She married him when he was dead and was no longer able to accompany her.peng-peng:
Her lover is person she needs the most in her life so much so that she refused to accept this death.
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Marrying a dead
For those who are not familiar with this practice here is an explanation:
In Chinese tradition, a Ghost Marriage (Chinese: 冥婚; pinyin: mínghūn; lit. 'spirit marriage') is a marriage in which one or both parties are deceased.[1]: 99 In mainland China, the practice of Ghost Marriage involves two deceased individuals. In Taiwan and South East Asia, this practice involves with one deceased and one living.
The practice of Ghost Marriage could be traced back to the Han Dynasty (206 B.C.-220 A.D.); the participants were among the wealthy. The origin is due to the Chinese Yin and Yang philosophy where Yin has to merge with Yang to reach harmony and the philosophy of life after death. It was believed that if a person die as a bachelor or bachelorette, his or her spirit would feel lonely in the after life. This situation is against the Chinese Yin and Yang rule and was believed that their ghost couldn't reach harmony so would cause harm to their living family members and descendants. Thus, the living family members would find a deceased opposite sex to be buried together to complete the Yin and Yang balance.
The real purpose of Ghost Marriage is to appease the minds of the living. It is a form of Bereavement Therapy that was practiced in the ancient days and is still being practiced nowadays in various Chinese communities. Attributed to its long history and unique practice, the real reasons behind this practice is long forgotten. What is left behind are stigma, superstitions, and eeriness encompass with the practice.
Other forms of ghost marriage are practiced worldwide, notably in France, since 1959 (see posthumous marriage; compare levirate marriage and ghost marriage in South Sudan, i.e. marriage to a living relative of the deceased). The origins of Chinese ghost marriage are largely unknown, but reports of it being practiced today can still be found.[2]
NB: France is one of few countries that cover posthumous marriages in their laws and allow it (Article 171 of French Civil Law).[2] Legal recognition began in 1803 and was intended for war widows. The current legislation was enacted in 1959 following a deadly rupture of the Malpasset Dam, which killed the fiancé of a pregnant woman. This aims to legitimize unborn children whose fathers had died.[3]
Previously engaged
Upon the death of her fiancé, a bride could choose to go through with the wedding, in which the groom was represented by a white cockerel at the ceremony.[10]: 29 However, some women were hesitant since this form of ghost marriage required her to participate in the funeral ritual, mourning customs (including strict dress and conduct standards), take a vow of celibacy,[10]: 29 and immediately take up residence with his family.[1]: 91 A groom had the option of marrying his late fiancée, with no disadvantages, but there have been no records of such weddings.[10]: 29
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XIAO YAO's CHOICE to become JING's GHOST BRIDE
Ch.42 Extracts:
Xiao Yao yelled “Jing! Jing is there!”
“Because this bracelet was found there, we had men search that area top to bottom and every rock turned over. Nothing was found. Likely carried by the current into the ocean.” Xiao Yao’s voice was tight and sharp “Then search the ocean.”
********************
Zhuan Xu had no answer for that.
“In the past, if we made mistakes, we corrected it and things got fixed. But what about this time? Gege, you tell me, what did we do wrong? I’ll fix it, I’ll for sure fix it. No matter what I did wrong, I’ll change and fix it!”
Xiao Yao’s body convulsed from the pain and not eating for two days, she felt like throwing up but nothing came up.
“Xiao Yao, Xiao Yao.” Zhuan Xu tried to inject power into Xiao Yao to lessen her pain but could do nothing because her pain came from her heart.
********************
Xiao Yao sat down in front of her dresser table “Do my hair and makeup.”
These days Xiao Yao didn’t even eat, much less get dolled up. Miao Pu was stunned until she realized why and said with a tearful reply “Yes!”
Miao Pu wasn’t trained in doing the elaborate wedding hairstyle and none of the old biddies arrived since the wedding was called off, so Miao Pu did Xiao Yao’s hair in her favorite style and put on a hair ornament that Jing gave Xiao Yao.
Xiao Yao looked at herself in the mirror and together with Miao Pu did her own makeup. Xiao Yao asked “Where is my wedding dress?”
Miao Pu opened the chest and took out a red wedding dress with gold thread “Miss?” Xiao Yao opened her arms “I want to wear it!”
*************************
In the scene from Lost You Forever/Once Promised where Xiao Yao performs a marriage ceremony with her deceased lover, Tushan Jing, by the seaside, Tong Hua masterfully delves into the complex emotions of grief, love, and the human experience.
The act of Xiao Yao performing a marriage ceremony with Tushan Jing after his passing is a striking display of her unwavering love and devotion. It represents her refusal to let go of their bond, even in the face of death. This act challenges traditional notions of marriage and love, as it transcends the physical realm and delves into the depths of emotional and spiritual connection. It prompts readers to consider the enduring nature of love and the lengths to which one may go to honor and preserve a cherished relationship.
Extract:
Xiao Yao looked down, she had been injured before and knew how long it took to stop hurting.
To stop hurting she had to forget! But time was like sand, it would cover up everything in the heart.
"But——
Jing, I don’t want to!
If the price to pay to not hurt is to forget you, then I would rather be in pain always so that you can live in my heart, until my life reaches its conclusion.
I’ve already put on my wedding dress and said my vows to the moon. From tonight forward, I am your wife!"
The choice of setting for this poignant moment is also significant. The seaside, with its vast and powerful presence, serves as a backdrop that amplifies the emotional weight of the scene. The crashing waves and endless horizon create a sense of both insignificance and interconnectedness, mirroring the tumultuous emotions that Xiao Yao experiences. The seaside becomes a metaphor for the vastness of love and loss, providing a space for Xiao Yao to confront her grief and express her undying love for Tushan Jing.
Furthermore, this scene prompts contemplation on the nature of grief and the human capacity for enduring love. It challenges readers to consider how individuals navigate the complexities of loss and find ways to honor and remember those they have lost. Xiao Yao's act of performing a marriage ceremony with Tushan Jing invites reflection on the ways in which people process and express their grief, as well as the lengths to which they will go to preserve the memory of a loved one.
In a broader sense, this scene raises profound questions about the transcendence of love and the impact of loss on the human experience. It challenges readers to consider the boundaries of love, the resilience of the human spirit, and the ways in which individuals navigate the depths of their emotions in the face of profound loss.
In conclusion, the scene in Lost You Forever/Once Promised where Xiao Yao performs a marriage ceremony with her deceased lover by the seaside is a deeply evocative and thought-provoking moment in the novel. Tong Hua skillfully explores the complexities of love, grief, and the human experience, inviting readers to contemplate the enduring power of love and the profound impact of loss on the human spirit.
We see that Xiao Yao's choice to be Tushan Jing's wife forever reflects her profound belief in the enduring nature of their love, defying the limitations imposed by mortality.
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from a s2 trailer I saw a couple of months ago, XY found out it was ZX who killed Jing & said,’ you killed Jing, I’ll kill you too’ while she was holding a basket 🧺 filled with dessert(she prolly poisoned them), while they were standing at their favorite blossom tree & ZX was standing in the shade looking all worned out tho.Romans_Revenge:
I'd like to see this part!
@Symbolika1
I totally agree. This is my fav moment in the novel. It showed how much Xiao Yao has given her heart to Jing. With his death she was free to move ion but she refused. She gave herself to him forever. Even death could not part them..
She did not want just another man to accompany her in her long life. Only the memory of Jing in her heart.
When people say XY married Jing because he was the only ine available, I laugh. They missed the part when he was no longer available but she still chose him.
Arwen : I choose a mortal life.
Aragorn : You cannot give me this.
Arwen : It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my heart.
When immortal Arwen in LoTR choose the mortal path over immortality- It was a moment that keep coming back in my memory ...as I was reading of Xiao Yao choosing what scares her most:
A lonely mortal life, but still to choose to give her heart to Jing and marry him even if dead.
She was willing to endlessly wait for death to reunite them again.
Xiao Yao's choice to marry Jing even if he is dead can be related to Arwen's decision to choose a mortal life and marry Aragorn in "The Lord of the Rings." Both Xiao Yao and Arwen are making a very difficult and unconventional choice based on their own feelings and desires, rather than following societal or traditional expectations. They are both choosing love over their societal sense of happiness, even if it means going against the norm , or facing more challenges and more deeper inner fears....
This shows their strength and determination to follow their hearts, despite the obstacles they may face. But not only: Xiao Yao's commitment to Jing, even in death, reflects also her fear of being alone and her determination to hold on to love at any cost. Similarly, Arwen's decision to choose mortality and be with Aragorn is driven by her fear of being separated from the one she loves and facing an eternity of loneliness without him. Despite their fears, they make choices that reflect their resilience, determination, and unwavering commitment to love. Xiao Yao's decision to marry Jing even after his death and Arwen's choice to give up her immortality both showcase their inner strength and their willingness to confront their fears in pursuit of love and companionship. Their actions highlight their courage and resilience in the face of their deepest fears, making them both powerful and inspiring woman's characters to me.
As Arwen gives up her immortality to be with Aragorn, embracing mortality----Xiao Yao, in "Lost You Forever Once Promised," is willing to marry Jing even after his death, showing her commitment to him even beyond mortality.
In this sense, the two characters are making opposite choices , yet endosing the same weight - Arwen is choosing mortality for the sake of love, while Xiao Yao is choosing to remain committed to Jing even in death.
Both choices reflect a deep and enduring love, expressed in different ways.
Both demonstrate a profound and selfless dedication to their loved ones, showing that their love transcends the boundaries of life and death.
Only the memory of Jing in her heart.
<3 This
(a very personal post ...)
About celibacy ...yes Xiao Yao committed herself to Jing. And it is her choice. To me I don't think it has to do with Tong Hua wanted to make some sort of this traditional knowledge behind the scene. To me TH is just fantasizd with the idea of two lovers whom cannot live without each other which is actually a universal endless love in many fictions that has nothing to do with belief of being lonely after death when not even fall in love when alive. I personally don't think it's TH idea. Besides there is some sort of feminist feel to Xiao Yao character. Besides some legendary belief such as lover bugs are doomed in her story.Winny Aye:
But yep...if this practice is something you think of while reading ...then its good knowledge . But yep to me ..I still do not think it's TH idea....to tie up her main couple to some sort of belief especially when YaoJing is the couple against his arrange marriage and there's shown Jing being different from his grandma whom is all into old traditions . So I do not think TH would do something such tie with Xiao Yao, her female lead.
But then again you may have different views of course. After all some folk beliefs are worth to share ..in case it reminds you of this plot. But personally i just don't see Yaojing romance with this tradition relatable as such.
Hey Winny <3!
As you mentioned , there's a feminist feel to Xiao Yao's character. Jing's non-conformity to traditional norms align too with a broader exploration of gender roles and expectations. It signify for me too a departure from rigid patriarchal structures and the empowerment of female characters in the narrative.
We saw few times already how Tong Hua suggest that, in the face of changing times, individuals must navigate their own paths and redefine cultural practices to suit their personal beliefs and experiences. Both their actions are guided by their personal feelings and the strength of their bond, even if set against the backdrop of cultural influences. Jing's path is particulary a hard one.
I am very aware of the fantasy setting, and this is precisly the reason my post is divided in two sections. The cultural traditions and practices serve as a backdrop to their poignant love story. The echo of cultural elements enhances the romance, providing a unique and evocative setting for the characters' expressions of love or in this case heartbreaking longing. Please note my using of word: echo :) . The seaside marriage ceremony and the commitment to being together beyond death is a powerful symbol of enduring love, transcending mortal limitations. This symbolism reinforces the idea that their connection goes beyond mere reference to cultural traditions. Be it in the novels fantasy world, or ours with its all traditions.
It seems that the author leveraged cultural and folk traditions to amplify the emotional depth of Xiao Yao's commitment and enduring love for Jing, and as author (creator, feminist, writer, modern new yorker) skillfully utilized cultural and folk traditions, such as the practice of marrying the deceased, as narrative tools to emphasize Xiao Yao's profound longing and commitment to Jing, transcending even death. Nothing more, nothing less either. She probably found it strikefull and wanted to use it - but transforming it.
=>Rather than suggesting a commentary on cultural evolution, it appears that the author strategically employed these elements to enhance the emotional depth of the characters and their enduring love story. She re-created them to suit her purpose, as she have written it. It's from my point of view - a creative adaptation and recreation tailored and intendent to fit Xiao Yao's fantasy world . And not some deranging yet ongoing folk practice.
The author seems to have taken these elements and transformed them to enhance the emotional resonance of Xiao Yao's profound longing for Jing, extending even beyond the boundaries of mortality. As I dont have as european all that cultural baggage (different one), yes I am interested, and mostly, will add...precisly on the : how she change them into something beautifull and deep.
The author deliberatly didnt add anything irrespectfull:
Chapter 43 extract:
Xiao Yao bowed three times to the moon and was standing up when a little white bird landed on the window sill.
The author deliberately chose to conclude the scene with Xiao Yao's gestures, specifically bowing to the moon and the appearance of a little white bird, which can be interpreted as a symbol of purity or freedom .
This choice indicates a careful crafting of the narrative to maintain a respectful tone and allow for various reader interpretations. It underscores the author's intention to handle sensitive themes with care and allows readers to engage with the narrative in a way that aligns with their comfort levels and individual perspectives. It also exudes a sense of grace and affection and simplicity (bow,moon,bird)- Where hopefully we can agree to :).
I absolutely see where you're coming from in questioning the tie between Xiao Yao and the folk practice, especially considering Jing's stance against arranged marriages and his deviation from traditional beliefs. It's fascinating to think that Tong Hua, rather than rigidly binding the characters to cultural norms, have drawn inspiration from the questionable folk practice to usher in a beautiful transformation in the narrative. In the face of changing and grieving the loving ones times, individuals can redefine cultural practices to suit their personal values. How they want to respectfully go through it.
While contributing to writer world-building.
It feels like Tong Hua used this element as a creative tool to shift from challenging traditions to crafting something profoundly renewed/revisited and gracefull. It's as if the characters Xiao Yao, Jing - and their love story underwent a metamorphosis within the context of this cultural inspiration.
. It challenges readers to consider how individuals navigate the complexities of loss and find ways to honor and remember those they have lost. Xiao Yao's act of performing a marriage ceremony with Tushan Jing invites reflection on the ways in which people process and express their grief, as well as the lengths to which they will go to preserve the memory of a loved one.Symbolika1:
It's her personal beliefs and experience.
the idea that love can persist even in the face of mortality, offer a poignant exploration of the depth and power of emotional connections and the mourning time.
My thoughts align with the notion that Tong Hua has employed these changes to Ghost Marriage (Chinese: 冥婚; pinyin: mínghūn; lit. 'spirit marriage' ) to explore and reach out profound themes such as individual agency, the evolution of cultural practices, and the timeless nature of love within the fantasy world she has created => By recreating them - to suit Xiao Yao and Jing: with Grace - Simplicity- Love.
I understant, capture that the theme of cultural evolution and adaptation (the changes made to the gost bride in Xiao's world) - reflect the author's view that relationships, like cultures, have to evolve over time, can be personalized (respectfully). Reflecting a belief in the fluidity of love and the ability to create something unique within a changing cultural landscape be it in their world, or in ours as a metaphor.
Yes, I wrote unique.
As much as Xiao Yao 's that day wedding dress is unique and rich of meaning.
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