shi Qi let Xuan take the antidote. He was angry because when he relied on someone it was to turn around and discover that person wasn’t there. He was angry at himself for having this pathetic hope. Xiao Liu jumped into the river and swam upstream. The river got wider and wider and the current stronger and stronger.
...
Xiao Liu handed the tumbler to Xiang Liu and stood up. He opened his arms and howled to the wind before suddenly falling from the condor like a shooting star diving into the lake. Xiang Liu moved and the condor started to fall as well.
Xiao Liu was like a beautiful butterfly falling into the silver water and disappearing into the depths.
...
Xiao Liu hurried back to his room, the hard shell around his heart already sealed shut again. It was his moment of softened pity that caused him to be confused for a while but now he was back to thinking clear again. Every person arrived alone on this Earth and would depart alone. There was no one to rely on. How much hope and reliance one had today, was how much pain and suffering one would endure down the road. Rather than that happening, it was better to not have it to begin with.
-----
Chapter 8:
The carriage started to move and it was dark and Xiao Liu and Jing were tightly pressed together due to its cramped space. When Xiao Liu went to look for Jing, it was a spur of the moment thing. He wanted to see Jing put in a tight spot, he wanted to hear Jing try to talk him into going to see the Grand Emperor and it was no big deal. Xiao Liu wanted to hear all of this with his own ears, so that he could use this cruel method to cut the final threads of longing in his heart, so that he could leave without a care, so that he could let Wen Xiao Liu vanish forever without any sadness.
But when Xiao Liu said he didn’t want to go and Jing never asked why he would rather risk death to escape than go, nor did he pause to think about his own danger before agreeing to help him escape, the longing in Xiao Liu’s heart expanded instead of being severed.
...
Xiao Liu’s legs were in excruciating pain and he leaned on Shi Qi and murmured to himself, “If I knew it was so painful to run, I would have chosen not to run. But if I didn’t run, then I would have never known that you would do anything for me. But what shall I do now? It would have been better had you not helped me. I could have easily severed my longing and hope. Or when we were surrounded back there, it would have been better had you not told me to run away by myself. Xan Tian Er’s life is a struggle, and when a man thinks he is helping her by easing her struggle, he is putting her into a different kind of struggle. She is now struggling with the fear that he would leave her one day and she’s left struggling all alone again. Which of the two struggles is harder? Perhaps most women choose to struggle with a man easing her load, at least there is some happiness, some hope that the man won’t let go one day. But I’m not like that! I would rather be roasted all alone, struggle all alone, because at least my hands are free. Pain makes me hope for escape, a man’s hands make me fear he’ll let go. I would then reach out and hold onto him tightly, collect all the happiness tightly. Right now Xan Tian Er is able to save herself because I helped her. But who will help me? The Gods can help humans, but who will help the Gods? No one! I still feel it’s safer to hide in my shell. I’ve suffered so much in my life already, I don’t want to suffer more, I don’t want to be hurt more…..”
...
Shi Qi said, “I know you never give yourself hope so you don’t trust first and won’t give first. You have a true heart but if the other doesn’t appreciate it, then you won’t give it. I’m willing to wait, wait until you’re willing to hope.”
-----
Chapter 10:
Xiao Liu lightly shook their hands and softly said, “Don’t worry and go. Fifteen years, I’ll wait for you.” Since that connection and longing couldn’t be severed, then let it remain for fifteen years. After that fifteen years, whether the thread would disappear or become a web, no one knows.
-----
Chapter 12:
“I’m afraid of disappointing you guys. And with your disappointment in me, I’ll be disappointed in you.”
“Who are the “you guys”? Me and Master? We will never be disappointed in you. If it includes other men….Xiao Liu…..” Zhuan Xu’s hand was on Xiao Liu’s shoulder, “Don’t give yourself hope, then you won’t be disappointed.”
-----
Chapter 13:
Xiao Yao wasn’t scared, she had been cliff diving since she was young and she actually quite enjoyed this free fall before entering the ocean.
The wind blew her hair around her and her robe billowed out so she looked like a falling butterfly with green wings flying towards the ocean.
Xiao Yao stretched out her body and squinted her eyes, when suddenly her eyes opened wide – under the moonlight, in the dark blue ripples of the ocean, a white haired white robed man was laying on the waves. He had a slight smile as he looked up at her, as if enjoying a dance that was for his eyes only.
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Chapter 16:
She waited half a year and never heard again from Jing.
One night, she laid on the pallet playing with the nine bottles, rolling them around on the blanket. It rested on the white sheets and the nine cherry blossoms bloomed brightly. Xiao Yao suddenly thought of Jade Mountain, she waited for her mother there for seventy years and never got anything. In her lifetime, she never wanted to wait for another person again.
Xiao Yao opened the last bottle and instead of drinking it slowly, she downed it all at once. She put the nine bottles away and never took it out to play with again.
Xiao Yao started spending more time developing her poisons. Late into the night, she would lay on the pallet playing with her poisons and thinking of how to make it even better in terms of prettier and not necessarily more poisonous.
She had memorized the Sheng Nong Herb Manuel left by the Flame Emperor, who the entire world regarded as the progenitor of medicine. She also flipped through all the Gao Xing and Xuan Yuan medical books. She didn’t doubt her poison's ability to be deadly, she just wanted to make it look pretty. She stared at the phoenix flower and researched a few days and worked a few nights and finally created a perfect replica of the small red phoenix flower with the same intoxicating fragrance. She made the poison layered on it like the morning dew.
Every one of her poisons was one of her longing, one of her missing, one of her feelings. She created it and watched it come to life in her hands, and then carefully put it away to send out.
Xiao Yao wondered what Xiang Liu would think when he saw the poisons? Would he call her a weirdo pervert?
...
“Okay, let’s keep wagering on that slave.”
“You want to come back tomorrow to see him battle to the death again?”
“No. Didn’t you see his eyes? That was a pair of eyes that have lost all hope. Let’s bet on who can give him back hope in an instant.”
Fang Feng Bei chuckled. “That’s interesting. Since you lost earlier, I’ll let you go first as an advantage.”
...
Fang Feng Bei laughed and held onto her arm. “I told him that I was once a slave in the death battle matches, yet I survived.”
Xiao Yao stood still and stared in anger. “You lied to him!”
Fang Feng Bei smiled. “Hope is but a lie.”
...
Jing didn’t seem to care and continued to draw whatever Xiao Yao wanted while she sat down watching him draw.
“What else?”
“Butterfly. One time I wanted to make a poisonous butterfly but I can’t draw well so the one I made was dopey.”
Jing heard she wanted to make poisons so he drew it smaller and then carefully drew ten more butterflies for her.”
...
Xiao Yao wanted to go grab the handkerchiefs when she felt something on her hand. She looked down and it was a long strand of hair tightly wound around her finger. Likely when Jing was leaving, he didn’t want to wake her up so he cut the strand off.
Xiao Yao looked at the strand on her finger and fell back on the pallet. Right now he was god knows where already, leaving only a strand to tie around her thoughts.
-----
Chapter 20:
Xiao Yao fell back on the pallet and Jing raised his head to look at her. Xiao Yao’s hair was mussed and her sultry lips were softly moving and reddened while her eyelashes were batting furiously like a frightened butterfly.
...
The two of them returned to Little Zhu Rong’s residence and Jing took Xiao Yao back to her residence. Xiao Yao watched him leave and her expression was unconcealed longing, like a cat that was going to be abandoned. Jing felt terrible but happy about it. “You just rest, tomorrow I’ll make you something tasty.”
-----
Chapter 22:
Xiao Yao turned to look at Jing and murmured, “You really are so broken over me that you are seeking death?”
Xiao Yao felt the shell around her heart shatter completely. All those threads that she tried to cut all those times finally weaved together into a web at last.
...
Xiao Yao watched the cloud carriage depart before turning to Zhuan Xu. He helped her on their cloud carriage. She was tired and closed her eyes to nap and the carriage was silent until Zhuan Xu suddenly asked, “Are you certain? Jing may not be the best man, or the man most suited for you.”
Xioa Yao opened her eyes. “You and I are both abandoned children, you know more than anyone what I want.”
Zhuan Xu said “Even if he gives up being Tu Shan Jing, but you and I know that the blood ties are too thick to ever just give up and cut off that easily. The Grand Madam is infamous for being stubborn and difficult. Have you thought about the future?”
“The future is not up to me, it’s up to him. I am merely willing to wait for him to give me an outcome.”
Zhuan Xu murmured, “You’re not the type to wait for people, clearly he’s special in your heart.”
Xiao Yao said, “Don’t worry about me! I’ve experienced too many disappointments and have long learned to keep expectations low and always think of the worst case scenario. You and I both know, to not be disappointed, one must never have hope.”
-----
Chapter 23:
Fang Feng Bei said, “Little sister said Jing didn’t want to be clan leader, and to cancel their engagement he knelt for a day and night in front of the Grand Madam’s room. If he really didn’t want to be clan leader, knowing little sister’s personality, she would have found a way to cancel their engagement herself. But now that Jing is clan leader, little sister’s years of hard work is finally right at her fingertips. She won’t give up now.”
Bei looked at Xiao Yao. “Seeing hope so close but evaporated into the air, are you upset?”
Xiao Yao replied, “Of course I’m a little upset, but perhaps I’ve been disappointed and always getting the short end of the stick since childhood, no matter what good things are promised to me, I instinctively expect it to be crushed. No matter how poignant the promise is, I never fully believe in it. So I’m not that upset.” Having her own mother abandon her for the greater good of the world, what other love in this world could be fully trusted?
Fang Feng Bei softly chuckled. “Your personality isn’t all that, no matter how happy, you always brace for the pain to come.”
Xiao Yao laughed. “That is why I treasure the happiness right before me, because that is the only thing that is real.”
-----
Chapter 24:
Xiao Yao glanced at Se Mai Er and saw her sleeve was embroidered with little colorful moths that looked like butterflies to the eye. Xiao Yao remembered that the Jiu Li Voodoo King’s manual wrote about these moths and included strange writings next to it. Xiao Yao made a hand gesture to Se Mai Er and then recited the lines from the manual.
...
Zhuan Xu said, “I hope Jing deserves the feelings you give him!”
Xiao Yao smiled and sighed. “I hope so, too. I tell myself not to hope but who really doesn’t hope? On Five Gods Mountain, I frequently thought of him.”
Zhuan Xu put down the lock of hair and smiled. “Tomorrow you can go see Jing so get some rest early!”
-----
Chapter 25:
Fang Feng Bei was riding a winged horse through the crowds, his expression gentle with a smile on his lips, just like any regular son of a rich family.
Xiao Yao was rooted in place and watched him come closer to her through the dense thrum of bustling ordinary life. Even knowing it was hopeless, she still fervently wished that this ordinary world could keep him in it.
-----
Chapter 26:
Both the Xi Ling clan leader and Chun were startled to see a few strands of white hair on Jing’s head.
...
Xiao Yao hadn’t seen Jing in over a year and seeing him like this, Xiao Yao maintained her smile and quietly stood next to the Xi Ling clan leader. She remembered in the ocean when he let his hair loose, the stirring in her heart. She remembered twining his hair around her fingers, each strand was a longing. Everything felt like yesterday but it was already black hair turned white and all longing severed.
...
Xiao Yao wanted to say “I forgot him!” but she couldn’t lie to herself. Since losing Jing she never slept through the night again.
She missed him! Her longing for Jing exceeded anything that anyone could have imagined, and it even shocked herself.
-----
Chapter 28:
Feng Long poured her another bowl. “I know I can’t match up to Jing and you won’t truly love me. But I really am most suited for you. We’re equal in family background, as long as you are willing both families will be happy to give us their blessings. You’re the best in terms of looks and personality but I’m not all that bad either. At least standing beside it, we will only be envied and no one will think a glorious flower is stuck in a pile of manure.”
Xiao Yao took a sip and spit out her wine in laughter. Feng Long took the bowl from her and handed her a handkerchief.
Feng Long said, “Truthfully, even having these two reasons is hard enough in this world. There is no guarantee we won’t face conflict ahead but at least we will always be on the same side. We will both forever support Zhuan Xu so we won’t have the chance for a huge problem to arise between us. I know women want romance to be pure but sometimes you can think that all these unpure reasons are the invisible threads that bind us together tightly. It might even be stronger and tighter than pure romance. At least you know that I will never leave you! Because to betray you is to betray Zhuan Xu!”
...
Xiao Yao sighed, Zhuan Xu could understand because he didn’t place hope and trust with Xing Yue hence he wasn’t disappointed. Xing Yue didn’t understand that she had lost the one chance she had to gain Zhuan Xu’s genuine trust and she would never get another chance again. But perhaps Xing Yue didn’t care, like she said, she wasn’t her mother so she didn’t care about romance.
-----
Chapter 29:
Xiao Yao appeared carefree and want for nothing, but due to her experiences as a child she actually longed for a stable home more than anyone, otherwise she wouldn’t have formed her own mismatched family when she was Wen Xiao Liu.
Xiao Yao placed all her hope for a family on Jing, which is why his leaving her was like the straw that broke the camel’s back and Xiao Yao couldn’t handle it anymore. But even if she couldn’t handle it anymore, it happened during the most dangerous time for the battle for the Xuan Yuan throne so Xiao Yao had to keep being strong for Zhuan Xu. Now that Zhuan Xu was safe, she finally collapsed inside.
Zhuan Xu’s heart hurt and for the first time he started to detest Jing. Xiao Yao gave her trust and hope, which took so much courage and effort on her part that normal people couldn’t imagine. She was building a home on a bruised and battered body, yet Jing shattered Xiao Yao’s trust and hope.
-----
Chapter 36:
Xiao Yao smiled. “Let me show you something!” and then she climbed up a tree like a monkey to rest on the branch.
Jing took out a jade container and released spiders who quickly got to work between the branches.
Xiao Yao stared. “Are you planning to make a web lace?”
Jing vaulted to Xiao Yao’s side and embraced her, blocking the cold night wind for her. “I’ve raised these spiders since I was small, they make light and soft but impervious webs.”
Xiao Yao stared as the spiders worked feverishly until they made a web hammock between the branches. They returned to Jing who fed them bone essence and they happily retreated back to the jade container.
Xiao Yao didn’t know how Jing raised them, but the spiders produced a sky blue web that glittered in the moonlight. She asked “Are you planning to take it back to make clothes with it?”
Jing smiled and then grabbed Xiao Yao in his arms to vault down and landed on the web. It was soft like resting on clouds. Xiao Yao marveled at how it even felt warm and laughed. “Jing, you’re so clever even as a kid, to think of such a method of camping outdoors. Of course only the Tu Shan clan can afford it.”
Jing smiled wistfully at memories of the past. “My mom and my brother really spoiled me.”
Xiao Yao laid on the web and stared at the stars above. Since wandering the world as a child, she slept outdoors countless times and it was never something she found fun. It was because she had no home so she had to sleep outside in a dangerous place where she had to always be on guard. But tonight sleeping outside became something different. Xiao Yao said in a low voice, “Jing, these days I feel like I’m a kid again, and being with you feels like having my mom by my side.”
Jing coughed a few times and muttered, “That doesn’t feel like a compliment.”
Xiao Yao flipped over and stared at him with a smile. “I’m not saying you’re like my mom, it’s more….it feels like when I was small and didn’t need to think or worry about anything. Every day was happy.” Xiao Yao’s smile gradually disappeared. “It all feels like a dream and I’m afraid I’ll wake up from the dream like when I was small.”
Jing softly kissed her. “This isn’t a dream. We’ll walk the rest of our lives together.”
Xiao Yao smiled. “Yes.”
The wind gently rocked their web hammock and the two laid next to each other staring at the glittering stars shining down on them.
...
Ru So was stunned and Jing Ye, standing behind Jing, stepped forward and took off her spider web spun face mask with a smile.
-----
Chapter 39:
Ah Nian started crying again. “You know the Bai Hu tribe and the Chang Yi tribe still resent Dad for not taking an Empress from them and picked my lowly born mute mom. They don’t want to follow dad and resent me, all these years with the battling and Dad’s illness, they’ve started clamoring for him to officially name a successor. I’m his only daughter but they don’t support my being the next ruler, calling me useless and stupid so they want to pick one of Dad’s nephews. Dad has refused to answer them so they are fighting about it daily. I don’t care about being the next ruler but I can’t stand them bothering Dad every day! They call me useless and stupid so I wanted to show them what I can do which is why I decided to assassinate Yu Jiang or Feng Long. The former is a Gao Xing traitor and the latter is the Xuan Yuan Great General. No matter who I kill, they will have to acknowledge me!”
Zhuan Xu said, “Don’t you dare do something foolish like this ever again! You don’t need to care about those tribes, their conflict with Master long predated you and your mom. You don’t need to feel bad about what they said about you, or think you’re the reason why Master is currently in a bind.”
Ah Nian asked, “Is that true?”
“Yes! Sure Master could have lessened some tension by picking a consort from their tribes which he didn’t do.”
Ah Nian pursed her lips. “Then it does have something to do with my mom and me?”
Zhuan Xu said, “Master refused to pick back then because of his own stubbornness, not because of your mom! It has nothing to do with you, understand?”
Ah Nian thought about it and slowly nodded her head.
“Ah Nian, you have to trust Master. Sometimes in a tough bind is just a spider spinning a web to catch a butterfly in the long run.”
Ah Nian thought and didn’t understand and started crying again. “Why do you have to attack Gao Xing? If you didn’t attack Gao Xing then I would have come to discuss my worries with you, then I wouldn’t have tried to assassinate Yu Jiang and end up with a stinky man’s rag in my mouth……..”
Zhuan Xu patted the crying Ah Nian’s back while deep in thought: With Master’s smarts he would have a way to counter the demand to name a successor. It wasn’t something he could ignore because all four tribes care about it on top of all the officials. Other than Ah Nian there wasn’t a single successor but Master never trained Ah Nian to rule the kingdom…..If Master took one wrong step then Gao Xing would descend into chaos, so the best choice is to find a suitable husband for Ah Nian, name her successor, and slowly train her son to rule one day. Did Master want to pick Ru So? Is this the reason why Ru So was so proactive in attacking recently?
...
Ah Nian touched the mulberry rope on her wrist, it was a weapon that she asked the Jin Tian family to forge for her. She was so close to Zhuan Xu but never once thought about using it.
Feng Long’s army had been invading Gao Xing for the last ten years but the territory it took over wasn’t even one-tenth of Gao Xing. But what if one day the Xuan Yuan army came right to the base of Five Gods Mountain, would she consider using the mulberry rope to assassinate Zhuan Xu then?
Before she understood longing the seeds were planted, after she understood longing all she tasted was the bitterness of missing him. She thought she already swallowed the most bitter pill, who knew there was even more bitterness left.
The more she thought about it, her love for Zhuan Xu started already with nine-tenths bitterness and only one-tenths sweet, yet she still couldn’t sever it.
-----
Chapter 43:
Xiang Liu said, “The price is for you to stay alive. Even if Tu Shan Jing is really dead, you have to stay alive!”
Xiao Yao stared dumbstruck at Xiang Liu before her eyes went beyond him to stare at the limitless ocean horizon. A life that was long, a longing that had no end in sight……if she didn’t give up and stayed alive, what would that feel like? Probably like a dark night with no sunrise. Xiao Yao didn’t understand why Xiang Liu cared about her life or death.
Ah Nian, you have to trust Master. Sometimes in a tough bind is just a spider spinning a web to catch a butterfly in the long run.”
Thank you for listing all the context where butterfly was mention. Especially we do see TH mentioned the picture and phrase of spider trapped/caught butterfly using their web.
Among all the butterfly that you listed, not all related to XY. She was directly compared with butterfly twice in chapter 3 and chapter 13. The real XY/WXL loved freedom as a butterfly. Interestingly, both cases where she showed her full butterfly image were in front of XL. Jing only observed her eye-lash which he regarded as flying butterfly. So, it was just a part of her.
And in chapter 16, she asked Jing to draw 2 items on 2 handkerchieves: Lotus which represented for XL and butterfly which represented for herself. And she used that butterfly image to make poison for Xiang Liu. The poison embedded her emotion, her thought and this included "herself".
In addition, we knew sweet osmanthus represented for Jing (because he lived in Osmanthus forest and XY used the lantern with osmanthus oil to recall Jing); phoenix flower and later white wild rose to represented for CX (because XY's memory about CX linked to Phoenix tree and flowers and later he offered her white wild rose). Those flowers had strong connection to Jing and CX [flowers]. However, only XL and XY were compared directly to the flower and butterfly respectively. The corresponding aura emitted directly from them.
About thread of longing and hope, it is better to check the original text in Chinese. I am not quite sure if TH used the same words for all those context that you listed. For example in chapter 8, Kaola used the phrase "thread of longing and hope". The original word is "牵念 " which means "worry about; think constantly of; be concerned for". So i think the that word should be translated as "thought" or "concern". More information can be found in my analysis [ XY's ambiguity - Part 4] (Kaola missed some text in translation of the paragraph that you quoted in chapter 8)
P/S: if you ask me what was the exact thread of thought that XY had for Jing that she tried to cut it/them off many time. In my opinion, it is not longing. it may be the thought of hope. "Right now Xan Tian Er is able to save herself because I helped her. But who will help me? The Gods can help humans, but who will help the Gods? No one! ". She hoped for someone who could help her.
Thank you for listing all the context where butterfly was mention. Especially we do see TH mentioned the picture and phrase of spider trapped/caught butterfly using their web.
You're welcome! ^^
And in chapter 16, she asked Jing to draw 2 items on 2 handkerchieves: Lotus which represented for XL and butterfly which represented for herself. And she used that butterfly image to make poison for Xiang Liu.
Now I'm picturing XY making a poison creation that represents herself and then sending it to XL for him to consume... ^^"
About thread of longing and hope, it is better to check the original text in Chinese. I am not quite sure if TH used the same words for all those context that you listed. For example in chapter 8, Kaola used the phrase "thread of longing and hope". The original word is "牵念 " which means "worry about; think constantly of; be concerned for". So i think the that word should be translated as "thought" or "concern". More information can be found in my analysis XY's ambiguity - Part 4
Ooh that's a great clarification! I missed that comment over the holidays so thanks for linking to it!
Chi You indeed respected Jan Emperor but he was closer and cherished Yu Wang more. He regarded Yu Wang as his brother.
There were some hints at this in the pieces I read, but I wasn't sure exactly how close they were and how much Chi You's promise to Yu Wang was rooted in his relationship with the 7th Flame Emperor (since Chi You made that promise by the 7th Flame Emperor's death bed) vs. how much that promise was rooted in Chi You's relationship with Yu Wang himself. So thank you for confirming the nature of their relationship!
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