@liddi
Xiao Yao said, "I have no regrets. I have been wandering since I was a child. Although I appear to be carefree, drifting with the tide, I am actually very weary of wandering, and want to stop. However, the people I meet - the one who is willing is powerless, while the one who is able to is unwilling. Only you are willing to give me a safe harbour for me to stop and settle down. Thank you!"
There is an intriguing subtext to Xiao Yao's description of the two kinds of people she met - 有心的无力,有力的无心 . The obvious meaning is:
the one who is willing is powerless, while the one who is able to is unwilling
However, there is also a hidden connotation to her words:
the one who has feelings (for me) is powerless, while the one who is able to, has no feelings (for me)
Since she is describing two people she hoped she would be able to settle down with, it also implies that she nursed this hope even though she believes the latter has no feelings for her, which in turn is a testament to where her deepest feelings lie even if she would not admit it, since in her mind, it is one-sided. It makes it even more ironic then that she would still take the initiative to appeal to that person to take her away from a marriage she clearly did not want despite refusing chance after chance to cancel her marriage, first by Feng Long, Cang Xuan and even her father. It also gives context to her mute refusal to answer Xiang Liu's last question when he probed her mind after forcibly taking her away from the wedding.
You know. It's hard to parse some of this, given how much LYING and denial XY subjects us to. For example, when she talks TO XL, she talks about how she wants to wander the Earth with him and explore freely. But when she talks ABOUT XL, she always goes on about wanting to settle down and have a home. I think what she tells XL is true, given how that's what she and Jing end up doing.
And XY keeps telling herself and everyone else that XL has no feelings for her, but she KNOWS that isn't the case. I mean, how can you tell a man you want to save him, and STARE at his face as he pours his heart out through his eyes, and is reaching to touch your face, but denies himself even that, and NOT know he has deep, deep, feelings for you? You are almost crying at seeing that naked emotion, so don't tell me that you honestly believe XL/FFB doesn't love and want you. Heck, I'm crying writing this and remembering that scene.
Which, of course, makes it even more clear how simpatico XL and XY are, that he can cut through all of XY's BS to understand what she truly wants.
And yes. It's another sign of what XY truly feels that she turns to XL when she wants to escape the marriage to Feng Long.
Of course, if everything was unambiguous and the characters were straightforward and honest, we wouldn't STILL be talking about it, nor would we be so enamored of the characters.