My heart stil aches whenever I read this partH19279:
Me too. Every time. This and Xiang Liu's letter to Xiao Yao in the Zhen Chun video, which I can never read without tearing up.
Thank you, liddi. This part I like and the flashbacks are well picked!blabla100:
Yes. This is one of the scenes where the drama delivered for me, despite its changes from the source material.
Although I like this scene - he cherished the pearl made from her tear, I dislike the next scene the pearl converted to string of tear drop on his face. It is like he collected her tear (in other event) to cry for his death
I personally thought it was a poetic touch, because it was also a precursor to the next scene, when she mourns his death.
And he definitely deserves her tears and more, for all he did for her, without asking anything in return.
That VO is a killer. I am glad they did the flash back to when they originally met.MengXiang:
Is XY reaction to his death just waking up to a nightmare? How underwhelming. No chucking fit or mirror or internal monologue of how little she means to him? They are really afraid of her looking like she has deep attachment to him.
No. We will see her mourn his death in the next scene, which I will share once it's translated. There are changes to that scene too though... you will see when it's posted.
I really love how the drama plays out the epilogue along the flashbacks. I like the Jing part, even the drama is admiting that it was XL who deliberatly pushed XY into jing's arms. They did pick a good scene to state a point.
I really hate that the flashback to having a companion is when he scared her...
I am not happy that the drama took away Xiang Liu's role in saving Jing and bringing him back for her, as well as giving her the chart of the ocean. However, in the grand scheme of everything that was taken away, the flashbacks and revised monologue does try to make up for it. The weakest is still the part about pushing her to Jing, because it would have been totally useless if Jing died in the ocean. I am hoping that there will be hints in the final version of the drama that Xiang Liu secretly kept Jing from being attacked by sea monsters when he was unconscious in the water, then from the maelstrom in the cave, and later, as he clawed his way back up to the surface. At least, that would make more sense rather than just pushing her away into Jing's arms (literally, metaphorically). But I am not holding my breath that this will ever transpire in the drama (though I will certainly try if a certain Nine-headed demon offers to pass air to me in the meantime).
I don't think we'll have to worry about XL's final scene. Tan Jian Ci said not only was he moved, but everyone in the dubbing studio watching was crying. And just today, he said his Dad was there, and had to stop re-watching and left the room, he was so moved and bothered by seeing XL / Tan die like that, and didn't want to cry more.Kokuto:
Thank you for sharing the video where he talks about his father's reaction to the scene. I know he himself is very satisfied with how the scene went, and now that we hear all the reactions of those who did watch it, so yes, I believe boxes of tissues will need to be on standby when the time comes.
Thank you for all the translations, liddi! ❤️nathsketch:
You're most welcome! Have you caught up with S1, so that you can join us when S2 airs?
As always, thank you liddi for translating. I don't know if I'll be able to watch the death scene when reading it alone already had me tearing up :-(HeadInTheClouds:
It was a very difficult scene to read for me too, which in turn made me tear up (in public!) when I was re-reading the equivalent scene in the novel. My daughter resolutely refused to read my translation for this scene, so she might find it hard to watch it when the time comes as well.
Can't CX do it with xinyue,but he only has xy in his heart.The brain can deceive but your heart can't.windiaaa041293:
CX clearly struggled with that. I found that scene rather horrifying tbh.
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Chapter 31:
Last time Xing Yue saw Xiao Yao was when she just returned to Xiao Yue Summit and after that visit she invited Xiao Yao to visit Zhi Jin Palace to see her. Xing Yue was now the Empress and she loved the adulation and respect her position earned her. She liked everyone bowing before her, even Yi Yang who used to give her attitude now had to lower herself before her. But Xiao Yao remained the exception.
Xiao Yao was very respectful to her but never bowed her head to her. From birth until now, Xing Yue never encountered a girl like Xiao Yao. She never looked down on people below her nor did she pander to those with more power than her. She wanted for nothing and wished for nothing.
Xing Yue liked Xiao Yao because she was so different than the other girls, she had this carefree aura about her. But Xing Yue hated Xiao Yao also because she was so different than the other girls, all the things the girls valued became insignificant when it reached Xiao Yao.
Xing Yue was hiding a secret fear deep inside her. When she married Zhuan Xu, he had a smile the entire time but her womanly intuition told her that Zhuan Xu was in the worst mood possible. She actually felt that Zhuan Xu wearing all black was a declaration to the entire world that he was not happy. On their wedding night Zhuan Xu didn’t sleep with her and she endured her anxiety and tried to be nonchalant about it. She turned over to get closer to him but he turned over and was further from her. Xing Yue didn’t know why but the entire night she was in a state of abject worry. She told herself over and over that Zhuan Xu was simply too tired. The next morning she got up and put on a happy face to head out and receive the people’s well-wishes.
The second night Zhuan Xu still didn’t want her. Xing Yue worried the entire night and by morning even her makeup couldn’t mask her dark circles under her eyes. Thank goodness Zhuan Xu was as sweet to her as always during the day and it even led to the people jumping to the wrong conclusion and joking about how Zhuan Xu was going to wear his Empress out if he didn’t control himself.
By the third night, Xing Yue pushed aside her fear and nervousness and took off her robe and embraced Zhuan Xu from behind. She wasn’t as pretty as Jin Xuan or as seductive as Xiao Xiao, she wasn’t as gentle as Shu Hui or as alluring as the Wan Lei Consort….but she was always very certain that she could give Zhuan Xu something none of them could. Yet right now she was frightened.
Zhuan Xu didn’t turn around and was so cold like a rock. Xing Yue’s tears fell and she pressed forward to kiss him.
Zhuan Xu finally turned around and pressed her down underneath him. In the darkness she couldn’t see his face but her body could feel him. In that moment he was like another person, his actions were filled with pent up longing and overflowing tenderness. Xing Yue felt that she was drowning in his passion and in the moment when he entered her, Xing Yue’s tears fell in happiness. Then she heard something, soft and barely perceptible, she heard Zhuan Xu seemingly call out “Xiao Yao”. Xing Yue was like a cat straining to hear but she heard nothing else and soon she was swept up in the moment and forgot everything. By the time she woke the next morning, she couldn’t be certain what she heard last night was real or just a figment of her imagination.
Those three nights became Xing Yue’s deepest secret.
Gradually Xing Yue forgot those three nights because she wanted to forget. Zhuan Xu treated her nice but not passionate though never cold. He treated her better than his other consorts and that was enough to make Xing Yue content.
But just when she was about to forget it completely, Xiao Yao came back. Xing Yue didn’t even know how Xiao Yao came back, but by the time she found out, Xiao Yao was already ensconced in Xiao Yue Summit.
The name Zhuan Xu called that night, whether it was real or not, it caused Xing Yue to develop a hidden fear that she couldn’t tell anyone about. She could only secretly observe and in the last two years since Xiao Yao’s return, Zhuan Xu went to Xiao Yue Summit every day rain or shine. Of course, before Xiao Yao came back he also went every day to greet the Yellow Emperor so no one saw any change in his behavior. But Xing Yue felt it was different but it wasn’t something that could be explained why it was different. When Zhuan Xu went he always had a slight smile on his face and when he returned this was a sliver of tenderness in his eyes. It was the way he occasionally glanced towards Xiao Yue Summit with a fleeting look of longing.
The more Xing Yue observed the more terrified she became. But her terror was something she couldn’t even find evidence for. With Zhuan Xu’s personality, if it was true then why didn’t he just take Xiao Yao for himself? He was already the ruler of a kingdom, there was no need for him to hold himself back! So Xing Yue could only reassure herself that she was over-thinking it all because of a mistaken murmur she heard that night.
But Xing Yue still couldn’t feel relaxed so she went to see Feng Long and asked when her brother was going to marry Xiao Yao. Thank goodness her brother’s answer made her happy because he said he was just thinking the same thing.
@AH
The Voodoo King was initially shocked and later perplexed. It didn't seem like he was ever panicked.
The original text says that the voodo king's expression changed to horror.
Is the koala translation different again?
巫王悚然变色:“难道你的蛊不是种给这位公子?”
“不是。”
That's interesting. Thank you for the translation clarification!
@AH
I am curious though how do you interpret the convo XY had with Jing about TianEr and Chuanzi.
"Xiao Liu leaned on his crutches and watched them from a distance with Shi Qi beside him. Xiao Liu started nattering “This is actually an interesting gamble. Tian Er doesn’t believe Chuan Zi will want to be with her forever so right now she’s giving him all fake affection. But the more Tian Er is nice to him, the more Chuan Zi is nicer to her. The fake affection will gradually be mixed with real feeling, and as a lifetime passes even the false becomes true."
I see those comments from WXL as part of a larger whole that is Tian Er's lesson to XY.
Tian Er and Chuan Zi's relationship didn't begin with love on either side. Tian Er was paid to seduce Chuan Zi, and Chuan Zi (a virgin up until that point) was seduced.
Like WXL/XY, Tian Er's heart was hard and cold, and she didn't trust that she could rely on Chuan Zi's vow that he would be with her for life. In Tian Er's case, she didn't have a fear of abandonment that was based in trauma, but she spent 12 years as a prostitute (from the age of 13!) and she didn't have anywhere else to go or any skills outside of prostitution, so she was afraid of starving to death on her own.
But unlike WXL/XY, Tian Er observed that while a cold heart keeps out pain, it also keeps out joy. And she decided that she wanted her heart to soften so she could cry and laugh, and she hoped that Chuan Zi could help make that happen. So she was willing to gamble and take the first step. To "make the effort first". Despite her fears and her cold, hard heart, she agreed to marry Chuan Zi and to try and soften her heart to experience joy with him.
At first she held on to her fear that she couldn't rely on Chuan Zi. She was aware that she had nowhere to go and no skills, so she didn't nag or argue with Chuan Zi, and took it upon herself to resolve all problems between them. She hid her hopelessness with a smile and treated Chuan Zi as a customer. But she realized that she couldn't do that forever, because it wasn't real. At that point, WXL saved her by teaching her medicine, a life skill that gave her security (by ensuring that she would never starve) as well as a sense of pride and a means of contributing to the family. Tian Er learned medicine earnestly and, over time, became more confident in herself and her position. She was able to yell at and argue with Chuan Zi. Through her effort, she was able to become happy, and what was originally a relationship that was fake and lacking in trust developed into one that was real and secure.
When WXL left Tian Er, she thought that marrying Chuan Zi left Tian Er struggling with the fear that one day Chuan Zi would discard her. She did not think that if she encountered Tian Er at the end of her life, that she would find that Tian Er was very content with the life she had as a result of her choice.
But when XY did meet Tian Er at the end of her life, she found that she was very content. Her gamble had paid off. She had softened her heart. She had cried and laughed. And it was worth it. That made XY reconsider her own choice to keep trying to harden her heart to avoid pain.
Tian Er also told her that she (XY) would be the person who decided whether she had good fortune in her life or not. That to get what she wanted (a stable home and happy ending with someone who couldn't let her go) she needed to believe it was possible to achieve in order to give her true heart. And she had to plant seeds in order to have a happy harvest. You reap what you sow. If you sow nothing, you reap nothing.
XY realized that standing back to watch and wait to see if TSJ lived up to his words without being a partner to him and constantly hiding her true feelings from him was a recipe for a doomed relationship. Just as Tian Er had to learn that never arguing with Chuan Zi and treating him like a customer wasn't a sustainable way to carry on a relationship (because it wasn't real), and just as Tian Er put in the effort to learn medicine and build a better life and relationship for herself, XY had to learn how to be open and honest with TSJ, and to work with him. Which she did when she finally cried in his arms for the first time, and when they worked together to expose TSH and FFYY. Which allowed them to build a much better relationship than the one they had before.
------
Chapter 4:
Xiao Liu was so embarrassed and it was his turn to blush red so he vented his frustration out on Chuan Zi. He rushed forward yelling, “Chuan Zi! Where did you get the nerve to learn to whore! Where did you get the money?”
Chuan Zi was so scared he pulled his pants up and was about to run like his habit but after taking two steps he turned back to shield the woman. The woman didn’t look the least bit shamed as she fixed her clothing. She pushed Chuan Zi aside and bowed to Xiao Liu. “I am Xan Tian Er, Brother Chuan’s sweetheart and I’m not taking any of his money.”
Xiao Liu laughed. “You’re a prostitute, if you’re sleeping with him for free, isn’t that bad for business?” Xan Tian Er smiled. “I’m happy to!” Xiao Liu asked, “Do you want to sleep with him for the rest of your life?”
Xan Tian Er paused and seemed to realize what Xiao Liu was asking but couldn’t believe it. Chuan Zi quickly spoke up, “I’m willing! I’m willing to sleep with her for the rest of my life!” Xiao Liu kicked him hard. “Scram to the side, I’m talking to her!”
Chuan Zi looked at Xan Tian Er with puppy dog eyes and kept nodding his head. Xan Tian Er finally believed what Xiao Liu was asking her and there were tears in her eyes. She knelt down. “I am willing.” Xiao Liu added, “You sure? Following Chuan Zi means working hard and it’ll be a tough life.”
“I am willing.”
“Done. You go back and wait. Think about how you want to have the ceremony.”
Xan Tian Er couldn’t believe it and kept looking at Chuan Zi. It was this easy? Chuan Zi pulled her up. “Brother Liu may be really mean but he always does what he says.”
Xiao Liu wrenched Chuan Zi’s ear and dragged him off. “You really have grown up!” Chuan Zi was happy to have his dream come true so was alternatively yelping in pain and laughing happily towards Shi Qi who followed behind with only smiling eyes for Xiao Liu.
...
Xiao Liu’s face cooled as he looked at Xan Tian Er. “Do you believe that I can leave you wishing you were dead?” Tian Er sat down. “I believe you.”
“Who are you working for?”
Xan Tian Er touched her face. “Using my looks, Brother Liu is not giving my competition enough credit and definitely not the men!”
“Why did you seduce Chuan Zi? I don’t believe you would spare him a second glance.”
“I’ve been seeing customers since I was thirteen and in the twelve years since I’ve seen enough guys. Chuan Zi may not have much but he’s the only one willing to marry me.” Tian Er smiled. “Three months ago, a man came to me and gave me money to seduce Chuan Zi. I don’t have much position at the brothel so if I don’t save up then I’ll starve to death when I get old. I agreed and Chuan Zi never had a woman before so I just let him sample what a woman can give and he immediately vowed to marry me. Since I was thirteen such words always leave me numb and I never believed it. But I can’t believe you guys really did come and buy my freedom. The madam hated that I found a guy behind her back so she purposely raised the price high. But last night the man came again and gave me another sack of money and said the deal between us was done. If I wanted to marry Chuan Zi, then use that money to buy my own freedom.”
“Do you recognize that man?”
Tian Er shook her head. “Brother Liu knows, the gods and demons can all change their looks. I’m just a human.” Tian Er knelt down. “Twelves years as a prostitute and my heart is cold and hard. Even now I don’t believe Chuan Zi won’t discard me one day and plans to live an entire lifetime with me. But I can try it, if Chuan Zi really wants to be with me….” Tian Er raised her hand. “I solemnly swear to the Heavens that I will be true to him.”
Xiao Liu looked at Tian Er and said nothing.
Tian Er lowered her head and her voice was soft, “A cold and hard heart can keep out the pain, but also keeps out the joy. I really want a man to turn me back twelve years ago. Let my heart soften so that I can cry and laugh. If Chuan Zi is that man, then I will treasure him more than my own life.”
...
After dinner Chuan Zi and Tian Er went for a walk along the river. It was freezing cold but neither was scared and slowly walked and chatted. Xiao Liu leaned on his crutches and watched them from a distance with Shi Qi beside him. Xiao Liu started nattering, “This is actually an interesting gamble. Tian Er doesn’t believe Chuan Zi will want to be with her forever so right now she’s giving him all fake affection. But the more Tian Er is nice to him, the more Chuan Zi is nicer to her. The fake affection will gradually be mixed with real feeling, and as a lifetime passes even the false becomes true. But during this process it’s not without risk. Tian Er is gambling with her heart and if Chuan Zi dared to discard her then one of them is going to end up dead.”
Xiao Liu laughed. “My life is very long, I can wait to see the outcome.”
-----
Chapter 4:
There was an extra woman now in Hui Chun Clinic but not much had changed. Lao Mu tended the kitchen stoves and Tian Er tried to learn but appeared to lack that innate talent. Chuan Zi still washed his own clothes since Tian Er destroyed three outfits in a row washing it. Chuan Zi and Tian Er’s life together didn’t start off smoothly but Tian Er was trying and Chuan Zi was very caring and understanding so the two of them were very happy.
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Chapter 6:
Xan Tian Er followed next to Xiao Liu and the two were surprisingly in sync. He ordered, she did, and from grabbing medicine to wrapping wounds, she did a great job. She wasn’t afraid of blood or disgusting wounds, and she was so thorough the patients all complimented her.
Xiao Liu praised “You can’t cook, you can’t mend, you can’t clean, but you are really good at seeing what people need.” Tian Er smiled wanly “Brother Liu, are you praising or insulting me?” Xiao Liu added “Seeing patients is a form of observation, I think you can learn medicine.” Tian Er raised her head and stared at Xiao Liu.
Xiao Liu added “Chuan Zi and Ma Zi followed me for 20 years but they don’t belong in this profession. I think you can do it, so if you’re willing then learn from me. I will teach you to treat infertility, and with that skill, no matter where you go you won’t starve to death.”
“Brother Liu is willing to teach me?”
“Why not? If you work, then I can retire.”
Xan Tian Er knelt down and bowed three times and choked up “Thank you, Brother Liu.”
The past always followed her and even if Chuan Zi treated her well with her life experiences she never could rely on a man completely. She was falling deeper into the life with Chuan Zi but she was at a disadvantage so she was always the one resolving any problem. Chun Tao could fight with Ma Zi and go home to her parents house. But she couldn’t, and also realized she couldn’t treat her husband like a customer for the rest of her life because that wasn’t real. She had no skills and no one to talk to, but she hid her hopelessness under her smile. Who knew someone would understand her and give her a reason to be proud in this house, to allow her to protect this family.
...
Tian Er earnestly learned medicine and in her busy daily life, the relationship between her and Chuan Zi slowly changed. When she first married him, she was very sensitive to things related to her past and purposely avoided it. Now she would grind medicine and sometimes hum songs she used to sing. In the past Tian Er would not nag Chuan Zi, but now if he slacked off she would yell at him. In time, Tian Er became more and more like the lady of the house.
Xiao Liu smiled to see Xan Tian Er working so hard to grab onto the littlest bit of happiness, like a bud trying to sprout in the barren earth. The desire to cling onto life is something even an observer could feel.
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Chapter 8:
Xiao Liu’s legs were in excruciating pain and he leaned on Shi Qi and murmured to himself “If I knew it was so painful to run, I would have chosen not to run. But if I didn’t run, then I would have never known that you would do anything for me. But what shall I do now? It would have been better had you not helped me. I could have easily severed my longing and hope. Or when we were surrounded back there, it would have been better had you not told me to run away by myself. Xan Tian Er’s life is a struggle, and when a man thinks he is helping her by easing her struggle, he is putting her into a different kind of struggle. She is now struggling with the fear that he would leave her one day and she’s left struggling all alone again. Which of the two struggles is harder? Perhaps most women choose to struggle with a man easing her load, at least there is some happiness, some hope that the man won’t let go one day. But I’m not like that! I would rather be roasted all alone, struggle all alone, because at least my hands are free. Pain makes me hope for escape, a man’s hands make me fear he’ll let go. I would then reach out and hold onto him tightly, collect all the happiness tightly. Right now Xan Tian Er is able to save herself because I helped her. But who will help me? The Gods can help humans, but who will help the Gods? No one! I still feel it’s safer to hide in my shell. I’ve suffered so much in my life already, I don’t want to suffer more, I don’t want to be hurt more…..”
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Chapter 29:
Xiao Yao finally spoke. “Since breaking up with Jing my heart aches so I can’t sleep well. But I don’t think it’s a big deal and keep on living as usual. Since you ascended the throne, for whatever reason I suddenly feel exhausted and uninterested in anything. I don’t have the pressure to get up the next day so I don’t even sleep well that night. I keep remembering the days I spent with Jing in Qing Shui Town and then remembering life with you when we were small and living on Cao Yun Court. I like those times but I don’t like living in memories of the past. No matter how wonderful the past was, it’s gone now. I don’t know why I’m so weak and useless and I don’t like myself now…”
Zhuan Xu quietly listened.
A person can be hurt two ways, one is physical and can be seen and the other is emotional and cannot be seen. No matter how strong, a person who is physically injured will rest and heal. But emotional injury, the stronger a person is, the more the person will pretend it never happened and live on as usual. But this type of injury is even harder to heal.
Abandoned by her mother, running for her life, turning into a faceless monster, living alone in the deep mountains, captured by the Nine-tailed fox, wandering by herself…….all those things injured Xiao Yao deeply but she stayed strong and pushed the injuries deep down inside and pretended it didn’t happen. She told herself that she was grown now and those things were in the past.
Xiao Yao appeared carefree and want for nothing, but due to her experiences as a child she actually longed for a stable home more than anyone, otherwise she wouldn’t have formed her own mismatched family when she was Wen Xiao Liu.
Xiao Yao placed all her hope for a family on Jing, which is why his leaving her was like the straw that broke the camel’s back and Xiao Yao couldn’t handle it anymore. But even if she couldn’t handle it anymore, it happened during the most dangerous time for the battle for the Xuan Yuan throne so Xiao Yao had to keep being strong for Zhuan Xu. Now that Zhuan Xu was safe, she finally collapsed inside.
Zhuan Xu’s heart hurt and for the first time he started to detest Jing. Xiao Yao gave her trust and hope, which took so much courage and effort on her part that normal people couldn’t imagine. She was building a home on a bruised and battered body, yet Jing shattered Xiao Yao’s trust and hope.
Zhuan Xu stroked Xiao Yao’s head. “Don’t worry, you’re not alone anymore. I’m here. You can be weak if you want. You can even cry! Don’t worry!”
Xiao Yao felt tears come, since she was small every step she took she couldn’t be weak because that would mean death. She never allowed herself to soften and be weak and she didn’t know how she actually survived such a difficult childhood to arrive at this point only to break down now? But every night all her dreams brought forth so much pain it was like a flood threatening to drown her.
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Chapter 32:
Xiao Yao sighed. “Who knows if I’ll have the good fortune to have kids in this lifetime.” She broke off her wedding to the Chi Sui clan leader and ran off with another guy. Likely no man would dare marry her in this lifetime.
The old woman said, “You decide if you will have good fortune in your life.”
...
Xiao Yao was startled and then asked, “Tian Er?”
...
Xan Tian Er laughed. “Likely they were gossiping about how I was once a prostitute and doesn’t deserve to live such a good life. But I did live an entire lifetime with Chuan Zi, we had four sons and one daughter, and now I have ten grandsons, eight granddaughters, and three great-grandchildren.”
“Lao Mu, Ma Zi, Chun Tao, how are they……..”
...
Now she knew they lived a good life it was like a dam had broken. Xiao Yao asked Tian Er, “Did Chuan Zi ever find fault with you? Did you ever feel unhappy? Did you regret anything in this lifetime?”
Xan Tian Er felt this girl’s questions were odd but from the first moment she saw her, she felt this strange kinship so she answered, “It’s not like a prostitute with a client, only sweet without the bitter. How could our days together not be stumbling and fumbling at times? After I had two sons, Chuan Zi and I almost broke up but I couldn’t withstand his pleading for forgiveness so we stayed together. But looking back I’m so relieved I didn’t just leave in anger at that time.”
To push a woman who gave birth to two sons to leave, Chuan Zi really must have committed a huge infraction. But mistakes and wrongs can be seen in an instance or viewed in a lifetime. After her life was almost at its end, Xan Tian Er looked back and decided her forgiveness was the right decision. Xiao Yao asked, “A person can only see what is right before her, not what is ahead for the lifetime. How does one know that a decision in that moment, even if it’s painful, is the right decision that one won’t regret down the road?”
Xan Tian Er answered, “Not only am I unable to answer your question, even a god or goddess living hundreds more years can’t answer it. Isn’t a person’s lifetime like walking a desolate road? No one has walked it before you so each step is stepping on unknown ground. Some walk a road with a good view, others have a poor view. But no matter what the view is, there will always be jagged cliffs, broken paths, dangerous beasts, perhaps one wrong step and one will tumble or maybe one wrong turn and one will head the wrong way. Because it’s a desolate road that is unknown and dangerous, everyone wants to find a companion to walk it with. Another set of eyes, another pair of hands, each taking care of the other. I warn you of a fork in the road, you warn me of a cliff ahead, we hold hands to cross together, joining forces to beat back a dangerous beast…….two people stumbling and fumbling an entire lifetime together and that’s how it happens.”
Xiao Yao said nothing.
Xan Tian Er appeared to remember something and she squinted her eyes and also said nothing. The sound of children laughing startled Xan Tian Er and she stared at her great-grandchildren with Chuan Zi and smiled. “I smiled and I cried in my life, it’s been worth it!”
Xiao Yao never could have imagined the Xan Tian Er standing at the end of her life would be so content.
Xan Tian Er counseled Xiao Yao, “Little lady, you have to remember that whatever you want, you have to believe it exists. If you refuse to believe it, then how can you give your true heart? If you don’t plant the seeds, you can’t have a happy harvest.”
...
Xiao Yao said, “It’s been a long time since I’ve been happy. Today, I’m really happy.”
Xiang Liu came back and stood beside the tree to watch Xiao Yao and Xan Tian Er.
Xiao Yao stood up and stroked Tian Er’s head. “Tian Er, you did well. I know Chuan Zi must have understood and appreciated that he got a great wife. Lao Mu and I are both very happy.”
-----
Chapter 33:
Jing pushed her hand aside. “I’m fine! It’s dark now so please stay one night. You can leave in the morning. If you don’t want to see me, I’ll leave immediately.” Jing’s face was stark white which made his eyes even darker, there appeared a million things he wanted to say but couldn’t and it all turned to despair.
Xiao Yao remembered what Xan Tian Er said and sighed before sitting down. “I’ll leave tomorrow.”
Jing stared at Xiao Yao for a moment and then sadly said, “I’m leaving. You rest well and Jing Ye will keep watch outside. If you need anything, let her know.”
Jing walked to the door when Xiao Yao suddenly said, “I have something to say to you.”
...
Xiao Yao said, “Fang Feng Yi Yang is underhanded but you also gave her the chance. In the beginning I said it was fine and I didn’t care, but I hated you and resented you deep down. So at each occasion, I would either avoid you or act like I was fine. I never let you see that I was still affected by you, but I always took note of your reactions.”
Jing said, “I know, I was wrong.”
...
Xiao Yao said, “You were wrong but it wasn’t only your fault. All these years I’ve been diligently learning medicine and my attitude has changed a lot and the way I see things. I discovered that it wasn’t right for me to blame it all on you.”
...
Xiao Yao gestured for Jing to be silent and let her finish. “Xan Tian Er said that a person’s life was like walking a mountain road with no clue what to expect. People want a partner for the walk to assist and help. I promised to walk the road with you, but I was always pessimistically waiting. It was like if we went to climb a mountain and agreed to do it together, but when I saw you heading down the wrong path, I didn’t stop you and let you continue the wrong way. So I saw a drop and didn’t help you from falling and instead stood to the side watching coldly.”
Xiao Yao asked Jing, “Did you know that Fang Feng Yi Yang tried many times to kill Zhuan Xu? One time she even shot an arrow into his chest.”
“What?” Jing looked shocked.
Xiao Yao said, “Fang Feng Yi Yang was always polite and well-mannered in front of you, gentle and sweet, but I knew from the very beginning that she was calculating and deadly. I also knew you were soft-hearted and felt apologetic to her. Fang Feng Yi Yang was sure to use your personality and your regret against you. But I did nothing, I didn’t even warn you. I stood to the side and watched. My childhood made me pessimistic about human emotions. I felt like nothing will last forever and no one can be relied on. I never truly believed in you and I didn’t want to make the effort first. So when what I expected happened, I felt like it was exactly as I predicted. I knew people can’t be trusted. But I didn’t know that what we put in is what we get back. We need to make the effort to achieve the ending we want. Xan Tian Er said that if I never planted the seeds and tilled the field, how can I expect to reap the crop in the end?”
There were tears in Xiao Yao’s eyes. “Every night I thought about the fault and knew that I was wrong. My own pessimistic personality and attitude, my own distrust of others, it caused me to lose the man I like. If I made a bit more effort, said more or did more, perhaps the result would be completely different. Zhuan Xu thought I couldn’t get over it because I hated you, but in truth it’s because I can’t forgive myself. Jing, you shouldn’t feel guilty anymore. The world thinks we’re both very smart and calculating but when it came to our feelings and relationship, we both made mistakes. A person can make mistakes that can be fixed, other times it can never be fixed…….”
Every night when she woke up from her dreams, she knew she was wrong but it was too late to fix. That pain was like a saw cutting through her bones. But it was all too late……..
Xiao Yao’s tears fell and she turned around to use her sleeve to wipe her tears but it fell more and more.
And then I also just feel slightly annoyed that all this chit chat is breaking up the intensity of XL's last stand compared to the way it was relayed by Miao Pu in the novel, with no chatter. Just the battle and the orders that Ru Shou issued. Which felt more dramatic and poetic.AH :
I am not quite as bothered by this because I believe it reinforces Xiang Liu's mindset all this while, which was to remain loyal to the comrades he went through everything for.
It sounds like they will show both humanoid XL and the heads of his true demon form simultaneously?
That's not consistent with how I pictured his true form working... it feels like another change, similar to the change they've made to show the loss of each extra life through the loss of one of his heads in his true demon form. But I guess it will answer questions the viewers otherwise might have had about how many lives XL had left, and when he lost them.
Yes. We saw it when he killed the lovers bug, sacrificing two lives to do so, which indicated that his multi-headed form could appear alongside his human form. However, the way the leaked script reads, I am not sure whether his true form did any physical damage to the enemies, apart from intensifying his power and transforming the blood lines into a lethal formation. Still, I am glad they showed his true form here. I always wondered why in the novel, he never used his true form, which was huge and so powerful, in that last battle, instead choosing to destroy all his enemies by just using his blood alone, which would only have worked if they had fallen into his trap and tried to desecrate his body. His trap also would only have worked if they saw his real human form after he died, which meant either way, he had to reveal his identity.
So... he's still alive at this point, even after the noxious black fog was emitting from him, Ru Shou declared him dead, and Ru Shou's army had evacuated? I really hope the order of events in the drama is crystal clear. If XL's death scene ends up being undercut by confusing sequencing... that would be very upsetting.
No, he was dead by then. In his last moments, he no longer cared about the arrows that came, his eyes only tenderly fixed on the tear pearl that he cherished, the only thing from her that he allowed himself to keep. And I'm tearing up again.
I'm sad to see that symmetry lost, but more upset that they took away XL selflessly saving TSJ's life and returning him to XY, and XY choosing, after XL's death, to go to the ocean.
Yes. Taking away his role in saving Jing is truly frustrating, as is her decision to go to the ocean because of him. With regards to Jing's survival, I am clinging on to a sliver of hope that we will see some indication that he was there, secretly keeping Jing safe until he could claw his way back up to the surface. Anything that shows that his role in giving her the lover she wanted, was more than just pushing her away from him into Jing's arms.
As for her ability to roam the ocean, it became just an option for her, which she still did not take, since the drama has her going back to Qingshui town. My only consolation is that the vicinity of Qingshui town was where he died, though I am not as hopeful they are going to indicate that as at least part of her reason for going there.
The leaked images from the film set were heartbreaking though. So hopefully the actual scenes will do some justice to it.
I hope so too. Certainly, it should not disappoint, based on the reactions of those who did see the final scene play out.
@AH
The Voodoo King was initially shocked and later perplexed. It didn't seem like he was ever panicked.
The original text says that the voodo king's expression changed to horror.
Is the koala translation different again?巫王悚然变色:“难道你的蛊不是种给这位公子?”
“不是。”
His face paled in horror at first, then he frowned and was extremely puzzled. In the end, he could only give a perfunctory response because her apparent lover was with her.
The shaman king's face paled in horror. "Did you not plant your bug in this young master?"
"No."
:
He frowned and murmured, "It is indeed the lover's bug! But how is it possible? 'Lovers raise the lover's bug. Broken-hearted people produce the heartbreak bug.' Lover's bug differs from other bugs. It requires the couple to be willing in order to successfully plant it. If he is not your lover, how did you manage to plant the lover's bug in him?"
:
The shaman king was extremely puzzled but Xiao Yao's lover was obviously the young man next to her so there were some things he could not verbalise. As such, he responded perfunctorily, "You are right. The poisonous bug in your body is different from other bugs. It is likely there is something unique about you and the other man."
-- Vol 3 Ch4 (Chapter 37)
BTW, thank you for all the translations, liddi, when I read the scene where XL died, my tears immediately flowed. I didn't think I would love a paper person like this. (T⌓T)
Yes. I keep telling myself he is just a fictional character, but the pain is still real, and remains raw, especially during the course of the discussions here when we find more angles and hidden details.
The fact that the bugs found their nest in lovers' heart, the fact that both of them was ok for over 100 years implied that despite his pushing away, she still love him wholeheartedly and despite her itimate actions with Jing, the bug did not regard it as betrayal
Agreed.
since it did come from her heart.
This part I don't really agree with.
To be honest, I find the idea of XY being affectionate and intimate with TSJ (cuddling with him, stroking his hair, kissing him, etc.) for any reason other than because she wants to do so as disturbing.
When XY tried to force TSJ to kiss her underwater in chapter 18, that clearly was related to XL. She was working through something there... and I was disturbed by her behaviour in that scene. It was not healthy.
But the rest of her affectionate and intimate moments with TSJ (most of which I don't particularly enjoy or revisit often, but at least don't find disturbing), I view as XY genuinely wanting to be affectionate and intimate with someone that she had feelings for.
AH :
I recall pointing out a long, long time ago in this thread that XY's deep depression really began after she parted with XL
and if you recall her emotion dialogue with CX about her mood and behavior condition in chapter 29, all and all she just mentioned Jing there.
Even if she was honest with herself and had the self awareness to realize that her depression was partly due to the sense that she was losing / had lost XL/FFB (and the fact that he was no longer coming to her to alleviate her sadness and loneliness the way he used to), of all the people in the world, she wasn't exactly going to tell CX about it. He told her not to get too close to FFB, and he told her several times to cut herself off from XL entirely.
As someone written, XL was her poison and Jing was the antidote; XL caused her pain, she would come to Jing since he was the pain-relieave.
That might be true for physical pain. After XL had WXL lashed 40 times and stepped on her wounds, YSQ treated her wounds in the mountains. After XL caused WXL to fall from the tree, causing injuries that made her unable to walk, YSQ found her and treated her wounds again. After WXL shielded CX from XL's killing blow and was gravely injured as a result, XL began the healing process and TSJ completed it.
But for emotional pain, wasn't it the other way around?
WXL said she was afraid of being lonely, and that a temporary companion would due if she couldn't find a permanent one. So he started coming by to keep her company from time to time.
When YSQ betrayed WXL, XL found WXL and (for no other reason) took her for a ride on Furball. They had a swimming race, which greatly cheered WXL up (...before XL killed that high by biting WXL for the first time as punishment for her getting cheeky about his nine heads).
When XY was feeling lonely and neglected after not hearing from TSJ for a year, XL showed up as FFB and offered to teach her archery. He became her archery master and her constant companion to alleviate her loneliness.
When XY was feeling dejected after TSJ's clan leader ascension ceremony, FFB took her to the gambling den (where they saw Left Ear win his freedom) to cheer her up and give her hope.
When XY's heart hurt on the day of TSJ's wedding, XL interrupted her thoughts by making her heart beat speed up, comforting her.
When XY saw TSJ for the first time a year after his wedding, XL interfered in a similar way - interrupting the pain in XY's heart by speeding up her heart rate. And later he took her out to the ocean to cheer her up.
So many instances where TSJ caused XY emotional pain and XL helped alleviate that pain.
Desire, emotion that XL brought to her but she could not do anything, she applied it on Jing.
I think there is something to this interpretation, but not quite to the extent that some view it.
I do think that often the dynamic between XY and XL ends up influencing how XY behaves with TSJ.
Most of her emotional line, acitivities with Jing was followed by an event with XL.
Are you referring to the types of scenes I mentioned above, where TSJ caused XY emotional pain and then XL showed up to comfort XY?
Moreover, Kaola translation sometimes ignored some lines and missed the hints because sometimes those words or line are very out of sync. For example the song that she sang after coma for 10 days due to injury by XL. Kaola didn't translate and include it.
I am always interested in any information that can be provided about errors and omissions in the translation.
She might start loving XL in the event of observing the full moon on the sea. With YSQ she kept kind of elvaluating, testing if he was committed.
IMO, the reason XY tested and evaluated YSQ and TSJ is that he created expectations and made promises. XY felt that she could not trust or rely on anyone, so she constantly tested him.
XL never created expectations or made promises like that. He was often the one who was harsh, and later on he regularly told her their relationship was temporary or merely transactional. There was nothing for XY to test.
Here go.
https://youtu.be/zldwsA3jeyo?si=eBzf8WAXbfs37I3B
Susu also did an English sub, with slightly different word choices, if you want to compare.
Thanks. This scene makes everyone cry apparently... Wouldn't it be funny we have some last minute ship jumpers?
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