peng-peng:
I have seen comments insulting TSJ for not leave his family , not telling grandmother to f oof, but the same is not asked of XL.
Before I get into this, I just want to say I don't hate TSJ and I am mostly pretty satisfied with how the novel ended.
People who criticize TSJ for not dealing with his family issues have a reason for not also criticizing XL for not betraying Gong Gong: it comes down to how they each handle XY's heart and what they ask of her.
While he is engaged to YY, TSJ confesses his feelings to XY, asks XY to reserve her heart for him, and asks her to wait 15 years for him. He promises XY that he will break the engagement and return to her as YSQ. But before he deals with the engagement, they become closer physically and emotionally. After the 15 years have passed, he hasn't broken the engagement (and he moves further away from being YSQ by becoming clan leader), but he still strings XY's heart along. He continues to say sweet things and make promises. They become even closer, and then...
It's a repeat of that horrible moment early on in the drama where YSQ's statements and behaviour start to give XY expectations. She starts to believe she can rely on YSQ, until one moment where she trusts he will show up for her and instead he abandons her. We saw how crushed XY was. She seemed much more affected by that than by being whipped by the Chenrong remnant army soldiers under XL's orders or by being tortured with the flesh-eating bugs under CX's orders. YSQ promised that the same situation would never happen again, but that's exactly what happens with their relationship. TSJ makes promises and behaves in a certain way that gives XY hope and expectations (although she really tries to harden her heart against such hope), but then he fails to keep those promises, which hurts her deeply. I don't blame TSJ for most of the things that hurt XY (not breaking the engagement, becoming clan leader, getting tricked by YY and his grandmother, not being the first person to tell XY what happened, getting married...), but I wish he hadn't given her expectations and then put himself in a position where he couldn't meet them.
XL, on the other hand, has realized they can't be together. XY tells him that he's not someone who should be in her dreams. XY knows she will never betray CX, XL knows that he will never betray Gong Gong, and they are both very aware of the fact that no one would ever accept them being together because of their identities. So he becomes her companion and alleviates her loneliness. He never confesses his feelings. He never asks her to wait for him or to reserve her heart for him. He only ever asks her to heal his injuries and make poisons for him. Instead of asking her to save her heart for him and only him, he accompanies her while she is lonely and waiting for TSJ (and, you know, teaches her archery so she can protect herself and spends 37 years saving her life...), and eventually he starts working to make sure that she and TSJ end up together. He doesn't make promises he can't keep or create expectations he can't meet. When he is FFB, he constantly reminds her that their time together is temporary. When she gets too close, he pushes her away. He just... he spends so much time and effort trying to protect XY's heart.
So on the whole, some people find TSJ's behaviour more frustrating.
Edit: Since this is a YaoJing thread I'll add that obviously TSJ made his promises fully intending to fulfill them and believing that he would, and he would have if it weren't for terrible circumstances that were largely out of his control. And that XY wants someone who is gentle and who isn't able to let her go. Which makes TSJ (and not XL) the right EG for her. Even if he's a bit a frustrating for the viewers sometimes.