Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance

I still feel like this is the most accurate summary... 

 liddi:

Leaked script Ep4  (S2 Ep12, scene 18)

Thank you for translating! ^^

 liddi:

XL: You have not practised archery for a long time.

XL visits her at her clinic in Gao Xing! That's new. 

Also interesting that he knows that she hasn't practiced for a long time and openly tells her that he knows. I assume the idea there is that he feels the (relatively minor) pain in her fingers every time she practices archery (the kind of pain that leads to developing a thick callous like the one XY has on her hands)?

 liddi:

XL: What happened (paused, pretending) that you would even dare renege on your debt to me?

I don't like this change for three reasons. 

First, in the novel, XY starts to become depressed in chapter 29. XY says (notably, to CX - someone she can't speak to about XL) that it is because of TSJ and that it only began this much time later because XY was always fighting for something, and only after CX obtained the throne could she rest and experience her heartbreak. But it begins right after she parts with XL, which... also feels like a factor. 

Even when XY is at her most depressed and stops everything else (like her archery practice), she still makes poisons for XL. That's the one thing that remains a bright spot in her depression (before and after opening her clinic in Gao Xing), until re-learning medicine finally gives her a new purpose to distract herself with and pull herself out of her depression.

I don't like that they've turned her making poisons into another obligation that becomes too heavy a burden to keep up when she's depressed, rather than the one thing that she still cared about (and that made her a bit happier) through that time. 

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Chapter 29:

Xiang Liu stared at Xiao Yao and she avoided his piercing gaze and asked, “Who was that old man selling donkey meat?”

“He used to be a subordinate of Qi Yo and one of the survivors in the final battle in Yi Province. Carrying all the memories of those who perished, it’s easier just to have died.” Xiang Liu smiled. “Actually, to a General, the best ending is to die on the battlefield.”

It was a warm Summer night but Xiao Yao suddenly felt her entire body turn cold in an instant.

They arrived outside Little Zhu Rong’s residence and Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu both stopped at the same time. But one didn’t depart and the other didn’t go in. They just silently stood there.

In the past she felt they had so many opportunities to see each other, but it wasn’t clear when it began that Xiao Yao started to feel that she was seeing less and less of him. Until tonight, when this feeling became impossible to ignore.

After a few moments, Xiang Liu said “You go inside!”

Xiao Yao wanted to talk to him but she didn’t know what she wanted to say. She said, “Now is not like before, you shouldn’t come to the Middle Plains so often anymore.”

Xiao Yao thought Xiang Liu would mock her, asking whether she was worried Zhuan Xu would kill him, or worried he would kill Zhuan Xu. But surprisingly Xiang Liu said nothing and continued to just look at her.

Xiao Yao quietly stood there waiting, but she didn’t know what she was waiting for.

Xiang Liu's cold voice spoke. “You go inside!”

Xiao Yao smiled and curtsied to him before turning to knock on the door. The door opened and Xiao Yao stepped inside while Xiang Liu continued to stand outside, white robe black hair, tall and proud, like the white snow on the black mountains in the North, even if it was covered with flowers it would still look imposing.

Xiao Yao couldn’t take another step and stood rooted in place staring at him as the door slowly closed and Xiang Liu disappeared from sight.

Xiao Yao returned to her residence to find Xing Yue and Ah Nian were both there trying on the items they bought earlier during the day. Seeing her back, both groused “Good older sister, next time let us know before you suddenly disappear? Thank god the store clerk said you left with a friend so we weren’t left worried.”

Xiao Yao smiled and said nothing. The two continued to discuss their new outfits and giggled merrily. Xiao Yao laid on her pallet and felt her mind in a daze – these people were her friends and family, so why did she feel so lonely right now?

The day Zhuan Xu married the Wan Lei Consort, all the Middle Plains and Xuan Yuan prominent families gathered on Sheng Nong Mountain and all of Zhi Jin Court was abuzz with merriment.

Now Zhuan Xu was the Emperor so the officials handled everything within the palace leaving Xiao Yao watching from the sidelines. She initially worried about Ah Nian but found Ah Nian handling it well. She didn’t like it so she dragged Xiao Yao off early back to her residence. Xiao Yao kept Ah Nian company as she got drunk and the next day the two of them woke up around noon to find all the guests had departed and it was over. The only difference was another woman was now living on Zhi Jin Palace. But the Palace was big so a year could go by and they wouldn’t even run into her once.

Life returned to normal, Ah Nian remained happy as she kept the Yellow Emperor company because that meant she could see her Zhuan Xu gege every day as well.

Xiao Yao stopped practicing archery, likely after Zhuan Xu became Emperor the threat was gone so she stopped pushing herself so hard. She became very lazy and seemed uninterested in anything. All she liked to do every day was sleep, often past noon was when she woke. She had lunch and then went to visit the Yellow Emperor but would sit in his residence in a listless daze.

...

Zhuan Xu stared at Xiao Yao. “Xiao Yao, are you living well? Are you happy?”

Xiao Yao was taken aback “Why….why are you suddenly asking me this?”

Zhuan Xu said, “Miao Pu says you often sit alone late into the night. I thought as time passed you would get better but lately you seem more and more distant and uninterested. I’m really worried about you.”

Xiao Yao smiled “I’m fine. With you ascending the throne I don’t have any pressure anymore so I’m not as hard on myself to do things.”

Zhuan Xu stared at Xiao Yao until gradually she stopped smiling “Don’t look at me like that!” Xiao Yao laid down on the pillow and buried her face in her arms and used her sleeve to cover her head.

Zhuan Xu said “Now that I am on the throne, I can give you the things I couldn’t give you before. I want you to live better than you used to, but now you…….did I do something wrong?”

Xiao Yao said “No, you did nothing wrong. I messed up myself.”

“Xiao Yao, tell me.”

Zhuan Xu sat next to Xiao Yao and said in a low voice “Xiao Yao, what is there in this world that you can’t tell me?”

Xiao Yao finally spoke. “Since breaking up with Jing my heart aches so I can’t sleep well. But I don’t think it’s a big deal and keep on living as usual. Since you ascended the throne, for whatever reason I suddenly feel exhausted and uninterested in anything. I don’t have the pressure to get up the next day so I don’t even sleep well that night. I keep remembering the days I spent with Jing in Qing Shui Town and then remembering life with you when we were small and living on Cao Yun Court. I like those times but I don’t like living in memories of the past. No matter how wonderful the past was, it’s gone now. I don’t know why I’m so weak and useless and I don’t like myself now…”

Zhuan Xu quietly listened.

A person can be hurt two ways, one is physical and can be seen and the other is emotional and cannot be seen. No matter how strong, a person who is physically injured will rest and heal. But emotional injury, the stronger a person is, the more the person will pretend it never happened and live on as usual. But this type of injury is even harder to heal.

Abandoned by her mother, running for her life, turning into a faceless monster, living alone in the deep mountains, captured by the Nine-tailed fox, wandering by herself…….all those things injured Xiao Yao deeply but she stayed strong and pushed the injuries deep down inside and pretended it didn’t happen. She told herself that she was grown now and those things were in the past.

Xiao Yao appeared carefree and want for nothing, but due to her experiences as a child she actually longed for a stable home more than anyone, otherwise she wouldn’t have formed her own mismatched family when she was Wen Xiao Liu.

Xiao Yao placed all her hope for a family on Jing, which is why his leaving her was like the straw that broke the camel’s back and Xiao Yao couldn’t handle it anymore. But even if she couldn’t handle it anymore, it happened during the most dangerous time for the battle for the Xuan Yuan throne so Xiao Yao had to keep being strong for Zhuan Xu. Now that Zhuan Xu was safe, she finally collapsed inside.

Zhuan Xu’s heart hurt and for the first time he started to detest Jing. Xiao Yao gave her trust and hope, which took so much courage and effort on her part that normal people couldn’t imagine. She was building a home on a bruised and battered body, yet Jing shattered Xiao Yao’s trust and hope.

Zhuan Xu stroked Xiao Yao’s head “Don’t worry, you’re not alone anymore. I’m here. You can be weak if you want. You can even cry! Don’t worry!”

Xiao Yao felt tears come, since she was small every step she took she couldn’t be weak because that would mean death. She never allowed herself to soften and be weak and she didn’t know how she actually survived such a difficult childhood to arrive at this point only to break down now? But every night all her dreams brought forth so much pain it was like a flood threatening to drown her.

Xiao Yao said “Don’t worry, I trust time will heal everything.”

Zhuan Xu said “I learned many years ago that the wounds on the heart are very hard to heal. That is why I still can’t forgive my mom even now.”

“The physical injuries have medicine to heal, there must also be a way to heal emotional injuries.”

“I didn’t say there wasn’t any.”

“How to heal?”

“What you have today will make up for what you lost before. The happiness now will cover the pain of the past. I can’t forgive my mom but because you are by my side, all the pain of losing her has already been smoothed out and covered over.”

Xiao Yao silently thought about it and forced a smile “Are you encouraging me to find a new lover?”

Zhuan Xu said “I just hope there is a person out there who can pave over the pain Jing left on you. That you can believe you are treasured, you are loved, you are valued, you are someone he can never, ever let go of.”

Xiao Yao’s tears swam in her eyes and she murmured, “I’ve always been unlucky. This type of lucky thing I don’t even dare to hope for.”

Zhuan Xu said in a low voice, “It’s there, Xiao Yao, it’s there.”

Zhuan Xu kept Xiao Yao company until she fell asleep. He got up and covered her with the blanket. Even though Xiao Yao refused to cry in front of him because she was so headstrong, but right now the tears were slowly falling from her eyes.

Zhuan Xu lightly wiped away her tears with his fingers. Years ago if he knew that one day Xiao Yao would be crying because of Jing? Then even if he wanted and needed the Tu Shan clan’s assistance he would have never allowed Jing a chance to get close to Xiao Yao. Right now he hated Jing, but he hated himself even more.

-----

Chapter 30:

Xiao Yao returned to her residence and laid down on her pallet but couldn’t sleep. When she lost Jing she felt that she still had Zhuan Xu and no matter what happened she would never lose him.

But tonight she felt for the first time that she was gradually losing Zhuan Xu.

Years ago they held hands and walked up Cao Yun Peak, facing adversity that did not defeat them or make them give up on each other. But now they reached the end, there were so many things and people gradually forming between them that it naturally split them apart.

It wasn’t that one wanted to leave the other or the other stopped caring, it was life being so merciless and unwittingly leading them to this point.

Xiao Yao felt her heart constricting tightly so she sat up and took deep breaths. It started with being sleepless but over time she seemed to have developed a heart problem. She knew Xiang Liu was being bothered by her right now.

All these years in the deep dark of the night, when she was at her most painful to endure moments, knowing someone was experiencing the same feeling made her feel she wasn’t alone. It made her feel like he was right there keeping her company and it comforted her a lot.

In the poison packages she sent him, she wrote in a letter apologizing for disturbing him and reminding him to go to Jiu Li with her when he had time. But Xiang Liu never replied and Xiao Yao didn’t dare mention it a second time.

Xiao Yao clutched her heart and slowly laid back down. After laying for a long time, she slowly fell asleep.

...

In the past Xiao Yao was always in ready-to-fight mode as she earnestly learned her poisons and practiced her archery. After losing Jing and seeing Zhuan Xu ascend the throne, she had nothing left to lose and nothing left to protect. Xiao Yao deflated entirely and gave up her archery and didn’t study poisons other than to make poisons for Xiang Liu.

She had a lot of free time now and to pass the time she opened a medical clinic on the island. 

-----

Chapter 31:

Xiao Yao didn’t know if she purposely didn’t want to face the past or really was lazy, but she didn’t want to go anywhere. When Zhuan Xu suggested she open a medical clinic like she did on Five Gods Mountain, Xiao Yao wasn’t interested.

Every day Xiao Yao woke up after noon and then flipped through her medical books. Only when making poisons did she perk up slightly.

The Yellow Emperor saw her so withdrawn and suggested “That boy from the Fang Feng family, his name is Fang Feng Bei, right? I see you guys get along well, how come he hasn’t come play with you these past few years? You can ask him to hang out together.”

It was better the Yellow Emperor not mention that, because afterwards Xiao Yao got even more uninterested even in making poisons. She spent every day sitting in a daze in the corridor.

...

The Yellow Emperor said “This was the residence of the former Flame Emperor.”

She knew which former Flame Emperor he was referring to but couldn’t help but confirm “The Flame Emperor that is regarded as the founder of medicine?”

“Yes, the one who wrote the Sheng Nong Herb Manual, that Flame Emperor.”

Even though she never met him, Xiao Yao remained curious about him after memorizing the manual so she quietly looked around the hut.

The Yellow Emperor walked up to the pallet and pointed to the jade box “This contains all the notes written by the Flame Emperor when he was doing his medical research. You can read it.”

...

After Xiao Yao finished reading the handwritten notes she sat there in a daze for some time before finally leaving the hut.

The Yellow Emperor stared at her quietly and she said “I was wrong! I never truly read and understood the Sheng Nong Herb Manual!” In the past she heard people talking about how the Manual was the life’s work of the Flame Emperor but she never truly comprehended what that meant. Now she understood that what she had casually learned was not just a medical text but the blood and guts of an Emperor’s entire life.

The Yellow Emperor nodded “If you’re wrong, how will you fix it?”

...

Xiao Yao sat down crossed legged and slowly contemplated.

Zhuan Xu came in the evening and she said to him “I want to learn medicine.”

Zhuan Xu was perplexed “Don’t you already know medicine?”

Xiao Yao said “I learned by accident.” She learned by trying to poison people and lacked the fundamentals. She didn’t even know how to treat the most basic ailments so she could never be considered a real doctor.

When Xiao Yao was running the medical clinic in Yin Province she actually discovered this limitation but she didn’t care to fix it. She never intended to help the people of the world with her healing so if there were ailments she couldn’t treat then another doctor could deal with it. But now she faced her limitations and decided to conquer it. She wanted to forget everything she learned and start learning medicine from scratch.

...

Xiao Yao stopped sleeping in and got up early every day to take classes at the medical school. The Yellow Emperor also got up early every day and went to tend the fields and read up on medical texts. One old, one young, the days passed peacefully on Xiao Yue Summit.

-----

Second, I don't love that he calls it a "debt" at this point, because it's so much more complicated than that. Yes, she promised to continue making poisons for him on the beach by Five God Mountain decades ago... in the novel he insisted that she must do so regularly, but in the drama that wasn't part of the requirement. And in the novel, XY always seemed to think that she could stop delivering the poisons when it made sense (... when she got married) and XL never made her think otherwise. It always seemed like something XY enjoyed doing and was happy to do. A good excuse on both sides for XY to confirm to XL that she was still thinking of him. And XY liked to imagine how XL would react to each of her new creations.

-----

Chapter 13:

Xiang Liu said “I promise I’ll stop messing with your sister for fun, but you’ll have to promise me one thing.”

“Can I say no?”

“Of course not.”

Xiao Yao looked at him all docilely waiting for him to speak.

Xiang Liu said “Continue making poisons for me.”

This was so easy Xiao Yao immediately agreed. “But…but…how can I hand it to you? I’m not in Qing Shui Town anymore, and you can’t come to the mountain top to find me.”

Xiang Liu laughed “This is your problem to figure out. If a prolonged period of time passes and I don’t see a new batch of poisons, I’ll go looking for your sister.”

Xiao Yao pouted “I knew you wouldn’t forgive me for lying this easily.”

Xiang Liu said “I’ve already forgiven you.”

In the drama: https://youtu.be/La3K4xsf6VM?si=Mix1UFZDU3i5xviY&t=2073

-----

And third, XY sent the ice crystal ball to XL not that long after she returned from Gao Xing. I assume in the drama this scene also comes shortly before sending the ice crystal ball to XL? If that's the case, it seems like it also messes with the interpretation of the ice crystal ball and the message XY sends with it (about this being the last poison she will make for him). As if she's paying out her debt with one really magnificent poison creation to appease him so he doesn't get angry with her for not continuing to make poisons for him going forward. 

 liddi:

XY: How does the song end? It feels like it is incomplete.

The way XL sang it matches the wording from the version sung by Sir Bi in chapter 48. Is there actually more to the song?

 liddi:

With a cold laugh, Xiang Liu raise his hand and whacked Xiao Yao at the back of her head unceremoniously.

This feels very out of character for XL. Even in the earliest chapters when he went to whack her and WXL flinched, he ended up putting his hand on her to comfort her instead.

Even though he's usually not super gentle with XY when he's XL, I'd still say that (as XL and as FFB) he pretty much always uses words to jog her out of her melancholy, not whacks.

 kitty_momo:

I still feel like this is the most accurate summary...

LOL. Yes, very accurate. 

 kitty_momo:

But XY is also a very rational person, just like XL. I might prefer a more equal tragedy, where XY gets to know all the facts too. (Seriously, what right does he have to probe her mind and then make her forget all about it?) As it is, the tragedy is so unequal where XL is meant to shoulder the entire burden, making his character more selfless, pure and divine at the expense of XY's character. Except, does he even shoulder the entire burden? XY suffers a lot from him acting like he never cared about her and only ever used her for transactions. I don't think she will ever be able to forget him no matter what happens, and I'm not sure if his attempts of trying to force her to hate/forget him make things better or worse for her.

Agree 100%. 

About XY's character :

Some MDLer here even said that they were disappointed by XY compared to her alter-ego WXL. Be it the responsibilities associated with her new status, her gender switch lefting her confused, her blinded loyalty to CX or her emotional dependence to TSJ, she doesn't seem to be herself once she became a girl. Even worse in the drama. I think there's some relevance here...

 kitty_momo:

His whole character becomes about all about selfless sacrifice, so can't someone else do right by him to make the whole thing come full circle? Xiang Liu is so overbearingly tragic

As all LYF have flaws, I wanted to share another opinion along the same lines about XY. I think she's kinda egocentric... I was quite disappointed that she didn't decided to go find XL after she learned he died. She didn't even tried. I mean, we're in a realm where people don't really die even when they're dead, so why didn't she went for it all? Second: as readers we measured how attentive and observant XL was towards XY. There's nothing he wouldn't go to great lenghts to learn more about her. Just one example among many: from the time in Qing Shui Town he noticed that WXL's favorite snack was duck neck. As FFB, he would always provide and grill that meat for her. XL would always be curious and try to know more about WXL's past whereas WXL would often be prejudiced against him (against Shen Nong, against demons - even just to make fun of it and with no real intention of insulting him). I feel a lot more maturity from XL and much more shallowness in XY's way of loving. It's like there's on different levels of love. XL looks like the "ML chases FL first". He's really head over heels for her and it isn't shown that she reciprocates this purity of intentions/feelings.

I know XL is not talkative, push her away from him, and deliberately maintains his mysterious aura (he's in the military, after all), but still. The fact is that he is always there when she needs someone: to aleviate her boredom, to save her, to comfort her. Even assuming these are not done selflessly, she can't escape the facts.

All I can say about her is that she:

• made poisons for him
• made herself available as a medicine
• protected his identity as FFB
• told him here and there to be careful and take care
• sometimes comforts him by making herself more pityful than him

Whereas XL is very proactive and materializes his love in acts. XY's love seems more about herself. She thinks about her first.

 kitty_momo:

“I’m the idiot actually! He never cared so why do I have to be so hurt. I don’t want to be feeling so much hurt………” [I feel like there is an implied undercurrent of "Did he do right by me?" here as well]

She's self-deceiving herself, trying to comfort herself. Given the amount of ""gaslighting"" she's been subjected to, this is barely cutting off the damages and her sanity.

 Elise:

I don't get this. What???? So all along, he didn't think he was in XY's heart and her heart was only set on Jing? I thought the poison love bug was supposed to be able to let him feel her feelings.

It seems to me that the fact that the Lover's Bug don't turn into the Heartbreak's Bug, is in itself a testimony that XL is somehow in XY's heart but maybe XL: 

• thinks he is in 3rd position on the podium of XY's heart, 
• or doesn't know the kind of like/love XY has for him (for example, he ought to feel by her heartbeat that XY's love for TSJ is different from the love she has for CX)
• or maybe he's pretending to not aknowledge that XY loves him in order to safeguard his heart and his stand to stay away from her
• or he is doing that for the outsiders: pretending that there's nothing between him and XY in order to avoid suspicions and ambiguities and thus, to protect her?

What I can't bring myself to believe is that XL understood XY's "not suitable/not the type that should enter a girl's dreams" literally. XL knows that XY doesn't care about conventions and appearances. We're talking about a girl who befriended a demon snake, a monkey and took care of a suspicious "beggar" whith whom she even dare to fall in love - among other noteworthy facts.

I also can't bring myself to believe that there is such a thing as people who have an out-of-the-world capacity for denial that their mind would not aknowledge certain things deep down inside themselves... I know that their fear/trauma can make them refuse to admit certain things in order to protect themselves but the thoughts inevitably occurred to them. Especially since many characters around them initiated/suggested these thoughts to them (how many people told XL/FFB and XY separately that there is much more between them?). And once a thought germinates in the mind, there's no stopping it.

 HeadInTheClouds:

that XY's love for Jing is not quite romantic love or as strong as her love for XL so the bugs doesn'tsee it as a threat/violation!

I always thought it was the case, like it was an evidence, an admited presupposition...!

 liddi:

My take is that he expected that after all the apparent cruelty he showed her, especially the last time she saw him, there would be no love left for him in her, only hatred.

Seems impossible to me: the Lover's Bug would have retaliated and possibly killed them both. I don't think either that XL's made a purely blind bet upon checking if XY loved him. But, just like he dared to provock XY to shoot him with her bow: it was because at this moment, I'm pretty sure XL is certain XY loves him and won't really hate him. What he wants is that she would break ties to rationalize and aknowledge their opposite stances, which would make the outcome of the war easier to live with.

@kitty_momo  @borsha_sadiya Twitter account is so funny and relatable!

 blimarch:

What I can't bring myself to believe is that XL understood XY's "not suitable/not the type that should enter a girl's dreams" literally. XL knows that XY doesn't care about conventions and appearances. We're talking about a girl who befriended a demon snake, a monkey and took care of a suspicious "beggar" whith whom she even dare to fall in love - among other noteworthy facts.

I also can't bring myself to believe that there is such a thing as people who have an out-of-the-world capacity for denial that their mind would not aknowledge certain things deep down inside themselves... I know that their fear/trauma can make them refuse to admit certain things in order to protect themselves but the thoughts inevitably occurred to them. Especially since many characters around them initiated/suggested these thoughts to them (how many people told XL/FFB and XY separately that there is much more between them?). And once a thought germinates in the mind, there's no stopping it.

Same, same, same. I'm hoping that there's no way he's taking what she said literally. Also, her "being afraid of letting him enter her dreams" is already saying the quiet part out loud. You don't go saying this to a guy you have absolutely no feelings for. The risk of that happening with one kiss is nonexistent unless things are already much more serious than she dares to admit.

I also refuse to believe that she's become this oblivious. It would be really terrible to have this FL who people are praising as one of the best in recent cdramas be so cluelessly blind.

 nathsketch:

You don't go saying this to a guy you have absolutely no feelings for. The risk of that happening with one kiss is nonexistent unless things are already much more serious than she dares to admit.

Exactly! 

If the leaked script is not a fake and based upon the fragments we've read so far, it will be so reductive! It would be a shame if S2 take the road to over-simplify a narrative and turn it into the cliche banal unrequited love story with a 2 ML we see in countless dramas invalidating everything that S1 patiently knitted.

 nathsketch:

I also refuse to believe that she's become this oblivious. It would be really terrible to have this FL who people are praising as one of the best in recent cdramas be so cluelessly blind.

XY's obliviousness. A real debate in itself. I can't forget how her obliviousness is depicted in the novel for her relationship with CX. It's really over the top.

 AH :

It seems quite likely that her travels will include finding the island where XL died.

I hope so because to me, that the least she should have tried to do. 

But I still stand by my position that she should have wanted to see what it was like herself and stake her all. We're in the world of poisonous bugs and conveniently customized on the spot solutions. Like the heart for a heart in Once Promised or any xianxia parades to defy life and death (even if LYF is not xianxia, it's still pretty close universes). I'm always like "Where the heck does all these very convenient spells and magical objects come from and very conveniently present themselves as solutions when the situations seems irrevocable?"

My hidden message in a nutshell: "Please Tong Hua, revive XL! (and not in a modern reincarnation, please)"

 AH :

And although she doesn't know specifically which island he died on, she decides to go explore the ocean's islands. It seems quite likely that her travels will include finding the island where XL died.

nathsketch look away now.

Even though I read the novel a while ago, it still hurts reading his death scene again. 10,000 arrows and dissolving in black blood?! idk how he's supposed to come back from that.