liddi:
For me, even in those early days, he saw a kindred soul in Xiao Liu, and her unspoken wishes in her description of herself were carved in his heart, long before the lover's bug was planted in him. He already knew how his life would end, so he never made any pledges to her because he would never give her a promise that he could not keep. This part of him really stands out for me because his word is gold, and he would give his life to keep it. Instead, he kept her at arm's length while quietly setting things in motion - equipping her to protect herself, ensuring she has someone to rely on for life, giving her the vast expanse of the ocean to go to - his final love letter to her which he masked behind a series of calculated transactions, resolutely never letting her know the extent of his sacrifice. We know he is at peace that his well-laid plans came to fruition, but I still ache unbearably over the what-ifs. 

Hi back, liddi! Extremely well said as usual. I wish I could articulate things even a tenth as well as you do! I personally find peace that he lived the life he wanted to live. If you believe in reincarnation or just Heaven, I think he'll have many opportunities to fulfill the what-ifs. I personally take comfort in this concept. :)

 MTH123:
If you believe in reincarnation or just Heaven, I think he'll have many opportunities to fulfill the what-ifs.

Hmmm, yes, please. Even if as the lady in the boat. I'll take whatever is given, really, I won't complain. 😔

 nathsketch:

Hmmm, yes, please. Even if as the lady in the boat. I'll take whatever is given, really, I won't complain. 😔

lol!

This scene from the novel which takes place after she realises she can breathe under water, was not adapted in the drama, but it gives insight to Xiao Yao's stance. If Xiang Liu remembered her words, did he really think that despite every deliberately cruel actions he did to her, she would choose to forget him?


Vol 2 Ch9   (Chapter 27)

Xiao Yao gradually caught up with Xiang Liu. A school of colourful fish swam past them.

As Xiao Yao stretched out her hand, the slender colourful fishes kissed her palms, and she could feel their simple tranquility. "They are so tranquil, almost like they have no emotions."

Xiang Liu said, "These kind of fishes have very short memories, merely a few flicks of the fingers. In other words, when you retract your hand, they would already have forgotten that they just kissed your palm."

Without memory, there is no thought, much less joy and sadness. The peace they have may be the world's purest peace.

As she swam, Xiao Yao looked back, and saw the colourful fish still swimming back and forth. She said, "I remember them but they have already forgotten me. When I see their kind in the future, I will remember them. Even if we met for the first time, it will be like a reunion, but for them, every meeting is is their first time, so even a reunion is always a first encounter."

Xiang Liu asked, "Do you want to remember, or forget?"

Xiao Yao thought for a while and answered, "Remember. Even if it is painful and a burden, I still wish to remember."

There's no forgetting Xiang Liu. Never <3 

 liddi:
This scene from the novel which takes place after she realises she can breathe under water, was not adapted in the drama, but it gives insight to Xiao Yao's stance. If Xiang Liu remembered her words, did he really think that despite every deliberately cruel actions he did to her, she would choose to forget him?

I always thought that exchange was interesting in light of the TSJ-related scenes before and after that scene in chapter 26 that reference remembering and forgetting. Both scenes reference XY being in extreme pain. In the first scene, XL seems to use the bug connection to interfere by speeding up her heart rate to disrupt her heartache and to get TSJ to come to her assistance. So we know he was acutely aware of what was happening in that scene. Both scenes were partially adapted in episode 37 of the drama.

Since XL had to feel everything that XY felt in the chapters that dealt with her heartbreak after breaking up with TSJ, I felt like her pain probably factored into his determination to keep XY in the dark about many of the things he did for her and to erase the memories of him that she saved in her gorilla spirit mirror. 

-----

Chapter 26 (before the scene with her comments to XL):

Xiao Yao hadn’t seen Jing in over a year and seeing him like this, Xiao Yao maintained her smile and quietly stood next to the Xi Ling clan leader. She remembered in the ocean when he let his hair loose, the stirring in her heart. She remembered twining his hair around her fingers, each strand was a longing. Everything felt like yesterday but it was already black hair turned white and all longing severed.

Xiao Yao felt her heart was being clawed at by a large hand, so painful it was like being ripped apart. She could only keep smiling when suddenly she felt her heart violently beating. Xiao Yao couldn’t maintain her fake smile anymore, much like a person could endure severe pain without any change in expression yet couldn’t control exhibiting bodily reaction to intense exercise. Xiao Yao clutched her chest and took a few deep breaths.

Xing Yue hurriedly assisted her and asked in concern “Are you okay?”

Xiao Yao smiled and shook her head. The Xi Ling clan leader saw her face flushed bright red and quickly said “I remember your constitution is not strong, hurry and sit down to rest.”

Xing Yue helped Xiao Yao to sit down at Jing’s table.

Jing anxiously put one hand on Xiao Yao’s wrist while his other clutched the wine cup and transformed the wine into a fog. Everyone knew the Tu Shan clan had the power to mystify which was very useful for taking away pain. No one thought it weird what Jing was doing.

Her heart continued to beat wildly and strongly, so much that she felt like all her blood was rushing into her head. Xiao Yao couldn’t control it and muttered under her breath “Xiang Liu, will you cut it out already?”

Everyone only heard “cut it out already”, but Jing was sitting closest to her and he was completely familiar with Xiao Yao’s voice, so he heard every word she said.

Her heartbeat started to return to normal and Xiao Yao gently pulled her hand away from Jing “Thank you, I’m fine now.”

------

Chapter 26 (after the scene with her comments to XL):

Zhuan Xu heard the other meaning in Xiao Yao’s words and decided not to dig deeper and changed the subject to Xiao Yao “You no longer have any relationship with Jing. Feng Long tested me on whether you would consider him.”

“What?” Xiao Yao was stunned for a moment “Even though Jing is married, but I have no intention at this time of considering another man.”

Zhuan Xu was silent and then said “You treated Jing special but he didn’t stay true……he will regret it one day!”

Xiao Yao looked saddened “What good will his regret bring me? Since we can’t be together, better to forget it completely and go our separate ways!

“You still haven’t forgotten him?”

Xiao Yao wanted to say “I forgot him!” but she couldn’t lie to herself. Since losing Jing she never slept through the night again.

She missed him! Her longing for Jing exceeded anything that anyone could have imagined, and it even shocked herself.

She thought she controlled everything so perfectly. Even if Jing left she could candidly accept it. But when it happened she realized that she thought too highly of herself. She could use her willpower to handle everything and control her behavior so she wasn’t angry, wasn’t upset, didn’t act out of turn, didn’t go see him, continued living as if nothing was the matter. But every night she couldn’t control her missing him.

One time she dreamed about Jing kissing her and it was as sweet as dew in her dream, but when she woke it was only bitterness in her mouth, even drinking honey water it turned bitter.

Xiao Yao didn’t want to remember and would rather not open her eyes and keep it tightly shut. All she could see would be them together and the memory was so clear and the warmth was still lingering on her lips. But everything was gone.

Every time she thought of him she would rather never see him or hear him speak. Everything about him no longer had anything to do with her. His presence would no longer be in her life. That kind of pain made Xiao Yao feel like she would rather live in a dream and never wake up.

Xiao Yao said in a low voice “I thought everything was under my control, but in truth feelings cannot be controlled.”

Zhuan Xu patted her back and sighed “I’ll drink with you!”

Xiao Yao wanted to get raging drunk “Sure!”

Oh, welp, there's a whole lot of Jing in this excerp, so this time, I'll have to pass. 😁

Now I'm the one who wants to forget what I just read heheh

@AH

"To live or die... when it's his lives, it should be his choice. XL chose to die."

Actually, for me, the ending created by Tong Hua is the perfect ending. She achieved to transmit the feeling of yearning from Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu to us. We're left with a heady brokenheart. It's perfect.

However, as a primal reaction as a "spectator" watching a tragedy which inevitably unfolds, I can't stand still, I want the fate of these characters I emphasized with to be changed, desperatly. 

So it even perfect-er. This novel trully is a masterpiece.

 blimarch:

@AH

"To live or die... when it's his lives, it should be his choice. XL chose to die."

Actually, for me, the ending created by Tong Hua is the perfect ending. She achieved to transmit the feeling of yearning from Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu to us. We're left with a heady brokenheart. It's perfect.

However, as a primal reaction as a "spectator" watching a tragedy which inevitably unfolds, I can't stand still, I want the fate of these characters I emphasized with to be changed, desperatly. 

So it even perfect-er. This novel trully is a masterpiece.

Yeah, same. Maybe it's my upbringing or my own beliefs, and I'm not a religious person, never been, but this choosing to die thing doesn't sit well with me.

Sure, it's poetic and tugs at the heartstrings, but I just can't accept this kind of resignation. Just how broken does a person have to be to prefer to die in this pointless way masquerading as something noble instead of keep living. It's too sad and it's not a message that should be promoted. Every life is precious. Also, it's ironic to talk about choices when he robbed XY of her choices.

What one person sees as pointless, another may sees as absolutely meaningful. I don't XL as suicidal and looking for death, it just happened to be the outcome for the choice that he made in standing with the resistance army till the end.  His comment about how as long as there are beautiful sights to look at, life is worth living tells you that he's someone who appreciate life. 

The question of XY's choice is an interesting one. Did XL robbed her of her choice or did he merely exercised his choice to not let her know his feelings for her? Even without knowing, XY did exercise her right to choose him as a potential lover by giving him the crystal ball. It just that he rejected her overture.  

Perhaps, another way of looking at it is that he robbed her of an option, by taking himself out of the running as a potential partner. If he's resolute in his decision to not be with her for whatever reasons then whether she knows of his feelings or not, it's irrelevant to the outcome.

Maybe the question really is does XY has the right to know of his feelings for her? We could argue that if hse does, she might have fought harder for them to be together which would potentially resulted in him relenting and that will change the outcome. Maybe that's what  XL was afraid off so he didn't let her know. 

And now I'm just asking questions and answering them.myself like a mad person 😀

I have been reading this thread since the start and couldn't hold back anymore so created an account to post and join in the discussion...

I have read the translated novel and watched the drama. I was originally on the Jing ship but I changed both in novel and drama due to the depth of XL love and how utterly selfless he was. It is so heartbreaking it was so see him sacrifice so much and willingly pushing her away. How much live and resolve would be required. Words can not express how gut wretching it is to see him love her so much but can not express it. I just wish she knew so someone could acknowledge what a pure heart he had.

The are a few questions and comments I have been meaning to ask and say. Warning: I wish I was as @AH to have all quotes handy.... but I am not!

1. I never fully understood the part where he pushes her out of the tree. It seems to me she was willing and happy he did it as it meant he would no longer be suspicious of her. However I don't understand how being pushed from a tree achieves this.

2. My take from the books is that XY loves XL, he is here soulmate and the one she truly wants to be with. Sometimes it's feels like she has unrequited love for but can't truly let go. Their interaction are very intimate since the start. She always think about him, the descriptions of the bites are always very sensual, their interactions are very nature without pretense like when they hang out as FFB / XY or when she strokes his hair, his heartbeat comforts her, she just exited seeing him without knowing why, etc.... Yes their words are not too be trusted so let's ignore them for now .

However in the drama I am not sure she actually loves him. I get the sense that she cares for him but they don't seem to share the same level of intimacy that I had imagined when reading the books. Their chemistry and scenes are electrfying and their chemistry is underneath but they don't say 'I love you' from XY perspective. I see them more as 'I care for you'. Like how she deeply cares for CX but not romantically. The little things she use to do that say on a subconscious level I am attracted and love you doesn't seem to have translated well.

I know she was willing to give air kiss but it seems like it was like she was settling rather than deep down she wanted to. I know the words are same as book but without that constant background intimacy in their interaction throughout the whole drama it just seem to say 'I love you'

In the novel my take on XL is I love you deeply regardless of how you feel. His love was above that. He just wanted her happy and safe. At times he couldn't help but want to know like the mind probing part.

However in the dreams he seems more pathetic. His seems like someone who is wallowing in unrequited love. I always pictured him deeply hurt and tortured but having this grace and dignity. In the dreams sometimes he comes across as a sad puppy. Don't get my won't TJC is amazing and I am totally obsessed with how talented he is. 

Is just in the novel I let my imagination run wild and their love just comes across allot more passionate unspoken and mutual. They know to some degree and that their relationship is ambiguous. The leaked S2 scripts seems to water down the mutual part allot more and that takes away so much from their love story and how genuine and tragic it is.

3. In the novel, At the end when XL kills the LB he says to AB that she only has Jing in her heart. 

In the leaked script he says that line before he probes her mind so he isn't sure and pretends to not care. So he know after probing her mind that she does have him. I am assuming he would not be saying it now when he saves her the second time..

However from a book perspective... does he really feel like she doesn't have him or feels like she lives Jing more? Why does he say that when he knows she desires him but won't admit it. Does he truly believe that when he says that. I am not sure because he is being honest to AB at that moment but I don't understand how he can think that.

My first post is way too long so I better stop and save my other questions and comments for another day!

I was thinking that if lost you forever refers to CX, love you forever to Jing and missing you to XL could it be that eternally yearning for you refers to XY? Like her forever yearning after someone? 

@HeadInTheClouds

Regarding XY right to know XL feelings...

My thoughts are she doesn't. I truly wish she did know and that's so unfair and how poetic it is that she doesn't and walks away from the person she most wants to be with...But she doesn't have the right to know.

They are his feelings and he has to right to decide if she should know.

I also feel that he doesn't have the right to make choices for her. It's ok to feel he is unsuited for her and not express himself, he doesn't have the right to push her to another man so she can have a happy ending as he saw it. It's like her father and grandfather making that choice that she shouldn't entangle with him. She should decide that not be told.

She might not want to follow in her parents footsteps but it should be up to her to decide and work out out rather than not been giving a choice. I do see there is a difference in not expressing yourself and leaving someone unsure to still consider it and actively pushing her to another man and deciding that this is what she needs. It just crosses a line for me. 

I definitely think the ending would be different if he confessed and it may be different if he wasn't so active in pushing her into Jing. Even through everything he did she would occasionally take the first step... sage works be close to taking more steps if he wasn't so forceful. 

 blimarch:
Actually, for me, the ending created by Tong Hua is the perfect ending. She achieved to transmit the feeling of yearning from Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu to us. We're left with a heady brokenheart. It's perfect.

Yes, the ending isn't perfectly happy and didn't leave me perfectly content. It breaks your heart and is full of emotion, and made certain characters unforgettable. After a bit of time I personally came to peace with the ending and found it satisfying. I tried to come up with an alternative ending that I liked better, and couldn't. 

 nathsketch:
Yeah, same. Maybe it's my upbringing or my own beliefs, and I'm not a religious person, never been, but this choosing to die thing doesn't sit well with me.


 nathsketch:
Sure, it's poetic and tugs at the heartstrings, but I just can't accept this kind of resignation. Just how broken does a person have to be to prefer to die in this pointless way masquerading as something noble instead of keep living. It's too sad and it's not a message that should be promoted. Every life is precious. Also, it's ironic to talk about choices when he robbed XY of her choices.

Death and suicide are heavy topics, even in a fictional context. My feelings about them are probably similar, but not exactly the same, in a real life context compared to a fictional context.

Life is precious. And death comes for everyone. If someone chooses to die at a certain time and in a certain way, I think there are many cases where it would be cruel to force them to live and not also address the reasons for their choice. 

I don't begrudge XL for saving XY's life a second time after her suicide, because her choice was based on the fact that TSJ was dead and ZX brought about his death because of his feelings for her. Since XL brought TSJ back from the dead, he addressed the underlying reason behind her choice. 

I also stand by the idea that relationships can only happen when both parties are willing and able to choose to have a relationship. Since XL wasn't willing to choose to pursue a relationship, he wasn't taking away XY's choice by not giving her information that might have made her choose to be in a relationship with him. 

To do something similar for XL so that having him not die, or resurrecting him, wouldn't be cruel to him... one would have to make major changes either to his character or to the overarching plot of the story. If the goal is only to come up with an ending where XL is alive and not miserable, that's doable. From what I've heard in this thread, fanfics have managed to do it. But if the goal is to achieve those things and also create an ending for LYF that wraps up all the character arcs and plot points not just for XL and XY, but for all of the characters, in a way that is more satisfying than Tong Hua's ending... I don't think that's possible. 

I can't seem to  quote but I agree with what @AH had said before. The fanfic are very enjoyable but they don't hold to the story and characters TH has penned. XY has already made the choice and none of the fanfics really provide a realistic in character reason why XY would leave Jing. Even if she found out now I think she would bury it in her heart and continue to love Jing and he with him. Anything out of character would do justice to the original text.


To do something similar for XL so that having him not die, or resurrecting him, wouldn't be cruel to him... one would have to make major changes either to his character or to the overarching plot of the story. If the goal is only to come up with an ending where XL is alive and not miserable, that's doable. From what I've heard in this thread, fanfics have managed to do it. But if the goal is to achieve those things and also create an ending for LYF that wraps up all the character arcs and plot points not just for XL and XY, but for all of the characters, in a way that is more satisfying than Tong Hua's ending... I don't think that's possible.