Part 2: XY’s inner thinking after she woke up in Jade Mountain (in chapter 49)
Her first thought when she woke up is:
- She was still alive although she took way much amount of extremely poisonous phoenix petal (more than CX).
- She knew that her survival was at least related to her bug connection with XL.
"Xiao Yao covered her eyes, if she knew it was this hard to die she would have never planted the Lover’s Bug in Xiang Liu years ago!"
"Xiao Yao smiled bitterly, such deadly poison couldn’t even kill her. Having the bug connected with Xiang Liu was like giving herself nine lives. But what was the point of living like this?"
There are 2 options from this point:
- She didn’t know anything who actually treated her
- She thought that XL had saved her but because of her denial attitude she would like to find another explanation.
After some time, Xiao Yao sat up and called out “Anyone there? Where is this place?” From the red blossoms a figure in white rushed over and Xiao Yao almost forgot to breathe until she saw his green eyes and released a disappointed breath “Lie Yang, why am I on Jade Mountain?”
She saw a white figure entering the room, she thought of XL immediately. That means in her mind she already had idea that XL had saved her. That is the most likely, reasonable answer in her mind for the question “who had saved her”.
One of her first question is “where is this place?”. Knowing that was Jade Mountain, she still didn’t care for asking who had saved her. That is not the most urging matter for her, she wanted to know the circumstance? Was that because she knew XL had saved her but she ended up in Jade Mountain? If it was XL, it should have been the sea as in the previous time (37 year period).
“You were sick so Zhuan Xu brought you to the Royal Mother for healing.”
Zhuan Xu explained that she was sick? Fine, might as well stick with the story…..Xiao Yao asked “Where is Zhuan Xu?” “Left.”
We’ve known that whenever unexpected thing coming from XL, XY always tried to deny, she deluded herself and regarded that is mistaken sensation/illusion.
Xiao Yao’s face was so red it was like a burning sunset and she forced her eyes wide open to stare at Xiang Liu. His heartbeat quickened a few times and Xiao Yao sensed it. But then it was gone just like that and she wondered if it was her mistaken sensation. (Chapter 26)
Because she just cried, Xiao Yao’s eyes were extraordinarily clear and bright. Xiang Liu could clearly see himself reflected in her eyes so he covered her eyes with his hand “I’m off!”
Xiao Yao felt a soft coolness brush over her forehead, a brief touch that immediately vanished. Xiao Yao clasped her forehead in shock and opened her eyes to see the room was already empty before her. (Chapter 35)
Mistaken illusion! It was a mistaken illusion! ….”In the cold dark room, Xiao Yao sat there in a daze” (Chapter 35)
This time, it’s exactly the same. She accepted and chose to stick with the story. Why is there a pause of her self-thought there? The " …." implies that she took time thinking. She was a doctor and expert in poison. She understood better than anyone that her physical state when she took such a lot of that deadly poison. People in Jade Mountain was not fool. Maybe they did not care for the cause of her “death” but they should be aware that she was not alive. “Sick” is just to avoid mentioning the serious extend of the situation and her condition. Moreover, after knowing both CX and Yellow Emperor betrayed her to various levels, could she easily trust other people and believe whatever they said? She didn’t ask “who saved her?” – an open question but she asked if the Royal mother saved her. That showed her thought of “sticking” and following this story. That is a simple question, isn’t it? Obviously, Lie Yang just had to say “YES” (if the Royal mother had done so). Lie Yang flied away. Did she ask herself why Lie refused to answer such easy question? Then Ah Bi who was a Fox, a type of animal that is notorious for being cunning, gave her the answer with a smile (typically insidious characteristics of fox).
Ah Bi walked in with a smile “Your body was fine, the Royal Mother saw that you could breathe underwater so sank you into the lake filled with Jade Mountain spiritual essence and that woke you up.”
Is that such simple to save her from her “not alive” condition (I have to emphasize here that XY understood well her health condition when taking such amount of poison). She had previous experience of being rescued from death in 37 year. Although it was not so severe as last time, was that just some Jade Mountain spiritual essence (actually it’s spiritual energy) enough to cure her? It was not even the Royal Mother herself. She was shocked knowing the Royal Mother would die soon. Did she really believe Ah Bi’s story? She smiled bitterly. Both XY and Sir Bi used smile to deceive themselves and each other. She showed “devastated expression”. She knew she could not die before Lie Yang came. So why did she feel devastated when hearing the story from Sir Bi. Certainly, it isn’t because of that the poison could not kill her (due to bug connection with XL). She was devastated for “But what was the point of living like this?”
Sir Bi saw Xiao Yao’s devastated expression and gently said “Why don’t you stay on Jade Mountain for a while! The Royal Mother doesn’t have much time left, even if the Black Emperor didn’t bring you we were going to bring you here.”
Xiao Yao stared in shock at Sir Bi who replied calmly “Don’t feel bad, death is a natural part of life.”
There are many reasons led to her decision of suicide: she had no love left (CX, Jing and XL as well), she had nowhere to go (Dai Huang was ruled by CX, she was Chi You’s daughter), her close friends/relative died or betrayed her. And that moment, maybe she realized that even Sir Bi who lived way from mortal life also lied to her. Is there anyone that she could trust? Royal Mother who she always knew as to be cold and indifferent person suddenly was warm to her. Did it also inline to her doubt?
Anyway, realizing that she could not die, she made the decision to stay in Jade Mountain and succeeded the senior Royal Mother (RM) after RM resonated XY’s desire to cut-off from the rest of the world. “She was tired and wanted only a peaceful spot to putter around for the rest of her life.” It seems that by that moment XY just wanted to shake off all of her anger, worry, disappointment etc and just kept existing for the rest of her life in isolation with the rest of the world.
The Royal Mother leisurely said “Sometimes the world is so big that anywhere can be home, sometimes the world is so big but nowhere to go and death is a release. Jade Mountain isn’t a good place, but it is cut off from the rest of the world. Xiao Yao, do you want to become the next Royal Mother and govern Jade Mountain?”
The Royal Mother’s expression was as if she already knew everything. Xiao Yao’s eyes teared up, the entire world
However, did she really cut-off all of her concern? Did she have her mind resting and really let go everything while waiting for the ceremony. NO.
Cang Xuan stepped through the doors of the hall and saw that the far depths of the hall were segregated by three rows of bead curtains. There were eighteen windows on both sides, wide open. On one side, thousands of peach blossoms bloomed against the clouds, while an expanse of blue-green waves stretched to the sky on the other side, vast and beautiful. (Translated by @liddi)
两侧的十八扇窗户大开，一侧是千里桃花倚云开，一侧是万顷碧波连天际，气象开阔美丽。
Behind three layers of bead curtains at the end of the great hall, a woman in white leaned against the window, playing with a branch of crimson peach blossoms in her hand. She appeared to be admiring the view of boundless misty waves, vague green mountains and floating white clouds. On the other hand, she seemed to be anxiously, impatiently waiting for someone, her fingers absently plucking the petals of the peach blossoms, which in turn fell endlessly to the ground. (Translated by @Liddi)
隔着三重珠帘，在殿尽头，有一位白衣女子，倚窗而站，手内把玩着一枝绯红的桃花。她好似在欣赏烟波浩渺、青山隐隐、白云悠悠的景致，又好似在焦灼不耐地等人，手指无意地将桃花瓣扯下，那桃花扯之不尽，已经落了一地。
Even CX could recognize that she was like waiting for someone .Who was she anxiously and impatiently waiting at that moment? It can't not be CX, she even didn't want to inform him that she awaked. Jing was very uncertain, almost hopeless. She was looking at the vast water, hoped for someone coming from the water. It implies XL. CX/ZX saw that all the windows were opened. XY must had ordered to open all the windows so that she could look outside, she could see that person coming (if he came). Why was she anxious, impatient (unintentionally pucking the petals of the branch). She hoped he would come to bring her away. Is that because she knew he saved her, he still cared for her? But he left her in Jade Mountain. She was anxious, wondering if he would come back. For sure she very focused to looking toward the water for long time because the amount of petals on the ground was a lot (fell endlessly)
A gust of wind blew past as the maid lifted the bead curtains and blew up the peach blossom petals on the ground, and in that swirling moment the woman in white turned around.
And staring at the water at night:
Xiao Yao was dressed in pure white, her hair loosely tied up, her feet dangling as she sat on the railing of the waterside pavilion, staring blankly at the reflection of the moon on the blue-green waves. (Translated by @Liddi)
…
Sir Bi had no choice but to leave her be, but he turned back from the forest as he walked away and saw Xiao Yao still sitting above the water in a daze, in clear, cold moonlight* her figure all alone, and he sighed deeply thinking that this tableau would continue for hundreds and even thousands more years.
獙君只得离开，走进桃林后，他头望去，小夭依旧坐在水榭内发呆，清冷的月光下，她孤零零一人，形单影只。想到这幅画面会千年万年长，獙君忍不住长长叹息。
(*): The orange text was not in Kaola translation which based on 2013 edition but included the Chinese text. Therefore, it is added here
We see again the presence of word “daze”. A more detail analysis on “daze” used by TH can be found in [1]. In her analysis, @blimarch noticed this word “daze” was used 10 time (excluding these 2 times in chapter 49). All of the previous usage of "deze" linked to her thought of XL. It is highly likely that she was thinking of XL that night (just before the ceremony day). Moreover, other keywords such as the moon, the water both linked to XL.
[1] Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance - Page 319 - Lost You Forever - MyDramaList the post by @blimarch.
Her figure this time is very similar to another scene when Ah Niam saw her waiting by the sea (for 7 days) before her marriage with FL. The impression that outsider such as Sir Bi or Ah Niem got from her are identical. Again, it supports the interpretation that she thought of XL and maybe she was waiting for him. But she already said she didn’t want to see him again in life the last time they met in Gourd shaped Lake. It’s her typical contrary, isn’t it? It was not matter how mad she was at him, the next time she saw XL, all her anger, hatred evaporated. Did she really saw him that night? So her hatred had gone. outsiders' impression of her figure is that she was waiting for someone.
“When Ah Nian went to get her, she could see the blue horizon, the red rocks on the cliffs, and Xiao Yao dressed all in white sitting bare foot on the black jagged rocks as the waves crested at her feet.
This image was impossible to describe other than Ah Nian felt a sense of utter desolation for her sister. Xiao Yao’s image made her think of the legends of old, of a fisherman’s wife sitting on the rocks waiting for her lover to come back, sitting and waiting for so long she turned into a rock.” (Chapter 31)
Moreover, is there any other reason that she thought of XL? She came to the lake where the shell was placed inside. She stared at the eflection of the moon on the blue-green wave of the lake. Moon on blue-green water in Jade Lake is similar tothe scenery of Gourd lake where they met last time: a clear moon on blue-green water. Thus it could make XY recall XL. The moon reflection on water is reprentative for XL. Does it also look like the white shell inside the water if looking from top view. In addition, Sir Bi told her that she was sunk in the water. What did she really think about? As analyzed in the previous post [2], she was very likely to sense his presence and his blood feeding. Did she recall the scene that she "sensed" when he saved her in the Shell. Her action of going to the lake, staring toward the water in “daze” is a kind of her typical delusionor confusion about what he did for her and it is also the writing technique used by TH (blank writing) [1].
[2] Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance - Page 319 - Lost You Forever - MyDramaList @H19279
Last, the title of this chapter is “Fear that reunion is but a dream” [犹恐相逢是梦中 ]. Litteral meaning of this phrase refers to Jing’s return which happened during the ceremony in the morning.
“Jing didn’t want to anger the Royal Mother so stopped and said softly
“Xiao Yao, don’t become the Royal Mother, you promised to marry me!”
Xiao Yao walked off the altar as if in a dream towards Jing and the servants didn’t stop her after seeing the Royal Mother didn’t object.
Until she was standing before Jing, Xiao Yao still couldn’t believe this was real. She reached out her hand to touch his face “Jing, is it really you?””
However, when we read the content of the poem (The Partridge's Sky) from which this phrase was taken, the poem described a man came to see the girl that he had affection after many years apart at night, and the girl was sleeping”. This scene was what XY saw during “sleeping” inside the water. The poem itself consisted of many keywords liked to XL and XY: willow (Liu – for Xiang Liu), peach blossom (for XY due to the original of her name), the moon. The man held up a silver lamp to shine on the girl which is similar to XL got in the shell seeing XY shone by the pearl light. The couple was soulmate with each other. Who is her soulmate. It's XL. Perhaps it is the image recorded in her mind. She felt it, saw it via the PLB while in coma. Did she recall this "reunion" when she stared at the water.
However, due to her denial attitude, she probably deceived herself and thought that it was a dream. Not only XY wanted to deceive herself but did the author TH also wants to deceive the readers. As XY was a smart girl, combining all the clues (information and attitude from other people, her own memory, her soul connection with PLB) she could get that XY had save her.
Conclusion: With the evidence and analyses in this post and the previous post [2], it is possible to say that “Xiao Yao knew XL had come to Jade Mountain to recue her”
鹧鸪天 - 晏几道
The Partridge's Sky by Yan Jidao
彩袖殷勤捧玉钟， Colorful sleeves attentively carried a jade goblet;
当年拼却醉颜红。 That time, I didn't mind letting my face be flushed with wine,
舞低杨柳楼心月 She danced the moon down below the willows in the mansion
歌尽桃花扇底风。 And sang her peach blossom fan out of air.
从别后，忆相逢， Since we parted, remembering our meeting,
几回魂梦与君同。 How many times have our souls met in the same dreams?
今宵剩把银釭照 Tonight, I hold up a silver lamp to shine on you,
犹恐相逢是梦中 Fearing still that this meeting is in a dream.
Bonus: About the breaking of the poison lovers’ bug. Did XY fully believe that Royal Mother (RM) broke the bugs on her.
Have XY ever asked herself that the RM didn’t mention about breaking the bugs before? RM had many days and opportunities to tell her that. It’s important issue. It would help her to cut-off her connection to the life outside Jade Mountain completely. Why didn’t she mention it when she talked with XY the day she woke up and accept the RM role? Did she believe that RM forgot to tell her? RM mother just ordered to place her inside the water. Did she realize the contradiction in Sir Bi’s story and RM’s story. XY knew that the PLB lived as a pair of a male and female one. Voodoo King had told the bugs live and die together. What actually happened to her bug when RM broke it? Her bug was gone but they were dead or alive after breaking? What would happen to XL’s bug. Does it mean XL would die? XY and Jing later knew XL died much later on battlefield, not because of the bug.
Jing, a very smart man, could sense something smelly in RM’s story. Anyway, he is a cunning fox, he kept it for himself. Unfortunately, XY didn’t pay attention to detail at all. She felt the loss in her heart but again tried to find a reason to mask, cover her feeling. Maybe later when she settled down in the ocean, thinking of the past, she might realize some illogical points.
Xiao Yao and Sir Bi could not contain their sadness as Xiao Yao said “I want to stay a few more days.”
“Whatever you want! I’m tired and you all…….” The Royal Mother was about to send them away when Sir Bi coughed slightly to remind her, so the Royal Mother suddenly changed topics “You guys know there is a voodoo bug in Xiao Yao’s body?’
Xiao Yao’s expression dimmed so Jing replied “We know.”
The Royal Mother said “When Xiao Yao was unconscious, I discovered the voodoo bug in her and broke the spell. You guys don’t have a problem with that, right?”
Jing was ecstatic and stuttered a bit “You mean, Your Highness got rid of the voodoo bug from Xiao Yao’s body?”
The Royal Mother coldly stared “Are you doubting me?”
Jing quickly said “No! No! I’m just too happy is all!” The Royal Mother was aloof and didn’t say much but whatever she said was always true, so if she said she broke the voodoo spell then clearly it was now broken.
Xiao Yao’s heart was jumbled – when Xiang Liu tried to assassinate Zhuan Xu and killed Feng Long, she already repaid all her debt to Xiang Liu by giving her blood. She severed all ties with him then, but hearing now that the final last bit of connection between them was broken when she wasn’t even aware of it, she couldn’t figure out what this sense of loss meant. She mocked herself “He always saw you as just a chess piece, what’s there to feel bereft about? Are you sad about his cold heartlessness?”
As analyzed in [2], there is high chance that XL cast sleeping spell on XY so that she could not sense his action of luring the bug and kill it.
EDIT: Thank to @Liddi for verification of the more precise translation for some excerpt that I inclueded in this analysis
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