Before I was aware of my identity, i was seeking out any queer media i could get my hands on. Gay, Sapphic, Gender Questioning, Trans, Poly. Subtextual, Explicit. Main Plot, Supporting Plot, Headcanons. It was partly fueled by my desire to see me, whatever “me” was, and partly fueled by a desire to consume diverse stories. Later, that second part took on more and more prevalence as I gave up ever finding me.
I mainly just looked for romances where the characters took the time to know each other before getting in a relationship. Romances where you could see the depth of their love without relying on skinship. Romances where gender isn’t a personal issue when they realize they loved someone. Or even close friendships where they were essentially a couple, and valued like a couple. I sought this in my straight media too, mind you. So I didn’t really know what this meant. I passed it off as being a romantic at heart, and wanting everyone to find love. And the fact that i wasn’t interested in intimate scenes in my queer media made me scared that i was homophobic. “But i don’t like them in my straight media either, so surely i was fine? But perhaps my Christian community had more impact on me than i thought (despite never having been Christian myself, and not growing up in a fully Christian household). Perhaps thats something i should fix.”
It wasnt until i was in the comment section of one of the Love By Chance episodes on Youtube that I came across the term “demisexual.” And down that rabbit hole I went. And it’s down that rabbit hole that everything made sense and clicked into place. Asexuality. The Split Attraction Model. Actual asexual media and asexual characters and asexual stories.