swagata

Please tell me if today's ep is any better than yesterday. Because i genuinely need time to get over the sadness and toxicity yesterday's ep gave me. But i really want to watch todays ep.

True but lu feng deep down desires yichen's love and him being beside him always. But by these actions even if lu feng make yichen loose everyone he still will not be able to give the comfort lu feng is seeking. Lu feng is seeking comfort from the pain he has suffered, acknowledgement from yichen that he still love and miss him. And he never had Zhou lan touched. Lu feng is seeking the reassurance that yichen will stay with him. He is seeking yichen's love and warmth. He wants explanation why time and over again he chose to run than better communicate. Which is also the sad part because whenever they talked they always provoked each other never telling specially yichen that why he is running away and not choosing him. There are lot of emotions portrayed in drama and each emotion is currently at its peak. This time neither can take a good decision or communicate. All they can do is to just suffer with each other. Oh god!! Like this drama even I am entangled. 😅

U are not alone.

Exactly! U put my thoughts in words by saying " u can't live with them but u can't live without them" . So tragic. Plus I am glad that someone else also has noticed these little details. Each screen reflects their relationship.

In early days. Lu feng and yichen wore light and bright clothes and cinematography was also graded to give spring/summer vibes kind of blooming love and radiant love. If u remember in camera recording phase sunflowers were shown. I think it was yichen's fav flower. Sun flower always face sun which is also a ray of hope.

Then after 4 years of separation. The clothes that they wear also changes along with cinematography. Lu feng now don't wear light and bright clothes. They both wear plain and neutral coloured. The screen also shifted to normal grading rather than summer grading as shown in their first phase of relationship.

Coming to dark era. This one omg. While lu feng wore black clothes to show his emptiness and death of soul yichen wore white denoting that he desire peace and freedom but he is not able to get it. After all the atrocities and inflicting pain, yichen is always sitting and lying down in cozy manner seeking protection which he is not getting. He was also shown sitting at just one corner in that white big house with bird cage kept alongside table depicting the state of both yichen and lu feng. Yichen being caged devoid hope and freedom. Lu feng being constantly monitoring him through cctv as if he is watching a caged Bird each action and afraid that given the bird he is, yichen will just fly away only to be never found again unless yichen himself decide it to come. Just like their previous and current situation. Then white rooms..it's being said that if white/ light is constantly coming in room it serves more of depression than being a comfort. Which exactly is their life and relationship is depressing. Then u had at one conversation where sunflower petals were dried and his petals were falling. That exactly states yichen's fav flower and his own personality and his current state. His soul is crushing and he is not finding ray of hope. Then u have yichen smiling at sunlight as if he wants to embrace it but when darkness come sunlight goes away so as his expression. Then the chains over the bed depicting how their relationship has been caged with love, pain, anger, they want to ease the pain by getting free but they are not able to instead they are getting deeper into the abyss. It's suffocating soo suffocating. Then when this time they got intimate/ non consensual sex/ rape they were intense with each other as if their intensity of relationship is destroying them. Lu feng was using black threads to grip and bind yichen just like his fear of loosing yichen, like their own relationship can't let go, it's hurtful, but can't even give and show love because of pain and suffering piled up and anger. There are just lots of more and more. Even camera lighting went to yellowish orange depicting madness, obsession.

After a very long time I am seeing a drama being so attentive to minute details to add on the story. Hats off to the screenwriter, costume designer, director, cameraman, editors. Seriously i am truly amazed by this drama.

Plot is one thing but this is whole diff level.

I want to. But i can't bring myself to do that. This show is already too much for me. The level of toxicity is just making me go insane. I am scared of happy ending here. Because imagine giving happy ending after what lu feng has done to yichen in ep9 and previous rape and his brother thing. Rape and imprisonment is a very very very serious and sensitive topic. No one should ever go through that. Never. I know it's a fiction but if a rape is mentioned then even fiction needs to address that properly. Otherwise imagine living with someone who did all these to u. Death is better than that.

But idk I also feel for lu feng. His loneliness, his suffering, his care i get it. But still can't defend those actions. Part of the problem with this series is that lu feng was not shown as bad person. He was shown who was warm in his relationship. That's why the opinions are divided. Those first two ep set the foundation of image of lu feng and viewers including me don't want him to suffer just because of that.

That being said yichen is also toxic.

I will try to read complete novel to understand their relationship era and the followed suffering. But having heard and read in pieces that lu feng did always used have violence i fear i will see lu feng as a complete criminal despite having love. A part of me is afraid of reading complete novel and a part of me is also afraid of judging the drama based on novel. Because drama has some changes from novel i want to judge drama based on drama only.

Having said that i am just surprised that definitely author and director and crew members knew some kind of magic spell because they just took a gist of toxic love story and made the characters show so morally grey and twisted that it keeps viewers on edge.

Dream ig. But it was too real. Like universe is giving yichen signal that lu feng is going to make him suffer emotionally, physically and mentally.

Or maybe he don't want to even talk? Because whenever and whatever yichen has ever said he has never kept his words. Or maybe this time lufeng don't want to give yichen choice to choose. From today's ep lu feng just want to let yichen know that he was dying everyday while searching and waiting for him. And he was living like a dead person. Because afterall yichen didn't gave lu feng closure or clarity that he will or have any thoughts about marrying Zhou lan.

Btw from what i have noticed u have always commented that lu feng is rapist which he is. But idk I have always seen u commenting from yichen's pov and his pain and not lufeng pov. His actions are different thing but never even saw u taking side with lu feng when he was good in relationship like in school days apart from that non consensual sex.

That made me curious to know:-
1. do u even like toxic romance dramas? And if yes then what drama according to u have handled toxicity in mature way.
2. Do u consider yichen pov because u find him more relatable or u don't want to see lu feng pov or is it that after thinking from both pov u still relate more with yichen.

Ik these questions are not something u are bound to ans me. But if u are ok then please let me know

If i am not wrong. Ayden chose sitong on his own based on the connection he felt with him. But yeah I get it from where u are coming.

Today more than hot. It was more of saying how much yichen still affect him and he is falling in love again with him. Also the aggression in his kisses were like saying how much pain he suffered. The streak of tears saying it's hurting him to even remember those pain and at the same time intensity reflecting his anger that yichen might have got intimate with Zhou lan. The consuming kisses as if he is claiming yichen is still his and he miss this feeling with him.

Although i don't understand when yichen saw camera why lufeng looked like he never knew that camera was there. But tbh those scenes of passion doesn't seem fake or intentional to hurt yichen. It's as if when he was saying "xiao chen, xiao chen, xiao chen" it was coming from craving and missing that he felt in years without him. And how things are still not ok between them.

Goddd. I should just stop talking i am being too emotional today after this ep.

But lu feng sacrificed his sister and in today's episode it was confirmed that he did cared for his father even though he beat him. Not saying yichen also should have choosen lufeng and sacrificed his family but he could have handled situation better and it's a fact. It's wrong also to always expect lu feng to act mature. Both were of same age aren't they in the series?
And if yichen didn't had any regrets about his choices he wouldn't even bothered to explain whole past thing. Specially when lu feng didn't asked for his marriage reason thing. Also in today's episode it was confirmed that lu feng was infact was insecure about yichen leaving him because of property. That's why he said if u wanted to leave then atleast u should have talked to me when things were calmer or in mature way. Lu feng did thought yichen left him because of money. Think about him that he was questioning yichen's love for him that thought says a lot. Who doesn't want that their partner feels secure about relationship and feel secure? Both was missing whenever yichen has chance to show this. And please it's not just about his mother there are lot of things. Again it doesn't give lu feng right to do whatever he did and all was wrong. And neither lufeng sacrifices should come with yichen expectations to sacrifice but somewhere he did lacked the kind of effort lu feng and the relationship was demanding.

What i feel is lu feng is making yichen's soul crushed. Yichen is craving for protection and is just one step behind depression. Sunlight is a reflection of hope which he is devoid of. Because even if he escape from lufeng place the harm was done on soul level. He can't escape from that. He is smiling trying to find hope as if someone just embrace him with that. But the second sunlight was gone his slight change in face to sadness was noticed.
( In my understanding. I maybe wrong)

Today's ep best describe in " painful, hurtful, torture".

Fr. Today's episode was tooo emotional and painful to watch. It hurts me to see both of them in pain.

Try to understand lu feng. He just acted. But the worst was afterwards. And u tell me yichen can marry for his mother and seek friendship from her but lu feng can't even try to make feel yichen what he went through? He said " How it feels to be helpless where none of ur pleas are getting heard and seeing someone whom u love with other person intimate" that's exactly he felt all these years. I don't understand why writers always make their characters suffer this much that death feels like a mercy. That character has to beg his life to make him free of his human body. Now story has surpassed the blame game thing and has reached to the part where they are only inflicting pain to each other specially lu feng because he want yichen to understand how he felt. Why authors have to make their characters fell in love so deeply that even after this much pain they keep falling for each other and only wish to be with each other happily?

Or maybe that was intentional. In my pov those are prisoners clothes. Like they don't have name just no. Yichen is going in his soul search by understanding and reflecting his inner feelings which he always was too hesitant to face that is " he still love and care for lu feng despite lu feng being giving him nothing but a pain harsher than death".

If you notice his clothes colour is white denoting peace and freedom which he lack. And lu feng colour is mostly black denoting void, emptiness, death. As he already said he was living the life and still living the life of walking corpse as in both case he is getting hurt and he is hurting the person he loved the most even more than his life. And the whole house was either in white despite having furniture and wealthy class features denoting feeling like jail like how their life has become after all these years. Escaping seems impossible. It's suffocating. And yellow colour cinematography adding grade of obsession, decay, madness.

He is a person who once loved someone soo deeply but now has lost himself and became a walking dead corpse with only suffering left behind

Why I am sooo sad. Why I am crying. Lu feng actions are unforgivable. Their relationship has came to the point that it's beyond repair. Their relationship has ended any form of humanity. One decision from yichen of breaking up with lu feng and lets not go into who's fault or what should have went right...it's just soooo sooo soooo sad that once the beautiful relationship between them, the love, care, warmth, home feeling, light of lu feng, the tenderness everything just got ruined now what's left between them is still love but sooo much pain, anger, resentment, care is there but they can't show as both are afraid to get hurt and let other hurt.

Such a beautiful relationship that we saw earlier why it got ruined? Only if society was little bit understanding towards them. Only if yichen would have fought hard. Only if lu feng didn't escalated things. Only if their parents tried to prioritise their children's happiness. Only if.....

I again don't want to point anyone's fault and analyse it. I am just too upset. I thought that I have watched all kind of black flags without feeling this much pain like to my shore( till the best drama), my stand in, addicted, kill to Love. But this drama surpasses everything, it surpasses all definition of black flag and toxicity.

For the first time I am feeling this level of toxicity between mls that i am finding it hard to understand if i should hope for their happy ending because they both suffered too much specially lufeng. Agree or not but he actually loved yichen more than yichen loved him. Or should I wish for their sad ending because afterall these things i don't think one can live with each other. Lufeng deserves jail and yichen don't deserve any romantic love and deserves to be single forever. Because he is a very bad lover. Always giving empt promises. Never talked to lu feng.
In both cases, i as a viewer is getting hurt.

I think of actors who exactly brought emotions this much. the obsession, anger, hurt, hopelessness was so spot on. What a incredible job.
What a beautiful direction. Thanks to the crew members who knew how to portray each emotion in the screen. I think of author who has written this beautiful yet tragic love story. I think of is viewers who are feeling the emotions whether positive or negative whether bashing in and out whether blaming lu feng or yichen but we all are suffering along with them. This drama is truly a masterpiece. Even ost adds pain. To be able to get hold of each character depth and story and viewer and actors capability and screen cinematography despite the story being written long back. It has captured and moved my heart to the core.

Thanks if it's truly a comedy drama then I need to, i must , i have to have to watch this after weekend to keep my mental health intact specially after today and tomorrow ep of double helix.

Fr. Adding on to that is the one week wait between episodes.

Finally the wait is going to be over. It's Friday..double helix day. Hope after one week of torturous wait i get some relief.