Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance

 windiaaa041293:

I want to reread scene 4 of the question, can anyone help? Thanks..
it seems the description of the glowing bug is different.

Are you referring to the leaked script or the novel? My translation of the 4 questions in the leaked script is here:

https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/110123-xl-and-xy-story-and-romance-warning-spoilers?pid=2780847&page=160#p2780847 

XL: Are you willing to marry Tushan Jing?

Xiao Yao's dull expression suddenly had a moment of clarity and she struggled to wake up. The red glow in Xiang Liu's eyes intensified, his voice even gentler.

XL: Are you willing to marry Ye Shiqi?
XY: I am willing.
XL (momentarily hesitant): With whom do you most wish to spend your life with?

Xiao Yao opened her mouth as if to answer, but her expression showed extreme resistance, and she struggled to snap out of the trance. Xiang Liu firmly focused his eyes on her and intensified the spell.

XL (tense): Tell me, with whom do you most wish to spend your life with?

Xiao Yao gripped her head violently, in such pain that her body was shaking.

XY: Ah! It hurts, hurts...

Xiang Liu quickly dispersed the spell, and Xiao Yao collapsed into his arms in pain.

XL: I won't ask anymore, won't ask anymore...

Xiao Yao closed her eyes wearily, her tightly knit brows slowly relaxing.

XY (murmuring): Why...
XL: Because...

Xiang Liu did not continue. His eyes were tender, as if everything he had kept deeply buried inside would finally overflow.
The poisonous bugs in both their hearts emitted a glow in unison with their heartbeats.
Xiang Liu stared at the unconscious Xiao Yao, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.

XL: Have a good sleep. You will forget everything after you wake.

 MayaDavid:

Thanks Kokuto and HeadInTheClouds for the response. I think I didn’t write the question well. I wanted to know what is supposed to happen to the novel character XL based on what happened in the novel and how he ended up. I wanted to know if novel XL could reincarnate based on the world building in the novel. If reincarnation happens will he be a demon again?

H19279 also answered. As it currently stands, there really isn't re-incarnation or resurrection in the world of Once Promised and Lost You Forever. However, as I mentioned in my reply, the rumour was that Tong Hua originally planned to incorporate the Underworld as part of this world. And if you recall, one of the 4 most powerful clans, Gui Fang possessed something known as "Soul Restoring Grass". This clan was supposed to feature in the same book as the Underworld. In Lost You Forever, there were hints that Xiang Liu has some kind of relationship with the Gui Fang clan. If there's an Underworld, then chances are there is resurrection or reincarnation. With Soul Restoring Grass, the likelihood is that he could/would be brought back as Xiang Liu. Jing and Xiao Yao didn't consummate their marriage, so maybe TH planned to bring Xiang Liu back and have him and Xiao Yao reunited. Unfortunately, I don't think Tong Hua is likely to revisit this world, she may not want to given the enduring appeal of Lost You Forever came pretty much due to Xiang Liu's ending. Fans will just have to rely on fan fiction to manage their feelings of regret and wistfulness.

 windiaaa041293:

@AH 

And when they were at the edge of the lake, when XY asked XL to move the bug to XL, if I'm not mistaken, there was a red rope tied to the tree.

I went back and re-watched both instances where XY and XL discussed moving the bug to XL (when XL first told XY that she should put the bug in his body when they were sitting by Gourd Lake and when XL brought up transferring the bug again and XY asked him to lure the bug into his body when they were sitting by the river) but I wasn't able to spot any red rope tied around a tree. 

“Xiang Liu is someone that Xiao Yao yearns for, but feels like she can never have. Xiang Liu is that Bright White Moonlight - forever elusive and out of reach. She's always unsure about his feelings for her and her position/importance in his life. These things would have triggered her insecurity and fear of abandonment. I think this may be why she doesn't want to get rid of the Lovers Bugs since they provided a tangible link to Xiang Liu when his presence in her life was often elusive.”

“Come to think of it, I never get the sense that Xiao Yao sees the sharing of physical or emotional pain as a drawback of the Lovers Bugs when it comes to Xiang Liu. “

@HeadInTheClouds This is what I feel as well. There were occasions she was kind of telling “I need to get rid of the bugs between you and me”, but it was either to test XL or when she was rejected by XL.

“She always felt underdog in front of him, especially with regard to bug reaction. He could make her feel whenever he wanted but she hardly could control the bug”

“In general XY or WXL in the past tried to have equal with XL, always try to "revenge" in consersation with him. Both of them didn't want to be loser in "their battle". So knowing XL having the same pain intensity in the heart made she feel less underdog. “

@H19279 I agree with your interpretation, in fact I feel that it is not that different to what I felt. With XL, XY had no control. I found XY’s comparison of FFB with Tushan Hou very interesting. Every man XY met had some kind of weakness, something they wanted. But with XL, she thought that nothing could bind him, he was indifferent, elusive and hence, she had no control with him.  Like HeadInTheClouds said, the bugs gave her some tangible link and some kind of leverage.

 blabla100:

@AH

"That's interesting. I always thought that this scene (when XL forces the window closed so that XY won't get sick from the cold, even though XY clearly wants the window open) was intentionally juxtaposed with the window scene in the next chapter (when TSJ wants to close the window for the same reason"

For sure those 2 scenes are related, I interpret the window as a metaphor for "hope". XY kept trying to have that window open, while XL kept closing it.

 blabla100:

His answer after he had that window forcibly closed was "What kind of person I am, you’ve known all along.” - (it's similar to his answer from chapter 29"  “Every word he said is the truth. I’m not a guy suitable for a woman to follow. Isn’t that something you already know?”) which  again, points to the beach scene, when she told him that she is afraid to let him in her dreams, because he is not suitable to ever enter into a girl's dream, so closing the window was his way to remembered her yet again that and pushed her to let go already. After she accepted that there is no hope  for her and XL to be, she met with tianer who restored some of her hopes în Jing. Jing's window though, even though at that point wasn't open wide, giving the circumstances, can be described as open, because Jing did make a compromise with her, Jing was still open to fight for them, unlike XL, who was the dominant one between them. Also, în XY-XL's relationship, she was the giver, while în XY-Jing's relationship, she was the taker. She kept sending XL poisons every 3 months the same way and for the same reason Jing sent her wine every 15 days, as a reminder of one's feelings.

In addition to acting as a metaphor for how XL and TSJ act when they want to protect XY from the consequences of a choice she makes that will likely hurt her, I agree that there is a second metaphor like the one you described. I agree with the gist of what you said, but view the details slightly differently.

Similar to "hope", I feel like the window could be a metaphor for the possibility of a romantic relationship. Closing the window could represent closing the possibility of a relationship / pushing XY away / letting her go (despite continuing to love her) for her own good. Opening the window could represent saying or doing something to try to re-open the possibility of a relationship. 

In chapter 32, XL completely closes the window repeatedly and firmly, despite the fact that XY obviously wants it open. He also pushes XY away (towards TSJ) repeatedly and firmly, despite the fact that XY obviously has feelings for him. XY opens the window again repeatedly, only for XL to immediately close the window again. When XY says or does things that might re-open the possibility of a romantic relationship between them (like sending him the ice crystal ball), XL quickly acts to shut it down. 

In the end of the window scene in chapter 32, XL uses his powers to shut the window permanently, and makes it impossible for XY to re-open the window. When XY is infuriated by this, XL tells her she's always known who he is. Throughout chapter 32, XL's behaviour is designed to push XY away, and at the end of the chapter he threatens her and uses his power to make her experience excruciating pain before telling her to go to TSJ (ostensibly to confirm that he hired XL to ruin the wedding, but really to begin rekindling their relationship). It's a drastic measure. And at the end of the novel, XL forces XY to cut ties with him, kills the bugs connecting them, and chooses to die on the battlefield with the remnant army. He permanently closes the possibility of a romantic relationship between them, and XY can't do anything about it. She is furious with him in chapter 46 and in her grief she yells that she hates him for his choice in chapter 51, but she also recalls that she knew from the beginning that he was CX's enemy and also that he told her that, to a general, death on the battlefield was the best ending.  

In chapter 33, TSJ wants to close the window for XY's own good, but does not have the resolve to do so fully after XY yells "don't you dare!". So he leaves the window slightly open. Throughout the drama, there are times when TSJ knows that he should give XY up for her own good but is not able to do so completely (e.g., in chapter 22, when he is still engaged to FFYY, he tells XY that he knows FFB is more suitable for her and apologizes for not being able to let her go). XY wants to lose her temper with TSJ when he mostly closes the window in chapter 33, but finds that she can't. 

 blabla100:

I am curious how you guys interpret the dream she had în chapter 32. My interpretation is that even though she is aware that her life next to Shiqi is something that she always longed for, since she always wanted a peaceful life with a forever companion, the truth is that deep down all she can see and what she actually wants is XL /  pure white, not Jing. She covers her eyes the same way XL had, when he saw himself reflected into her eyes, în  chapter 35.

"Xiao Yao nibbled on the biscuit and gradually fell asleep. She felt like she was back in Hui Chun Clinic and napping in the courtyard with Shi Qi quietly working beside her. She would natter to Shi Qi that the Autumn afternoon was the highlight of the day and have him go lay on the pallet with her to bask in the sun.

A string of children’s laughter roused Xiao Yao from her sleep and she flipped over. She subconsciously glanced towards Shi Qi and instead saw only pure white. Xiao Yao covered her eyes with her hands but she didn’t know what she was trying to cover."

I actually didn't interpret XY as dreaming in this scene. I thought she fell asleep and the vibe around her (both when she fell asleep and when she woke up) was similar to what it felt like when she was back at the clinic with YSQ working beside her. But I've been wrong about XY dreaming vs. not dreaming before. Maybe the original Mandarin text is clearer?

 blabla100:

She subconsciously glanced towards Shi Qi and instead saw only pure white. Xiao Yao covered her eyes with her hands but she didn’t know what she was trying to cover.

XY confirmed in this chapter (chapter 32) that she wanted to marry YSQ. Unlike his alter ego TSJ, and unlike XL, YSQ was someone who could put her first and wasn't caught up in the messy world of clan politics and inter-kingdom warfare. 

XL asks XY The Question in this chapter. Based on XY's response, we can infer that in XY's heart, she felt that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with some version of XL, but her mind refused to think about that. Hence the conflict that made her unable to answer The Question... effectively giving us an answer with her non-answer. 

In that context, XY wakes up and glances towards someone working beside her. She expects to see YSQ, but instead sees pure white - the colour that XY associates with XL's cold, unattainable side. The colour that reminds XY that he is someone that she cannot have. 

IMO, XY doesn't want to see that heartbreaking reminder, so she covers her eyes. But her mind refuses to think about her feelings for XL, so she doesn't consciously know why she's covering her eyes. 

-----

Chapter 27:

In her dream, she saw Jing with his son, but she couldn’t see his son’s face, only that he curled in his dad’s arms and called him sweetly “Daddy” while Jing smiled back.

Xiao Yao ran away as fast as she could and in a second she ran from Qing Qiu to Qing Shui Town. Xiao Yao jumped in the river and swam towards the vast blue ocean. She could see endless horizons and the joy of swimming freely, but she was so, so tired! Where could she go in this entire world? Fang Feng Bei appeared on the surface and he sat on an all white clam shell smiling at her with his black hair flying in the breeze. Xiao Yao swam towards him but in a second his hair turned all white and he became Xiang Liu coldly staring at her. White clam shell, all white Xiang Liu, it was like an ice mountain floating on the ocean surface.

The black-hair-him, the white-hair-him, closer and further away……Xiao Yao suddenly turned and swam towards land, as she swam her tears tumbled down like rain……

Xiao Yao startled awake from her dream and felt coldness next to her. She touched her face and discovered that she was drenched in tears.

-----

Chapter 35:

Xiao Yao lifted her head and saw Xiang Liu dressed all in black with a black cloak covering him, wrapping his entire form snugly in pure black. He seemed like an imposing but ordinary person, until the slight gap in his hood showed a few white hairs.

...

She stared at Xiang Liu and the man before her was that dissolute wastrel, but the moment she was about to become torn again, a strand of white hair fell that reminded her exactly who he was. Xiao Yao softly stroked his hair and said, “This place is not safe to stay. Pay your respects and hurry off!”

Because she just cried, Xiao Yao’s eyes were extraordinarily clear and bright. Xiang Liu could clearly see himself reflected in her eyes, so he covered her eyes with his hand. “I’m off!”

Xiao Yao felt a soft coolness brush over her forehead, a brief touch that immediately vanished. Xiao Yao clasped her forehead in shock and opened her eyes to see the room was already empty before her.

Mistaken illusion! It was a mistaken illusion!

-----

Chapter 32 (the shorter version of this scene from Koala's translation of the 2013 edition of the novel):

Xiang Liu’s eyes were piercing bright and his voice tender and soft as he asked, “Do you want to marry Ye Shi Qi?”

Xiao Yao murmured, “I do.”

Another question was right at the tip of Xiang Liu’s lips but he was actually torn until a moment later he asked, “Who do you most want to spend your entire life with?”

Xiao Yao opened her mouth to answer but her expression showed her internal struggle as her mind refused to let her say what her heart felt.

After multiple struggles she became more and more pained and her body began to shake as she clutched her head. “Hurt…..hurt…..” Xiang Liu had used his power to try and see into Xiao Yao’s heart but Xiao Yao’s mind was too strong willed. If she encountered something that even she refused to think about, then she would unexpectedly oppose answering it and the headache was the result of her refusal to answer the question.

Xiang Liu was afraid that she would injure her soul essence so he didn’t dare push her and quickly pulled back his probe and said, “If your head hurts, rest.”

 H19279:

When she woke up, turning to the side she saw XL in brightly white. His figure was so white and bright that sored her eyes (TH even placed XL sitting in front of very dark red maple tree to make him look whiter). She was still hurt of losing FFB, losing her hope of having him in the mortal world with her.

I agree that she was still feeling the loss of FFB (the version of XL that could have been with her) and that XL's bright white hair and white robes were a reminder of that loss.

And in that context, doesn't it just add a layer of tragic irony that white is the colour that one would wear to a funeral in Dahuang / ancient China?

 liddi:

S1Ep19 - Xiang Liu suppresses lovers bug

Thanks for translating liddi!

 H19279:

Those people who claim him the master healer took the message from the drama: HEALING. The song which is believed as Jing's theme song is Heal(ing). And it is taken from the context that XY told CX that Jing healed her pain in chapter 47. However, don't trust much on XY's word. She said a lot of bullshit one. Jing had never healed her trauma completely. He  is the place where she thought she could escape from her psychology shortcomings.

P/s: and the message that the drama tries to sell is also happy ending with XY-Jing. So it is what is it. I just don't care if both of them healed each other

Thanks for providing that context. I never would have guessed that to be what they were getting at with "master healer". 

 H19279:

Keep in mind what happened in the pool just before she was unconscious

As much as I enjoy the healing pool scene, particularly the lustier version in the novel, I don't think it provides a good set up to position XY as being the equivalent of a woman who needed alcohol to escape the suffering she was experiencing due to missing her beloved husband so deeply, with XL being the equivalent of that husband she is missing.

 H19279:

in the drama they showed XY called XY name. Of course you also can interpret that she called XY to stop killing CX in her dream.

Yes, I take the second view. 

When WXL says, "Xiang Liu... Xiang Liu... Xiang Liu... Please don't... Don't..." while reaching out in her sleep with her brow furrowed with concern and sweat beading on her forehead in episode 10, I interpret that to be intended to show WXL wanting to stop XL from killing CX, rather than WXL deeply missing XL.

 H19279:

However, XY had never develop romatic feeling (lover to CX) so what is more plausible

It's true that XY's love for CX wasn't exactly romantic love. Although again, there are a few points where the line between what constitutes platonic love and what constitutes romantic love isn't super clear. 

However, WXL definitely loved CX deeply and missed him deeply at the point when she quoted the poem to TSJ in chapter 6. 

When WXL sang a sorrowful song (about missing someone forever and never being able to forget) to lure out the Jiu Jiu / Fei Fei in chapter 2 (so after being separated from CX for hundreds of years but before quoting the poem in chapter 6), I believe she thought of CX at that time and that was how she gave the song the sorrow it needed. It seems pretty clear that she wasn't thinking of YSQ yet in that way, and she hadn't met XL yet at that point. 

When they were children, XY promised to marry CX and to be with him forever. But they were forced to separate and missed each other deeply for 300 years. Her memories of CX sustained XY through decades of torture when she was captured by the nine-tailed fox (which she mentions in chapter 47), more torture when she was captured by Xuan in chapter 5 (before she knew that Xuan was CX), and the excruciating pain she experienced when she shielded CX from being killed by XL in chapter 6. 

The moment she recognized CX on the battlefield in chapter 6, XY was willing to sacrifice her life to save his life. That remained true through almost the whole novel, as XY reflected in chapter 47.

In the poem that XY quotes, the woman's husband is a king who has been away on the battlefield for a long time. We can assume that her feelings for her husband are probably feelings of romantic love. But we don't know that for sure. We do know that she misses her husband deeply, and when she is prevented from re-uniting with him, she needs to use alcohol to distract herself from the suffering of missing him. 

IMO, that matches up very closely to XY's feelings for CX in chapter 6. They were apart for 300 years, and XY deeply missed CX throughout that time. When they met again as WXL and Xuan the wine merchant, they did not recognize each other and continued to miss one another deeply. Shortly before XY quotes the poem in chapter 6, XY draws on her memories of CX twice. First in chapter 5, when she uses her memories of CX to withstand torture. And again in chapter 6, after she recognizes who Xuan really is and experiences excruciating pain after saving CX's life. But when WXL wakes up after her injuries are mostly healed, she doesn't run to CX to reveal her true identity. She is prevented from doing so because of what revealing her identity would entail. So she continues to suffer and miss him, and needs a distraction from that suffering. 

In the very next scene, XY has to contain her emotions when CX visits the clinic. At the end of that visit, CX actually invites XY to drink with him, of all things. IMO, part of XY knows she shouldn't, but another part of her can't help but want to anyway. In the end, that other part wins.  

So when XY says, "I'll drink from the gold cup, so that I won't miss him any longer! I'll drink from the jade wine pouring vessel, so that I won't suffer any longer! From death to life, let me indulge for a moment and forget about those sad things." in chapter 6 to indicate that she wants to forget, for a moment, about missing someone, I think it is more plausible that the "someone" is CX than that the "someone" is XL. 

-----

Chapter 2:

Jiu Jius loved listening to a young woman sing. A Jiu Jiu would be attracted to the young woman’s sorrowful song and its body would inch closer to help the girl forget her sorrows. Xiao Liu found a suitable spot to set the trap.

He jumped into the water to wash off the poop first, then crawled on a rock and sat down. The rock was warmed by the sun and Xiao Liu sat there fixing his hair and singing. The song was carried by the wind. Xiao Liu sang a song about missing someone forever and never being able to forget.

Xiao Liu’s voice was melodic and the song was sorrowful. So the Jiu Jiu was lured out. Initially it was scared, so it hid in the dark. When it sensed no danger, it could not overcome its natural instinct to help people forget sorrow, so it stepped out and started chirping.

-----

Chapter 26:

Seeing Zhuan Xu getting married, Xiao Yao plastered a smile on her face but had no happiness in her heart. They stumbled, they fell, they drifted, they fought, along the way her and Zhuan Xu both grew up and now he was getting married. But this wedding wasn’t what Xiao Yao had envisioned.

In her memories: her Eldest Uncle’s wedding to the Sheng Nong Kingdom’s Princess was a lavish ceremony. She and Zhuan Xu got in a fight, he said a married daughter was like water splashed outside. She remembered later her Fourth Auntie committing suicide, Zhuan Xu’s nightly nightmares, her comfort that she would forever be with him. Zhuan Xu said she would marry one day and leave her, she innocently said that she wouldn’t marry another, she would marry him……

-----

Chapter 47:

Zhuan Xu wanted to deny it but his pride wouldn’t allow him to, so he said after a pause, “It was me!”

“It was you!” Xiao Yao thought she had experienced every type of pain in the world, but who knew the most painful thing in the world was the person you love taking a knife and carving out your heart. Every part of Xiao Yao hurt, her insides, her bones, her skin, her head, none of the pain she experienced in the past could hold a candle to this. She was in such pain she wanted to die. Xiao Yao closed her eyes, unable to look at Zhuan Xu. “Get out!”

...

In Xiao Yao’s heart, Zhuan Xu was the closest person to her, so much so that she didn’t differentiate between him and her. If he wanted something then she would give her life to help him achieve it. From Five Gods Mountain to Xuan Yuan Mountain, from Xuan Yuan Mountain to Sheng Nong Mountain, whatever she had Zhuan Xu could have it, including her life.

...

Zhuan Xu softly asked, “Xiao Yao, if Jing killed me, would you punish Jing this way for me?”

“Jing would never hurt you! He knows how important you are to me. He would rather endure pain himself than to put me in such pain…..” Xiao Yao’s voice got softer and softer.

Zhuan Xu held Xiao Yao tightly and kissed her forehead. “Xiao Yao, I’m sorry! I was wrong! I was wrong!” From childhood until now he did everything and never regretted anything until now.

Zhuan Xu’s tears fell and Xiao Yao saw it and smiled. “Gege, Zhuan Xu…….I……..I forgive you! It’s too hard to hate you…….worse than cutting my own heart to pieces……I forgive you…….”

Zhuan Xu cried, “Xiao Yao, tell me! If we could do it all over again and I held you close after we reunited on Five Gods Mountain, with no chance for Jing to get close to you, would you have picked me?”

Xiao Yao was about to pass out but Zhuan Xu’s words took her back to the very beginning and it was as clear as yesterday, “When I was locked up in the cage by the nine-tailed fox, all I could think of was you…..all I missed was you….when you didn’t recognize me, I still used my life to save you…….back then…….there was no Jing yet………..” Xiao Yao’s voice trailed off.

Zhuan Xu cried out, “Xiao Yao! Xiao Yao!………..” but he could feel only silence as her breathing ceased. 

On Cao Yun Peak, they played during the day and slept in each other’s arms at night. They buried and said farewell to their loved ones, they endured the pain together……….Xiao Yao said her heart had turned cold into stone, but he remained the most precious treasure that Xiao Yao kept deep in her heart, in the softest most secure place. When Jing said he would give first and trust first to try and win Xiao Yao’s heart, Xiao Yao had already done the same for Zhuan Xu. She didn’t like politics or care about the greater good, but she accompanied him back to Xuan Yuan Mountain and always protected him…..

-----

Chapter 5:

Two masked men came in explaining they were under orders to keep him alive, but the rest was fine. The decided on his hands so he couldn’t poison others. They took out a torture device which was a rectangular stone box like a little coffin but with an opening on top.

...

“Inside the box are flesh eating bugs. The oil is smeared on dead corpses for burial. This will signal to them your hands are dead flesh to be eaten. They will slowly burrow into your fingers and you will feel your flesh being eaten. The fingers are tied to the heart and it’s so painful that people will try to gnaw off their own hands to end the pain. So that is why we have to seal your mouth shut. Five days later when the box is opened, you will see two sets of finger bones as clean as white porcelain. We’re turning off all the light so that in the dark you can feel the pain more. Last time we did this, the person went insane. We hope you won’t go crazy.”

Before the light disappeared completely, Xiao Liu opened his eyes wide. He knew the men were right, the only way not to go crazy was to stay awake. Xiao Liu felt the pain in the fingertips, like a bug burrowing into his body and gnawing on his heart.

Xiao Liu started talking to himself, whatever he remembered he would say out loud. In the painful darkness, the images appeared strangely clear.

The fire red phoenix flower was blooming overhead and the swing was hung on the phoenix tree. She liked to swing on the swing but her older brother cousin liked to practice his power training. She loved to tease him. “Gege, gege, look how high I’m swinging…..” He never acknowledged her but if she accidentally fell down then he would always catch her in time.

In the verdant green forest she liked to play hide-and-seek. Seeing Gege coming to find her, she would jump on his back when he wasn’t looking and laugh. She would refuse to get off so that he would piggyback her home. When Mom saw them she would sigh and shake her head. But Grandmother would point out that Mom was the same when she was a kid.

She would play tug of war with Gege and the loser would have their nose scraped. When she won she would scrape really really hard, but when she lost, she would softly plead, “Gege, Gege, not too hard!” Gege would raise his hand and come down hard, but the moment his hand touched it was whisper soft.

The red-robed Uncle gave her a cut off white fox tail to play with. She loved it and so did Gege, but she would only allow him to play with it for a short while. But each time there needed to be a trade, Gege needed to steal some snacks for her. One time she ate too many and had an upset stomach and Mom angrily scolded her. But she felt wronged and told Gege, “You learn how to make that snack, so that I can eat as much as I want and Mom and Grandmother won’t have a say!” Gege agreed and actually learned to make the snack but refused to make any for her. All he said was, “When you grow up and won’t have a stomachache when you eat it, then I’ll make it for you.”

Grandmother’s health deteriorated and Mom was always by her side and couldn’t take care of her and Gege. People said that Uncle and Auntie died, and that Grandmother would die soon. She was so scared and at night she secretly climbed into bed with Gege and softly asked, “What is death?” Gege answered, “Death is never being able to see someone again.”

“And can’t talk to that person again?” “Nope.” “Like you can’t see your mom and dad again?” “Yes.” “Is Grandmother going to die?” Gege embraced her tightly and his tears fell on her face. She hugged him back tightly. “I will never die, and I will always talk to you.”

Everyone said that Gege was very strong inside, even Grandfather thought Gege never cried. But she knew Gege cried, but she never told Mom. She often snuck into Gege’s bed at night to keep him company. Even if the next day she got scolded that she was too old now and needed to learn to sleep alone. She can’t go bother Gege and disturb his rest. She said nothing and accepted the scolding, but every night she would sneak out to go find Gege.

During the day Gege would study hard but only she knew that at night Gege would wake up and curl into a ball and shiver. She knew that he was seeing the image of his own mother committing suicide. She would hold Gege like cradling a doll, lightly patting him and humming the same song that Mom and Auntie would sing. Tears would fall from Gege’s eyes and one time she tasted it and learned it was salty and bitter.

One time Gege had a nightmare and tried to hold back his tears. She grabbed him and yelled, “Gege, cry! You need to cry!” Gege asked her “They all want me to not cry, why do you want me to cry? Don’t you know that I shouldn’t cry?” She tweaked her nose. “I don’t care what they say. All I know is that your heart hurts and tears can help the pain flow out of your body. Once the pain flows out, the heart can slowly heal.”

The night before she left for Jade Mountain, Gege asked to sleep with her. She was sleeping all drowsy when she felt Gege embrace her and tears fell on her face. She thought he had a nightmare and was about to pat him. “Don’t worry, I’m here with you.” Gege instead kept repeating, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m too useless. I will hurry up and grow up. I will protect you and Auntie. I will go bring you back….”

In the darkness the time passed and Xiao Liu only spoke to himself, but sometimes there was so much pain he forgot what he was saying. But every time he used his incredible willpower to keep on talking to himself.

-----

Chapter 6:

Suddenly his eyes spotted something long and white. It looked like the tail of an animal. Before Xiao Liu could process it, his body froze. He jumped over and picked up the white thing hanging on a tree – it was a fluffy white fox tail. Xiao Liu’s entire body was immobilized. Then his lips curled into a smile, and within that smile there were tears in his eyes that were about to fall sorrowfully.

Suddenly his face changed and he charged after Xiang Liu and Xuan like a crazed person.

...

Xiang Liu’s eyes glowed demon red and Xuan’s body was pressed down like a mountain was on top of him. He couldn’t move or dodge but he refused to close his eyes. If he was going to die, then he wanted to see clearly how he died.

A figure flew forward like a shooting star into Xuan’s embrace and blocked Xiang Liu’s thunderous blow.

“Ah———” Xiao Liu painfully screamed.

Xuan felt the exact same pain, it pierced him straight through the heart. But he only felt the pain and wasn’t actually injured. Xuan stared in shock at Xiao Liu, not understanding why Xiao Liu saved his life at his own expense.

Xiao Liu pushed him hard. “Run!”

Xiang Liu wouldn’t let Xuan escape and tried to attack again. Xiao Liu turned and risked his life again, tightly grabbing onto Xiang Liu’s clawed hand to prevent him from attacking Xuan again.

...

Xiao Liu knew Xiang Liu would kill him but felt no fear.

The red blood around her made her see the fire red phoenix flowers. Under the phoenix tree, there was a Mom who made a swing for her. She stood on the swing and welcomed the falling phoenix leaves. She rose high and her laughter blanketed the earth. Gege stood under the phoenix tree, looking up at her with a smile. When she came down, he pushed her up again. Her swing rose up, came down, rose up, came down…..

Xiang Liu’s razor sharp claw came down towards Xiao Liu’s neck but Xiao Liu’s eyes were wide open and he smiled sweetly towards him, his smile like a flower blooming in the Spring. Xiao Liu’s thin neck was in Xiang Liu’s hand, he only needed to squeeze and all trouble would be gone. Xiao Liu smiled and sighed softly, as if he was content. His head lowered and his eyes closed.

...

Xiao Liu walked up to Jing, smiled and sighed. "I'll drink from the gold cup, so that I won't miss [him] any longer! I'll drink from the jade wine pouring vessel, so that I won't suffer any longer!" From death to life, let me indulge for a moment and forget about those sad things.

Jing suddenly embraced Xiao Liu, gently but tightly pulling him into his arms. Xiao Liu closed his eyes, allowing his head to lightly rest on Jing’s shoulder. In this moment, they were just Shi Qi and Xiao Liu.

...

Xuan walked into the clinic and sat down across from Xiao Liu, “Giving final instructions?”

Xiao Liu went to get water and used that to control the emotions in his eyes.

...

“Fine.” Xuan got up and left, and when he arrived at the door, he suddenly turned around. “When you have time, you can come drink with me at the shop.” Xiao Liu smiled. “Sure.”

...

Xiao Liu stared confused and then after some time he started to smile. Can I really go drink with you? There was a voice that told him not to, but another said that he was leaving town soon, so if not now then he’ll never get the chance again.

...

Xiao Liu remembered another invitation to drink and stared at the snow in a daze. Tian Er brought a lantern over and Chaun Zi was about to blow it out when Xiao Liu took it and left the house.

Lao Mu called out, “You don’t want to drink?” but Xiao Liu just waved his hand. Under the falling snow, Xiao Liu walked down the street until he was outside the wine shop. He suddenly wavered and stood outside holding the lantern. Xiao Liu turned to leave when he heard, “Since you came, when not come inside?” Xuan stood in the doorway and stared at Xiao Liu.

...

The two didn’t speak and just drank. One was still wary and didn’t feel like bullshitting, the other was restraining heartache and had no words to say.

...

Xiao Liu asked, “You and Ah Nian…..is it really just sibling feelings between you guys?”

...

“This is my little sister-cousin’s precious treasure. When we were parting, she gave it to me but said it was just temporarily for me to play with. But that temporarily has become three hundred years.”

Xuan lightly stroked the white fox tail. “My little sister is the daughter of my Aunt and my Master. I promised my Aunt I would take care of my little sister, but I broke my promise. When my little sister was small, she went missing. They all say she’s dead but I still have a shred of hope. I hope that she is alive and will come back to ask for this fox tail back. Ah Nian is also the daughter of my Master. I am good to her because it’s like being good to my missing sister.”

Xiao Liu appeared totally under the influence and needed to hold onto Xuan. He raised a bowl and used it to wipe away a tear. Xuan curled the fox tail back into a ball and put it into the satchel, and then tucked the satchel snugly next to his body. He poured more wine and drank with Xiao Liu.

After two jugs were finished, the two fell asleep drunk. In the middle of the night, Xiao Liu woke up to find Xuan had left. Xiao Liu couldn’t fall back asleep so laid awake until sunrise.

For the rest of the Winter, Xuan and Xiao Liu would often drink together. 

----

Chapter 9:

The Grand Emperor said nothing and Zhuan Xu bolted up and rushed to the door. “I’m going to ask her. I’m going to ask her who she really is, and why she won’t reunite with me.”

...

“In this world, it’s not only ill intent that causes harm, a lot of harm is caused by love. You want to know who she is, I want to know too. But don’t force her. Give her time to tell us who she is.”

...

Zhuan Xu’s hand touched Xiao Liu’s leg and he tenderly asked, “Does it hurt?”

Xiao Liu turned her head and closed her eyes. “No.”

Zhuan Xu had hundreds, thousands of words he wanted to say, tightly wound in his chest so he felt like exploding but he didn’t dare to open his mouth. In the three hundred years since, he was no longer the boy pushing her on the swing under the phoenix tree. Both his parents were dead, he was exiled and had to scrape by under others, he had worn his mask for too long and no longer knew how to feel genuine joy and genuine pain. He learned to manipulate others but forgot to to act with sincerity. He learned to use all sorts of strategy to achieve his goals but forgot how to converse candidly.

Zhuan Xu stood up and said to Shi Qi, “Take good care of her.”

...

Shi Qi saw Xiao Liu had her eyes tightly shut, and only after the sound of Zhuan Xu’s departing footsteps faded did the tears tumble down from the corner of her eyes. Shi Qi pulled Xiao Liu into his arms and Xiao Liu buried her face in his chest as her tears fell like the rain.

It’s been over three hundred years, and she was no longer the little girl on the swing under the phoenix tree.

She once roamed in the deep mountains, drinking blood like an animal; she was once locked in a cage, raised like a pet; she was once chased and she killed many; her life was a lie, it was blood, it was death, everyone lied to her so she didn’t know who to trust, she didn’t know who to be in front of everyone.

...

 Xiao Liu said, “They say you….you don’t want me anymore. Why didn’t you come to Jade Mountain to pick me up?”

...

Xiao Liu asked, “Are you really my father?”

The Grand Emperor raised her face and looked directly into her eyes and said with absolute certainty. “I am your father! Even if you don’t call me dad, I am always your father!”

Xiao Liu suddenly felt like a dam burst and she was laughing and crying. 

...

Even after three hundred years apart, perhaps it’s because their blood was connected, and because each tucked the other person away deep inside the heart, the two of them had no awkwardness and could joke with each other without reservation.

-----

Chapter 10:

“Do you wish to stay here by their side?”

“I’m willing to spend time with them. But I’m lazy now and don’t want to be the Gao Xing Eldest Princess. But knowing my dad, my grandfather, Zhuan Xu’s personality……even Ah Nian that clueless one knows that it’s pointless to go up against them.” Xiao Liu sighed. “If I didn’t reappear it would be fine, but I’m here now so they will never allow me to return to being Wen Xiao Liu. I ran away before not because I was angry at them, it was also because I knew that once I returned to my real identity, it would be harder to leave here than to ascend to the Heavens.”

Shi Qi looked at Xiao Liu. “A person cannot choose their birth, even if we are unwilling, we must accept it.”

...

“That Nine-tailed fox said I wasn’t my dad’s daughter. He said that mom was a slut and cheated on my dad with General Qi Yo of the Sheng Nong Kingdom. He said I was really the demon spawn of the most vicious monster who ever lived: Qi Yo.” The Nine-tailed fox constantly insulted Xiao Yao’s mom, and initially she was angry and didn’t believe him, but after thirty years of hearing him say it over and over again, she started to get confused.

Zhuan Xu shot up and stared in shock at Xiao Yao. So this was the real reason she was too scared to come home.

Xiao Yao’s eyes were filled with confusion and terror. “The Nine-tailed fox said that Qi Yo and my Mom were a pair of adulterous lovers and I was their love child. He said my mom was devious and lied to my dad and to the entire world by passing me off. If my dad knew the truth, he would destroy the demon spawn that was me……”

...

She even dared to suggest “Dad, can I not be the Gao Xing Eldest Princess? I’m not saying I don’t want to be your daughter, I just don’t want to be a princess.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re my daughter, I am the Grand Emperor of Gao Xing.”

Xiao Liu immediately adopted the saddest puppy dog expression and grabbed her dad’s arm and shook it while pleading, “But it’s so hard being the Princess. I have to eat properly, behave properly, and even my marriage is sacrificed to politics and gain. I don’t want to be the Princess!”

The Grand Emperor said, “A person needs to have proper manners, it’s not a bad thing. As for marriage, who do you think I’ll sacrifice you to?”

Xiao Liu blurted out, “I don’t know who you will sacrifice me to, I just….I just…..”

...

The Grand Emperor’s hand caressed Xiao Liu’s head and he said sadly. “I’m not like any other dad, I have too much I need to deal with. I worry about a kingdom and its citizens. I cannot just let you do what you want. I need to protect my daughter and the only protection I can give my daughter is my authority. Only if you are the Gao Xing Princess can you enjoy the protection of the entire kingdom. Before anyone dares to harm you, they need to consider whether they can withstand the wrath of an Emperor. Xiao Yao, this is the only thing I can give you as a father who did not do his duty for you. Please don’t reject it.”

Xiao Liu felt her tears about to fall and she took a deep breath. “Dad, I’m willing to be the Princess.”

“You should join in the discussions. People get passionate and pull out their quotes, but we're a friendly and courteous bunch. Differing opinions keep things lively, otherwise, it just ends up being an echo chamber.“


@HeadInTheClouds thanks for the encouragement. I really appreciate how academic and professional this thread is.