Back to Xiaoyao's suicide.
Maybe it was true that Xiaoyao really intended to die at that time, how could she not be disappointed with her cousin and her family, she had sacrificed the person she loved most for them, and in the end they still stabbed her in the back, she must have felt bad, and maybe she wanted to dead.
But when you think about it... when you are still connected to the bug,
When you commit suicide you definitely know the 2 possibilities.
1. really dead
2. live again.
When you really die, it means XL didn't save her, XL automatically dies. Did she mean to die with XL?
And when you live again, you will think XL saved you again.
And when she woke up and saw a figure in white clothes, and felt disappointed because it wasn't XL who saved her.
And there is the last sentence after shir bi said this.
"Xiao Yao stared in shock at Sir Bi who replied calmly “Don’t feel bad. Death is a natural part of life.”
Xiao Yao thought about it. If one could not love and live freely, then death would be a form of release." (does xy think she will die with xl, or is she just testing it to find the answer.)
xy didn't let cx die and xy actually committed suicide, this might be xy's revenge against cx. if cx thought xy was dead how devastated would cx be, and when XL saved xy, maybe she thought she would run away from cx. but when xl didn't save him, did are they ready to die together? After Xy found out that CX killed TSJ, didn't Xy feel sorry for saying the words "I don't want to see you again" to XL?