3
Saeng
in my Pillowfort
This review may contain spoilers
Please pay no mind to the star ratings for this review. Because I admit it, I am one of those people for whom this series has nostalgic value. When I first watched it in 2022, this was only my second live-action BL drama (and my first encounter with anything Thai), and I was *fascinated*. I had been reading Japanese BL manga in the early 2000s and I have been a voracious reader of slash fanfiction for more than 25 years now -- but I never knew live-action BLs even existed until 2022.
So, I was feeling slightly overwhelmed, and this makes me feel more favourable towards this series than it deserves.
Because, if we are being honest, apart from Pete and Ae's love story, this drama is not very good.
It starts with the technical side:
The colours are strangely subdued (for a Thai production), without there being a narrative reason for it. The background noise is at times overwhelming (especially in a scene where Pete, his mother and Ae sit near a fountain) -- although at other time I find it charming to hear university life going on in the background. We can hear clothes brushing over microphones in some scenes. Props are not quite what they should be (thereare props from IKEA at rich Pete's house, and school bags are often obviously empty. In some scenes the actors look as if they had to do their own hair and make-up.
The show obviously had a rather low budget; but not everything about it is bad. I love the messy dorm room -- a bit icky, probably hot -- and both the flat colours and the background noise give the university grounds a realistic vibe -- watching the young people in the canteens, on the walkways and on the football field, surrounded by the noise and heat of Thailand, I always feel that this is just one of many stories happening on the campus. It's nothing like most of the newer airbrushed and clean BL drama, which are painfully obviously set in drama-land.
If we're looking at the acting and the directing, the series is mediocre: Some scenes are full of awkward acting -- some are more watchable. Since most actores were complete newbies at the time, I can understand it -- but better directing could have helped here. There are some scenes that are outstanding though. One of them is the beautiful coming out-scene in episode 1 -- the hesitation in the beginning, the way Pete's mum suppresses her own feellings and turns away and towards Pete again and again, the tentative questions and the short but reassuring answers, until both are in tears, the hesitant acceptance in the end -- this is the kind of coming-out scene I miss in newer BLS, where acceptance often is immediate and coming out is no big deal. (And while we here, I love that Pete describes himself as "gay", and doesn't only use descriptive terms.)
And an upopular opinion, maybe: I wish they had cast someone else than Perth for Ae. Don't get me wrong, Perth does a good job (especially considering his age)! But Ae is time and again described as short, stocky and dark -- Perth is none of these. Ae's appearance is an important part of his character though, and one of his sources of insecurity, and I would have liked it bo be more obvious. Alos, I would have liked to see the visual difference between a dark, stocky and short Ae and a light-skinned, tall and lanky Pete.
And now to the most obvious flaws: the storylines. We have five couples here, which is aready too much for a fourteen episode series, and half of them are not what I'd call good romance.
The one with the least screentime is also the worst -- outright rape, and subsequent victim-blaming, which is only played for laughs? Yeah, this is where it becomes very clear that this is based on a MAME story. Since this was a Wabi Sabi production and aired by GMM25, there must have been people in charge who worked independently from MAME and should have been able to cut this from the drama? I really don't want to know what the producers and screenwriter were thinking.
The story of Tar and Tum is very flawed -- I don't really mind that they are step-brothers. Two consenting adults can do what they want, in my opinion, as long as there won't be any children (the risk of genetic diseases is just too high). The thing is, there's no consent here in the scene where Tum tries to assault Tar. What I don't like about this subplot are two things: a) the story neither begins nor ends within the series. We don't know the background if we don't know TharnType, and the story does not stop at a satisfying point. And b) Tar's trauma is not handled well. If he's still victim-blaming himself-- then why is he not still in therapy? Why does his brother not know anything about it? (He doesn't need to know details, but it's quite obviuos that Tum is completely in the dark here.)
Putting the Tar/Tum story and the No/Kengkla plot next to each other -- why? We have a guy thoroughly traumatized by rape and in the same drama, rape is supposed to be something funny? Doesn't compute at all. Why did nobody notice?
Can and Tin, well. This is a mixed bag for me. I strongly dislike the "top pressures the bottom into sexual situations" trope, so I was not enamoured with their story at first, or later. Can is clearly not in a mental place where he is ready to enter *anything* remotely romantic / sexual, and Tin is only trying to get someone so he won't be alone any more, so his pursuing Can is not about Can, only about himself. So, I was really happy with their ending -- Can got a good character development arc, where he ends up realizing what a romantic/sexual relationship could mean for him, understanding that he does not want it at the moment -- and consequently rejecting Tin. Go, Can!
I did love Cha-Aim and Pond. I love their constant bickering, love how she always pushes back at Pond whenever he gets too much. I love a woman who knows her worth, and can clearly communicate her boundaries and her wants. Pond comes across as this slightly icky, sex-crazed porn addict (and I don't love his slightly homophobic attitude at the beginning). But as we get to know him, we can see that behind his "Three S" behaviour, there's actually a guy who cares about his friends deeply, and who never judges people for who they are.
Well, and Pete and Ae? Their love story is the one reason I can't give a lower rating than I did. This is a wonderful teenage love story, with a lot of "firsts" for both of them. I usually don't like the top/bottom dynamics, which are extremely strong here (Ae is rough, strong, possessive, while Pete is meek, soft, and very shy). But with them, it fits -- here, it feels as if they are two halves ot the same whole. And while Ae is extremely possessive, he is also someone who doesn't feel as if he deserved Pete (and seeks reassurance from Pete!). Yes, Ae is clearly the dominant partner -- but as a good dominant partner should, he always chacks in with Pete and tries to be aware of any boundaries. Even the "gay for you" trope works here, since Ae hasn't had any sexual desire before.
Like with any good teenage romance, both Pete and Ae grow in the course of navigating their relationship, and are more adult in the end than in the beginning.
So, can I recommend it?
Not really. There's so many good BL series nowadays, that it's really not necessary to watch this one.
On the other hand, Love by Chance *is* one of the classics which laid the groundwork for following works. And Ae and Pete are just adorable. Should you decide to try it, you should be aware of the show's many flaws and prepare yourself for a rather explicit rape scene in episode 14. Or you can just fast-forward through all of the scenes with Kengkla (No alone is okay) and with Tum or Tar in them. You won't miss anything.
So, I was feeling slightly overwhelmed, and this makes me feel more favourable towards this series than it deserves.
Because, if we are being honest, apart from Pete and Ae's love story, this drama is not very good.
It starts with the technical side:
The colours are strangely subdued (for a Thai production), without there being a narrative reason for it. The background noise is at times overwhelming (especially in a scene where Pete, his mother and Ae sit near a fountain) -- although at other time I find it charming to hear university life going on in the background. We can hear clothes brushing over microphones in some scenes. Props are not quite what they should be (thereare props from IKEA at rich Pete's house, and school bags are often obviously empty. In some scenes the actors look as if they had to do their own hair and make-up.
The show obviously had a rather low budget; but not everything about it is bad. I love the messy dorm room -- a bit icky, probably hot -- and both the flat colours and the background noise give the university grounds a realistic vibe -- watching the young people in the canteens, on the walkways and on the football field, surrounded by the noise and heat of Thailand, I always feel that this is just one of many stories happening on the campus. It's nothing like most of the newer airbrushed and clean BL drama, which are painfully obviously set in drama-land.
If we're looking at the acting and the directing, the series is mediocre: Some scenes are full of awkward acting -- some are more watchable. Since most actores were complete newbies at the time, I can understand it -- but better directing could have helped here. There are some scenes that are outstanding though. One of them is the beautiful coming out-scene in episode 1 -- the hesitation in the beginning, the way Pete's mum suppresses her own feellings and turns away and towards Pete again and again, the tentative questions and the short but reassuring answers, until both are in tears, the hesitant acceptance in the end -- this is the kind of coming-out scene I miss in newer BLS, where acceptance often is immediate and coming out is no big deal. (And while we here, I love that Pete describes himself as "gay", and doesn't only use descriptive terms.)
And an upopular opinion, maybe: I wish they had cast someone else than Perth for Ae. Don't get me wrong, Perth does a good job (especially considering his age)! But Ae is time and again described as short, stocky and dark -- Perth is none of these. Ae's appearance is an important part of his character though, and one of his sources of insecurity, and I would have liked it bo be more obvious. Alos, I would have liked to see the visual difference between a dark, stocky and short Ae and a light-skinned, tall and lanky Pete.
And now to the most obvious flaws: the storylines. We have five couples here, which is aready too much for a fourteen episode series, and half of them are not what I'd call good romance.
The one with the least screentime is also the worst -- outright rape, and subsequent victim-blaming, which is only played for laughs? Yeah, this is where it becomes very clear that this is based on a MAME story. Since this was a Wabi Sabi production and aired by GMM25, there must have been people in charge who worked independently from MAME and should have been able to cut this from the drama? I really don't want to know what the producers and screenwriter were thinking.
The story of Tar and Tum is very flawed -- I don't really mind that they are step-brothers. Two consenting adults can do what they want, in my opinion, as long as there won't be any children (the risk of genetic diseases is just too high). The thing is, there's no consent here in the scene where Tum tries to assault Tar. What I don't like about this subplot are two things: a) the story neither begins nor ends within the series. We don't know the background if we don't know TharnType, and the story does not stop at a satisfying point. And b) Tar's trauma is not handled well. If he's still victim-blaming himself-- then why is he not still in therapy? Why does his brother not know anything about it? (He doesn't need to know details, but it's quite obviuos that Tum is completely in the dark here.)
Putting the Tar/Tum story and the No/Kengkla plot next to each other -- why? We have a guy thoroughly traumatized by rape and in the same drama, rape is supposed to be something funny? Doesn't compute at all. Why did nobody notice?
Can and Tin, well. This is a mixed bag for me. I strongly dislike the "top pressures the bottom into sexual situations" trope, so I was not enamoured with their story at first, or later. Can is clearly not in a mental place where he is ready to enter *anything* remotely romantic / sexual, and Tin is only trying to get someone so he won't be alone any more, so his pursuing Can is not about Can, only about himself. So, I was really happy with their ending -- Can got a good character development arc, where he ends up realizing what a romantic/sexual relationship could mean for him, understanding that he does not want it at the moment -- and consequently rejecting Tin. Go, Can!
I did love Cha-Aim and Pond. I love their constant bickering, love how she always pushes back at Pond whenever he gets too much. I love a woman who knows her worth, and can clearly communicate her boundaries and her wants. Pond comes across as this slightly icky, sex-crazed porn addict (and I don't love his slightly homophobic attitude at the beginning). But as we get to know him, we can see that behind his "Three S" behaviour, there's actually a guy who cares about his friends deeply, and who never judges people for who they are.
Well, and Pete and Ae? Their love story is the one reason I can't give a lower rating than I did. This is a wonderful teenage love story, with a lot of "firsts" for both of them. I usually don't like the top/bottom dynamics, which are extremely strong here (Ae is rough, strong, possessive, while Pete is meek, soft, and very shy). But with them, it fits -- here, it feels as if they are two halves ot the same whole. And while Ae is extremely possessive, he is also someone who doesn't feel as if he deserved Pete (and seeks reassurance from Pete!). Yes, Ae is clearly the dominant partner -- but as a good dominant partner should, he always chacks in with Pete and tries to be aware of any boundaries. Even the "gay for you" trope works here, since Ae hasn't had any sexual desire before.
Like with any good teenage romance, both Pete and Ae grow in the course of navigating their relationship, and are more adult in the end than in the beginning.
So, can I recommend it?
Not really. There's so many good BL series nowadays, that it's really not necessary to watch this one.
On the other hand, Love by Chance *is* one of the classics which laid the groundwork for following works. And Ae and Pete are just adorable. Should you decide to try it, you should be aware of the show's many flaws and prepare yourself for a rather explicit rape scene in episode 14. Or you can just fast-forward through all of the scenes with Kengkla (No alone is okay) and with Tum or Tar in them. You won't miss anything.
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