Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance

 MTH123:

If you believe in reincarnation or just Heaven, I think he'll have many opportunities to fulfill the what-ifs.

Hmmm, yes, please. Even if as the lady in the boat. I'll take whatever is given, really, I won't complain. ?

This scene from the novel which takes place after she realises she can breathe under water, was not adapted in the drama, but it gives insight to Xiao Yao's stance. If Xiang Liu remembered her words, did he really think that despite every deliberately cruel actions he did to her, she would choose to forget him?

Vol 2 Ch9   (Chapter 27)

Xiao Yao gradually caught up with Xiang Liu. A school of colourful fish swam past them.

As Xiao Yao stretched out her hand, the slender colourful fishes kissed her palms, and she could feel their simple tranquility. "They are so tranquil, almost like they have no emotions."

Xiang Liu said, "These kind of fishes have very short memories, merely a few flicks of the fingers. In other words, when you retract your hand, they would already have forgotten that they just kissed your palm."

Without memory, there is no thought, much less joy and sadness. The peace they have may be the world's purest peace.

As she swam, Xiao Yao looked back, and saw the colourful fish still swimming back and forth. She said, "I remember them but they have already forgotten me. When I see their kind in the future, I will remember them. Even if we met for the first time, it will be like a reunion, but for them, every meeting is is their first time, so even a reunion is always a first encounter."

Xiang Liu asked, "Do you want to remember, or forget?"

Xiao Yao thought for a while and answered, "Remember. Even if it is painful and a burden, I still wish to remember."

 liddi:

This scene from the novel which takes place after she realises she can breathe under water, was not adapted in the drama, but it gives insight to Xiao Yao's stance. If Xiang Liu remembered her words, did he really think that despite every deliberately cruel actions he did to her, she would choose to forget him?

I always thought that exchange was interesting in light of the TSJ-related scenes before and after that scene in chapter 26 that reference remembering and forgetting. Both scenes reference XY being in extreme pain. In the first scene, XL seems to use the bug connection to interfere by speeding up her heart rate to disrupt her heartache and to get TSJ to come to her assistance. So we know he was acutely aware of what was happening in that scene. Both scenes were partially adapted in episode 37 of the drama.

Since XL had to feel everything that XY felt in the chapters that dealt with her heartbreak after breaking up with TSJ, I felt like her pain probably factored into his determination to keep XY in the dark about many of the things he did for her and to erase the memories of him that she saved in her gorilla spirit mirror. 

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Chapter 26 (before the scene with her comments to XL):

Xiao Yao hadn’t seen Jing in over a year and seeing him like this, Xiao Yao maintained her smile and quietly stood next to the Xi Ling clan leader. She remembered in the ocean when he let his hair loose, the stirring in her heart. She remembered twining his hair around her fingers, each strand was a longing. Everything felt like yesterday but it was already black hair turned white and all longing severed.

Xiao Yao felt her heart was being clawed at by a large hand, so painful it was like being ripped apart. She could only keep smiling when suddenly she felt her heart violently beating. Xiao Yao couldn’t maintain her fake smile anymore, much like a person could endure severe pain without any change in expression yet couldn’t control exhibiting bodily reaction to intense exercise. Xiao Yao clutched her chest and took a few deep breaths.

Xing Yue hurriedly assisted her and asked in concern “Are you okay?”

Xiao Yao smiled and shook her head. The Xi Ling clan leader saw her face flushed bright red and quickly said “I remember your constitution is not strong, hurry and sit down to rest.”

Xing Yue helped Xiao Yao to sit down at Jing’s table.

Jing anxiously put one hand on Xiao Yao’s wrist while his other clutched the wine cup and transformed the wine into a fog. Everyone knew the Tu Shan clan had the power to mystify which was very useful for taking away pain. No one thought it weird what Jing was doing.

Her heart continued to beat wildly and strongly, so much that she felt like all her blood was rushing into her head. Xiao Yao couldn’t control it and muttered under her breath “Xiang Liu, will you cut it out already?”

Everyone only heard “cut it out already”, but Jing was sitting closest to her and he was completely familiar with Xiao Yao’s voice, so he heard every word she said.

Her heartbeat started to return to normal and Xiao Yao gently pulled her hand away from Jing “Thank you, I’m fine now.”

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Chapter 26 (after the scene with her comments to XL):

Zhuan Xu heard the other meaning in Xiao Yao’s words and decided not to dig deeper and changed the subject to Xiao Yao “You no longer have any relationship with Jing. Feng Long tested me on whether you would consider him.”

“What?” Xiao Yao was stunned for a moment “Even though Jing is married, but I have no intention at this time of considering another man.”

Zhuan Xu was silent and then said “You treated Jing special but he didn’t stay true……he will regret it one day!”

Xiao Yao looked saddened “What good will his regret bring me? Since we can’t be together, better to forget it completely and go our separate ways!”

“You still haven’t forgotten him?”

Xiao Yao wanted to say “I forgot him!” but she couldn’t lie to herself. Since losing Jing she never slept through the night again.

She missed him! Her longing for Jing exceeded anything that anyone could have imagined, and it even shocked herself.

She thought she controlled everything so perfectly. Even if Jing left she could candidly accept it. But when it happened she realized that she thought too highly of herself. She could use her willpower to handle everything and control her behavior so she wasn’t angry, wasn’t upset, didn’t act out of turn, didn’t go see him, continued living as if nothing was the matter. But every night she couldn’t control her missing him.

One time she dreamed about Jing kissing her and it was as sweet as dew in her dream, but when she woke it was only bitterness in her mouth, even drinking honey water it turned bitter.

Xiao Yao didn’t want to remember and would rather not open her eyes and keep it tightly shut. All she could see would be them together and the memory was so clear and the warmth was still lingering on her lips. But everything was gone.

Every time she thought of him she would rather never see him or hear him speak. Everything about him no longer had anything to do with her. His presence would no longer be in her life. That kind of pain made Xiao Yao feel like she would rather live in a dream and never wake up.

Xiao Yao said in a low voice “I thought everything was under my control, but in truth feelings cannot be controlled.”

Zhuan Xu patted her back and sighed “I’ll drink with you!”

Xiao Yao wanted to get raging drunk “Sure!”

@AH

"To live or die... when it's his lives, it should be his choice. XL chose to die."

Actually, for me, the ending created by Tong Hua is the perfect ending. She achieved to transmit the feeling of yearning from Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu to us. We're left with a heady brokenheart. It's perfect.

However, as a primal reaction as a "spectator" watching a tragedy which inevitably unfolds, I can't stand still, I want the fate of these characters I emphasized with to be changed, desperatly. 

So it even perfect-er. This novel trully is a masterpiece.

What one person sees as pointless, another may sees as absolutely meaningful. I don't XL as suicidal and looking for death, it just happened to be the outcome for the choice that he made in standing with the resistance army till the end.  His comment about how as long as there are beautiful sights to look at, life is worth living tells you that he's someone who appreciate life. 

The question of XY's choice is an interesting one. Did XL robbed her of her choice or did he merely exercised his choice to not let her know his feelings for her? Even without knowing, XY did exercise her right to choose him as a potential lover by giving him the crystal ball. It just that he rejected her overture.  

Perhaps, another way of looking at it is that he robbed her of an option, by taking himself out of the running as a potential partner. If he's resolute in his decision to not be with her for whatever reasons then whether she knows of his feelings or not, it's irrelevant to the outcome.

Maybe the question really is does XY has the right to know of his feelings for her? We could argue that if hse does, she might have fought harder for them to be together which would potentially resulted in him relenting and that will change the outcome. Maybe that's what  XL was afraid off so he didn't let her know. 

And now I'm just asking questions and answering them.myself like a mad person ?

I was thinking that if lost you forever refers to CX, love you forever to Jing and missing you to XL could it be that eternally yearning for you refers to XY? Like her forever yearning after someone? 

 blimarch:

Actually, for me, the ending created by Tong Hua is the perfect ending. She achieved to transmit the feeling of yearning from Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu to us. We're left with a heady brokenheart. It's perfect.

Yes, the ending isn't perfectly happy and didn't leave me perfectly content. It breaks your heart and is full of emotion, and made certain characters unforgettable. After a bit of time I personally came to peace with the ending and found it satisfying. I tried to come up with an alternative ending that I liked better, and couldn't. 

 nathsketch:

Yeah, same. Maybe it's my upbringing or my own beliefs, and I'm not a religious person, never been, but this choosing to die thing doesn't sit well with me.

 nathsketch:

Sure, it's poetic and tugs at the heartstrings, but I just can't accept this kind of resignation. Just how broken does a person have to be to prefer to die in this pointless way masquerading as something noble instead of keep living. It's too sad and it's not a message that should be promoted. Every life is precious. Also, it's ironic to talk about choices when he robbed XY of her choices.

Death and suicide are heavy topics, even in a fictional context. My feelings about them are probably similar, but not exactly the same, in a real life context compared to a fictional context.

Life is precious. And death comes for everyone. If someone chooses to die at a certain time and in a certain way, I think there are many cases where it would be cruel to force them to live and not also address the reasons for their choice. 

I don't begrudge XL for saving XY's life a second time after her suicide, because her choice was based on the fact that TSJ was dead and ZX brought about his death because of his feelings for her. Since XL brought TSJ back from the dead, he addressed the underlying reason behind her choice. 

I also stand by the idea that relationships can only happen when both parties are willing and able to choose to have a relationship. Since XL wasn't willing to choose to pursue a relationship, he wasn't taking away XY's choice by not giving her information that might have made her choose to be in a relationship with him. 

To do something similar for XL so that having him not die, or resurrecting him, wouldn't be cruel to him... one would have to make major changes either to his character or to the overarching plot of the story. If the goal is only to come up with an ending where XL is alive and not miserable, that's doable. From what I've heard in this thread, fanfics have managed to do it. But if the goal is to achieve those things and also create an ending for LYF that wraps up all the character arcs and plot points not just for XL and XY, but for all of the characters, in a way that is more satisfying than Tong Hua's ending... I don't think that's possible.