Arthenha

Thank you for saying that, I’m out 6 years and I’ve been doing loads better. Therapy did help a lot, but even with therapy there are still certain triggers, that I’ll probably never loose again.

Off-topic but after I left my abusive ex fiancé, I went to therapy for the ptsd/trauma I had. But I still found new triggers or trauma when I was with somebody healthy, because you can only do so much alone. I for example found triggers when my new partner and I had fights or heated discussions, things I for example needed to learn or unlearn, or things I reacted badly on. Those things I never would have found out if I stayed single. I think if you have bagage then it’s on you to heal and not make it your partners problems. You can find support with your partner but you can’t expect them to fix you. I think Yotha so far has done a lot to try and change for Gun but healing isn’t something that happens overnight. Sometimes you make some big mistakes, only thing you can do is apologize to those you have wronged, learn from it and never do it again.

Finally somebody said it. It pissed me off how fast Faifa agreed to Gun moving rooms. And he pissed me even more off by saying all these things to Yotha. All this time Yotha has been alone, you also see that back when Gun his friends surround Gun and that is including Fai, and not let Yotha talk to Gun. Yotha has nobody in his corner, not even family. But he again tries to open up and lower his walls by asking help from Arm. Yotha is trying so hard to change for Gun, but with the mother showing up I can imagine it triggered some feelings inside him. Also both Fai and New saying things like “she is our mother”, doesn’t help Yotha, it makes him feel even less heard or understood. I just feel like Yotha hasn’t had any healthy role model growing up. Newton and Warich are both lousy people. I hated how Newton began talking about Yotha being traumatized when he had just met Gun, like dude that’s not your story to tell! But like you said at least Warich was there for him.

Louder please!

I agree. I hated how both Newton and Fai kept going on about that woman being there mother. What mother cannot know the difference between her children? (The milk allergy) What mother sends her own child back because she starting to have a new family. Yotha has every right to not want to see, speak or call her mother. Seems to me like her request for Fai and Yotha to visit was more for her benefits.

Gun didn’t accept the kiss nor did he forgive Yotha. You can very clearly see the difference in kisses before and this last one in which Gun didn’t reciprocated it. Also him immediately leaving the bed to want to walk along the beach is also an indicator that he is not alright with it. The fact that he stopped and asked Yotha to go with him is probably a way for him to invite Yotha to talk with him. In the preview for next week we see him and Yotha walking in the same clothes along the beach. It seems to me that we are getting the talk in the next episode!

I do agree with you that the kiss between Yotha and Wa was unnecessary and if the writers wanted to use it, to show Gun that Wa and Yotha were a couple before, they could have done this differently. From what I understand this kiss didn’t happen in the books.

But didn’t Vee notice instantly that Mark was seeing the kiss? Or am I wrong, it’s been a while since I seen the series. Yotha doesn’t know Gun saw the kiss because Gun has not yet communicated to Yotha that he saw it (though that doesn’t make it right). We also shouldn’t forget that Gun has his own trauma and doesn’t like conflict. Maybe like he said to Fai he feels like he can’t bring it up or demand an explanation because they aren’t together.

All of this!

Because they do not understand his character. They do not understand that a lot of the things he is doing, is driven by the trauma he has. Said trauma which was triggered by the mother showing up. They see things and instantly judge and write a character off instead of looking further at was lies underneath. It’s the same people who scream cheater in the comments under the series When it Rains it Poors.

Clearly I wasted my time on you! You asked the questions. I answered them!

He has a key, in one of the previous episodes, where Gun is talking with Fai and that other friend of him (forgotten the name) about Yotha. And Yotha just barges into the room, he says something like I have the key because Gun had forgotten it.

Agreed but also Yotha had to raise himself, he lived with his dad and older brother, no mother to learn things like communication, or healthy ways to apologize, making up after fights, reconnect, communicate, etc.

Tell me you didn’t understand the character Yotha without telling me. And that’s alright, but you need to understand that some things aren’t logical when it comes to trauma.

Yotha was traumatized by seeing his mother, all that hurt, anger and memories was/were brought back to the surface by seeing her. There is a very good reason he didn’t want to see her. Think of it as seeing your abuser all of a sudden somewhere unannounced! Because she gave no heads-up that she was coming, that’s a ambushing Yotha didn’t expect. Also it could very well be crossing Yotha’s boundaries he has towards his mother.

After that meeting with his mother Yotha wanted to be alone and alone in his trauma/misery, for him that means the bar. He didn’t count on Wa being there, he just showed up. Also it was Wa who pulled him in for the hug, it’s been Wa who before would protect him and be his “world”. And normally Yotha walks away from Klao, when Klao gets in one of those moods (seen in the past episodes), he’s not one to get aggressive with him, just mocking. But you clearly see him lose control and punched Klao back, that is probably the straw that broke the camel’s back, to an already emotional exhausting night. Not to mention that Yotha was very vulnerable, we so far haven’t seen him cry ever, at that moment everything just came pouring out.

Also Yotha falling out towards Gun was a trauma response, at that moment he could not do what Gun asked him. It probably felt like he was being controlled or that things were demanded of him. Even if Gun ment it well, at that moment, with how Yotha felt, it was too much. Sometimes you just need to leave the person alone, Yotha is also not used to being cared for, he’s been there for himself and knows himself best.

Its not mommy issues but trauma, that not something you just talk about easily. You do not see Gun talking about his trauma, for the same exact reasons!

Thank you for that extra information, though I had read your reaction, which is directly under mine ;). I do feel kind of sad that they added the kiss. Even though I really get and understand it, even sympathize with Yotha, it just creates so much problems. And I get that Wa tries to help, but sometimes seeing your ex being all helpful only makes it worse.

Btw were did you read the book? I think I need to read it after the series.

So I’m going to speak for the devil here, seeing as so many people already are writing of Yotha for what he did. I’m in no way condoning his kiss between him and Warich, it’s how things get messy but I do get it. I for one think it’s Yotha his way to confirm that there is nothing going on with him and Warit anymore because he “doesn’t feel anything anymore”. A way to end the messy toxic relationship they had.

Yotha so far has been running away from love, he is badly traumatized, by what is still not clear. Where other people try and talk things out, he has troubles with that, he can’t communicate, he knows he is wrong but just cannot express it. He has a hard time saying sorry, seen clearly by this latest episode. Probably the only relationship he had has been with Warich and I can’t see that one being healthy. He’s been living with his dad and older brother, from what I have seen from Newton I don’t think he would be such a great example for his brother. An all male house, no mother to talk to or learn how to communicate.

Also for the record Yotha does not know that Gun saw the kiss, because Gun has not said anything about it. Yotha thinks that the way Gun is now behaving is because of the fight on the street.

Also Yotha falling out at Gun is a typical trauma response, he was traumatized by his mother’s visit. Gun asking him not to go felt probably like somebody trying to control him, when he needs to fend and lose that anger. It typical that during these trauma reliving moments to snap at people closed to you.

The same way he’s been doing these “rituals” at the bar, it’s a way to cope, to find a sort of revenge in all of that trauma. It’s also not easy to let go of unhealthy coping mechanisms. The beatings that he gets from those angry ex boyfriends is just an afterthought, maybe he even thinks he deserves them. He’s not afraid of dying, usually that means he’s become somewhat numb to life. He’s being reckless because he doesn’t care. I do think that maybe seeing Gun being angry, upset, frightened will get through to him. Also Fai his harsh words were necessary, but hopefully will switch on the light, that he does need to change.

Now I kind of liked how Fai was there for Gun but I didn’t like how easily he accepted Gun wanting to change rooms, I would have advised him to think about it, talk it out with Yotha instead of running away from all of it. The same way I don’t like that the friends didn’t give Yotha the chance to talk it out with Gun. They were friends, (maybe it was more but again it was not talked about), in my opinion you try at least to talk it out. Yes Gun accepted the kiss from Yotha but the thing is Gun doesn’t seem like a guy who is angry at someone for very long. I also wouldn’t be suprised if they talked things out during the walk down the beach, which we hopefully see in the next episode.

The person I kind of have more problems with is Warich, who constantly tries to get closer and stays close to Yotha. if it’s from a few episodes back when Yotha comes into the club wearing his student uniform, him trying to find out what Gun knows about Yotha, to him being all nice, touchy and huggy when Yotha is down. Him saying he was Yotha his whole world for a while and he will be that for as long as there isn’t another person in Yotha his life who can become his new world. But if he had paid attention to Yotha and Gun he would know that there already was somebody else, and has stepped back.

Also he was the one who accepted the kiss from Yotha, he didn’t push him away. Even though I think both Warich and Klao are toxic, especially together, Klao didn’t deserve that. Like the dude is already so insecure about himself and then sees his partner constantly being close to the ex.
And not try to have any distance between them, especially when he already talked about how it makes him feel seeing all of that.

I don’t say that Warich needs to go no contact with Yotha but stepping away and creating some distance isn’t a bad thing. Certainly with the way Warich is saying some of these things to Yotha and about Yotha, I can imagine it is triggering Klao insecurities.

Saying I can’t give you what you need isn’t clearly, that’s vague. What is that Fuji cant give him? A family? Sex? Kids? Marriage? Intimacy? Sleeping together in one bed? Being taken care of? Money? I do not know if Fuji explained it further because they don’t show me that, so i have to go on with what I am being shown. So in my opinion based on what the series showed me so far, I don’t think Sei knew what the terms were and what he was agreeing to. But we can agree to disagree about that.

I do agree with you that Both Sei and Hagi could have communicated their wants and needs to their partners. I also agree that they could have an open relationship, but I think neither partner would agree to it. I think Fuji is way to possessive for it, he gets jealous if Sei only mentioned he is emailing with a coworker. And Shino (gf) seems to give the pretends to the outside world that everything is fine between them. Being in a open relationship, means she has to acknowledge that there is something not fine between them.

It seems like Shino (the gf) is only affectionate when there are other people around (the arms around the neck) or if she has needs (the hug before she went to work in the previous episode). Anytime Hagi initiated contact she barely tolates it or finds whimsical excuses for her to leave.

Saying I can’t give you what you need isn’t clearly, that’s vague. What is that Fuji cant give him? A family? Sex? Kids? Marriage? Intimacy? Sleeping together in one bed? Being taken care of? Money? We do not know if Fuji explained it further because they don’t show us that, so we have to go on what we are being shown.

You found their rejection gentle? I could only find them cruel.

So somewhere above this thread I posted a review similar to my reaction to you. In which I added some things. I said - after the part where Fuji said “i can’t give you what you need” - I’m sorry but that’s not how you communicate that, because it’s vague as hell. You explain to said person what exactly you can’t give, so that expectations can be amended, expressed or met. Also if Fuji had explained it clearly, Sei probably wouldn’t even have asked sex of Fuji because he knew how he felt/thought about it. I do agree Sei also could have asked or communicated, maybe I’m wrong but it seems like Fuji proposed said deal sometime after Sei his parents died, maybe he wasn’t in the right mindset.

I do agree with you that it is weird for Fuji to act all controlling, possessive and jealous around Sei. Fuji is already isolating and controlling Sei so much and making Sei depended on him, in that way I definitely see the abuse of which you are speaking. Deliberately denying a person sexually without giving him any sort of outlet is also abusive and controlling.

If and that is a big if because we do not know enough about Fuji, if he is asexual, its fine to be in a sexless relationship, if your partner also agreed and feels the same. If not you’ll always have somebody whose needs aren’t met, which will lead to frustration. An outlet could be to open up the relationship, with “rules and boundaries”, but seeing how possessive Fuji is about Sei, I do not see that happening.

For the relationship part you could say they are in a relationship because they agreed to it, though they act more like roommates (more like Sei is Fuji dirty little secret, because I do not see them meet each other outside of the apartment). If it’s a romantic relationship I question because so far I haven’t seen anything romantic happen between them. Fuji does try to take care of Sei in his way, they seem to be friends before.

I wouldn’t be suprised that after his parents died he is/was traumatized and has/had survivors guilt. He probably was very vulnerable, felt like a burden, scared to be alone, and here is his friend who wants to take care of him, stay with him “forever”. That must have sounded like a good deal. But I think overtime that guilt and trauma started to eat at him, combined with constantly being rejected. Only getting support the way Fuji could give instead of sometimes a hug or a hand to hold, might also made things worse, words can only do so much. But I’m speculating and putting my own experiences in those speculations.

I found both partners quite cruel in this episode.

With Shino (gf) pretending to be intimate/touchy with Hagi when they are around the friends, pretending everything is alright. The arms around the neck, felt the same way, the hug (also initiated by her) felt in ep 1. That she only did it for herself, the hug was because of her needs. Same as the arms around the neck, it felt like she needed to look good in front of the friends. I question why she had the door open while she was showering, was it just another way to antagonize Hagi? Was her hope to have Hagi come on to her once more, so she could reject him?

And in today’s episode Fuji practically flees from Sei - the moment Sei mentioned wanting to have sex - which is such a cruel rejection!

Fuji can’t even explain it properly when he proposes his “business” deal to Sei, he disguises it with “I can’t give you what you might need”. I’m sorry, but that is not how you communicate that, because it is vague as hell. You explain to said person what exactly you can’t give so that expectations can be amended, expressed or met.

I don’t understand why people tend to act so prudish when it comes to talking about sex. It is normal to want to talk about your wants and needs. It should be just as normal to say hey I don’t feel it lately, or hey it’s been a while, what’s going on.

As for Fuji, yeah maybe he is Asexual or maybe he has trauma, but that is no reason to be that cruel to his partner. To the point that Sei is blaming himself and consequently thinks he is the problem. If Fuji had actually talked about it and explained things cleaely, Sei wouldn’t be questioning himself. Sei probably wouldn’t even have asked sex of Fuji.