It is telling also that this term is also used in Xiang Liu's character song 等不到的等待 A Wait that Cannot be Waited For:liddi:
海天月，月照衣，衣发胜雪
The moon in the sky above the ocean, the clothes illuminated by moonlight, hair and clothes whiter than snow
山水笑，笑眉目，目光如星
The mountains and seas smile, smiling eyebrows, a gaze like stars
相思染，染情蛊，骨刻心铭
Stained with longing, stained by the love's poison, bones engraved and hearts inscribed
You beat me to it liddi!
Thanks for another great translation!
Who did she love more deeply? XL or FFB. It's XL.H19279:
I don't share this interpretation.
XY knows that XL and FFB are the same person, with only very minor / surface-level differences in the appearance and behaviour of these two personas. The only meaningful difference between them is that XL is the one with ties to the remnant army. Ties that he will not forsake. Ties that make him behave coldly. Ties that make him her family's enemy.
XL and FFB are the same person, so she loves them both. But she can't be with XL (he chose to stay with the remnant army and didn't accept her ice crystal ball invitation), and FFB is "dead".
When XY sees XL three chapters after FFB is killed and XL asks XY The Question, this is her reaction when XL appears before her all in black, with even his hair covered, so he looks like FFB:
-----
Chapter 35:
Xiao Yao lifted her head and saw Xiang Liu dressed all in black with a black cloak covering him, wrapping his entire form snugly in pure black. He seemed like an imposing but ordinary person, until the slight gap in his hood showed a few white hairs.
...
She stared at Xiang Liu and the man before her was that dissolute wastrel, but the moment she was about to become torn again, a strand of white hair fell that reminded her exactly who he was. Xiao Yao softly stroked his hair and said, “This place is not safe to stay. Pay your respects and hurry off!”
Oh, A Nian has great character growth in the novel (and the drama, from what I can see in the leaked script). In the novel, she was the one who ensured that Xiang Liu's seashell was delivered to Jade Mountain in time to keep Xiao Yao alive after her 2nd suicide attempt, using the excuse that she found it by accident in the Gao Xin royal depository. The reality was that this was in response to the promise Xiang Liu exacted from her in return for helping her teach Xiao Yao a lesson so many years ago. So A Nian definitely knew who really saved Xiao Yao this time.
In the leaked script, she would replace Sir Bi's role on Jade Mountain, witnessing how Xiang Liu saved Xiao Yao and gave two of his lives to destroy the lovers bug; and later give the big bellied doll to Xiao Yao as a wedding present on Xiang Liu's behalf. So don't think too badly of her.
I agree with all of this. She definitely grew on me. ^^
So, no, the way I see it, she would not have left Qingshui town, if not for Cang Xuan forcibly taking her away.
Here are the part in Chapter 8 about WXL's plan to leave QS Town after moving the bugs
Hmm... true. I am not sure if she would have left immediately though. She certainly had no immediate reason to do so.
I agree, liddi, that in the novel (at the beginning of chapter 8) XY wasn't planning to leave QS town right away (she resumed her lazy life). But in the drama, instead of TSJ observing that XY had made preparations for those around her and realizing that she had plans to leave (eventually if not immediately) the way he did in the novel, TSJ sees that she has cleared her room and packed her bag (https://youtu.be/CYUSTBGeil4?si=F7wHEhT_EUdIo51E&t=447) indicating that she was planning to leave that day.
The novel gave me the impression that XY had been planning to leave QS town for a while. As far back as chapter 6.
TSJ left to live with the Tushan clan. He had clan obligations and a finacee. Chuan Zi and Ma Zi were married and spent more time with their families and less time at the clinic. Each of them would die eventually, even Lao Mu. XY didn't like the feeling of being abandoned or left behind. Rather than watching them leave her gradually, or waiting for them to leave her permanently (in death), it seemed like XY preferred to be the one who did the leaving. It reminds me of chapter 11, when XY was touched when TSJ told her to leave first and watched her go, so that she didn't have to be the lonely one left behind.
-----
Chapter 3:
Butcher Gao had only one child and Ma Zi had no parents, so after the marriage Ma Zi became like a son to Butcher Gao and often went to help out. Gradually he lived more at Butcher Gao’s house and returned to the clinic less.
-----
Chapter 6:
“Brother Liu is willing to teach me?”
“Why not? If you work, then I can retire.”
...
Xiao Liu gently said, “Be good to Lao Mu. When you guys die and he’s still alive, make sure your children are good to him.” Xan Tian Er looked quizzically at Xiao Liu but he just smiled. Xan Tian Er appeared to understand a bit and she nodded solemnly. “You don’t need to worry. I will take good care of Lao Mu and Chuan Zi.”
Xuan walked into the clinic and sat down across from Xiao Liu, “Giving final instructions?”
Xiao Liu went to get water and used that to control the emotions in his eyes.
...
Winter arrived and by then Xiao Liu’s injuries were all healed.
-----
Chapter 7:
The carriage passed and people started moving again but the three of them remained standing there. Xiao Liu laughed at Jing. “Since your fiancee is here, we won’t bother your reunion. Bye!” Xiao Liu dragged Xuan off, leaving Jing standing there watching them disappear around the corner.
...
“Why do we need to keep talking about him?”
“Because the Tu Shan family’s businesses blanket the entire vast wilderness, and he represents the future of the clan and that will determine whether the Tu Shan clan is my friend or foe.”
“Then you go get chummy with him, why ask me?”
“He listens to you.”
Xiao Liu laughed. “You think playing chess and running his entire family business is the same? He listens to me, because I saved him, but he only listens to what he can listen to.”
...
The two finished eating and walked home. Xuan went back to the wine shop but Xiao Liu didn’t go back to the clinic. He walked to the river’s edge and stood there for some time before slowly walking into the river.
The Spring water still carried a Winter chill. Xiao Liu let the river carry him downstream until he was shivering deep into his bones. Right up until he almost smashed into a rock, he climbed on the rock and let the cold air further chill him. He said to himself, “Do you see? This is what happens when you do what you want. You almost freeze to death.”
Xiao Liu jumped back into the river and swam upstream back to the clinic. He ran inside, took off his clothes, and burrowed under the blankets. He was still cold and tossed and turned but couldn’t sleep. He yelled at himself “Wen Xiao Liu! Don’t be so coddled! Life goes on no matter who leaves!”
These days, everyone was talking about Miss Fang Feng and the Tu Shan second lord. Xiao Liu decided not to leave the house but couldn’t even escape it at home.
-----
Chapter 8:
After removing the voodoo bug from Xuan, Xiao Liu resolved a big worry and soundly slept for three days.
...
Xiao Liu put everything aside and went back to living his lazy life.
It was the middle of Summer and Xiao Liu was laying on the pallet...
...
After some time, Jing’s voice spoke, “[...] But I’m scared to leave. You gave Ma Zi a family, you found Xan Tian Er for Chuan Zi, you set up everything for Lao Mu. You are already prepared to leave it all behind and continue wandering. I’m afraid if I turn around even for a second, I won’t be able to find you ever again.”
...
Xiao Liu suddenly collapsed on the pallet and stared at the wind chime. Shi Qi saw through it, that he was planning to leave. Someone walked into the yard and Xiao Liu covered his eyes and said in annoyance “I’m resting, don’t bother me!”
...
“My Master wants to see you.”
...
Xiao Liu decided he couldn’t escape by his ability alone, he needed help. Right now he really missed Xiang Liu...
The only one left was Tu Shan Jing. The Tu Shan clan businesses blanketed the vast wilderness, including selling to the Sheng Nong resistance army. They had to have secret passages to move items in and out of town. But right now the Grand Emperor of Gao Xing and the Xuan Yuan Prince both wanted him. If Tu Shan Jing helped him, then he would be making an enemy out of the entire world. Would Tu Shan Jing be willing to make an enemy of both Xuan Yuan and Gao Xing for one little Wen Xiao Liu?
The moment this thought popped into his head, Xiao Luu suddenly wanted to know Jing’s choice even more than he wanted to escape Qing Shui Town. Xiao Liu looked at the ice crystal wind chime and smiled coldly. Whatever Jing chose to do, once Xiao Liu asked then he’ll know.
Xiao Liu walked out and saw Tian Er memorizing medicinal herb concoctions. He said to her, “I’m leaving Hui Chun Clinic in your hands. If Lao Mu is sad, tell him people come and go and having traveled a distance together is already enough.”
...
Jing asked, “You want to run away?” Xiao Liu smiled. “Yes, I want to run away.”
Jing replied, “It will be very difficult.”
Xiao Liu nodded with more smiles. “It is very difficult, if it wasn’t difficult I wouldn’t be here with you. The Tu Shan clan must have a secret passage way out of town. You help me escape.”
“Fine!”
Xiao Liu’s smile froze and he stared at Jing.
...
The carriage started to move and it was dark and Xiao Liu and Jing were tightly pressed together due to its cramped space. When Xiao Liu went to look for Jing, it was a spur of the moment thing. He wanted to see Jing put in a tight spot, he wanted to hear Jing try to talk him into going to see the Grand Emperor and it was no big deal. Xiao Liu wanted to hear all of this with his own ears, so that he could use this cruel method to cut the final threads of longing in his heart, so that he could leave without a care, so that he could let Wen Xiao Liu vanish forever without any sadness.
But when Xiao Liu said he didn’t want to go and Jing never asked why he would rather risk death to escape than go, nor did he pause to think about his own danger before agreeing to help him escape. The longing in Xiao Liu’s heart expanded instead of being severed.
-----
Chapter 11:
Until the sun was setting over the river, Shi Qi softly said, “I need to leave. When are you going back?”
“I need to go back too.”
“Then you go first.”
Xiao Liu felt a sliver of warmth in her heart and stood up to leave. She walked slowly down the river edge towards the residence, knowing someone was sending her off with his eyes. It made this walk feel less lonely with someone keeping her company.
But the person sending her off gave her the warmth while he kept the loneliness of watching her gradually disappear from sight.
You know, do you recall whether Lao Mu and co. ever knew that she was part of the deity tribe? Or did they think that she was a mortal just like them? If they did, then she would have to leave sometime before her unchanging features became too obvious.
Lao Mu thought that WXL was a lowlier type of god like him, and not a higher level god like TSJ.
-----
Chapter 1:
Ma Zi spoke to the person laying on the pallet through the window, “Beggar, Brother Liu spent an entire night saving you and used up all the medicine he was saving for himself. You have to survive.” When Xiao Liu came back in the afternoon, he was so tired and sleepy his eyelids were battling each other.
He tossed a wild duck on the ground and went to the kitchen to get a bowl of hot soup, crumbling some biscuits to toss inside. He sat behind the stove and noisily slurped his meal. Lao Mu was rolling dough and said, “I heard about that man’s injuries from Ma Zi.”
Xiao Liu drank his soup. “Uhm hmmm.”
“Ma Zi, Chuan Zi – neither can see it, but you must be able to tell. He is from one of the God tribes, and he is definitely not one of the lowlier types of Gods like us.”
Xiao Liu drank his soup and didn’t respond.
Back to your original question. If she hadn't planned to leave immediately or even if she did, she might choose to notify Xiang Liu when the time came. I don't get the feeling that she would have left him without a word, especially after the oath she swore to him in return for moving the bug to him. Let's not forget too the 10 hour underwater stroll they took after the transfer of the bug, a beautiful moment in time which she chose to immortalise in her shengsheng mirror. Would she have been so willing to put distance between them after that? He knew exactly what she was, and her identity at the time was such that she could have possibly stayed with him and the Shen Nong army if she wanted to leave Qingshui town. Not sure if I am overthinking things. Just my two cents spouted in the middle of the night!
I'm not sure if she would have notified XL or not.
She thinks of him when CX wanted to bring her back to Gao Xing, but I think that was mainly because XL would have been the perfect person to help her escape and avoid that outcome.
After she returned to her true form and regained her identity as the Gao Xing Eldest Princess, she admitted to XL that if she ever saw him again she was planning to pretend she didn't know him.
If she left QS town but didn't regain her true form and her princess identity, would she have stayed in touch with XL? I'm not sure.
-----
Chapter 8:
Even though Xiao Liu could change his face and form, but he was now under surveillance by a God and if there wasn’t anyone to block for him to avert their attention, then even if he changed forms he couldn’t escape.
Xiao Liu decided he couldn’t escape by his ability alone, he needed help. Right now he really missed Xiang Liu. Only Xiang Liu could care less about Xuan Yuan and Gao Xing authority, plus he could go hide in the Sheng Nong army base to run away from Zhuan Xu. But after their Gao Xing trip Xiao Liu hadn’t seen Xiang Liu and there wasn’t any time to summon him for help.
-----
Chapter 13:
Xiao Yao wasn’t scared, she had been cliff diving since she was young and she actually quite enjoyed this free fall before entering the ocean.
The wind blew her hair around her and her robe billowed out so she looked like a falling butterfly with green wings flying towards the ocean.
Xiao Yao stretched out her body and squinted her eyes, when suddenly her eyes opened wide – under the moonlight, in the dark blue ripples of the ocean, a white haired white robed man was laying on the waves. He had a slight smile as he looked up at her, as if enjoying a dance that was for his eyes only.
Xiao Yao wanted to escape but she was in the middle of falling and her only way was down. She could only watch as she got closer and closer to him, closer and closer, until she thought she would fall right on top of Xiang Liu. At that moment he sank into the ocean and she entered the water. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down with him.
...
Xiang Liu sat crossed legged on the surface and pulled up the unconscious Xiao Yao and placed her on his leg. He summoned power to his palms and patted her a few times on the back. Xiao Yao coughed and spit out mouthfuls of water. She was gradually regaining consciousness though her entire body was weak and sore and her head was heavy. She couldn’t move, so closed her eyes and rested wearily on Xiang Liu’s lap.
After resting for a good while, Xiao Yao finally was able to think straight and she pressed down on Xiang Liu’s leg to help her sit up. Likely Xiang Liu’s power was forming a solid surface so the waves underneath her felt like a soft cushion, making her movements wobbly but she didn’t sink.
Xiang Liu was expressionless and just staring at her. He said nothing so Xiao Yao didn’t know what to say either.
They were in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by endless darkness, as if the entire world was just the two of them left.
Xiao Yao finally said, “I was planning to pretend I didn’t know you when I saw you again.”
“I still have the voodoo bug in my body, are you trying to welsh on your promise?”
Xiao Yao said, “It ought to be that only I can sense you, but you can’t sense me. How did you know I was Wen Xiao Liu?”
Xiang Liu raised his hand and pulled Xiao Yao’s hair back from her face, holding her head in his hand and carefully taking in her face. “This is your true form?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re a great liar.”
Xiao Yao wanted to explain. “It’s not lying, I really thought I was Wen Xiao Liu.”
“The Princess of Gao Xing?” Xiang Liu laughed coldly “No wonder you would die to save Zhuan Xu.”
Xiao Yao didn’t dare say anything more.
XL and FFB are the same person, so she loves them both. But she can't be with XL (he chose to stay with the remnant army and didn't accept her ice crystal ball invitation), and FFB is "dead".AH :
Yes, FFB is another aspect of XL. However, XL is complete person with all characteristics, all the history, personality.
When FFB didn't reveal his true identity, did she fall in love with FFB? First, she drew attention on him, accepted hanging with him just because he looked like XL.
" Last night when she knew for sure he was Xiang Liu, she wasn’t surprised or shocked in the least. It felt like it was always this way, and this heavy burden in the corner of her heart was lifted, though another burden had arisen. ."
If the theory of the Loves' Bug is correct, then it requires love and willingness for successful planting and love (one-heart) to nurture and keep the bugs growing. Did she have feeling or love with XL since she was WXL? I think YES. Subconciously, she was attracted by him. She loved Probably she didn't know or she didn't dare to acknowledge it. The bloodline decided her side, by CX and he was the opposite one. In her mind, she didn't allow herself to consider him as candidate for long term companionship. But it didn't help her from falling into him.
She made poison for XL, sharing her mood, her thought via the poison. She wondered his reaction when receiving. She thought of him while swimming, and she looked at her mirror with XL's image inside. She didn't add anymore image of FFB in the mirror. I am pretty sure she share a lot of happy moment with FFB. FFB is XL without armour. When Jing got married, the identity who shared her sorrow via heart beat was XL. knowing FFB (warm, tender, considerate, patient to her ) as another side of XL "lifted the heavy burden in the corner of her heart" (e.g., he was always cold, calculated,). "She had also seen Fang Feng Bei as real, so their relationship was covered by this tender sweet layer like a gauzy veil"
After she knew FFB and XL is one, in their conversation, at key moment she always adress him as XL. Because she wanted to know XL's opinion. She cared for him but scared of him at the same time. XL was her exception.
I believe that when you love someone, you should love the complete version of that person. XL is the complete one, the original one who she fell in love first and till the end
About the 3 question:
A part of the readers shares the answer as FFB with the same explanation as your. I can fully understand. It is reasonable. FFB could company her, FFB was the nicer side of XL and because FFB was killed by XL, she could not give the answer. However, the FFB's death is just the understanding between the two of them by that time. For previous question, she could still answer she agreed to marry YSQ althougt the complete human was Jing (got married). FFB was "dead" just 1 month ago. Is that long enough to write strong statement of "she refused to think about". Besides, I think another keyword is "what her heart felt". That the part in her heart that she always hide, the part for XL, before as well as later (till the end of the book)
Xiao Yao opened her mouth to answer but her expression showed her internal struggle as her mind refused to let her say what her heart felt.
After multiple struggles she became more and more pained and her body began to shake as she clutched her head “Hurt…..hurt…..” Xiang Liu had used his power to try and see into Xiao Yao’s heart but Xiao Yao’s mind was too strong willed. If she encountered something that even she refused to think about, then she would unexpectedly oppose answering it and the headache was the result of her refusal to answer the question.
--------------------
I also think that XY always awared that FFB is temporarily companions. She wished him to be FFB forever, she hoped the "firework of the mortal life" could keep him in. That means she regarded him as XL
Last, taking XL point of view. Did he think her answer was FFB. Is that sastisfied him?
And, that doesn't suit the logic of a romance story. That would not send a strong implication or message that our FL loved this guy from start to the end who she wanted to accompany in her whole life most.
However, XL is complete person with all characteristics, all the history, personality.
I believe that when you love someone, you should love the complete version of that person. XL is the complete one, the original one who she fell in love first.
I don't view FFB as an incomplete version of XL. After XY came to understand that FFB was not a fake persona for XL but rather a variation of his true self (the person he could be when he wasn't focused on his ties to the remnant army), I don't think XY considered him as incomplete either.
XY wanted XL to be FFB always. She says so out loud more than once. When he spent a night and a day with her in the ocean (with black hair and away from any ties to the remnant army), XY thought to herself that she wanted to live the rest of her life like that. She always wanted him to be the version of himself who could be with her, unburdened by his ties to the remnant army.
When he looked like FFB in chapter 35, she was about to become torn again. Her longing to be with FFB was at risk of coming back. But then she saw his strand of white hair and was reminded that he was XL, the side she could not be with. The side with ties to the remnant army that he refused to sever.
I just posted the relevant excerpts, so I wont post them again.
https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/110123-xl-and-xy-story-and-romance-warning-spoilers?pid=2842821&page=290#p2842821 - chapter 18 (FFB is XL without his armor), chapters 19 and 23 (XY wishes out loud that XL could be only FFB forever), and chapter 26 (a chapter where the lines between XL and FFB were very blurry - XL was black haired and took her out to enjoy the ocean, she wished she could spend the rest of her life like that).
https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/110123-xl-and-xy-story-and-romance-warning-spoilers?pid=2842853&page=291#p2842853 - chapter 35 excerpt (XY was about to become torn again when XL looked like FFB, until a strand of white hair reminded her exactly who he was).
And, that doesn't suit the logic of a romance story. That would not send a strong implication or message that our FL loved this guy from start to the end who she wanted to accompany in her whole life most.
Try substituting "version of XL without ties to the remnant army" for "FFB".
- The person XY wanted to spend the rest of her life with was FFB = the person XY wanted to spend the rest of her life with was the version of XL without ties to the remnant army
- XY wanted XL to be FFB forever = XY wanted FFB to be the version of XL/himself without ties to the remnant army.
I don't think that takes away from her love for XL at all.
After she returned to her true form and regained her identity as the Gao Xing Eldest Princess, she admitted to XL that if she ever saw him again she was planning to pretend she didn't know him.
If she left QS town but didn't regain her true form and her princess identity, would she have stayed in touch with XL? I'm not sure.
@AH and @Liddi
I am not sure either if WXL would say farewell to XL in case he managed to leave in a peaceful, normal way. She might come to see him, say good-bye in a similar half joking - half real tone as in the conversation in chapter 5 (when WXL took Ah Nian and XL got back to the camp after getting the medicine back from CX)
Furball’s projection came flying down and chirped to Xiang Liu who pat it a few times on the head “The medicine has been received and the men safely away.”
Xiao Liu stood up and stretched “I’ll take her back. With this parting, the rivers are long and the mountains are wide. If there is next time, and if there isn’t next time, then don’t miss me.”
Xiang Liu smiled “What I miss is your blood, not your person.”
@AH, I don't think she would keep in touch with XL. She might still miss him but she was cold and selfish person. She would move on. Even if she did not restore her princess status, she still knew CX was her gege, supporting him and XL was the enermy of her family. Moreover, she did not know the type of Bug inside their bodies. She didn't know their life fate and heart had tied with each other.
That being said, I think that XY seems more casual with FFB from the moment she realizes he is XL:blimarch:
Chapter 19
When she was with Fang Feng Bei, Xiao Yao often forgot her identity and she would feel like she was still Wen Xiao Liu except wearing girl clothes.
Xiao Yao knew Fang Feng Bei was Xiang Liu, but because this wasn’t the battlefield and he wasn’t being a cold and ruthless battle god, it was like he took off his armor and resumed living the ordinary life as well.
It's like she became again Wen Xiao Liu but accompanying a mix of FFB and XL: "Fang Feng Liu" (as seen on Twitter). XL now seems less unworldy, more close to her, less likely to make her feel like he could no longer be part of her world and vanish from her life, leaving her alone:
Chapter 25
Xiao Yao was rooted in place and watched him come closer to her through the dense thrum of bustling ordinary life. Even knowing it was hopeless, she still fervently wished that this ordinary world could keep him in it.
Totally agree with these observations and well-chosen excerpts.
"Fang Feng Liu" is great. ^^
@AH and @Liddi
I am not sure either if WXL would say farewell to XL in case he managed to leave in a peaceful, normal way. She might come to see him, say good-bye in a similar half joking - half real tone as in the conversation in chapter 5 (when WXL took Ah Nian and XL got back to the camp after getting the medicine back from CX)
Furball’s projection came flying down and chirped to Xiang Liu who pat it a few times on the head “The medicine has been received and the men safely away.”
Xiao Liu stood up and stretched “I’ll take her back. With this parting, the rivers are long and the mountains are wide. If there is next time, and if there isn’t next time, then don’t miss me.”
Xiang Liu smiled “What I miss is your blood, not your person.”
Very good point, and great excerpt.
Edit: This got me thinking... if WXL did come to say goodbye to XL like this, what would XL do? Would he let her leave QS town? Maybe as long as she promised to keep making him poisons?
@AH, I don't think she would keep in touch with XL. She might still miss him but she was cold and selfish person. She would move on. Even if she did not restore her princess status, she still knew CX was her gege, supporting him and XL was the enermy of her family. Moreover, she did not know the type of Bug inside their bodies. She didn't know their life fate and heart had tied with each other.
All good reasons why she wouldn't keep in touch with him.
And yet their bond was so deep... and if she was in trouble and unable to deal with a problem on her own would she think of him (like she did when CX came to take her away to Gao Xing) and consider using the bug connection to summon him?
So I am unsure. Maybe she would really never see him again... or maybe she would. I feel like it could go either way.
I stumbled upon this suggestion which we all have wanted dearly. It's not a search function but at least it is SOMETHING. I gave it 3 votes, and apparently it is close to whatever number they set for at least considering the implementing. Please, vote!Kokuto:
Keeping a comment history
https://mydramalist.com/discussions/suggestions/44183-comment-history?postid=44183#p44183
I was going to vote for it and realized I had already voted for it back in 2019. ^^
It really would be a great add.
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