Once Promised: Side Storyliddi:
Thank you for the translation liddi!
Wan Qing immediately said, “The Gao Xin princess is missing. The Gao Xin king has issued a decree to the world to search for the princess. He says that whoever helps find the princess will have one request granted.”
Jiang Li was only listening for fun, but Yi asked hoarsely, “Any request? The Gao Xin king’s promise?”
Wan Qing exclaimed excitedly, “Yes. The whole Great Wilderness is going crazy right now. Oh that’s right, that’s right. The Royal Mother of Jade Mountain has also promised that if a human finds the princess, she will grant them a lifespan of hundred years. For a demon or deity, she will permit one woman to practise cultivation on Jade Mountain for a hundred years.”
Han Xiang said, “The Queen Mother’s promise is one thing, but the Gao Xin king’s promise is an emperor’s promise. If someone finds the princess and asks him to lend his army, will he also have to agree? It’s too rash! I wonder what our Xuan Yuan will do.”
“His Majesty says that whoever finds the Gao Xin princess will be rewarded with a mansion and a jade scroll that ensures the well-being of their family for their entire lives.”
While His Majesty’s reward seems unsubstantial, it is not unsubstantial for the former citizens of Shen Nong.” Wan Qing was about to curl her lips, but Luo Jia said to her, “You’re still young and do not understand the importance of a family’s well-being for a lifetime. It may seem ordinary, but it’s the most important thing.”
Imagine if the Shengnong remnant army had searched for XY in order to capitalize on the Grand Emperor and Yellow Emperor's promises. Imagine if XL had succeeded in finding XY in that context. The story could have gone in quite a different direction.
Later, the great demon Chi Chen rebelled, intending to become king, which caused the people of the world to live in misery.
Seeing how Chi You was scapegoated for the war is rather infuriating.
“After our princess died in battle, the Gao Xin king sent his daughter to Jade Mountain to learn from the Royal Mother.”
My recollection from the novel was that Ah Heng took her there, and it wasn't the Grand Emperor who sent her there? Although he chose not to collect her for a long time due to the Five Princes Rebellion.
Your Highness is on intimate terms with the Shen Nong remnants
But if I decide his life or death based on personal feelings, wouldn’t I be the same as him?
The irony.
I understand how someone might see this interpretation as illogical given their theories of novel, but this interpretation logically fits with my theories. I don't think XY's words and "thoughts" should be interpreted at face value. Tong Hua intentionally leaves a lot of blank space/omits a lot of information in XY's thoughts. Add to that the fact that XY often says/thinks things that are meant to deceive herself or at least remind herself of the mask that she must put on for the world to see.solarlunareclipse:
I definitely agree that there are many circumstances where XY's words should not be taken at face value. I also agree that there are many circumstances where XY clearly seams to be trying to deceive herself (e.g., after XL kisses her forehead in chapter 35 and she thinks to herself "mistaken illusion!"). And I agree that there are lots of points in the story where the reader is not given full insight into XY's thoughts.
However, I do think there are times where the neutral narrator's voice in the novel presents information about XY's thoughts, feelings or intentions that I think is meant to be taken as it is presented. And I think that includes the following description of XY's thoughts and feelings in chapter 43 after the seagull demon tells XY that TSJ really is dead, dashing XY's hope:
Xiao Yao stared at the sky and didn’t feel any rage at being lied to, or fear at imminent death. Only the sadness of having her hopes dashed. Since childhood she had lived a hard life, her heart always drifting, feeling like she would be abandoned at any time. Only after her engagement to Jing did her heart settle down, thinking that things would finally change. Who knew Jing would leave her? Even if it was just like her parents when a reason that couldn’t be helped. But she was still abandoned again, and she didn’t want to keep being strong anymore to face a long life ahead. If Jing slept in this ocean then she would rather be here with him.
To me, XY's words and "thoughts" contradict her actions in this scene.
Her words and thoughts in these scenes seemed consistent to me.
XY is not an illogical person and she verbally acknowledges that this could be a trap. As clever as she is, she must have known that this was a trap because there would be no reason for Jing to demand that she not tell anyone where she was going.
There's a big difference between acknowledging that something could be a trap and "knowing" (with absolute certainty) that something is a trap.
IMO, XY knew that the message might be a trap and was willing to accept the risk. If there was some chance (no matter how small) that the message might actually have been sent by TSJ, she had to go and check it out.
Because the message was so short and provided such little information, XY couldn't know whether there was or wasn't a good reason why Jing would send a message instructing her to not tell anyone else about her going to the East Sea. Which, of course, was intentional on the part of the seagull demon.
As Miao Pu observed, even if the message was a trap, the person setting it was ruthless and found the one way to get Xiao Yao to follow instructions. Xiao Yao was desparate for any shred of hope that might lead her to see TSJ alive again. So she was willing to comply with the message's instructions despite the fact that it was extremely suspicious.
And I would note that, even though XY is willing to take the risk of following the message's instructions on the slim hope of seeing TSJ again, she isn't completely reckless about it.
When XY first encounters the seagull demon, XY doesn't immediately blindly follow her instruction to get on the ship. She challenges the seagull demon ("why should I believe you?") and waits until the seagull demon presents her with compelling evidence of a connection with TSJ first before getting on the ship. And when the seagull demon presents her with red jade plant wine to drink, XY sniffs it to confirm that it really is red jade plant wine (and not a substance that will harm her) before drinking it.
That behaviour makes sense if XY is walking into this situation knowing that there's a good chance that it is a trap, but willing to take big risks (including ingesting a plant that will make her weak and dizzy, but only after confirming that it would not harm her) as long as she felt it was getting her closer to possibly seeing TSJ alive again.
If XY simply wanted to put her life in danger in order to compel XL to come and save her, then there would be no reason for XY to ask the seagull demon why XY should believe the seagull demon before getting on the ship and no reason for XY to confirm that the jade plant wine wouldn't harm her before drinking it.
Anyhow, she did tell Miao Pu where she was going, directly disobeying the directions in the message.
Otherwise, why would XY let Miao Pu know about the rescue, but not CX, who could enlist proper help in successfully rescuing Jing?
The risk of telling Miao Pu was quite limited because XY already knew that Miao Pu was loyal to her and that Miao Pu would follow her orders to go with her and to not tell anyone else about it. Whereas if XY had told Xiao Xiao about it, Xiao Xiao definitely would have told others, including CX at the very least. And XY didn't know whether TSJ needed rescuing or not. If the message had actually been from TSJ, it would have meant that TSJ was at least conscious (and therefore capable of recording and sending a message to her). And, importantly, the message did not ask for a rescue or indicate that TSJ needed one. It only asked for XY to go to the East Sea and to not tell anyone. If the message really had been from TSJ and XY had told others about it / asked CX for resources before going to TSJ, for all XY knew she might have made things much worse for TSJ by going against his instructions. Since XY couldn't know what the consequences might be if she told anyone else, only telling Miao Pu was her best option.
She also took precautions to tell Miao Pu to hide and wait for her instead of coming with her to the ship, which wouldn't be necessary if she didn't realize this was a trap.
I take pretty much the opposite view of this.
From what I gather, your view is that XY was knowingly and intentionally walking into something that she believed was definitely a trap because she expected XL to save her once her life was put in danger and she desperately wanted to see him. If that was the case, why would she instruct Miao Pu to go get Xiao Xiao and even to gather the Xuan Yuan army to bring them to that location if it did turn out to be a trap? Bringing the Xuan Yuan army to the location where XL was saving her should be the very last thing that XY would want to happen.
IMO, it makes much more sense that XY was going into this situation knowing that there was a very high chance that it might be a trap (in which case, she at least wanted Maio Pu to get away from the danger and if Miao Pu also managed to get help that could save XY from the danger that would be even better) but hoping for that small possibility that it wasn't a trap and that she really would find TSJ alive.
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Chapter 43:
Miao Pu grumbled, “My Lady, why did you have to go to the East Sea in the middle of the night? Can’t Xiao Xiao have informed His Majesty, he dotes on you and lets you do whatever. If you wanted to go he would have allowed it. Why sneak around?”
“I heard Jing tell me to immediately go to the East Sea and tell no one.”
Miao Pu gasped. “What? The voice inside the message jewel was the Tu Shan Clan Leader? What did he say?”
“To go to the East Sea, and to tell no one.”
Miao Pu thought about it. “If he can say those words why can’t he explain more? It’s easy to find someone to impersonate his voice, but those closest to him will see through it if a lot is said. The less is said the more the ruse will work. I think this sounds fishy, my lady let’s go back!”
“Perhaps you are right but it could have been an urgent situation and he could only say such curt phrases. Miao Pu, do you know, even if there is only a miniscule chance or it's even a trap, I have to immediately go.”
Miao Pu sighed and urged the horses faster. Even if this was a trap, the person setting it was ruthless and found the one way to get Xiao Yao to follow instructions. Miao Pu silently prayed for the miniscule chance to come true.
The two strong winged horses flew nonstop and Xiao Yao fed them Jade Mountain stew to keep up their strength. They landed on an island in the East Sea around noon the next day. The two winged horses were spitting foam from exhaustion and could not be used to search over the sea lest they fall into the water from passing out.
Xiao Yao pointed to the East where a ship was sailing towards them, and on the mast cover was a beautiful nine-tailed fox.
Xiao Yao said “I’ll go see over there, you hide here waiting for me.” Miao Pu immediately said “No! I’m going with you!”
“Then who will watch the winged horses? If they run away and we need to escape, are we going to run on our two feet?”
Miao Pu had no answer until she said “Xiao Xiao will definitely find us, their powers are strong and at most will be here in two or three hours. Wait until then.”
“We can wait but Jing might not be able to wait.” Xiao Yao picked up her amethyst fish ruby on the necklace and said, “I’ll swim over there underwater and look around. If there is any danger I’ll hide deep underwater. They won’t be able to do anything to me there. If you come with me then you’ll be a liability. Plus if you wait here, you can be my backup and I can go forward or retreat. If anything happens, you can also tell Xiao Xiao and find the Xuan Yuan forces stationed nearby to come rescue us.”
Miao Pu had to admit Xiao Yao made sense but she was still upset. “Then you quickly come back, just go take a look and no matter what we need to discuss before taking any action.”
“Okay!” Xiao Yao hid behind a rock and slowly disappeared into the water.
Xiao Yao didn’t need the fish ruby to breathe underwater but she didn’t want others to know of her body’s new ability and she kept the fish ruby on her because it was a gift from Jing. Right now Xiao Yao felt this ache in her heart as she sank into the water and prayed: heavens, you can do anything cruel to me but please let Jing be alive even if he’s gravely injured or crippled.
Xiao Yao was swimming under the ship taking things in when a woman in purple laying on the edge lifted her head. “If you want to see Tu Shan Jing then get on the ship.”
Xiao Yao emerged and asked, “Why should I believe you?”
The woman tossed a scrap of cloth at Xiao Yao and on it was writing in Jing’s hand. It was the lyrics of the song she sang for him in his residence.
,,,
Xiao Yao finished reading and restrained her tears before jumping on the ship.
The woman in purple handed a bowl of wine to Xiao Yao with a laugh. “I’ve heard you are well versed in medicines so I don’t dare to use poison in front of you. This is just a bowl of wine made from the red jade plant. Humans who drink it will sleep for three hundred years, at most it’ll make a god weak in the limbs and dizzy and a good sleep will shake it off. It’s not a poison or will render you unconscious, therefore it doesn’t have an antidote either. After you drink it I will take you to see Tu Shan Jing.”
Xiao Yao picked up the bowl and sniffed, it really was red jade plant wine. Drinking too much would make it addictive, but one drink wouldn’t harm the body.
The purple robed woman said, “I never force anyone, if you don’t want to drink then go back!”
Xiao Yao raised her head and gulped it down. “Where is Jing?”
...
Xiao Yao said, “Don’t ask anymore. If I really died there would be no trace but now I’m alive there are plenty of traces to find out who.”
Xiang Liu asked Xiao Yao, “Do you have an idea who?”
Xiao Yao looked solemn. “The voice in the message jewel was Jing, the lyrics in the cloth was a song I sang for Jing. Even the cloth was Jing’s favorite type. The person who wants to kill me must be very close to Jing. I’m not certain yet, but I have a strong hunch.”
...
Xiang Liu’s voice suddenly called out, “Based on your deduction, who do you think tried to kill you?”
Xiao Yao sleepily opened her eyes. “Jing’s voice in the message jewel is easy to fake since many have heard him speak, but the song lyrics on the cloth only Jing and his servants, my maids, and Feng Long and Xing Yue know. Not even Zhuan Xu has heard me sing it! My maids would never, Jing’s servants would not betray him, so that only leaves Xing Yue and Feng Long. And only they would have the ability to pay the sky high price the seagull demon named.”
Jing had been missing for about a month, so the chances of him being alive were slim to nonexistent.
The chances were indeed slim, but they were definitely not non-existant. TSJ's body had not been found.
And as XY mentions later on in the chapter, despite the very long odds, she just couldn't believe that TSJ was really dead and she couldn't shake the feeling that she might see TSJ again at the next full moon per his last words to her.
And XY's feeling was basically right. TSJ wasn't dead and she did eventually get to see him alive again.
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Chapter 42:
Xiao Yao said in a low voice, “Tell them to stop searching.”
Zhuan Xu said, “Perhaps he was saved by a fishing vessel, or saved by merpeople and sent back to land.”
Xiao Yao’s tears fell in large drops. “Twenty two more days until our wedding, he needs to mind the time to hurry back.”
After saying that, Xiao Yao toppled forward in a dead faint. Zhuan Xu scrambled to catch her in his arms, she didn’t eat or rest for two days and finally collapsed from exhaustion.
...
Xiao Yao slept for four days straight, and Yin said her body was healthy but it was like she was gravely ill and couldn’t wake up. Even in sleep she would shake in pain.
Zhuan Xu was anxious beyond belief but could do nothing other than stay beside Xiao Yao. After four days and four nights, Xiao Yao woke up, her body wan and thin as if recovering from a major illness. Zhuan Xu had also lost weight and wanted to take Xiao Yao back but she refused so he had no choice but to stay with her in the East Sea for tens more days.
Every night Xiao Yao would wait, every day Xiao Yao would go in the water. Zhuan Xu had no choice so had Xiao Xiao follow her everywhere. On the eleventh day, with four more days until the wedding date, Xiao Yao said to Zhuan Xu, “I want to go back to Sheng Nong Mountain.”
Zhuan Xu brought Xiao Yao back to Sheng Nong Mountain and when she saw the Yellow Emperor she asked “Grandfather, is my wedding dress altered?”
“Yes.”
“Is my dowry prepared?”
“Yes, already packed.”
Xiao Yao seemed relieved and went back to her room.
...
After she was all readied, Xiao Yao sat down as if she was just a bride waiting for the hour of her wedding ceremony.
Xiao Yao asked “Miao Pu, do you know when the scheduled wedding time was?”
“No.”
“Do you think Jing knows?”
“He would definitely know.”
“That’s good.”
-----
Chapter 43:
Xiao Yao couldn’t handle anyone talking about Jing being dead so she glared at Xiang Liu.
...
Xiao Yao burst out laughing while staring at the moon. “Jing picked the full moon night to get married. I wanted to ask him why but was too embarrassed to, and figured I could ask him after the wedding since we had plenty of time. The last time I saw him was 32 days ago. He came to Xiao Yue Peak to see me and was supposed to leave before dinner but stayed until long after dinner, until the moon rose high over the mountain. We walked in the moonlight along the mountain paths, the moon was very beautiful that night. I pulled him to dance as I sang but he didn’t know how so I laughed at him for being so silly. Later he left on his winged ride and pointed to the moon and said, “At the next full moon, no matter if the moon is bright or dark, if people gather or part, I will be with you forever, never apart.”
...
Xiao Yao pointed at the moon with a smile. “If I don’t see his body then in my memory he will always be on the back of his crane smiling at me while pointing to the moon to say, “At the next full moon, no matter if the moon is bright or dark, if people gather or part, I will be with you forever, never apart.” I likely am very stupid and very weak. I can’t believe that he’s dead and feel that he may come back at the next full moon.”
She knew that the East Sea was like XL's home, so her primary purpose in going there was to see Xiang Liu because she desperately missed him.
The evidence pointed to the fact that, dead or alive, TSJ was in the East Sea.
A jade bracelet that TSJ had been making for XY was found at the mouth of Qing Shui River where it met the East Sea. The river and even the East Sea, which was impossible to search exhaustively, was very thoroughly searched by thousands of soldiers for more than two days before XY finally called for the Xuan Yuan soliders (who were harming their own health in order to carry out the search) to stop searching. But (after fainting from exhaustion and waking up days later) XY continued searching for 11 more days before returning to Sheng Nong Mountain just ahead of her scheduled wedding day (hoping that, somehow, TSJ would still manage to show up for it). Then, at the end of the day when they were supposed to be married (and after XY makes her wedding vows to the moon*), XY receives the message.
The message, which (as far as she knows) might really be from TSJ despite the long odds, tells her to go to the East Sea and the East Sea is where XY logically expects TSJ to be. So that is where she goes.
Later in the chapter, XY does mention that the East Sea is "like" XL's home. However, she mentions it as part of the explanation for why she thinks XL might have seen or heard of TSJ being in the East Sea. In that context, the East Sea being "like" XL's home is a relevant to what is being discussed.
However, the East Sea being "like" XL's home is not relevant to XY's chances of seeing XL after putting herself in danger. While the East Sea might be "like" XL's home in some senses, there would be no guarantee that he would be anywhere near the East Sea on that particular night. He could have been with the Shengnong remanant army outside of QS town. Or he could have been in the far north for all XY knew. Or in any other part of Dahuang, although he'd have to be extra careful in most parts that were under CX's control. And if XY were under the impression that XL would come save her if her life was in danger no matter what / no matter where she was, then the fact that the danger occurred in a place that was "like" XL's home would be irrelevant.
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Chapter 43:
Xiao Yao said, “My thank you was for saving me! You haven’t forgotten why you were injured in the first place, right?”
Xiang Liu furrowed his brows. “It’s not that I wanted to save you, I simply have no interest to use my own life to confirm the words of the Voodoo King.”
Oh! Right, the Lover’s Bug! The Lover’s Bug does not live alone, if she died then likely Xiang Liu would die. Xiao Yao smiled sadly. “No matter what, thank you for saving me.”
Xiang Liu asked, “Why were you imprisoned in the ocean?”
“Someone wanted to kill me.”
Xiang Liu stared in disgust at Xiao Yao. “Someone wanted to kill you, so you let yourself get imprisoned?”
Xiao Yao stared at the fire and said nothing.
Xiang Liu pressed on. “Why didn’t you fight back?”
Xiao Yao said in a low voice, “Jing……disappeared.” She suddenly remembered and anxiously asked, “The East Sea is like your home. You….you….have you seen Jing?”
Xiang Liu mockingly said, “Do you think I spend my time hanging in the ocean just waiting to rescue people?”
“No….I just thought….Qing Shui Town is also your territory of sorts, perhaps you noticed Tu Shan Hou’s activities. The East Sea may be big but you’re a sea demon….so maybe…..”
Xiang Liu coldly replied, “There aren’t that many maybes!”
Xiao Yao lowered her head and her tears came down silently.
-----
Chapter 42:
Xiao Yao was still in the river looking for Jing, from dusk until now she refused to leave the water. She searched every inch of the river floor from Qing Shui Town until when the river met the ocean. A ship brought Xiao Yao back to Qing Shui Town but she refused to quit and wanted to swim back upstream and search all over again. Everyone could see she was exhausted but no one could stop her. Xiao Yao jumped into the river and her legs spasmed so she couldn’t swim. She tightly grabbed onto an oar and still refused to get out of the water, as if she could stay closer to Jing if she stayed in the water, and give him a better chance of being alive.
It was only when Zhuan Xu arrived that he forcefully pulled Xiao Yao out of the water. Her face was blue and her lips black, her eyes blank, with her hair plastered on her face and body colder than ice. Zhuan Xu called her to drink wine but she didn’t respond. Zhuan Xu forced her lips open and poured wine in her mouth. Xiao Yao’s body jerked and she started to cough.
Xiao Xiao dried Xiao Yao’s hair with a towel and used her power to dry her clothes. Zhuan Xu wrapped Xiao Yao up in a blanket to carry her away but Xiao Yao’s eyes remained fixed on the water in abject terror as she shook her head vigorously. Zhuan Xu had no choice but to let Xiao Yao sit by the shore.
Xiao Yao stared blankly at the ships coming and going on the river, and whatever Zhuan Xu said it was like she didn’t even hear it. From time to time she would ask, “Found yet?”
By noon, Qing Shui River had been searched upside down, and it wasn’t just Jing not found, neither Hou or Yi Yang had been found either. The only find was a jade bracelet, dark green and malleable, without any design on it but the jade itself was very high quality and exquisite. But it wasn’t finished yet so the bracelet shape wasn’t finished either.
Jing Ye saw it and burst into tears. “Clan Leader said the Miss didn’t wear jewelry but a bracelet wouldn’t be too cumbersome, so he was making her this bracelet himself.”
Xiao Yao stood up but Zhuan grabbed her. “Where was it found?”
One person replied, “Down river close to the mouth to the ocean.”
Xiao Yao yelled, “Jing! Jing is there!”
“Because this bracelet was found there, we had men search that area top to bottom and every rock turned over. Nothing was found. Likely carried by the current into the ocean.” Xiao Yao’s voice was tight and sharp, “Then search the ocean.”
No one dared say anything other than to murmur, “The mouth to the ocean has been searched thoroughly.”
Whether it was Tu Shan people or Zhuan Xu’s people, every person was doing everything possible and searching the ocean area nearby. But it was still the ocean, the vast open ocean, forget looking for one person, even sinking an entire mountain into the ocean it would be difficult to find it. Plus there were lots of demon water beasts and sea monsters in the ocean, and gods had godly powers that were the favorite foods of those sea creatures.
Zhuan Xu ordered, “Keep searching!”
“Yes!” Everyone went back on the ships or dove back into the water, and in a second was all gone. Under the bright sun, the river waves churned beautifully forward, not a shred of sadness or awareness that it swallowed up the happiness of two people.
Xiao Yao stood up and stumbled, “I’m going to look for him!”
Zhuan Xu said, “If you want to go, you still need to eat. If you don’t have energy how can you search? Be good, let’s eat first, okay?”
Xiao Yao wanted to shake his hand off. “I want revenge!”
Zhuan Xu shot Xiao Xiao a look and she quickly returned with a ship. Zhuan Xu carried Xiao Yao and flew onto the ship. The ship traveled downstream as Xiao Yao held the unfinished bracelet in her hand and stared out at the water unblinking, as if she wanted to remember clearly the river that so cruelly took Jing away from her.
Xiao Xiao’s powers were strong and the ship was sailing fast. When the sun was dipping low the ship entered the mouth to the ocean. There were countless ships out in the ocean continuing to search. Xiao Xiao halted her powers as the ship slowly sailed forward in the current.
Xiao Yao touched the bracelet and asked, “Was the bracelet found here?” Xiao Yao struggled to stand up to jump in the river. Zhuan Xu grabbed her. “You can’t even stand, what are you going to do down there?”
The ship wobbled and Xiao Yao weakly fell into Zhuan Xu’s arms. She still insisted on diving in as her eyes fixed on the water “I….I….I want to go find him!”
Zhuan Xu grabbed her chin and forced her head up to look around her, nearly about to yell, “Look! How many people are looking for him? They are stronger and more familiar with this area than you, they know better than you how to look for someone in the water. If you go down I’ll have to ask them to follow you and protect you. Are you looking for someone or causing more problems for them?”
Xiao Yao’s lips were quivering as her body shook. Zhuan Xu embraced her tightly and softened his tone. “Xiao Yao, if Jing is alive they will find him.”
Xiao Yao stared at the people in the water, searching in pairs in perfect form, truly looking at every inch and nook.
Xiao Xiao directed their ship to follow along with the search vessels. From the sunset until late into the night, all the ships were far out at sea. It was a dark starless night but the moon was bright and it shone down on the thousands of searchers still looking for Jing. Because everyone carried an illuminating new moon jewel sent over by the Tu Shan clan, thousands of moon jewels glittered in the water like thousands of stars dancing in the waves.
From when Jing fell into the water, two days had passed. All the searchers had lost hope but without Zhuan Xu’s order no one dared stop or give up.
...
Xiao Yao’s body convulsed from the pain and not eating for two days, she felt like throwing up but nothing came up.
“Xiao Yao, Xiao Yao.” Zhuan Xu tried to inject power into Xiao Yao to lessen her pain but could do nothing because her pain came from her heart.
The moon gradually disappeared as the sun came up from the East and its red light blanketed the ocean in color. One commander came to report, “Your Majesty, we’ve searched for two days one night, many soldiers are exhausted and passed out. Does Your Majesty want us to rest or continue searching, or call more men here?”
Zhuan Xu said, “Rest and then continue searching, and order a thousand more water-based soldiers here.”
The commander paused for a moment before saying, “Yes!”
The exhausted soldiers climbed onboard the ships and collapsed on the deck even before drinking water. Calls of “doctor, doctor!” rose from various directions. Some didn’t even have strength to climb onto the ship and fell back into the water, dragging other soldiers behind. No one dared say anything since Zhuan Xu was there.
Xiao Yao stared at the soldiers before looking back out at the ocean, so vast and unending. Even taking all the soldiers of a kingdom as vast as the wilderness was not enough to even match up with one part of the ocean. She was never going to find Jing!
Xiao Yao said in a low voice, “Tell them to stop searching.”
Zhuan Xu said, “Perhaps he was saved by a fishing vessel, or saved by merpeople and sent back to land.”
Xiao Yao’s tears fell in large drops. “Twenty two more days until our wedding, he needs to mind the time to hurry back.”
After saying that, Xiao Yao toppled forward in a dead faint. Zhuan Xu scrambled to catch her in his arms, she didn’t eat or rest for two days and finally collapsed from exhaustion.
...
Xiao Yao slept for four days straight, and Yin said her body was healthy but it was like she was gravely ill and couldn’t wake up. Even in sleep she would shake in pain.
Zhuan Xu was anxious beyond belief but could do nothing other than stay beside Xiao Yao. After four days and four nights, Xiao Yao woke up, her body wan and thin as if recovering from a major illness. Zhuan Xu had also lost weight and wanted to take Xiao Yao back but she refused so he had no choice but to stay with her in the East Sea for tens more days.
Every night Xiao Yao would wait, every day Xiao Yao would go in the water. Zhuan Xu had no choice so had Xiao Xiao follow her everywhere. On the eleventh day, with four more days until the wedding date, Xiao Yao said to Zhuan Xu, “I want to go back to Sheng Nong Mountain.”
Zhuan Xu brought Xiao Yao back to Sheng Nong Mountain and when she saw the Yellow Emperor she asked, “Grandfather, is my wedding dress altered?”
“Yes.”
“Is my dowry prepared?”
“Yes, already packed.”
Xiao Yao seemed relieved and went back to her room.
...
After she was all readied, Xiao Yao sat down as if she was just a bride waiting for the hour of her wedding ceremony.
Xiao Yao asked, “Miao Pu, do you know when the scheduled wedding time was?”
“No.”
“Do you think Jing knows?”
“He would definitely know.”
“That’s good.”
...
Xiao Yao asked, “Has the auspicious hour passed?”
The Yellow Emperor said, “Xiao Yao, Jing won’t be coming back. Your life is still long so forget him!”
Xiao Yao said, “Grandfather, I’m tired and I want rest. You go rest too!”
The Yellow Emperor was worried but Xiao Yao said, “I’m fine. I just…..need time.”
The Yellow Emperor stared silently before standing up and slowly shuffling out of the room.
Xiao Yao walked to the window to look up at the full moon. Jing picked a full moon night for their wedding, so they had a round happy ending. But today the round moon didn’t shine on a happy ending pair.
Xiao Yao told the Yellow Emperor she just needed time, but how much time did she need? How long would it take before her heart didn’t hurt anymore?
Xiao Yao asked, “Miao Pu, how long do you think before I’m not heartbroken?”
Miao Pu answered, “Like a severe injury, it will hurt a lot initially, and slowly the wound will scab and scar, and slowly it won’t hurt as much.”
Xiao Yao looked down, she had been injured before and knew how long it took to stop hurting. To stop hurting she had to forget! But time was like sand, it would cover up everything in the heart.
But——
Jing, I don’t want to!
If the price to pay to not hurt is to forget you, then I would rather be in pain always so that you can live in my heart, until my life reaches its conclusion.
I’ve already put on my wedding dress and said my vows to the moon. From tonight forward, I am your wife!
-----
Chapter 46:
Xiang Liu smiled. “No matter my purpose, all I said was the truth.”
“I won’t forgive anyone who harmed Jing, but I also won’t do as you wish. Like you said, you never took any advantage of Jing, and now you won’t do the same to his wife!”
-----
Chapter 47:
It was Zhuan Xu who killed Jing! And the reason was because of her! Xiao Yao painfully closed her eyes, wanting to sleep and never wake up! Actually, she wished that the person she tried to kill yesterday was herself!
Xiao Yao started to laugh loudly and the laughter was more painful to the ears than crying. Miao Pu didn’t know what to do when the Yellow Emperor walked into the room so she quickly retreated outside.
Within one night the Yellow Emperor aged another round. He silently stared at Xiao Yao and didn’t know how to talk to her. He had endless plots and vast commanding power, but he didn’t know right now how to comfort Xiao Yao. He finally said, “Zhuan Xu already committed a grave mistake, but if you kill him now it won’t bring Jing back.”
Xiao Yao painfully asked, “You both are my closest dearest family, but one killed my husband and the other helped conceal it! What did I do wrong to deserve this?”
The Yellow Emperor sighed. “I’m sorry! I tried my best – Zhuan Xu has always been a brilliant child who knows when to give and when to take, I thought he would understand but I underestimated the depths of his love for you. When Jing died, it was already too late so I prayed that you would never find out the truth.”
“Since learning that someone was behind Jing’s death, I kept thinking of how to deal with that person. Killing is too easy, I want to turn that person into my poison guinea pig, to use the most painful deadly methods to torture and torment.” Xiao Yao laughed sorrowfully. “But that person is Zhuan Xu, the person I want to devise a million tortures on turned out to be Zhuan Xu!”
* I know some fans believe that when XY made her wedding vows to the moon she considered herself to be marrying XL and not TSJ. However, that interpretation feels both illogical and quite icky to me.
In chapter 42, XY knows for sure that her fiance, TSJ, suffered horrific injuries and that he is missing. She knows that he might even be dead, although his death has not been confirmed beyond all doubt. She continued searching for TSJ for more than two weeks after he disappeared (two days of searching, four days unconscious, and 10-11 days of further searching) until just before the date when her wedding with TSJ was scheduled to take place. At which point she returns to the location where that wedding is schedueld to take place and gets fully ready for that wedding to go ahead. That evening, after TSJ does not show up, she makes wedding vows to the moon. Then she receives a message, that might be from TSJ, instructing her to go to the East Sea. She goes with the hope of finding TSJ alive, despite being aware that the chances of seeing TSJ alive are small and that the message may very well be a trap. When she finds out that the message really was a trap and that she won't see TSJ alive again, she decides that she no longer wants to continue being strong. She would rather die and join TSJ in death in the East Sea.
If it turned out that the person that XY made her wedding vows to in the middle of all of that was XL (who... was still alive, was not there, and had not asked her to marry him or agreed to marry her / was not her fiance) on that day and in that dress instead of making wedding vows to TSJ... that would just feel so wrong and disrespectful to both TSJ and XL.
And after making those vows (and before TSJ returns alive and marries her properly), XY refers to herself as TSJ's wife (both in her own thoughts, immediately after making the vows to the moon in her own thoughts, and again, when speaking to XL, in chapter 46) and to TSJ as her husband (when speaking to the Yellow Emperor in chapter 47). There would truly be no reason for XY to do that if she made her wedding vows to XL rather than TSJ. Like truly, why on earth would she do that? If she made wedding vows to XL, she can't possibly immediately turn around and pretend to herself that she actually made those vows to TSJ. That's not self-deception. That's a full on mental breakdown. And there's no reason for XY to refer to herself as TSJ's wife in front of XL or for her to refer to TSJ as her husband in front of the Yellow Emperor in order to maintain her external deception. It's totally unnecessary. So the logic just isn't logic-ing for me.
The text also hints that XY was in a daze thinking about XL before she thought about Miao Pu and decided to save herself:
小夭只能继续躺在水晶棺里发呆。
Xiao Yao could only continue to lie in the crystal coffin in a daze.
-- Vol 3 Ch 10 (Chapter 43)
There are moments elsewhere in the novel where XY is described as being in a daze when she is thinking of XL (e.g., after she finds out that the bugs are called Lovers Bugs in chapter 26). However, I think it would be a mistake to assume if XY is described as being in a daze at any point throughout the novel, that always must mean she is thinking of XL.
In this scene, XY willingly consumes a wine that she knows will make her weak and dizzy, and it does have that affect on her. While she is under the influence of that plant, there is no indication that she thinks of XL until she senses the danger of the whirlpool, which makes her recall XL's description of the whirlpool that nearly killed him. Before that, XY is clearly shown to be thinking of TSJ while she is under the influence of the wine, as she asks the fish swimming outside of her coffin if they have seen him.
-----
Chapter 43:
The woman in purple handed a bowl of wine to Xiao Yao with a laugh. “I’ve heard you are well versed in medicines so I don’t dare to use poison in front of you. This is just a bowl of wine made from the red jade plant. Humans who drink it will sleep for three hundred years, at most it’ll make a god weak in the limbs and dizzy and a good sleep will shake it off. It’s not a poison or will render you unconscious, therefore it doesn’t have an antidote either. After you drink it I will take you to see Tu Shan Jing.”
Xiao Yao picked up the bowl and sniffed, it really was red jade plant wine. Drinking too much would make it addictive, but one drink wouldn’t harm the body.
The purple robed woman said, “I never force anyone, if you don’t want to drink then go back!”
Xiao Yao raised her head and gulped it down. “Where is Jing?”
“I always fulfill my promises!” The woman started moving the ship into the deeper reaches of the ocean.
The ship moved swiftly over the water and Xiao Yao could hear the wind whistling around her as her limbs weakened so she laid down on the deck and stared up at the sky.
The ship stopped in the middle of the ocean nowhere, with no land in sight in any direction. The woman walked over and picked up Xiao Yao to place her inside a crystal coffin.
Xiao Yao weakly asked, “What are you doing?”
The woman took out the scrap of song lyric and burned it, then took Xiao Yao’s amethyst fish ruby and shattered it completely, turning it into purple light.
Tears fell from Xiao Yao’s eyes. “Where’s Jing?”
The purple robed woman leaned on the coffin with a smile, “Tu Shan Jing is dead! I’m fulfilling my promise now to send you to see him! This ship is taking in water now and soon will completely sink into the ocean. I’m just a hired killer and doing my job. The person who hired me gave specific instructions – no hint of blood and you have to disappear completely without a trace, not even a hair to be found. I thought all night about it and remembered this area in the ocean and how scary it is and came up with this plan.”
...
Xiao Yao stared at the sky and didn’t feel any rage at being lied to, or fear at imminent death. Only the sadness of having her hopes dashed. Since childhood she had lived a hard life, her heart always drifting, feeling like she would be abandoned at any time. After her engagement to Jing did her heart settle down, thinking that things would finally change. Who knew Jing left her, even if it was just like her parents when a reason that couldn’t be helped. But she was still abandoned again, and she didn’t want to keep being strong anymore to face a long life ahead. If Jing slept in this ocean then she would rather be here with him.
The purple robed woman noticed that Xiao Yao was oddly at peace, not like people she killed in the past, and felt some pity for her.
...
The crystal coffin slowly sank into the water.
Xiao Yao felt suffocated and couldn’t breathe, until the water seeped into the coffin and she could breathe like a fish returning to the water. Xiao Yao laughed wryly as she thought about this plan and how perfect it was, to kill her with no bloodshed and hidden in the depths of the ocean. Except the plan wasn’t perfect because no one knew that Xiao Yao couldn’t drown.
Because she drank the red jade plant wine, Xiao Yao was woozy and found it hard to think. As the coffin sank she thought she was going to die as well and was calmly facing death, except now she wasn’t going to die and felt like a free falling entity that couldn’t find an end to the fall.
Xiao Yao laid in the crystal coffin and looked at the fishes swimming around her. She tapped on the coffin and asked, “Have you guys seen Jing?”
The fishes were startled and swam off. Xiao Yao could only lay in the crystal coffin zoned out.
The sun set outside and gradually the water turned dark, as dark as ink. Many fishes glowed in the dark so the water was like a night sky filled with shooting stars. She wondered if Xiao Xiao arrived, whether Zhuan Xu was looking for her, if Miao Pu was crying. Xiao Yao suddenly remembered how angry Zhuan Xu would be, and what if he killed Miao Pu? Xiao Yao stopped laying there to enjoy the view and started to try and get out. But no matter how hard she pushed she couldn’t open the coffin.
Xiao Yao tried so hard to open the coffin but it wouldn’t budge, until she was all tired out and hungry. She suddenly realized that she might end up dying after all, not of drowning but of hunger. Xiao Yao rested for a bit before continuing to try and open the coffin.
Suddenly her instinct sensed danger. She looked around and there wasn’t a fish in sight, the colorful underwater was now pitch black. Xiao Yao felt the entire ocean shaking and she remembered the seagull demon saying how scary the ocean was under here. She suddenly remembered what Xiang Liu said before, that after he escaped from the slave death match ring, he almost died in an underwater tornado called a whirlpool. Xiang Liu may not have been that powerful then but something that almost killed him must really be super scary.
Xiao Yao had never seen a whirlpool before but if it was like a tornado on land then anything it passed would be obliterated. This really was the perfect way to ensure not a hair of Xiao Yao was left behind.
Xiao Yao tried to bust out of the coffin but it still didn’t move, making her understand why the seagull demon took that extra step of sealing her inside the coffin.
The water churned around her and the coffin was swept up in the waves of the whirlpool, with Xiao Yao getting spun around so hard she was seeing stars.
She could hear the coffin getting crunched and now she prayed for the coffin to stay intact. If the whirlpool was so powerful as to shatter the immovable crystal coffin, then the second the coffin broke Xiao Yao would be crushed to oblivion.
There is other evidence that points to XY going to the East Sea to look for Xiang Liu. For instance, the title of the chapter, "Thinking of My Dearest Daily to No Avail," is derived from a poem that describes a situation similar to the one between XY and XL.
The poetry analysis is interesting. I agree with H19279's observation that the poem has aspects that are applicable to both YaoJing and YaoLiu at that point in the story and that the "when will this hatred end?" line seems to most closely apply to YaoLiu's dynamic and the conflict between Xuan Yuan and Shengnong that has played such a big role in keeping them apart. Although I would point out that Tushan Clan dynamics (mainly the hatred that TSH had for TSJ) also played a major role in keeping XY and TSJ apart, culminating in TSH trying to kill TSJ and succeeding in heavily wounding him before he disappeared in chapter 42, resulting in XY and TSJ being apart in chapter 43.
While I do think that the poem and chapter title can be viewed as relating to YaoLiu, I don't think that the chapter title serves as evidence that supports the idea that XY went to the East Sea, and intentionally put herself in danger there, in the hope that she would see XL.
For me, the YaoLiu vibes of the poem make me think of YaoLiu at the end of chapter 43 when XY and XL are on the boat. Not the beginning of the chapter when XY decides to go to the East Sea.
-----
Chapter 43:
Left Ear asked, “Who is Zhuan Xu?”
Everyone knew the Black Emperor but very few people knew his real name so Xiao Yao said “The Black Emperor.”
“What about the man who was with you before? You called him Bei.” Left Ear saw Bei many times in the slave death match arena, but he was always wearing a dog face mask so Left Ear didn’t know what Bei looked like.
Xiao Yao looked at Xiang Liu just as he glanced at her and the two’s eyes met. Xiao Yao immediately looked away and said to Left Ear, “He died.”
Left Ear’s normally dispassionate eyes turned sad. In his heart, Bei wasn’t just someone who experienced the same fate as him, he was also Left Ear’s teacher that guided him to be reborn. Many times when Left Ear collapsed from a severe injury, feeling like not a shred of hope was left, he would see Bei silently sitting in the audience staring at him. He never said anything, but Bei’s presence was enough to convey warmth and hope to Left Ear. It gave him strength to stand back up one more time. Left Ear’s gratitude to Xiao Yao wasn’t just because she hugged him and gave him a sack of money, it was also because of Xiao Yao and Bei’s relationship. Because Xiao Yao accepted his own species, because she was friends with his own species.
Left Ear asked, “Do you miss him?”
Xiao Yao sighed and didn’t answer.
Left Ear was persistent and stared at Xiao Yao to ask again, “He’s not here anymore. Do you miss him?”
Xiao Yao cried out, “Yes!”
Left Ear smiled. “That will make him very happy.”
Xiao Yao stared at Xiang Liu as she said to Left Ear, “You’re not him. How do you know whether he cares that someone misses him? He totally wouldn’t care.”
Left Ear’s expression was dead serious, and he normally spoke so little and cared not to explain anything, but now he was very agitated and said, “I know! We slaves are never scared of death! We’re not scared of anything, other than being scared of the dark! If I died and someone missed me.” Left Ear used his fist to hit his chest “then it wouldn’t be dark here, it would be very bright and very happy!”
Xiao Yao asked Xiang Liu, “Is what he’s saying true?”
Xiang Liu smirked at Xiao Yao and teased, “You actually want to believe that? I totally don’t care!
“I must be crazy then, to have believed it!” Xiao Yao laughed heartily and used that exaggerated gesture to snap the tenuous mood between them. She said to Left Ear, “Can you steer the ship? If you can, then let’s sail the ship back to land.”
“I can.” Left Ear raised the sails and took the wheel to turn the ship towards land.
Xiao Yao walked over to Xiang Liu. “It’s another 4 or 5 days until we reach land. We’re the only ship in the ocean here. It’s very safe, so you can heal.”
Xiang Liu looked out at the ocean and remained silent. Xiao Yao thought he was turning her down when she heard, “Fine.”
...
Xiao Yao smiled and looked at Left Ear, feeling this hard to grasp feeling inside. Many years ago, was Xiang Liu just like this? Appearing dangerous and deadly, but actually simple and straightforward. If back then she could have met Xiang Liu, could he have found the woman he loved? Would he take her to buy perfumes at the flower demon shops? Go eat at hard to find restaurants in little alleys…? Xiao Yao glanced at Xiang Liu but he was standing with his profile to her, looking at the ocean with a small warm smile on his lips. Because of the angle, his smile made his face no longer cold but instead splashed with a sliver of warmth.
Xiao Yao stared for a while before looking away so that she could sort out all the jumbled feelings in her heart.
...
Xiao Yao whirled around and stared with bright eyes at Xiang Liu and said in a strong voice, “Xiang Liu, I don’t have a way to break our bug link right now. Sheng Nong Mountain is rife with danger but Qing Shui Town isn’t any better. It’s unclear who will drag the other down. Rather than worry that I’ll be a hassle to you, why don’t you worry about yourself first!”
Xiao Yao walked up to Xiang Liu and lifted up her arm from under her sleeve. “While I’m still here to give you blood, hurry up and get better so you don’t burden me!”
Xiang Liu didn’t even act polite and took her arm to bite down and suck.
During the rest of the trip, every dawn and dusk Xiang Liu would drink Xiao Yao’s blood, and sometimes they would say a few words to one another, other times stay silent. One would sit with her arms wrapped around her knees staring sadly at the ocean as if waiting, the other would sit cross-legged facing the ocean healing with no expression on his face. After three days, Xiang Liu finished healing and stood up.
...
He tossed a little jewel to Xiao Yao before vaulting off the ship to land on the water surface.
“What is this?” Xiao Yao asked.
“A sea map. If you don’t have the ability to survive on Sheng Nong Mountain, then come to the ocean. This sea map is but a small portion of the ocean but with your body in no time you’ll be like a fish as familiar with the ocean.”
Xiao Yao remembered what Xiang Liu said before, there are countless islands in the vast ocean, some with nothing on it, others as beautiful as a dream.
“I don’t need this!” Xiao Yao wanted to toss the jewel back but Xiang Liu was already walking away, stepping on the emerald waves headed North until his form disappeared.
Left Ear watched Xiao Yao continue to stare at the direction where Xiang Liu vanished.
After a long long time, Xiao Yao finally looked away and carefully tucked the sea map jewel away. She said to Left Ear “Tomorrow I will wake Miao Pu up. Don’t let her know that Xiang Liu was ever here. And never tell anyone that Xiang Liu killed the seagull. If anyone asks, say that you brought Miao Pu back on the ship and learned the seagull wanted to kill me so you killed her and saved me.”
Left Ear nodded his head.
...
Zhuan Xu said, “Sing me a song.”
Xiao Yao huffed. “How old are you now? Still need to be lulled to sleep?” But she started singing nonetheless.
In the familiar melody, Zhuan Xu finally couldn’t hold out any longer, closing his eyes and falling deep asleep. Xiao Yao stayed wide awake, her eyes staring at the canopy above. She was deciding between telling or not telling Zhuan Xu, and decided not to tell him. She couldn’t confirm it was Xing Yue and Feng Long, or either of them, or someone learned the details and decided to set them up as the culprits. Plus this matter involved the Lover’s Bug linking her and Xiang Liu, to explain now would require going back tens of years to what happened. Zhuan Xu was against her getting close to Xiang Liu from the beginning and she had promised Zhuan Xu she wouldn’t have any further contact with Xiang Liu. She downplayed the bug connection between them until that lie became a snowball that had only grown larger and larger.
-----
I feel like one way to read YaoLiu from chapter 43 into the poem would be:
| 我住长江头， | I live at the head of the long river, | I (Xiao Yao) live in the capital of Xuan Yuan with the Emperor of Xuan Yuan. |
| 君住长江尾。 | My lord lives at the tail of the long river. | You (Xiang Liu) live outside of QS town with Gong Gong and the Shengnong remnant army, on the opposite side of the Shengnong-Xuan Yuan conflict. |
| 日日思君不见君， | Thinking of my lord everyday without meeting my lord, | Thinking of the version of you (Xiang Liu) that I (Xiao Yao) could have been with (as represented by FFB, who is now "dead" and missed) but unable to meet you / him (Xiang Liu / FBB). |
| 共饮长江水。 | Drinking the water of the long river together. | Although we (Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu) are on opposite sides of the "river" (the Shengnong-Xuan Yuan conflict) we both drink from it (are both connected to it / to CX and Gong Gong). However, in chapter 43, we (Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao) are both temporarily together in the ocean. We eat together, and you (Xiang Liu) drink my (Xiao Yao's) blood. |
| 此水几时休， | When will this water stop flowing? | When will the Shengnong-Xuan Yuan conflict finally end? |
| 此恨何时已。 | When will this hatred/regret end? | When will the barriers between us (Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu / FFB) finally be resolved? |
| 只愿君心似我心， | I only wish my lord's heart was like my heart, | I (Xiao Yao) wistfully think about what it might have been like if you (Xiang Liu) had met me under different circumstances, if you had fallen in love with me (the way I have fallen in love with you), and if we were able to be together without ever having to put our love second. |
| 定不负相思意。 | Never letting down [our] mutual lovesickness. |
AHblabla100:
"I don't see any reason why XY would need an excuse to fight for her own life."
I am not sure, but I just don't see XY giving up at that moment in time.
But the novel explains her exact reason for doing so?
And she was in a pretty miserable state before chapter 43.
-----
Chapter 43:
Xiao Yao stared at the sky and didn’t feel any rage at being lied to, or fear at imminent death. Only the sadness of having her hopes dashed. Since childhood she had lived a hard life, her heart always drifting, feeling like she would be abandoned at any time. Only fter her engagement to Jing did her heart settle down, thinking that things would finally change. Who knew Jing would leave her? Even if it was just like her parents when a reason that couldn’t be helped. But she was still abandoned again, and she didn’t want to keep being strong anymore to face a long life ahead. If Jing slept in this ocean then she would rather be here with him.
...
Xiang Liu said, “The price is for you to stay alive. Even if Tu Shan Jing is really dead, you have to stay alive!”
Xiao Yao stared dumbstruck at Xiang Liu before her eyes went beyond him to stare at the limitless ocean horizon. A life that was long, a longing that had no end in sight……if she didn’t give up and stayed alive, what would that feel like? Probably like a dark night with no sunrise. Xiao Yao didn’t understand why Xiang Liu cared about her life or death.
-----
Chapter 42:
Xiao Yao stared out at the dark waves and murmured, “I don’t understand. In the past when things went wrong, I always knew what the mistake was. Some were because he was too kind and forgiving, others because I didn’t trust him and hold onto him. But this time what did we do wrong? He rushed to see a child in need, that was not wrong. He brought along guards, that was not wrong. He wrote me a letter before leaving, that was not wrong. He chose to battle rather than get shot by arrows, that was not wrong. I rushed to him when I received the letter, that was not wrong. So where did we go wrong?”
Zhuan Xu said, “Neither of you did anything wrong.”
“If we didn’t do anything wrong, then why did things go wrong?”
Zhuan Xu had no answer for that.
“In the past, if we made mistakes, we corrected it and things got fixed. But what about this time? Gege, you tell me, what did we do wrong? I’ll fix it, I’ll for sure fix it. No matter what I did wrong, I’ll change and fix it!” Xiao Yao’s body convulsed from the pain and not eating for two days, she felt like throwing up but nothing came up.
“Xiao Yao, Xiao Yao.” Zhuan Xu tried to inject power into Xiao Yao to lessen her pain but could do nothing because her pain came from her heart.
...
Xiao Yao’s tears fell in large drops. “Twenty two more days until our wedding, he needs to mind the time to hurry back.”
After saying that, Xiao Yao toppled forward in a dead faint. Zhuan Xu scrambled to catch her in his arms, she didn’t eat or rest for two days and finally collapsed from exhaustion.
Zhuan Xu carefully wrapped Xiao Yao in a blanket and held her in his arms, staring carefully at her face. Her visage was pale and lips white, in two days it was like her entire body wasted away. Zhuan Xu felt his heart hurt and he looked up into the dawning light before taking a deep breath “Xiao Yao, this too will pass, and one day you will forget him!”
Xiao Yao slept for four days straight, and Yin said her body was healthy but it was like she was gravely ill and couldn’t wake up. Even in sleep she would shake in pain.
Zhuan Xu was anxious beyond belief but could do nothing other than stay beside Xiao Yao. After four days and four nights, Xiao Yao woke up, her body wan and thin as if recovering from a major illness. Zhuan Xu had also lost weight and wanted to take Xiao Yao back but she refused so he had no choice but to stay with her in the East Sea for tens more days.
Every night Xiao Yao would wait, every day Xiao Yao would go in the water. Zhuan Xu had no choice so had Xiao Xiao follow her everywhere. On the eleventh day, with four more days until the wedding date, Xiao Yao said to Zhuan Xu, “I want to go back to Sheng Nong Mountain.”
Zhuan Xu brought Xiao Yao back to Sheng Nong Mountain and when she saw the Yellow Emperor she asked, “Grandfather, is my wedding dress altered?”
“Yes.”
“Is my dowry prepared?”
“Yes, already packed.”
Xiao Yao seemed relieved and went back to her room.
...
In the middle of the night, Xiao Yao woke from her sleep as if someone was knocking on her window. She opened the window “Jing……Jing, are you back?”
Miao Pu was beside her “Miss, it’s just the wind rustling the trees.”
Xiao Yao felt dizzy and couldn’t stand up so she leaned on the window. “It’s really not him?”
Under the moonlight there were only trees with no shadow of a person. Xiao Yao’s heart broke and asked, “Miao Pu, why do you think I’ve not once dreamed about Jing?”
Miao Pu draped a robe over Xiao Yao and handed her a slipper and didn’t know how to answer other than, “Your servant doesn’t know.”
Xiao Yao looked up at the moon. “I really miss him, and even if I really can’t see him again, seeing him in a dream is better than nothing.”
Miao Pu felt like crying, she had been serving Xiao Yao this whole time and had seen how hard it was for Xiao Yao and Jing to finally get together. Just as they were about to get their happy ending, then this happened.
Xiao Yao said, “Likely because I didn’t see it with my own eyes, everything doesn’t seem real. I feel like he will suddenly appear. How could someone just vanish like that? How come he didn’t say goodbye to me? I would rather he died in my arms, that we could say our last words to each other. But what’s this? One day I get his letter telling me to sleep early and not read late into the night, and the night day everyone says he’s gone. How’s that possible, I don’t believe it! Why didn’t he tell me anything? I hate him!” Xiao Yao screamed at the moon “Tu Shan Jing, I hate you!”
The night was silent back.
Xiao Yao wearily lowered her head as the tears came down like rain drops. “But I don’t have the heart to hate you. I know that you must be in pain that you couldn’t keep your promise.”
Miao Pu used her sleeve to wipe away the tears. “Don’t think anymore, just sleep!”
...
Xiao Yao walked to the window to look up at the full moon. Jing picked a full moon night for their wedding, so they had a round happy ending. But today the round moon didn’t shine on a happy ending pair.
Xiao Yao told the Yellow Emperor she just needed time, but how much time did she need? How long would it take before her heart didn’t hurt anymore?
Xiao Yao asked, “Miao Pu, how long do you think before I’m not heartbroken?”
Miao Pu answered, “Like a severe injury, it will hurt a lot initially, and slowly the wound will scab and scar, and slowly it won’t hurt as much.”
Xiao Yao looked down, she had been injured before and knew how long it took to stop hurting. To stop hurting she had to forget! But time was like sand, it would cover up everything in the heart.
But——
Jing, I don’t want to!
If the price to pay to not hurt is to forget you, then I would rather be in pain always so that you can live in my heart, until my life reaches its conclusion.
I’ve already put on my wedding dress and said my vows to the moon. From tonight forward, I am your wife!
As for why XY would need an excuse to fight for her own life, I am not sure honestly, maybe because when she died, Jing too chose to follow her? No idea, really, but I just don't see her giving up so easily at that point in time. She still had CX, XL was still around sharing their bugs and honestly I am not even sure if XY really thought Jing to be dead or not. Maybe it was just a moment of weakness because she was very dissapointed, as you said, but I believe she would have ultimately saved herself regardless of Miao Pu.
I agree that it's possible that a different line of thinking may have eventually caused XY to end up fighting for her life in chapter 43, even if she hadn't thought of Miao Pu.
After XY spoke with the voodoo king, she was so desperate to confirm with XL, yet after XL saved her and told her that he helped her because he doesn't want to die with her, she acted as if she totally forgot about their life connection.
In chapter 37, XY finds out that XL knew the bugs were Lovers Bugs from the beginning and he doesn't apepar to be worried about the consequences. Then 40+ years pass, she only sees XL once during that time and they only discuss removing the bug, then TSJ goes missing / is presumed dead and someone tries to use him to assassinate her. Although I do think it's a bit crazy for XY to apparently have forgotten that her death could cause XL's death, I'll acknowledge that there were some factors that could help explain it.
Same goes to her suicide attempt, not one mention of XL before killing herself, yet the first thing that comes into her mind after she wakes up is him.
But when she wakes up in chapter 49 after her failed suicide attempt, she doesn't immediately think of XL for no reason.
First, she realizes that she is alive, which means the suicide attempt failed. It must have failed for a reason. When XY thinks about why, she might recall that XL reminded her multiple times in chapter 43 that the bugs connected their lives or that she had discussed the consequences of the bug connection (if she or XL were to die) with both CX and XL in chapter 46. In any case, she seems to conclude that the suicide attempt must have failed because the Lovers' Bug connection kept her alive. So she thinks to herself that, if she had known that the bugs would make it this hard to die, she never would have transferred the bug to XL.
Later, XY sees a male figure (Lie Yang) dressed in white and with white hair approaching, but is disappointed when she sees Lie Yang's green eyes. So we can conclude that when she saw the figure she initially thought it was XL and was disappointed when it turned out to be Lie Yang. But before Lie Yang appeared, it didn't seem like XY was thinking about XL apart from the brief lament about not planting the bug in him. When Lie Yang did appear, she thought of XL because the two look similar. And it wasn't right when she woke up.
-----
Chapter 49:
When Xiao Yao woke up and saw the sunlight from the window and the peach blossoms blooming, she didn’t know where she was but she knew she was alive.
Xiao Yao covered her eyes, if she knew it was this hard to die she would have never planted the Lover’s Bug in Xiang Liu years ago!
After some time, Xiao Yao sat up and called out, “Anyone there? Where is this place?”
From the red blossoms a figure in white rushed over and Xiao Yao almost forgot to breathe until she saw his green eyes and released a disappointed breath. “Lie Yang, why am I on Jade Mountain?”
Before Jing died, she kept making plans with him, as if her life wasn't tied to XL's life, who is bond to end any day, yet when XL died the first thing she remembers are the bugs, this time forgetting that the queen mother already solved them. I mean I personally don't make much sense of this part of the story.
There never seems to be a point where XY is really, truly worried that XL's imminent death will cut her life short. TSJ always seemed to worry more about that than XY did. I always felt that that might have been because XY just refused to think too much about XL dying. But maybe she did think about it but didn't really, fully believe that she would die if XL died. Or maybe she did believe that she would die, but she was okay with that, even though she was making long-term plans for a life with TSJ.
As for her thoughts after XL's death, it doesn't seem surprising to me that XY thought she should have known / felt that XL died. I believe some people IRL feel that way when something terrible happends to a loved one even without a bug connection between them. Since XY did have a bug connection with XL for 100+ years, IMO it would be natural for XY to think of that connection as the vehicle for such a feeling, before she recalled that the bug connection had already been severed.
Thank you! It was a very interesting read.
You're welcome!
It's interesting that they thought Xiao Yao looked to be about seven or eight years old but Cang Xuan looked to be about ten years old. I thought the two were not born very far apart.
That is an interesting point. However, it is noteworthy that it was Shen'nong Yi who thinks she should look like a seven or eight year old child, but he himself had never seen her, whereas Cang Xuan's description was based on what Jiang Li saw in person. In addition, it is possible that Cang Xuan looked far more mature due to the kind of life he led, hence perhaps appearing older than presumably an eight year old human child.
The poster from the old version of LYF shows XL holding hands with XY while admiring the moon.
Hm. I always considered that picture to be of Wen Xiao Liu, not Xiao Yao, because of the way she is dressed, which is more rugged (?) and less feminine.
.
In an illustration from the new version of the book, a white haired XL is shooting arrows with XY. However, in the novel, only FFB shoots arrows with XY.
My impression was that it was to clearly show that the man with whom Xiao Yao was practising archery with was Xiang Liu. Illustrating Fangfeng Bei with long, black hair might have resulted in ambiguity because Jing was also depicted with long dark hair in Vol 2, as opposed to Cang Xuan who is easily identifiable because his hair was always swept up in a top knot in both the cover and insert illustrations.
It had me picturing a whole new canon-compliant, post-canon, YaoLiu fix-it ending.AH :
Love this AU scenario, which addresses the issues of Xiao Yao and Jing's apparent lack of concern, abandoning young Tushan Zhen, something particularly jarring in the case of Xiao Yao, who knew first hand just how traumatising and damaging that is on a child growing up, and of course giving us our YaoLiu reunion.
his man is Xiang Liu's reincarnation, who goes by the name Xiang Yao (相繇)
Do you think Tong Hua would have resurrected Xiang Liu in one form or another, had she ever gotten around to write the 4th book of the series? Xiang Liu's ties with the Guifang clan, the lack of mention about what became of his demon core following his death... was all that to lay the foundation for his resurrection? If only she ever decides to revisit the universe and give us both the 2nd and 4th book.
Thank you for the translation liddi!
You're welcome!
Imagine if the Shengnong remnant army had searched for XY in order to capitalize on the Grand Emperor and Yellow Emperor's promises. Imagine if XL had succeeded in finding XY in that context. The story could have gone in quite a different direction.
You're right! In a similar vein to the possibility that they had met before on Jade Mountain. If Xiang Liu had managed to find Xiao Yao in the years that she went missing... what would that have entailed? There would definitely not have been any Wen Xiao Liu to begin with, and by extension no Ye Shi Qi as well. She might not have been so adept with poisons. Would she (as physically an eight year old child) have been drawn to Xiang Liu, and vice versa? Or would they have been more like older brother-annoying younger sister? What would Hong Jiang and the resistance army have requested from the Gao Xin king? A lifetime of peace from the Xuan Yuan king - would they have asked for it for all the Shen Nong families who had surrendered while they continued fighting for their cause? The possibilities are intriguing...
Seeing how Chi You was scapegoated for the war is rather infuriating.
Yes. Then again history is always written from the POV of the victor... so Chi Chen's villification is frustrating, but not unexpected.
My recollection from the novel was that Ah Heng took her there, and it wasn't the Grand Emperor who sent her there? Although he chose not to collect her for a long time due to the Five Princes Rebellion.
You are absolutely right - thank you so much for pointing out my mistake in translation which I have corrected. The correct text should read as follows:
“After our princess died in battle, the Gao Xin king continued to leave his daughter in the care of Jade Mountain to learn from the Royal Mother.”
The irony.
Yes. Cang Xuan was clear-minded even from those early days, until his jealousy and love for Xiao Yao saw him doing exactly what he once said, hoped he would never do - allow his feelings to cloud his judgment and dictate his actions.
Do you think Tong Hua would have resurrected Xiang Liu in one form or another, had she ever gotten around to write the 4th book of the series? Xiang Liu's ties with the Guifang clan, the lack of mention about what became of his demon core following his death... was all that to lay the foundation for his resurrection? If only she ever decides to revisit the universe and give us both the 2nd and 4th book.
Perhaps. Although I personally don't really like the idea of XL being resurrected. Even though I do like the idea of him reincarnating. I know that sounds weird because they're practically the same thing. But for resurrection... it feels like that's just undoing the ending that XL chose, and undermines all the effort XL put into shielding XY from the impact of his death. Among other issues.
Tong Hua couldn't figure out how to write an ending for XL that didn't involve him dying with the remnant army. When I think of alternative / fix-it endings for XL, I run into the same problem. His choices were driven by the principles that make him the compelling character that he is. And he put so much effort into planning and executing the best ending he could for himself, and for XY given his choice and their circumstances. Resurrecting him takes away so much of the emotional impact of his efforts and sacrifice, wrecks his plans, and fails to address some of the issues that contributed to his choices (e.g., not wanting to be the sole survivor who carried the memories of all of his fallen comrades).
Whereas with resurrection, the important aspects of his ending can remain intact. His death would not need to be undone. XL's one and only death will forever involve him fighting loyally for Gong Gong and Shengnong with his comrades until the very end, and dying with them on the battlefield. His efforts to shield XY from the impact of that death would still pay off and work out as he intended. The effort and sacrifice that XL put into saving and bringing TSJ back to be with XY wouldn't have been done in vain, because TSJ would still fulfill the role of accompanying XY after XL's death. In a resurrection scenario, there must be some method by which XL would be resurrected. In which case, I would want XY to play a role in bringing about his resurrection. But how would she do so while being married to TSJ after XL returned him to her? Would she involve TSJ? Would she wait until TSJ died before pursuing XL's resurrection? I'm not really a fan of either option. Neither one is optimal. I prefer the idea of XL reincarnating and then growing into a man (one that XY can eventually meet again) during the time that XY has with TSJ before TSJ's death. It works better for me, and TSJ becoming the temporary companion who alleviates XY's loneliness until she can reunite with her true life-long companion feels rather poetic. In that scenario, TSJ still fulfills the role that XL intended for him. XY isn't caught up in the weird situation of either involving TSJ in the pursuit of resurrecting XL or delaying XL's resurrection because of TSJ. She (unknowningly) has to wait for XL's reincarnation to be ready to meet her again. During that time, she has to live with the consequences of some of her own choices, she has time to hopefully grow and mature a bit, and she has lots of time to reflect on the way things went with XL before his death and how she might do them differently if she had the opportunity. She would also have the chance to tie up other loose ends, like TSZ.
And depending on how the reincarnation is written, the issue of grief and the burden of difficult memories can be written in such a way that XL has enough access to the memories of his previous life to retain key elements of his identity and to still be a true version of the man that we (the readers) and XY fell in love with. But also in a way where he perhaps wouldn't have to face the burden of grief and difficult memories in the same way as he would if he was resurrected with all of his memories just as fresh and painful as they were before his death. In a reincarnation scenario, those memories would be from a past life and therefore they might feel more distant. Like the memory of a dream. And not so much like a living nightmare. And it sort of gives the two of them (XY and XL) an opportunity to live out that fantasy that XY had of meeting XL when he was younger (before he met Gong Gong and before he joined the Shengnong remnant army), when it felt like a romantic relationshp between them might really have been possible in a way that it never was in their actual story.
So I personally prefer the idea of reincarnation for XL, rather than resurrection.
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