but don't be so categorical and know-it-all about itAramintai:
You will have to be very specific about that because I never claimed I "know-it-all".
you can't categorically represent all of them stating that this or that is an absolute fact for all autistic people
I never said nor implied anything like that. Much better if you are very specific.
And even less valid are your assumptions about neurotypical people behaviour when they deal with autistic people.
Apologies, are you saying that my experiences, as well as those of other autistics who experienced the things I used as an example, are "less valid" and are simply "my" "assumptions"?
Again, be very specific. Quote me if you have to and explain the whys and hows of your side. It is much better that way when trying to correct other people, otherwise it isn't helping. ^_^
IM YourOnlyOne:
You will have to be very specific about that because I never claimed I "know-it-all".
I never said nor implied anything like that. Much better if you are very specific.
Apologies, are you saying that my experiences, as well as those of other autistics who experienced the things I used as an example, are "less valid" and are simply "my" "assumptions"?
Again, be very specific. Quote me if you have to and explain the whys and hows of your side. It is much better that way when trying to correct other people, otherwise it isn't helping. ^_^
Just go through your feedbacks and see how many times you used "we" instead of "in my personal experience", just in this feedback alone I can count 15 instances. And the way you compose sentences in general sounds very categorical/authoritative as if you're stating a universal fact.
And I recall you mentioning yourself having a hard time unerstanding neurotypical people, just like they have trouble understanding people on the spectrum. So why they behave this or that way are just an assumptions coming from you, they should not be stated as fact.
Just go through your feedbacks and see how many times you used "we"
Again you have to be specific because there is context involved. Secondly, how you understood something may be different from how I understood it.
So again, if you are going to correct someone after, in this case, 15 episodes, be specific. You should've said something earlier so I can adjust, or maybe you did and I missed it, in that case I apologize.
And the way you compose sentences in general sounds very categorical/authoritative as if you're stating a universal fact.
Same as above.
And I recall you mentioning yourself having a hard time unerstanding neurotypical people, just like they have trouble understanding people on the spectrum. So why they behave this or that way are just an assumptions coming from you, they should not be stated as fact.
Can I use "we" in the next sentence?
We generally do not understand neurotypical people.
However, it does not mean my experiences, as well as those I used as an example, are "less valid" and were only "my" "assumptions".
I also never forced you, or anyone, to believe whatever I said or is saying or will say. It is your duty, as a free and thinking person, to do your own due diligence.
As an example someone said, "I'll think about it" does not mean "no" and they're NT, and I said to please share it in the links I shared so everyone else can benefit from that information because "we" in the community were told it means "no". A new input will help in traversing the complexity of words and phrases.
- Context
- You should've said something earlier so I can adjust (unless I missed it, if so I apologize)
- And below
Again, I do not speak for the autistic community. I am only trying to explain things, mainly coming from my own experience, and the experience of other autistics who shared their stories and complaints.
No two autistics are the same; and autism is four-dimensional.
In any case, this is my last reply on this matter you raised. Thank you very much for your input. I'll pay more attention next time. If it sounded badly to you, or anyone else, I apologize. It was never my intention.
Also, correct me if I'm wrong here women, is not that a very unsatisfactory reason to have a relationship with you? Is not his reason borders on making you simply an object and not a person? Is there no danger, or would you not think, he would leave you one day once he is no longer happy?
I'm a guy, an autistic guy at that, and if a girl tells me that … I definitely would run away fast. From my perspective, there is also danger the person would start being possessive, and possessive people are scary and dangerous in relationships.
I'd run away, too. But not for the reasons that you describe. I want to be with a person that is happy with themselves and by themselves. I don't want to be someone's source of happiness. Maybe I am weak, but being responsible for someone's happiness is just too much for me. I haven't experienced that these people become overly possessive. It's the contrary: They go out of their way to please me, because their primary goal is being with me, even if it means that they can't be true to themselves. This in turn then causes me to edit myself to please them, often to the point that I lose myself.
I wish for everyone to love themselves first and be happy with themselves first. If someone is not happy on their own, it's a huge pressure for their partner (and maybe an impossible task) to make them happy.
I'd run away, too. But not for the reasons that you describe. I want to be with a person that is happy with themselves and by themselves. I don't want to be someone's source of happiness. Maybe I am weak, but being responsible for someone's happiness is just too much for me.Muttery Monkey:
Ahh! That is a very good point!
They go out of their way to please me, because their primary goal is being with me, even if it means that they can't be true to themselves. This in turn then causes me to edit myself to please them, often to the point that I lose myself.
I see what you mean. It's enlightening, I will take that into consideration if it happens to me. Although true on changing oneself to please our partner that may lead to losing ourselves. But yeah, I'll remember this.
I wish for everyone to love themselves first and be happy with themselves first. If someone is not happy on their own, it's a huge pressure for their partner (and maybe an impossible task) to make them happy.
Agreed. It starts with ourselves. That way I see it, how can we say to another we love them or we care for them or we're happy, if we don't love ourselves, we don't care of our own body/health, and we're not happy. Indeed, there is pressure on their partner.
However, I do feel that your view of NT people is a bit harsh when it comes to the treatment of people on the spectrum and a bit too glorifying when it comes to the treatment of NT people amongst each other. It reads like you consider NT people to be the villains and autistic people to be the victims. For me, we are all rather "same same but different".
Got it. Message received perfectly. But just to clarify, no, there is no 'villain' and 'victim'. If it appeared that way, apologies that was not my intention.
Social clues in these situations can be more or less subtle: sighs, eye rolls, a twitch of an eyebrow... Most of the time, people won't actually say anything, though (because saying something would also be considered rude). Instead, the person that is behaving "too extra" would be talked about behind their back and excluded from social activities.
That is correct, and it is where or why things are expressed in a way that make it appear harsh. It is a common complaint about NTs (in general, not all, if that even makes sense). It's actually a relief not seeing this complaint once in a while in autistic and neurodivergent groups.
It's not making excuses, just shedding light on where it is coming from (like how you are shedding light on the NT side).
However, and this is important, it does not mean we view "all" NTs that way. It does not mean it is an attacked on NTs. NTs speak similarly too.
If someone has any kind of condition, that can become extenuating circumstances. The annoying/rude behavior has an explanation and therefore becomes more acceptable. People will try to be more understanding and more patient. (Again, in the end, the person might still end up being talked about and excluded from social activities etc. because it might just become too bothersome to constantly deal with the annoying behavior...)
Yes, exactly. But we should not normalize "might still end up being talked about and excluded from social activities etc. because it "might still end up being talked about and excluded from social activities etc. because it might just become too bothersome to constantly deal with the annoying behavior". Or rather, it is already the normal thing people do so we should bring it to the front and speak against it. Don't you agree?
You mentioned that you get overwhelmed when entering a new room and it is scary. It is not so different for NT people. New situations and people are also overwhelming for NT people, the threshold might just be a bit higher. E.g. entering a new room is usually fine or only causes a mild discomfort that passes quickly. However, a lot of people get really nervous when traveling to a foreign country. The term "culture shock" describes the feeling of being completely overwhelmed when confronted with an unfamiliar culture.
I'm confused here. I did not say NTs do not experience it. What I said was Young Woo nailed how to explain it. I probably missed something. ^_^;;
You have described some situations in which NT people have acted rude or aggressive towards you, and you mention autistic persons being blamed. Aggression can also be a coping mechanism. It is not a good one, but unfortunately it seems rather normal to react with aggression or hate towards unfamiliar things.
I've been trying to wrap my head around that one. It appears normalizing aggression in that particular context, isn't it? Also, not because it unfortunately seems rather normal does it mean it should just be accepted, right?
---
Thank you for your feedback and being thorough about it. It is more productive this way. ^_^
Discrimination against us is normalized especially with the use of the word r*t*rd*d. I even have to practice masking to be accepted (I have practiced eye contact even though it drains my energy, my posture + walking, my speech, scripting conversations, etc.)…and get scared to tell people I’m autistic.pinksprings01:
This. Before I wrote my episode 1 feedback … I weighed the pros and cons of doing it. For years, it was just me, myself, and I, and people I trust. Being openly autistic, even if just online, has more cons than pros.
I've been dropping a lot of masks I learned but I still keep some because of the discrimination. I even encountered someone who said it's "good/benevolent discrimination". O_O
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