H19279:
No, A Mei was not the founder of Jade Mountain. It was explained in chapter 4.

Thank you so much for sharing the details from Once Promised, and giving us a clearer picture of what Jade Mountain is. So A Mei was just one of many Royal Mothers that preceded her. Knowing her sad past, how she harboured an unrequited love for the Shen Nong king and a broken heart which prompted her retreat to Jade Mountain, we can now understand why she offered the same option to Xiao Yao. Was it just for her to escape to a world where Cang Xuan had no authority? Or perhaps the Royal Mother understood what Xiao Yao would have to face, knowing the implications of how she shared the lovers bug with Xiang Liu for so long before he severed the connection,  and that he was going to his death along with his comrades in arms. 


 H19279:
Just before his death, Sheng Nong king sent 2 spiritual wooden birds to his friends: one to "old" Lei Zhu and one to Jade Moutain. The bird flow to the Royal mother and sang the music piece that he had played on the day they farawelled. Royal Mother danced to complete her unfinished move last time. Then the bird turned into ash.

That is so sad. It sheds light to the reason why the Royal Mother took especial care of Hong Jiang despite Jade Mountain remaining neutral, for the sake of the man she loved, and the ones who continued to fight for his lost kingdom.

It seems that practically every character in Once Promised has a tragic ending. Is there anyone at all that has a modicum of not-tragic ending at all? I must get around to reading the novel properly one day. 

 

 H19279:
The translated Once Promised, that I read, was probably based on the earlier edition. There are not such epilogues about what you have mentioned (those in red text). I am aware of such partially from LYF   

It appears that the epilogue was added in the revised edition. She also wrote a preface for Once Promised, but apparently not for LYF 2019 revised edition. 

Will try and see if I manage to find the time to translate the epilogue... not sure when that will happen yet...

 Kokuto:

I'd forgotten this map from the drama!  Of course I was probably looking at something else in this picture.  heheh

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GNjmG62XEAE3-mh?format=jpg&name=large

It looks very much like the other map we were looking at from the drama, but this one has more writing and roads?  I'm wondering if Qing Shui Town is circled up there in the right?   I need to see if I have a higher resolution pic.

I've been looking for this picture!!! His hair is glorious. The wig people outdid themselves. Not at all surprising that you was distracted from the map :-)

 liddi:
It seems that practically every character in Once Promised has a tragic ending. Is there anyone at all that has a modicum of not-tragic ending at all? I must get around to reading the novel properly one day. 

Yes, all the main characters in Once Promised had very tragic ending: either death or losing their loved ones (e.g., lover or parents)

Death: Chi Chen, Nuo Nai, Yun Sang, Xie Zhu, Mrs Tong Lei, Qing Yang, Zhong Yi, Chang Fu, Xuan Yuan Hui, Yi Pang, Shen Nong King, Shao Hao's father (the previous grand Emperor), Chi Chen's close subornates, Yan Long, Zhurong. Yu Xiang

Loss of love ones: Xuan Yuan King, Ah Heng, Zhu Yu, Royal Mother, Shao Hao, Xiao Yao, Cang Xuan. 

 Kokuto:
I guess the problem I have with the change in both of them, is it hasn't been all that long since Once Promised.  CX and XY are only a few hundreds of years old?  Five hundred max.  Daddy Emperor was still killing people ruthlessly, like those maids and his 5 brothers to keep the throne, in XY's lifetime.  So, to me, the change seems sudden.

 H19279:
I share the same thought with you @Kokuto. These two men had been fighting for thousands of years to achieve the power that they yearned and desired. However, just within 300-400 years, they both fell regret and it seems that power did not matter for them anymore. And the change just suddently happened with XY's return. 

Hmm... I don't think them mellowing out towards Cang Xuan and Xiao Yao has any bearing on how they continued to deal with those who threaten their kingdoms or those they love. These are totally separate from one another - as the ruler of their nation, the way they protected their kingdom and their authority remained unchanged, fiercely guarding the sovereignty of their kingdoms until their successor was ready. What changed was how they molded and honed Cang Xuan as their successor, their indulgence towards Xiao Yao for whom their love is intermingled with guilt, 

Remember how the old Xuan Yuan king dealt with Mu Fei? He had him cut into a thousand pieces and scattered into the wilderness. Those who pled for leniency were dealt with and the clan leaders changed. In the past several hundred years, those who attempted to assassinate him were severely, brutally dealt with. 

Likewise, Shao Hao ruthlessly dealt with his five brothers who revolted as well as their families. The maids whose words resulted in the loss of the child he loved, were harshly tortured for hundreds of years. Those who dared plead for leniency for Xiao Yao's murderer were banished and no longer had any access to Gao Xin. 

I don't believe the old Xuan Yuan king ever intended to hold on to the throne indefinitely. According to what Shao Hao told Cang Xuan , Qing Yang was being groomed to be his successor, until his moment's distrust cost him his son's life. That, I think was the beginning of the wake-up call for the old Xuan Yuan king. Following that, the loss of his other children one by one as they pitted against each other, and the promise A Heng exacted from him in return for leading the army into battle, saw him slowly grooming Cang Xuan to be king. While it felt like he didn't protect Cang Xuan from his uncles, I feel that was his way of preparing Cang Xuan to be strong enough in mettle to claim the throne and secure his reign. When Cang Xuan was sent to Gao Xin as a hostage, was it really just a token of Xuan Yuan's promise not to attack Gao Xin? I feel that the real underlying reason was the old Xuan Yuan king's plan to keep him safe away from his scheming uncles, and to have him train under the Gao Xin king who himself was renowned for his talent and brilliance.

As for Shao Hao, I think his vision for a united Great Wilderness began before the final battle at Ji Province, when A Heng spoke of the need to love the world equally before one could rule it, since it comprised of the earth, mountains and rivers, and people, no matter which corner of the world it was. Losing Xiao Yao whom he truly loved and loved him unreservedly in return, very likely exacerbated the already existing guilt and regrets for a road to the throne littered with discarded friends and family. It explains his extreme indulgence and protectiveness over his daughters, for whom he would willingly offend the world if it meant ensuring their happiness. While it was a mere several hundred years against the scheme of the thousands of years that they plotted and established their reigns, it was those last hundreds of years that they truly lost everyone that had ever mattered to them, with the exception of these two orphans. And perhaps, that was the wake-up call they both needed.

 HeadInTheClouds:
If XY thinks that she fooled Jing then she doesn't know him very well and she overestimated her bullshiting ability. Does XY even buy her own nonsense?

Xiao Yao definitely did not believe her own nonsense. The moment she found out the real name and nature of the lovers bug, she knew what it meant, but tried her darnedest to downplay it. Hence her decision to stay one more night at sea after that. Jing very likely did not believe her protestations as well, but by then, his only concern was to ensure that she survived the lovers bug, because he certainly could not change anything else. 


 HeadInTheClouds:
Not to mention, decades later and XY - blessed her bragging heart - couldn't find a way to undo the Lovers Bugs. Doesn't that prove what the Shaman King said ? These two jokers :-).

Yes. Eight years after the visit to Bai Li, neither she nor the Shaman King could find a way to remove the lovers bug, but she didn't really care either. I wonder whether she really tried to have it removed, and her efforts to do so was because she wanted to, or out of deference for Jing whom she worried might mind about the joining of fates and hearts. Even when she chased Xiang Liu at the Lirong gambling den, she was more elated to see that it was him and actually didn't know what she wanted to say, so blurting out about asking him to removing the lovers bug was just an excuse she grasped, which indicated that it was never paramount in her mind to begin with. 


 HeadInTheClouds:
. His response, "Who do you want me to be" could be read as "do you want me to be XL, or would you rather I just be FFB?". In the end, FFB is still XL and there is no escaping that reality.

Fangfeng Bei was her only hope for him to stay in her world with her, which is why she desperately wished the attractions of the mortal realm would keep him there. Likewise her fervent wish that she had been the one who saved him from the death match arena all those years ago, so that he need never don the armour that distinguished Xiang Liu from Fangfeng Bei. 


 HeadInTheClouds:
I see his asking and her response as a genuine reflection of their inner desires/needs. The fact that XL said this suggested to me that he does want to be with XY. He does want to roam with her freely, experiencing all the things that life has to offer.

Yes. I see his question as involuntary, probably the words left his mouth before he could check them, because if he could, that was what he truly wanted too. Her response was her requirement to every man who wanted to be with her - for them to be willing to give up everything for her. Did she say it because she believed that Fangfeng Bei's offer was real? I don't think so. She thought he was being an outrageous flirt as usual. In that moment, I don't feel that it was just him realising he cannot meet her requirement, but the self-deprecation stemmed from the fact that he did wish he was able to say yes to her conditions.  Later on, did Xiao Yao ever look back to that moment when she finally confirmed his real identity, and understanding that in that moment, he actually gave her a glimpse of what was really in his heart? If she would be honest with herself, she would have.


 HeadInTheClouds:
I never considered this. It's possible, but I think given that it was late and she was preparting for bed, it's highly likely that she was not wearing her undergarment.

You know, I am reminded of at least two occasions when Wen Xiao Liu took off his clothes and went straight to bed, with no mention of changing into another set of clothes. So... sleeping in the buff is already something she is quite familiar with. Hmm... the possibilities are intriguing...


 HeadInTheClouds:
I need a fanfic. Where is windiaaa? I wonder if she managed to locate that fanfic yet.

I second that!

My Brother Is Cang Xuan

In a previous post, we explored the four reasons Xiao Yao gave to justify her refusal to kiss Xiang Liu after she regained her identity as Gao Xing’s eldest princess. Let’s review these reasons:

  1. My brother is Cang Xuan. Xiang Liu is on the opposing side of her family, especially Cang Xuan. Xiao Yao valued Cang Xuan more than her own life, and she adamantly refused even to think about betraying him.
  2. I’m still a girl who dreams. What Xiao Yao wanted most was a lifelong companion who would put her first. This is a role that Xiao Yao knew Xiang Liu was unwilling to play due to his loyalty to Hong Jiang and the Shen Nong Remnant Army. Moreover, Xiao Yao had agreed to a fifteen-year contract with Jing: he vowed to fulfill her dream of lifelong companionship in exchange for not letting another man into her heart.
  3. I’m afraid you’ll walk into my dreams; that might be even scarier than death. Xiao Yao was afraid of falling in love with Xiang Liu, only to have him die on the battlefield and leave her behind. To her, the fear of being abandoned by her lover was even scarier than death.
  4. You’re unsuitable to appear in a girl’s dreams. Xiang Liu’s sometimes cruel and indifferent treatment of Xiao Yao made her insecure about his feelings towards her. She reasoned that even if he did have feelings for her, a ruthless person was incapable of being good to her for her entire life.

Do all these reasons hold equal weight? In my opinion, no. I believe Xiao Yao stated these reasons in order of their importance, with the first one being the most important and the deciding reason. Her unwavering loyalty to Cang Xuan was the reason Xiao Yao resolved to cut ties with Xiang Liu. She convinced herself of the other reasons to justify this decision to herself.

(1) My Brother Is Cang Xuan

In a conversation with King Xuan Yuan, Xiao Yao alluded to opposing stances being the primary obstacle to her and Xiang Liu being together. When King Xuan Yuan told Xiao Yao that he could guarantee that she could marry any man she wanted, Xiao Yao immediately countered with:

“不管是谁都可以吗?如果有婚约也可以吗?如果是你的敌人也可以吗?”
“Anyone I want? Even if they're already engaged? Even if they're your enemy?”

— Vol 1 Ch 16 (Chapter 16)

We can ignore the first question, “Even if they're already engaged?” Xiao Yao frequently used her relationship with Jing to mask her relationship with Xiang Liu. “Even if they're your enemy?” is the question Xiao Yao truly cares about. This question reveals Xiao Yao’s desire to choose Xiang Liu despite him not being able to accompany her for her entire life, despite him not being able to put her first, despite her fear of being abandoned by him, and despite her uncertainty about his feelings towards her.

Everyone who suspected Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu of being in a relationship reminded them that they should not be together because of their opposing stances. When King Gao Xin saw Xiang Liu’s image in Xiao Yao’s mirror, he reminded her:

“小夭,我从不干涉你的自由,但作为父亲,我请求你,不要和他来往。他和玱玹立场不同,你的血脉已经替你做了选择。”
“Xiao Yao, I will never restrict your freedom, but as your father, I beg of you—do not associate with him. He and Cang Xuan have different stances, and your bloodline has already made the choice for you.”

— Vol 2 Ch 7 (Chapter 24)

When Xiao Yao tested King Xuan Yuan to see if he would agree to let her play with Xiang Liu, King Xuan Yuan replied:

“不会同意,玱玹迟早会和他决一死战,我不想你日后痛苦,但你别的要求,我一定会尽全力满足。”
“I won't agree. Sooner or later, Cang Xuan will fight him in a battle to the death. I don't want you to suffer in the future, but for any other request you have, I will do everything I can to fulfill it.”

— Vol 2 Ch 12 (Chapter 29)

Even Bi Jun was relieved that Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu were not in a relationship together.

“即使涂山璟已经死了,我依旧庆幸小夭选择的是他。”
“Even if Tu Shan Jing is dead, I'm still relieved that the guy Xiao Yao picked was him.”

— Vol 3 Ch 15 (Chapter 48)

In a comparable situation, Cang Xuan, concerned about the devastation that competing loyalties would cause Xiao Yao, took care to sever the father-daughter connection between King Gao Xin and Xiao Yao before declaring war on Gao Xin.

所以,才将本该三年前发生的战争推迟到今日,才宁可让高辛王猜到他的用意,也要先斩断高辛王和小夭的父女关系。
That’s why a war that should have begun three years ago was delayed until today. That’s why he was willing to alert King Gao Xin to his war intentions because he still had to first sever King Gao Xin and Xiao Yao’s father-daughter relationship.

— Vol 3 Ch 5 (Chapter 38)

Some may wonder, if Cang Xuan was so important to Xiao Yao, why did she attempt to run away from him when he was sent to bring her back to Gao Xin? There are many obvious reasons for her actions, including fear of losing her freedom, fear of facing the truth about her parentage, and fear of being unwanted. However, one not-so-obvious reason for Xiao Yao deciding to run away could have been because she did not want to be on opposing sides with Xiang Liu. At this point, we know that Xiao Yao was already in love with Xiang Liu because the Poisonous Lovers’ Bugs were successfully planted. Xiao Yao also knew that Cang Xuan was destined to wield power and would likely directly oppose Xiang Liu in the future.

就如凤凰注定要翱翔九天,玱玹天生就属于权力,她从小就知道。
Just as a phoenix is destined to soar to the highest of heavens, Cang Xuan was born to wield power. She knew this from a very young age.

— Vol 1 Ch 10 (Chapter 10)

Because Xiao Yao valued Cang Xuan more than her own life, she knew that if they reunited, she would help him achieve his ambitions, regardless of the cost to herself. Thus, Xiao Yao may have chosen to run away in an attempt to sidestep the inevitable conflict of her competing loyalties to her brother versus the person she loved. Xiao Yao’s reaction when she found out about Xiang Liu’s death supports this theory.

“虽然我一直警告自己他是玱玹的敌人,可我……我并没有准备好。我好希望一切都是假的……他那么狡猾,想活着总能活着。”
“Although I kept warning myself that he is Cang Xuan's enemy, I... I'm definitely not ready for this. I really wish it were all a lie... He's so cunning; if he wanted to live, he would have found a way.”

— Vol 3 Ch 18 (Chapter 51)

(2) I’m Still a Girl Who Dreams

What Xiao Yao wanted most was a lifelong companion who would put her first, but that desire never stopped her from vying for Xiang Liu’s attention and seeking his company. When Xiao Yao deduced that Xiang Liu was likely consuming the poisons she made for him, she dedicated herself to making the worst tasting poison ever. This behavior is consistent with her previous behavior of prancing around in front of the snake demon.

“后来,我碰到一个蛇妖,它很想吃了我,差点把我的一条腿咬断,可是它能听懂我说话,对我的每个动作都有反应。我明知道很危险,却依旧忍不住,时不时跑到它面前晃悠,气得它发狂……有了它,山里的日子再不寂寞。”
“Later on, I encountered a snake demon that really wanted to eat me and nearly bit off one of my legs, but it could understand what I was saying and reacted to my every move. I clearly understood it was dangerous, but I still couldn't help but occasionally prance around in front of it, angering it almost to the point of insanity… With it around, life in the mountains was not so lonely anymore.”

— Vol 1 Ch 4 (Chapter 4)

Xiao Yao’s prancing around paid off when Xiang Liu showed up at Ma Zi and Chun Tao’s wedding. At that time, Xiao Yao admitted to him:

“我怕寂寞,寻不到长久的相依,短暂的相伴也是好的。”
“I'm afraid of loneliness. If I can't find long-term companionship, short-term companionship is also fine.”

— Vol 1 Ch 2 (Chapter 2)

The fact that Xiao Yao told Xiang Liu she would accept short-term companionship, coupled with her readily accepting Fang Feng Bei’s offer of short-term companionship, leads me to believe that Xiao Yao would have accepted short-term companionship with Xiang Liu if Cang Xuan were not her brother.

Some would view Xiao Yao agreeing to Jing’s fifteen-year contract as her deciding that the long-term companionship that Jing promised was more appealing than the short-term companionship that Xiang Liu could offer. My opinion is that this is not the case. Xiao Yao wasn’t fooled by Jing’s empty promises. She knew that she was getting a bad deal when she accepted Jing’s offer, knowingly asking him:

“你说凡事说白了不过都是生意,看到你这样子,我怎么觉得我这笔生意亏了?”
“You say that everything boils down to just business. Seeing you like this, why do I feel like I'll suffer losses in this business deal?”

— Vol 1 Ch 8 (Chapter 8)

So why did Xiao Yao accept a risky business deal with little to no upside? Because she had already decided to cut off her relationship with Xiang Liu and wanted someone to help her cope with, or at least mask, her longing for him. When proposing the 15-year deal, Jing already knew that Xiao Yao didn’t have any feelings for him, but he was still eager to proceed, hoping that Xiao Yao would eventually grow to love him. He reassured Xiao Yao that he was willing to wait a lifetime, even if she never developed feelings for him, thereby agreeing to let Xiao Yao use him as a coping mechanism and mask indefinitely.

十七说:“我知道你不会给自己希望,不会先信任,不会先投入,桑甜儿愿意用虚情假意去赌一生,你却即使是真心实意,如果对方不珍惜,你也会舍弃。我愿意等,等到你愿意时。”
Shi Qi said, “I know you won't give yourself hope, won't trust first, won't invest first. Sang Tian'er is willing to gamble her life using false affection, but you, even if you are sincere in your affection, if the other person doesn't appreciate it, you will give up on him. I'm willing to wait, willing to wait until you are ready.”

“如果我一辈子都不愿意呢?”
“What if I’m not ready throughout my entire lifetime?”

“那就等一辈子。只要你别消失,纵使这样过一辈子,也是好的。”
“Then I'll wait for an entire lifetime. As long as you don't disappear, even if we live like this for a lifetime, it's still good.”

— Vol 1 Ch 8 (Chapter 8)

In the beginning, Xiao Yao’s affection towards Jing was fake, and she wasn't emotionally invested in a relationship with him. Instead, she doubted his sincerity and was content to watch him flail in his ineptitude, ready to renege on their 15-year promise as soon as minor issues arose, such as Jing’s failure to deliver plum wine on schedule. Xiao Yao never even warned him about Fang Feng Yi Ying being dangerous and attempting to assassinate Cang Xuan multiple times. Xiao Yao admitted to her previous attitude when she reunited with Jing after Xiang Liu stopped her wedding.

“桑甜儿说,人这一生,就像荒山行路,谁都不知道会碰到什么,都是深一脚、浅一脚地摸索着走,会跌跟头,会走错路,会碰到野兽,所以才会想要有个人携手同行、相互扶持。我是答应了和你同行,但我一直很消极地等待,这就好比,我明明答应了和你一同去爬山,本该齐心合力,可一路之上,我看到你走到岔路上,不叫住你,由着你走错路;看到前方就是悬崖,也不拉你一把,由着你摔下去。我一直站在一旁,自以为清醒地冷眼旁观。”
“Sang Tian'er said that a person’s life is like a journey through a desolate mountain. No one knows what we will encounter. We're all feeling our way forward, sometimes taking big steps, sometimes taking little steps, sometimes stumbling, sometimes taking wrong turns, and sometimes encountering wild beasts. That's why we want someone to walk hand in hand with us, to travel together and support each other. I promised to travel together with you, but I've been passively waiting. It’s just like I agreed to climb the mountain together with you, but instead of working together, when I saw you take the wrong path, I didn’t call out to stop you, letting you continue down the wrong path. When I saw a cliff ahead, I didn’t pull you back, letting you fall. I had always stood to the side, soberly and coldly watching.”

— Vol 2 Ch 16 (Chapter 33)

It’s true that Xiang Liu’s responsibilities meant he wasn’t able to put her first, but as perceptive as she is, Xiao Yao must have noticed that Jing never intended to put her first either. Jing prioritized being filial to his grandmother, getting the Tu Shan Clan’s business ventures back on track, forgiving Hou, maintaining Fang Feng Yi Ying’s reputation, and monitoring her and Fang Feng Bei’s every move above his promise to break off his engagement and return Ye Shi Qi back to her.

Despite her wishful thinking, having her partner put her first was never a firm requirement for Xiao Yao. After Jing explained why he agreed to become the Tu Shan Clan leader, Xiao Yao was sympathetic towards his situation.

小夭叹息,她不是不难过,可如果璟连奶奶的命都不顾,自私地选择离开涂山氏,和她在一起,那他也就不是小夭喜欢的璟了。
Xiao Yao sighed. It's not that she wasn't sad, but if Jing disregarded even his grandmother's life and selfishly chose to leave the Tu Shan Clan to be with her, then he wouldn't be the Jing that Xiao Yao liked.

— Vol 2 Ch 6 (Chapter 23)

Xiao Yao never truly expected anyone to always put her first. On the contrary, she readily risked her own life to help those she cared about. To help Cang Xuan realize his ambitions, Xiao Yao compromised on her dreams and repeatedly put herself in harm’s way. In Qing Shui Town, when Xiang Liu needed to get medicine for his men, Xiao Yao risked her life to help him get it. If Xiang Liu were not on opposing sides with Cang Xuan, Xiao Yao would have continued to do everything in her power to help him, regardless of the futility of his situation or the cost to herself.

(3) I’m Afraid You’ll Walk into My Dreams; That Might Be Even Scarier Than Death

Xiao Yao was afraid of falling in love with Xiang Liu, only to have him die on the battlefield and leave her behind. To her, the fear of being abandoned by her lover was even scarier than death. However, Xiao Yao had foreseen Xiang Liu’s eventual fate since their initial encounter. Yet, she couldn’t resist opening her heart to him. When Xiang Liu took her to see the moon rise from the surface of the ocean, Xiao Yao leaned in close and hinted to him that she wanted him by her side to give scenery meaning.

“再稀罕的景色看多了也腻,除非有人陪我一块儿看才有意思。景永远是死的,只有人才会赋予景意义。”
“The rarest scenery becomes tiresome after seeing it too much, unless there's someone to view it with me; only then does it become meaningful. Scenery is always dead; only people can give it meaning.”

— Vol 1 Ch 4 (Chapter 4)

Xiao Yao was not afraid of Xiang Liu in Qing Shui Town prior to realizing he was Cang Xuan’s enemy. She deliberately sought his attention, daydreamed about him when business was slow at the clinic, and alone in her room at night, delighted in looking at his image in her gorilla beast mirror. The night Xiang Liu came to her room injured in Qing Shui Town, she told him that she wasn’t afraid of him.

小六老实地说:“那夜我就知道你一定发现我身体的秘密了,本以为你会琢磨着如何吃了我,但今夜你真来了,发现你只是想要我的血,我反倒不怕了。”
Xiao Liu said honestly, “That night, I knew you must have discovered the secret of my body. I thought you would be thinking about how to eat me, but tonight you actually came, and I found out you only wanted my blood. I'm not afraid anymore.”

— Vol 1 Ch 3 (Chapter 3)

However, after learning that Xuan was really her brother, Xiao Yao admitted to Xuan that she was afraid of Xiang Liu. She already knew that Xiang Liu didn’t want to harm her, especially since he had spared her life after she foiled his assassination attempt. Xiao Yao was “afraid” of Xiang Liu because she was afraid of falling in love with someone on opposing sides with her brother.

“我怕他,但不讨厌他。我和他不是敌人,但也肯定不是朋友。”
“I'm afraid of him, but I don't dislike him. He and I are not enemies, but we are certainly not friends.”

— Vol 1 Ch 6 (Chapter 6)

It’s true that Xiao Yao was most afraid of being abandoned by those she cared about. However, deep down, Xiao Yao knew that her loved ones only wanted what was best for her. When Jing was worried about King Gao Xin potentially wanting to harm Xiao Yao, she laughed and reassured him:

“我不想见高辛王是别有原因,十七,别再担心我的安危了,我保证高辛王不会杀我!”
“I don't want to see King Gao Xin for a different reason. Shi Qi, stop worrying about my safety. I guarantee that King Gao Xin will not kill me!”

— Vol 1 Ch 8 (Chapter 8)

After she spoke with King Gao Xin, and later with A Heng, she understood and readily accepted their reasons for not being able to be in her life, despite never wanting to abandon her. Similarly, when Xiang Liu explained that he chose Hong Jiang over her not only because of his loyalty to Hong Jiang but also because of camaraderie with his fellow soldiers, Xiao Yao understood and sympathized with Xiang Liu’s plight. This is evidenced by Xiao Yao's inner monologue when Xiang Liu asked if she could imagine how many bodies of fellow soldiers he had to burn with his own hands.

小夭无法想象,可她能理解相柳的意思,就像四舅舅,明明能逃生,明明深爱四舅娘和玱玹,却选择了和袍泽一起赴死。这世间,有些情义,纵然舍弃生命,也不能放弃。
Xiao Yao couldn't imagine, but she could understand Xiang Liu's meaning, just like Fourth Uncle could have clearly escaped, clearly loved Fourth Aunt and Cang Xuan deeply, but chose to die with his fellow soldiers. In this world, there are some bonds of camaraderie that cannot be abandoned, even if it means sacrificing your life.

— Vol 3 Ch 2 (Chapter 35)

Aside from Xiang Liu, Xiao Yao never attempted to preemptively cut ties with those she had the potential to outlive and who might therefore “abandon” her. Both Cang Xuan and Jing were at times in more perilous situations than Xiang Liu, but she bravely stood by them and shouldered their dangers with them. If Cang Xuan weren’t Xiao Yao’s brother, Xiao Yao would not have tried to end her relationship with Xiang Liu, despite being concerned for his safety. The two would have continued falling deeper in love with each other, and Xiao Yao would eventually have understood that Xiang Liu didn’t want to abandon her but also could not waver in his loyalty to his adoptive father and comrades.

(4) You’re Unsuitable to Appear in a Girl’s Dreams

Xiang Liu’s sometimes cruel and indifferent treatment of Xiao Yao justifiably made her somewhat insecure about his feelings towards her. However, during their time together in Qing Shui Town, Xiao Yao never took Xiang Liu’s sometimes explosive and cruel behavior to heart. She readily forgave his past transgressions every time he sought her out. She was constantly testing Xiang Liu, and as shrewd as she was, she must have realized that her place in his heart was growing.

  1. Xiang Liu initially threatened to cut off her hands when she threw poison at him, dirtying his clothes. However, he chose to look the other way when she wiped her greasy hands all over the present he brought to Ma Zi and Chun Tao’s wedding.
  2. Xiang Liu initially threatened to cut off parts of her body when she suggested that she would not always be able to make the poisons he requested. However, when she proceeded to make poisons that were off in color or smell, and then deliberately concocted the worst tasting poison ever, he never punished her.
  3. Xiang Liu initially forcibly drank blood from her neck after she teased him about his nine heads. However, when he realized she was neither disdainful nor fearful of him being a demon, he would often joke about his nine heads for her entertainment.
  4. Xiang Liu used his demonic powers to crush her until she bled after she suggested he betray Hong Jiang. However, he later trusted her enough to bring her to his secret military camp. He also later called Hong Jiang an idiot in front of her and said that if he didn’t have principles, he would side with King Xuan Yuan.
  5. Xiang Liu almost killed her in a rage the first time she prevented him from assassinating Cang Xuan. However, when she saved Cang Xuan from Fang Feng Yi Ying’s assassination attempt, Xiang Liu readily forgave her.

By the time Cang Xuan went to fetch her to go back to Gao Xin, Xiang Liu was no longer unnecessarily cruel to Xiao Yao. If not for being forced by her loyalty to Cang Xuan to cut off her relationship with Xiang Liu after her identity was exposed, and if their relationship were left to naturally evolve, Xiao Yao would have gradually become more secure in Xiang Liu’s feelings towards her.

Even if Xiao Yao had reservations about a ruthless person being incapable of treating her well for her entire life, her perception of Xiang Liu as an innately ruthless person had changed after she spent time with Fang Feng Bei.

相柳怎么可能温柔地和她说话,体贴地让着她,耐心地陪着她?也只有防风邶这种浪荡子才能那么了解女人的心思。
How could Xiang Liu possibly tenderly speak to her, considerately yield to her, and patiently accompany her? Only a libertine like Feng Feng Bei could understand a woman's mind so well.

— Vol 1 Ch 16 (Chapter 16)

小夭默默回想,防风邶看似和冷酷的相柳截然不同,可那种什么都不在乎、什么都不想要的随性何尝不是另一种冷酷?只不过,相柳像是披上了铠甲的他,在血腥的战场上厮杀,防风邶像是脱下了铠甲的他,在熙攘的红尘中游戏。
Xiao Yao thought back and realized that Feng Feng Bei seemed completely different from the cold-hearted Xiang Liu. However, could that kind of carefree indifference and not desiring anything be another form of cold-heartedness? It's just that Xiang Liu was him when he put on armor, battling on bloody battlefields, while Feng Feng Bei was him when he took off his armor, playing in the bustling mortal world.

— Vol 2 Ch 1 (Chapter 18)

Once she knew for sure that Xiang Liu and Fang Feng Bei were the same person, she realized that the narrative she had been telling herself about Xiang Liu being unsuitable to appear in a girl’s dreams had no ground to stand on. On one hand, this allayed some of her insecurities around Xiang Liu’s feelings for her and his suitability as a partner. On the other hand, Xiang Liu was still Cang Xuan’s enemy, so the fundamental reason for her decision to cut off relations with him still remained.

昨夜,她知道他是相柳时,一点诧异的感觉都没有,就好似一切本该如此,甚至她心里的某个角落如释重负,可同时另一个角落又悬了起来。
Last night, when she knew for sure he was Xiang Liu, she didn't feel any surprise at all, as if everything was supposed to be like this, even feeling relief in a corner of her heart, but at the same time, another corner became unsettled.

— Vol 1 Ch 17 (Chapter 17)

Xiao Yao telling herself that Xiang Liu was unsuitable to enter a girl’s dreams was merely another rationalization to justify her decision to remain loyal to Cang Xuan and cut off her relationship with Xiang Liu. Without being forced to make this decision, Xiao Yao wouldn’t have needed to come up with this rationalization in the first place.


Tong Hua made Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao soulmates and gave them symmetrical reasons for not choosing to be together. Xiang Liu’s loyalty to Hong Jiang and his men prevented him from pursuing a relationship with Xiao Yao. Similarly, Xiao Yao’s loyalty to Cang Xuan and her family prevented her from pursuing a relationship with Xiang Liu. Unfortunately for Xiao Yao, Cang Xuan is her brother. Unfortunately for Xiang Liu, Hong Jiang is his adoptive father. Their opposite loyalties meant their love was predestined to end tragically.

 solarlunareclipse:
My Brother Is Cang Xuan

Thank you very much for a fascinating read!


 solarlunareclipse:
(1) My Brother Is Cang Xuan
In a conversation with King Xuan Yuan, Xiao Yao alluded to opposing stances being the primary obstacle to her and Xiang Liu being together.

 solarlunareclipse:
Thus, Xiao Yao may have chosen to run away in an attempt to sidestep the inevitable conflict of her competing loyalties to her brother versus the person she loved.

This is an interesting theory. I do agree that the moment Cang Xuan's identity was revealed, she realised that she was now caught in between their opposing stances. She would no longer help Xiang Liu kill Cang Xuan, but by the same token, she could not help Cang Xuan harm Xiang Liu either. She understood clearly Xiang Liu's unwavering loyalty to Hong Jiang and his comrades, but also Cang Xuan's stance against the enemy of Xuan Yuan. Running away was her only recourse. If Cang Xuan had never shown up, I believe she would have remained in Qingshui Town and continued the relationship with Xiang Liu, no matter how short-lived it might have been. But because of Cang Xuan, that was no longer a viable option, and she knew that way before Xiang Liu realised her true identity. It was thus that she quoted the poem after Jing took her from the pool following Xiang Liu and Cang Xuan's battle:

Xiao Liu walked up to Jing, smiled and sighed softly, “I just poured wine from that golden bottle, drink it to avoid missing forever! I only pour wine into a cup made of rhino horn; drink it to avoid suffering forever! Having come from death to life, let me indulge a while and forget about all those sad things.

-- Vol 1 Ch6

And yet, despite knowing the impossibility of the situation, the fact that she would later successfully plant the lovers bug with Xiang Liu proved that she still could not control what was in her heart after all.

It is also interesting to note the dream she had prior to the old Xuan Yuan king abdicating in favour of Cang Xuan, when Cang Xuan's position was still uncertain. The tears she shed were telling, because through Fangfeng Bei, she saw a possibility of them being together, if only he would stay in the mortal realm, but she knew that he would never abandon his identity as Xiang Liu, and that grieved her desperately:

She dreamt of Jing. Xiao Yao had never seen his son before, and could not see the child's face in the dream. The child was lying prostrate in Jing's arms, sweetly calling him "Daddy" while Jing smiled gently.
Xiao Yao escaped and ran away from Qing Qiu to Qingshui Town in a blink of an eye. She jumped into the river and swam with all her might until she reached the blue ocean, boundless and free. But she was really tired! Where in this vast world, should she go? Fangfeng Bei appeared on the surface of the ocean. He sat in the white seashell, smiling at her, his jet-black hair fluttering in the sea breeze. Xiao Yao swam towards him but suddenly, his hair gradually turned white and he became Xiang Liu, coldly staring at her.
White seashell, white Xiang Liu, they were like icebergs floating on the ocean.
Dark haired him, white haired him, sometimes near, sometimes distant... Xiao Yao suddenly turned and swam towards shore, tears flowing down her face as she swam...
Xiao Yao woke up from the dream with a start, and felt cold dampness on her pillow. Touching her cheek, she then realised that it was actually drenched in tears.

-- Vol 2 Ch10 (Chapter 27)

What was even more telling was the timing in which she started making the crystal globe, which was soon after Cang Xuan ascended the throne. I believe that seeing him at last safe and secure on the throne, she felt that she could finally lay down her burden for him. He no longer needed her help - be it to protect him, or to win support for his cause. She began to allow her heart to consider what she  truly wanted again, even though the situation remained impossible, both men still on diametrically opposing sides.

Casually, Xiao Yao said, “It is precisely because of you and Cang Xuan that I dare not be impetuous and do what I want. I am destined to be constrained by my bloodline, so why should I deceive myself and others? If I were to go and play with Xiang Liu right now, would you agree?

The Xuan Yuan king fell silent, complex emotions written on his expression. After some time, he replied, “I would not agree. It is only a matter of time before Cang Xuan engages him in a decisive battle to the death. I do not wish for you to suffer in the future. However, I will do my utmost to fulfil any of your other requests.”

-- Vol 2 Ch12  (Chapter 29)

which her grandfather discerned straight away what was truly in her heart, hence his escalated attempts to get Xiang Liu to swear fealty to Xuan Yuan, so that she need not suffer the same fate as her mother. 

The crystal globe encompassed all her yearning, and for once, her courage to try and grasp the happiness she wanted. I never had the impression that the crystal globe was her appeal to Fangfeng Bei, but Xiang Liu. If it were Fangfeng Bei, she would not have created a merman, would not have had the mermaid waiting in the seashell, their symbolic love nest. Knowing clearly that Xiang Liu would never abandon his comrades, the implications of her appeal indicate that the one she longed for and wanted to be with was still Xiang Liu himself, regardless of his stance. His Fangfeng Bei persona was merely the most convenient way for them to be together with the blessings of her family. Hence her devastation when Xiang Liu used that same persona to take her away on her wedding, and purposely killed him off, because it meant even that option was no longer available to them anymore. 

Incidentally, I was backreading and only just noticed the question you asked quite a few days ago. To answer your question, I am in a similar line as you, but a different industry. Apologies for the late reply!

Very nice analysis, @solarlunareclipse. My view on things is quite similar, aside from a few details. About the "i am still a girl who  dreams", i think the context in which CX told her this is telling too. From my understanding, XY thought that since CX needed Xing Yue support in the future, he should thank her for asking him to play the flute, because that's what led Xing Yue to like him. CX in return told her that she is still a girl who dreams, because there are no coincidences. Xing Yue liking him is not going to make her side up with him, what she cares for is what she can get out of him.

 I personally tend to believe that up till FFB came into the picture, XY thought that XL was mostly using her for different reasons (her poisons, her blood, her relationship to jing in order to get the medicine, using her as a bait to get to CX), she even warned jing from day 1 to be careful of XL, because if he finds out he's of use to him he's going to take advantage. She was genuinly surprised when XL came after her to five gods mountain, she didn't understand. When XY told him that he is not suitable to enter her dreams she didn't know that he has real feelings for her, she didn't know much about the lovers bugs and even though she knew their relationship in QS town was pretty flirtatious, she thought it's just lust from his part and not real feelings, opposite to jing, who she knew for sure he likes her. She had really low self-esteem, it was hard for her to believe that someone as perfect as XL could actually like her. When she finally found out that the bugs were called lovers bugs she went looking for him to test the waters, but ended up being disappointed again, as he congratulated her for her engagement. Let's keep in mind that even though she knew how the bugs are called, she didn't know yet the requirements. She was conflicted about his feelings, since he was always hot and cold towards her. Regardless, she went all in with the crystal ball and  even though XL treated her harsh, she still stayed in QStown for a month, waiting.  It was only after XL told her that their relationship was always a business and lead her to believe that FFB's warm attitudine didn't imply deep feelings that she finally chose to leave. Going forward, after she spoke with the voodoo kind and found out the requirements of the bugs, she was desperate to know if what he told her is true. XL knew she's going to jump after him, that's why he let jing listen to their conversation, in order to stop her. 

 On the other hand XL was quite insecure about his demon form too, iirc after XY saw his demon form, his eyes were misty while lying with her on the beach, I think it was the only time when TH put tears in XL's eyes, because he aknowledged how deep XY's love for him is, doesn't matter how he looks like, if he is xl, ffb or 9 heads demon, she loves him regardless of his form, regardless of being CX's enemy and regardless of not giving her any promises or hopes. Again, as opposite to her feelings for Jing, whom she tried so hard to love because of what he can give her. 

Also there is this fragment from chapter 16

"But in her eyes there was the image of a vividly red robe, and a man with the look in his eyes that was so arrogant and wild that he could eviscerate the world in his one glance, yet when he looked at her mom, his eyes was so tender and loving. And the way her mom looked at him…..Xiao Yao didn’t know it then, but she understood it now."

How come she understood it now, if not for her experiencing the same feelings towards XL as her mom had towards Qi Yo. She picked up a wine bottle to get some strenght from jing afterwards, she was very aware of what she was doing, she didn't cheat herself. She knew she was using jing to stop her longing for XL. IMO that's where her guilt and sleepless nights came from, not because jing made her a promise that she didn't believe in, but because she made him a promise that she couldn't keep either and because of that jing also has been trapped to have his life tied to a woman who despise him. She had a guilty conscience basically. XY was very down to earth when XL was away from her, but every time he appeared in her life, all her reasonings went down the drain, she couldn't see anything but him. 

 blabla100:
On the other hand XL was quite insecure about his demon form too, iirc after XY saw his demon form, his eyes were misty while lying with her on the beach, I think it was the only time when TH put tears in XL's eyes, because he aknowledged how deep XY's love for him is, doesn't matter how he looks like, if he is xl, ffb or 9 heads demon, she loves him regardless of his form, regardless of being CX's enemy and regardless of not giving her any promises or hopes.

Actually the term 迷蒙 does not mean "misty" as in teary eyed. It can either mean a misty or foggy scenery. It can also mean dazed or confused or unfocused. In this case, I think it should refer to confusion.

相柳望着头顶的星空,目光迷蒙:“你一点都不怕吗?你应该知道妖怪毕竟是妖怪,重伤时,会失去神智,被本能驱使,我很有可能把你吸成人干!”
小夭轻轻碰了一下他染血的唇角,温和地说:“是你在怕!”
相柳不屑地冷笑:“我怕?”

It was not clear how much time had passed when Xiang Liu stopped drinking her blood. Xiao Yao drowsily opened her eyes. "You can drink a little more. I am fine."
Xiang Liu gazed at the starry skies overhead, 
confusion in his eyes. "Are you not the least frightened? You should know that demons are demons after all. Once severely injured, they lose their sanity and are driven by instinct. I could very well have sucked you dry!"
Xiao Yao gently touched the corner of his blood-stained lips, and said tenderly, "You are the one who's afraid!"
Xiang Liu sneered disdainfully, "I am afraid?"

-- Vol 3 Ch10  (Chapter 43)


Nonetheless, thank you for pointing to this chapter, and what is arguably one of my favourite interactions between them both. For once he is vulnerable emotionally, and I love how she is the one who tenderly reassures him that his fear of putting her off with his true form was unwarranted after all. 

@liddi

Ohhh I am quite disappointed, but nevertheless thank you for clarifying :) 

 blabla100:

@liddi

Ohhh I am quite disappointed, but nevertheless thank you for clarifying :) 

You're welcome. I went back to the chapter because I thought I must have missed something during the course of my reading. But even without the tears, the way he quietly gazed at her pale face when she slept later speaks volumes about how he feels, knowing now that she does not disdain his true form after all, that she accepts him for who he is, regardless of whatever form he is in. And later, Tong Hua tells us that when the sound of her tears falling reached his ears, every drop was like a stab to his heart. 

 liddi:
Xiao Liu walked up to Jing, smiled and sighed softly, “I just poured wine from that golden bottle, drink it to avoid missing forever! I only pour wine into a cup made of rhino horn; drink it to avoid suffering forever!” Having come from death to life, let me indulge a while and forget about all those sad things.

-- Vol 1 Ch6

This makes me want to cry, liddi :(. Thanks for pointing this out since it's missing in the Koala translation. I went back to read this excerpt in the original Chinese text and realized that this might be where she started to consider letting go of XL and settling for Jing. Jing is the golden bottle.

小六披衣起来,走到廊下,璟从花圃中站起,定定地看着他。
Xiao Liu put on his clothes and walked to the corridor. Jing stood up from the flower bed and looked at him steadily.

明媚灿烂的阳光勃勃生机的鲜花,还有一位君子,如金如锡、如圭如璧,一切都赏心悦目,令人欢喜。
The bright sunshinethe vibrant flowers, and a gentleman, like gold, like tin, like jade, everything is pleasing to the eye and makes people happy.

小六走到璟面前,微笑着轻叹:“我姑酌彼金罍,维以不永怀!我姑酌彼兕觥,维以不永伤!”从死到生,让我姑且放纵一下吧,那些悲伤的事情就不想了。
Xiao Liu walked up to Jing, smiled and sighed softly, “I just poured wine from that golden bottle, drink it to avoid missing forever! I only pour wine into a cup made of rhino horn; drink it to avoid suffering forever!” Having come from death to life, let me indulge a while and forget about all those sad things.

— Vol 1 Ch 6 (Chapter 6)

This is the same way she describes the scene when she thinks back on Jing before Feng Long's assassination.

小夭走进圆月形的拱门,看见各种鲜花缤纷绽放,一如当年。一瞬间,小夭几乎觉得,会有一位如金如锡、如圭如璧的清润君子从花丛中站起,含笑凝视着她。
Xiao Yao walked into the moon-shaped archway and saw all kinds of flowers blooming profusely, just like in the past. For a moment, Xiao Yao almost felt that a noble gentleman who was like gold, like tin, like jade, would stand up from the flowers and gaze at her with a smiling face.

可是,没有!
But no!

阳光依旧明媚灿烂鲜花依旧缤纷烂漫,那个曾无数次凝视着她的人却不见了。小夭心口发疼,眼前发黑,就要跌倒,玱玹忙回身,揽住她:“小夭!”
The sunshine was still brightthe flowers were still profuse and vibrant, but the person who had gazed at her countless times was gone. Xiao Yao's heart ached, her vision turned black, and she was about to fall. Cang Xuan turned around quickly and hugged her: "Xiao Yao!"

— Vol 3 Ch 13 (Chapter 46)

 liddi:
The crystal globe encompassed all her yearning, and for once, her courage to try and grasp the happiness she wanted. I never had the impression that the crystal globe was her appeal to Fangfeng Bei, but Xiang Liu. If it were Fangfeng Bei, she would not have created a merman, would not have had the mermaid waiting in the seashell, their symbolic love nest. Knowing clearly that Xiang Liu would never abandon his comrades, the implications of her appeal indicate that the one she longed for and wanted to be with was still Xiang Liu himself, regardless of his stance.

Totally agree that the crystal globe was meant to appeal to Xiang Liu. To appeal to FFB, she could have just depicted herself as a scantily clad woman in a dance hall instead of as a mermaid :). I'm uncertain of whether the message she wanted to convey was that she'd follow Xiang Liu regardless of his stance or if she was pleading to him to abandon his stance and join her in the clam shell--basically for both of them to give up their stances to wander the world together. The latter seems more likely to me because she refused to answer XL's last question. If she hadn't expected him to give up his stance to be with her, she could have answered that she wanted to be with him no matter what. I believe XY interpreted FFB's death as XL's implicit refusal to abandon his stance and stay in the mortal world with her. Since XL wouldn't abandon his stance, I believe XY would view it as a betrayal of CX to run off to be with him, thus her refusal to think through the answer to his last question. XY refused to think about CX deliberately harming her (e.g. when rumors of her parentage spread, when Jing disappeared). I think the reverse would also hold true that she refused to think about doing something that she knew would hurt CX.

 blabla100:
When XY told him that he is not suitable to enter her dreams she didn't know that he has real feelings for her, she didn't know much about the lovers bugs and even though she knew their relationship in QS town was pretty flirtatious, she thought it's just lust from his part and not real feelings, opposite to jing, who she knew for sure he likes her. She had really low self-esteem, it was hard for her to believe that someone as perfect as XL could actually like her.

I don't believe she was completely oblivious to XL's feelings for her, just like when FFB revealed that he was XL, if XL revealed he had feelings for her, I don't think she'd be surprised at all. If she wasn't aware of XL's feelings for her, she wouldn't have engaged in increasingly risky behavior to test XL's feelings for her in QST. Although she suspected that he had real feelings for her, she could never really be sure, and didn't realize the depth of his feelings since he was always denying them. I agree that she has low self-esteem, which made it easier for her to convince herself that XL didn't have any feelings for her. 

Thanks for sharing your insights. All we know for sure though is that XL loved XY and XY loved XL because of the PLBs. Everything else is up for interpretation, so it's interesting to hear other perspectives :)

@solarlunareclipse,

This makes me want to cry, liddi :(. Thanks for pointing this out since it's missing in the Koala translation. I went back to read this excerpt in the original Chinese text and realized that this might be where she started to consider letting go of XL and settling for Jing. Jing is the golden bottle.


Last year, I also pointed out the missing part of chapter 6 in Kaola translation,

I have the same point as you that she started let go  XL at that moment. That is also my initial impression when reading that part of text about Jing (with all words implying luxurious material, noble man) and the poem that the author wanted to take wine from golden  jar or rhino horn goblet to deviate her missing and suffering . In my opinion it is a kind of writing technique that TH gave hint for readers to trace the hidden story .

We (I, Windiaaa and AH and maybe others) had some discussion about the poem. Since you wrote very interesting analysis about “my gege Cang Xuan” I just wanted to shared AH’s view about the poem at that time. In her opinion the person that she missing and wanted to let go is CX.

Link for some old posts about the poem in chapter 6

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/110123-xl-and-xy-story-and-romance-warning-spoilers&page=7?page=392

P/s: I haven’t found the links of the 2nd debate with @AH yet

 solarlunareclipse:
This makes me want to cry, liddi :(. Thanks for pointing this out since it's missing in the Koala translation. I went back to read this excerpt in the original Chinese text and realized that this might be where she started to consider letting go of XL and settling for Jing. Jing is the golden bottle.

 H19279:
I have the same point as you that she started let go  XL at that moment. That is also my initial impression when reading that part of text about Jing (with all words implying luxurious material, noble man) and the poem that the author wanted to take wine from golden  jar or rhino horn goblet to deviate her missing and suffering .

I agree. She knew that she had to begin to try and forget, to dull the pain of that knowledge, and Jing was her way of forgetting, her coping mechanism, even if for just a while. Certainly, it made no difference because the true state of her heart was unchanged when she and Xiang Liu went on to successfully plant the lovers bug down the road, and it remained unchanged for the 140-odd years that they shared the connection.


 solarlunareclipse:
I'm uncertain of whether the message she wanted to convey was that she'd follow Xiang Liu regardless of his stance or if she was pleading to him to abandon his stance and join her in the clam shell--basically for both of them to give up their stances to wander the world together. The latter seems more likely to me because she refused to answer XL's last question. If she hadn't expected him to give up his stance to be with her, she could have answered that she wanted to be with him no matter what.

Yes. This time, she was responding in earnest to his question from many years ago:

"Why don't you not be a princess anymore, and wander the world with me?" -- Vol 2 Ch16

The scene in the crystal globe is revealing. 

A base of turquoise ocean was encased within the transparent ice crystal. In the tranquil waters, there were colourful small fish, red corals, and a large, pure white seashell, blooming like the brightest, purest of flowers. A beautiful mermaid sat sideways on the seashell, her seaweed-like black hair cascading down. Part of her beautiful tail rested on the white seashell while the other half was floating in the water. She had one hand on her heart, and the other stretched outwards, as if trying to grasp something, or call someone to her. In the direction of her outstretched hand, a merman floated on the waves. He appeared to be not far from the seashell, but his cold, indifferent gaze was fixed beyond the crystal, giving the impression that he was actually in another world, and not amidst that tranquil, serene ocean.

-- Vol 2 Ch14  (Chapter 31)

I think we can interpret it in two ways. It could be, as you said, her asking him to give up his stance and be with her.  I have a slightly different interpretation. In her mind, his eyes were always fixed outwards, never looking at her, never considering her in his life. She had taken the first step by stepping into the seashell, indicating she wanted to leave her world behind and be with him. Now, she is appealing for him to look back at her and take her hand, to consider a life with her in it, within the oasis of the life she wanted for them both. Did it mean asking him to give up his stance? Perhaps, though I think she knows him better than that. But she hoped that he would consider allowing them to have a life together, rather than resolutely staying at the periphery, refusing to step in. She had committed to the first part - "stop being a princess", and she hoped he would respond with the second, to let her wander the world with him. But he remained mute until the day of the wedding, crashing it as Fangfeng Bei, and killing that part of him off, leaving no avenue of them being together openly even on a superficial level. So to me, her refusal to answer that last question was not because she was unwilling to be with him regardless of his stance, but that he had categorically indicated that he did not want any part of a life together with her, a realisation that devastated her. Hence her plaintive cry, "I hurt so much... Xiang Liu, I hurt..."