mimi0108

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XL & XY didn't know until much later who her real father was. Plus, Chenrong is no longer. All the population live now under Xiyan rule. TSJ, FFL and all the others are now loyal to CX. By helping her brother, she already helped bring peace by uniting the former clans of Chenrong with Xiyan. All that remains are some soldiers who aren't willing to submit to Xiyan. They just want to die fighting for their lost country. XL know that and even if he's not agree with this choice, he respects that and wants to help his adoptive father and soldiers to fulfill their wish to fight to the death and have a Chenrong land to be buried. He chose a lost cause, a fight to the death. How can he bring the woman he loves into this mess while her family is on the other side?
That's their tragedy.
They're like XY parents but, unlike them, they didn't express their love. XL will die knowing the woman he loves will have an happy life with a decent man who'll always put her first, that she has know archery skills to help her defeat bullies. And he'll die helping his adoptive father like he always wanted to.
As for XY, she'll suffer his death but not as much as if they had both expressed their love for each other and she'll live happy with another man while her mother couldn't.

Indeed, XY doesn't care about court life. In many ways, living a free life under the sea, on land, wandering and having fun like she does with XL/FFB is the kind of life for her. That's why, in the novel, the one she most wants to spend her life with is XL. But that's unrealistic. XL/FFB can only offer her that for a moment. He isn't free to always live like this. He has his loyalty to an enemy army ready to die in battle and who wants to kill XY's family. By becoming romantically linked to him, XY exposes herself to untold suffering: being torn between her family and her lover and surely losing her lover in battle. XY doesn't want that. This is why in episode 19 she reveals to XL she is afraid to love him. Besides the fact that he is an unpredictable demon who has physically hurt her in the past.

XL has low self-esteem, thinking himself a monster. XY is the princess of Haoling and Xiyan. The granddaughter and cousin of his enemies. Her mother is the general who caused Chenrong to lose.
From all points of view, he thinks XY is not made to be with him. They are enemies, are not of the same social status. And, to add to that, XY doesn't want tragic love and does everything to bottle up her feelings for him and choose another.
Certainly, XL could have been selfish and tried to seduce her. As she loves him, despite their tragic fate, she would have ended up giving in. But he did not want to condemn her to such torment. And in this he is admirable. Loving someone is sometimes being able to let them go.

Indeed, both versions are tragic and heartbreaking.
I think part of her still has doubts (but only on the depth of his feelings and not on their existence) because, as you say, he was very persuasive and persistent in writing this transactional narrative. But they are soul mates, their hearts are connected, they understand each other without even talking and XL has let his feelings be saw a few times, which means that, for me, XY knows how he feels. But because of his persistence in not verbalizing things and hiding behind the pretext of transation, she sometimes has doubts about what he really thinks and if he really loves her as much as she sometimes believes he does. This is what frustrates her even more at the end, imo: even in death, he prevents her from really knowing his thoughts for her by making her doubt his sincerity."

XL, XY & CX have all 3 been hardened by the ordeals they have gone through. While TSJ, though broken, has not lost his innocence, kindness and idealism. And, as you say, that's what draws XY to him. She has darkness within her and those around her as well. Only TSJ brings her light and a lighter view of the world. That's why she loves him, why she chooses him, why she needs him.

It's a very well-written story because we understand the choices of the characters and it's not meant to be Manichaean or simplistic. XY doesn't love only one man with an absolute blind love. She loves the 3 in different ways, for different reasons and her love for them is not built in the same way.
I like that we are a somewhat cynical and realistic heroine, who seeks to find a partner not only romantically but who can also be suitable for her to build the kind of life she wants. Love is sometimes something that needs to be developed, nurtured and worked on.

He definitely has anger management issues. I imagine that growing up on his own, only experiencing the violence of the death fightin arenas as a child, didn't help him control his emotions. And he is still doing very well, given his past.
He really lost control during this scene. I think the mix of emotions made it even more intense:
- He doesn't like people criticizing his adoptive father;
- He wants to repel XY and therefore has to scare her;
- He resents XY for trying to rewrite his story when it's impossible;
– He is angry at XY for almost breaking the barriers they put on themselves (if he hadn't had self control, he would have touched her, and things could never have been the same again );
- He probably knew TSJ was here so needed to let him be the savior.

XY knows that after all she's been through, she wants a stable life with someone who's devoted to her, which is why she chooses TSJ and clings so tightly to him. But she also knows that a word or gesture from XL could shatter her resolutions. Her head tells her she needs a man like TSJ but her heart leads her to XL. If he hadn't taken to heart her "you're not the kind of man a girl should dream of, it scares me more than death" and really tried to seduce her, XY wouldn't have could have resisted even if it would have condemned her to a tragic love and fate.
XY and TSJ's fate end well because XL has tremendous self control and unselfishly loves XY to the point of wanting to let her be with another man if it means she will live long and well.

TSJ is truly the victim of an awful family. Between his mother who made him a target by abusing his brother, the latter who has become a sadistic monster and the grandmother who doesn't really care about her grandson (since she doesn't care about his physical and mental trauma and prefers a stranger girl to him). The poor boy is broken in his flesh, his soul and his spirit. And we understand why he clings so much to XY. Both are lonely beings even within their family, traumatized kids, who need a simple life and to be loved above all else.

Exactly. Despite his love and dedication, he can't put XY as first priority since his duty is towards ChenRong army and his adoptive father. He also knows XY is afraid of loving him (since he's her family's enemy and quite an impulsive and dangerous demon) so he tries his best to respect her choice by letting her be with TSJ who she loves too and who can put her first, as you said.
But sometimes, XL has moments of weakness like when he asked her to go wander the world with him. And XY has her moments too like when she regrets not being the one who saved him, in order to free XL from his responsibilities for Chenrong. But, at each moment of weakness, the other does not yield. XY agrees to go with him only if he waives his responsibilities. XL pulls himself together and stops them from crossing the line when she begins to whine about "what if I saved you". And his anger at that moment is both a way of pushing her away but also the frustration of having almost given in. XL knows his destiny and also knows XY doesn't wish to suffer from being with him. But after the fighting arena, she almost breaks both of their barriers and he's angry at her for that.

I see people saying that in the novel XY thinks everything XL did was a transaction and that she never knew how much he loved her or all he did for her and I disagree.

Whether in the drama or in the novel, XY knows XL loves her and knows she loves him too. They have a few conversations and looks that leave no ambiguity about their feelings. But both know their love is impossible. She is also aware of much of what XL has done for her. But what she blames him for is always hiding his care behind the excuse of a transaction.

So XY' anger at XL's death and her words about "it was all just a transaction" doesn't reflect what she thinks but is an outlet for her pain. She knows XL loves her, she knows only a man who loves her would erase his memories in the mirror so she wouldn't long for him. But precisely because she's aware of that, she is angry and frustrated. He never openly confessed his love to her, he always did everything behind her back or under the guise of a transaction. He often decided for the two of them what their relationship would be. And even in death, he still decides she must forget him. It's this anger towards XL, who turns everything into a transaction to protect himself (and her too), that she vents and not the fact she doesn't know how much he loved her and everything he did for her.

XY loves both TSJ and XL. But for TSJ, she was always able to express her love freely, whereas for XL, she always had to stifle it, hide it, repress it. And there, even in mourning, XL's attitude pushes her not to mourn him freely but still in the same way she loved him all these decades: by repressing her true thoughts/feelings and by resenting him for his choices.

I'm not ready for season 2 and seeing all of this come to life on screen.

I just finished the drama and the relationship between XL & XY really broke me. I like how it complements the novel.

Below, spoilers from the novel:

Need spoilers from readers please:
In the trailer, we see CX confessing his love to XY on his knees, bleeding, as she points a dagger at him. What happens then?
Also, did XY ever suspect CX of having romantic feelings for her?

Oh I see, it make better sense, thanks! English isn't my native langage so I was a bit confused.

No later, when he show her she can now breath underwater. Episode 37, 24 minutes. She said she became like him and joked about if she die again then XL strangled her like "don't you dare die again".
XY: "What if you consume too much heart blood? Would you bear it?"
XL: "Do you want me to prove it to you now?"
XY: "I know you can afford it. No matter how much heart blood you consume, you can always replenish it, right?"
What did they meant?

Quick translation question:
In episode 37, what exactly does XY mean when she talks about XL consuming his heart blood? I didn't understand this whole scene.

I think he know. He saw her dancing, then felt her hand touching him and finally, he saw her right before she came back in her body. It's surely one of the reason why he didn't show himself in front of her when she wake up.

Season 2 was filmed at the same time that Season 1 so don't worry, we'll have it.

Don't worry, you'll be happy. She ends up with 17.
She'll start dressing like a girl in episode 18.

It wasn't the brother but his lover, TSJ's fiancé who couldn't wait to get ride of him.

In which episode do will learn why they divorced please?

She didn't talked about it but I think she suspects deep down Mu Fei was telling the truth so she wants to keep that to herself. After all, the reason she was afraid to meet her father again was because people told her about her mother's affair. A part of her thinks she can be Chi Chen's daughter.

I understand your feeling, I'm also quite frustrated by certain character traits and lack of action of TSJ. However, when it comes to XY, I don't think everything she says should be taken as the absolute truth. She is a living paradox.

Example: in episode 14, she tells TSJ she can't be like San'er who chooses to cling to a man to forget the hardness of life and that the only thing she chooses to keep is the fear of being abandoned. San'er also shows only a part of herself to her husband, living in falsehood.
But TSJ and XY also do this to each other at first. XY accepts the 15-year promise without really believing in it and believing in TSJ. She shows him what he wants to see. TSJ too. When he was Shiqi, completely devoted to her, who speaks little and erases his personality and his desires to model himself on her. He only shows her a part of his personality so that she clings to him. They mutually need each other and that the other doesn't let them down but they don't trust the other to let go and being completely natural (at least at first).

XY says things and sometimes she sticks to it but sometimes she doesn't or, on the contrary, she criticizes something she is currently experiencing but without admitting it to herself.

TSJ is not cunning and ruthless enough to protect himself and her. He is too filial, gentle, accommodating and ends up making them both suffer and almost losing her forever.
However, of all the choices, he is the only one that truly gives her hope.
CX is XY's brother, she loves him with a family love while being lucid about his cruelty, ambition and wishing no woman to be romantically linked to him.
XL is the enemy of herfamily, a tormented demon who chose to die in battle. She will have no stability, no future, no peace with him even though he is her soulmate and she enjoys life with him the most. In TSJ's own words, XL, when he's FFB, best matches what XY aspires to in life. But it's impossible.
FFL doesn't love her and is ambition like her brother. He will never put her first or offer her the affection she desires.
There remains only TSJ who is submissive to her, devoted. He is ready to die with her, to wait for her for a lifetime. He has no ambition for power or loyalty to the military. Yes, he has a complicated family, but of all of the suitors, he is the only one who is ready to put her first, to give up everything, and to comfort her for eternity.
Which is why, despite his inability to not get trapped and protect himself, TSJ is the one she chooses. He's not perfect, he's not going to give her the life she most desires, but he's going to give her love and comfort that no other can.

It's his older brother baby since TSJ fiancée is his brother's lover.