Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance

 Kokuto:

Yes, PROMISED her that and failed to deliver.

Now, now @Kokuto. I've noticed you being very mean to poor, sweet Jing in this thread. I feel like I need to set you straight on a few things. I'm going to call this the, It Was Not Jing's Fault lecture.

It was not Jing's fault that he, as a grown man was still under his grandmother's thumb

It was not Jing's fault that he, as a grown man, couldn't stand up to his grandmother's emotional blackmail and manipulations. He was not weak-willed, he was FILIAL. 

It was not Jing's fault that he loved Xiao Yao soooo much that when he thought she was dead he no longer had the will to live and slept for 37 years. How dare you call him a "love brain", he's DEVOTED, OK. Unlike Cang Xuan and Xiang Liu who didn't sleep for 37 years; they obviously didn't love Xiao Yao as much as he did.  Pfft! And you should blame Xiang Liu for taking so long to heal Xiao Yao, if XL had worked harder and got Xiao Yao to wake up quicker, she could have woken Jing up in time before the 15 years lapsed. 

It was not Jing's fault that after he was trapped into marrying FFYY, he again lost the will to live. How do you expect poor Jing to live without Xiao Yao? She is his reason for living. DEVOTED, remembered?

It was not Jing's fault that he couldn't figure out a way to resolve the issues of FFYY and Hou even after his sister-in-law dropped the giant hint in his lap. Don't you dare call Jing incompetent. He was just too kind against the likes of evil Hou and FFYY. 

And it was not Jing's fault that Xiao Yao insisted on helping him by pretending to "seduce" his brother. What was he to do, object? Xiao Yao told him to just follow along, and besides, if not this method how else is Xiao Yao, I mean Jing going to resolve his issue so that he can finally be free to marry her? It's all for Xiao Yao's benefit. 

So you see, Kokuto, it was not Jing's fault. No, it is your fault for not being compassionate, understanding and kind enough to Jing. Whenever Jing fails to do something, it is your responsibility to look for reasons, excuses and justifications as to why, sweet, kind Jing couldn't successfully adult. Now, you need to 

and reflect on your unkind thoughts about sweet Jing. Otherwise, I'll send Champoo to steal all the cookies from you :-)

End of lecture. 

And sarcasm :-)

For the longest time, this character makes me incredibly irritated, but I couldn’t explain why. I finally figured out that it was because I felt like I was constantly being asked to be compassionate and understanding; to lower my expectations and values to accommodate his shortcomings, and if I didn’t do it, then it was me who was wrong, it’s me who is not compassionate enough and understanding enough. But you know what? Screw that. 6-7 years ago, I did that, but I’ve since learned that being kind to the Jings of the world is being cruel to myself. And I’m no longer in the business of being cruel to myself. I'm no longer willing to make excuses for people at my own expense. 

 HeadInTheClouds:

Girl, her brain ain't working too well. Plus, the sheer desperation of it all. 

Yep. I'd hate to think that any woman without XY's particular set of issues that impacted her sense of security and worth would look at Jing's offer and think 

But, look. There's really no accounting for taste. 

Ha!  Truth!

I think that's where Yang Zi's portrayal of XY influences viewers.  I know I feel far more lenient toward XY overall, when I see her performance.  Though I still rail at her for some of her decisions and when she rejects XL.  sniff

 HeadInTheClouds:

Now, now @Kokuto. I've noticed you being very mean to poor, sweet Jing in this thread. I feel like I need to set you straight on a few things. I'm going to call this the, It Was Not Jing's Fault lecture.

O_O

Double checks the title of the thread.

Falls out of my chair laughing.

 HeadInTheClouds:

So you see, Kokuto, it was not Jing's fault. No, it is your fault for not being compassionate, understanding and kind enough to Jing. Whenever Jing fails to do something, it is your responsibility to look for reasons, excuses and justifications as to why, sweet, kind Jing couldn't successfully adult. Now, you need to

and reflect on your unkind thoughts about sweet Jing. Otherwise, I'll send Champoo to steal all the cookies from you :-)

NOT my cookies!!!!

Jing isn't paying me a dime to do his dirty work, not even a dime of emotional investment or anything to appreciate.  My eyes are WIDE OPEN!

@Kimiya78

Yes, she may think that Jing is a wiser choice, and has always been complacent that she can actively choose who to give her love to, at the cost of a lifetime of regret.

@HeadInTheClouds

Yes, what I mean is that she has been lying to herself that she loves Jing, such as continuously giving herself psychological hints and self-brainwashing, always telling herself Jing's various virtues, how much Jing loves her, and how much she cares about him, etc. She is willing to believe these because she knows that Jing is the result she wants.

I think essentially what she wants is not romantic love, or she simply despises romantic love. She once said to Cang Xuan, "When it comes to the love between men and women, it can be like honey mixed with oil today, and turn into like strangers tomorrow. It comes like fire and goes like wind." But because what Jing wants is romantic love, this is his condition of "always accompanying her", and only marriage can bind two unrelated people together forever, so she can only lie to herself, what she gives him is romantic love, but in fact, She had always only had that kind of affection for him that was similar to family affection, and only this kind of affection could gain her attention.

 nathsketch:

Ahahahahahahahahahaha I love this!

Going by everything that has been posted here during all these months, I know I was supposed to be certain that Jing was a man. But this whole time I thought he was a weasel :D :D :D

Jing. :-)

Weasel is actually a really apt description for this character.

 AH :

HEALER SPOILERS AHEAD

Source

The "someone who isn't coming":

Source

Idk how many of you have watched Healer, but every time I see variations of the gifset above it makes me think how much I would love to read some kind of Healer-based AU version of LYF where the closest thing to a love triangle was between Xiang Liu, Fang Feng Bei, and Xiao Yao. 

The two dramas are so different, and yet there are so many good parallels that could be used.

Imagine an adaptation of the scene above, where Park Bong-Soo sincerely confessed to Chae Young-shin because he couldn't appear before her with his true identity (Seo Jung-hoo) / alter ego ("Healer") whom she had fallen for. In that scenario... long after Fang Feng Bei appeared in Xiao Yao's life, but before she confirmed that he was Xiang Liu, imagine Fang Feng Bei confessing like that to Xiao Yao, and asking her to pick him instead of waiting for someone who wasn't coming (his own alter ego, Xiang Liu). 

Source

Oh snap. I’ve had Healer in my watchlist since forever. Guess I’ll have to start watching it now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 ZYHLJ:

I think essentially what she wants is not romantic love,

I agree. Love didn't factor in with what Xiao Yao was looking for. She wanted a companion - her comments around this sound like an advertisement for a housemate more than a romantic partner :-). And even when she answers her mother on why she chose Jing, love was never mentioned. 

 ZYHLJ:

But because what Jing wants is romantic love, this is his condition of "always accompanying her", and only marriage can bind two unrelated people together forever, so she can only lie to herself, what she gives him is romantic love, but in fact, She had always only had that kind of affection for him that was similar to family affection,

If they had stayed in Qing Shui town, she would probably been satisfied with 17 hanging around like a butler/maid/servant. But, yes, Jing wanted a romantic relationship as part of being this forever companion - like I said in my comment, it's a contract between them and since she agree to the contract she needs to fulfil her side of the bargain. With time, affection developed (particularly in the later part of the novel after the wedding robbery), but I agree with you that it never got to the "love" category, but the kind of affection that you have for friends/family. After the 37 years, Jing stopped hoping for love from XY as well and settled for being the companion.

 ZYHLJ:

Yes, what I mean is that she has been lying to herself that she loves Jing, such as continuously giving herself psychological hints and self-brainwashing, always telling herself Jing's various virtues, how much Jing loves her, and how much she cares about him, etc. She is willing to believe these because she knows that Jing is the result she wants.

Yes. Since she chose Jing because he could give her what she wanted, she tried very hard to make things work between them. There were comments earlier about Xiao Yao and Jing's intimate scenes coming across as play-acting or cheesy. I think this vibe is in line with Xiao Yao's acting out how she thinks she should be with Jing. 

 ZYHLJ:

@Kimiya78

Yes, she may think that Jing is a wiser choice, and has always been complacent that she can actively choose who to give her love to, at the cost of a lifetime of regret.

Xiao Yao is a rather silly goose isn't she? Imagine thinking that you can order your heart how to feel and who to love and to stop loving.  She can ignore, deny and pretend all she wants, but eventually, it comes out. Anything that gets suppressed will just grow stronger. So while she may be the queen of willful ignorance and self-deception, I think that in the years to come she won't be able to continue lying to herself. She'll have to face the truth eventually. Once she does, she'll probably have a breakdown.