Xiang Liu and Xiao Yao’s Story and Romance

 blabla100:

I don't belive XL knew about her 15 years promise with Jing or at least I don't belive the novel ever implied that he knew, but giving that he did witness how Jing tried to save her from CX, I belive he kinda got the drill.

I don't remember any mention of him knowing about the 15-year promise in the novel. I don't doubt that he knows about Jing's feelings for XY.

 blabla100:

As to why did XY try to kiss Jing afterwards, I am not sure, I am bouncing between different theories. Could be because of what you said, could be out of pity, since that's what Jing felt or could be that, giving what she sacrificed for it, she was desperate to make this work, by using the same tactic as TianEr.

It's probably a combination of all of the above. There's a line in the novel that WXL easily softened towards 17 due to pity. Sometimes I wonder how much Jing deliberately used this to his advantage. I don't think he's some kind of mastermind, and his self-pity is pretty real.

I've been trying to pinpoint when Xiao Yao realized her feelings for Xiang Liu. As readers, we know that she loves him because the Lovers Bugs were successfully planted, but when did Xiao Yao recognise her feelings? At the least, by the time she had that conversation with her grandfather about finding a suitable person to marry, she was aware of her feelings. Even her comment outside the Dragon Bone Prison points to her knowing that she's vulnerable to falling for him.

 blabla100:

I am going back and forth with different theories though, so I am Interested to see how other people interpret her "I won't give up until I poison him one day"  persistency. 

When did she say this sentence? After poison YSQ? 

I only remember the sentence in the beach scene in chapter 13 when she said she was poison king and she could poison the Nine-tailed fox demon then she believed that once day she could poison the Nine-headed sea demon. 

The poison in the novel has many meanings and its meaning changed over time. XY stopped her pursue of fantal poison for XL since chapter 16 just before she met FFB. She had all sorts of knowledge from various books, thus she was confident in her poison skill. Since then, she just wanted to make the poison more attractive but not more toxic. This means her poison could never poison or harm XL. 

In chapter 46, she told CX and FL bullshit story again that she had tried to poison XL, "For the past hundred years she tried every method to fell Xiang Liu with poison, giving him the hardest to find poisons to take him down. If she could counter his blood poison then Xiang Liu would have already been poisoned by her. "

I'll give my full opinion about the poison later

I swear I'm not picking on you blahblah100. I'm also not saying that I'm right and your wrong or trying to convince you to my point of view. I enjoy having these discussions as they allow me to clarify and share my thoughts and also allowed me to contemplate other possible interpretations that I may not even have thought of. I hope you'll take these little exchanges for the light-hearted, good-natured way that they are intended to be :-).

 blabla100:

I am not particulary fond of her either and that's mostly because I dislike Jing.

Look, you disliking Jing means that we can talk. I don't think I can talk to someone who likes Jing :-). I'm curious about what you don't like about him and why not liking him means that you're not fond of Xiao Yao. I'm working through some of my thoughts about these characters. Now that the initial feelings have passed, I can be calmer and more objective and fair (well, as objective as personal opinions can be:-).)

 blabla100:

The reason why I am sympathetic to her is because, IMO, her request of wanting a partner who is willing to stay with her, without giving her up when life gets in the way is understandable.

I feel like wanting a partner who is willing to stay with her through thick and thin is different from someone who will always put her first, which is how I understood her meaning. If her needs and wants always come first, where does that leave her partner's needs and wants? Mine and a few other readers' problem with this particular demand from Xiao Yao is that she demands this from her partner, but she isn't willing to do the same thing. If Jing, for whatever reason feels that he has to support someone else for the throne, will she give up CX for Jing's sake? If they then separated due to this conflict, will she then sing that same self-pitying song about how no one put her first, how everyone abandoned her? I know that I harped on about XY's trauma, but that's where her limiting and distorted beliefs come from. 

 blabla100:

If you ask me who would XL choose to save if XY and Gong Gong/the Shen Nong Army were to fell into a river, I'd say that he would choose to save the first, while throwing a lifebuoy at her to try and save herself,

We definitely have the opposite opinion on this :-). 

 blabla100:

XL sacrificed himself for the army, not for XY

3 lives are not considered an adequate sacrifice? And goodness knows what else he had to do to save Jing. 

 blabla100:

XL wasn't willing to keep on living for her sake, while XY couldn't sacrifice her oportunity of having a forever companion for a few years of bliss that were prone to end at any given time, especially considering that she wasn't even sure about XL's feelings

Who died and made XY the centre of the universe? :-) Why does XL's decision have to centre around XY's sake, her wants and needs? Now, of course, for XY, she's the centre of her universe and she wants someone like Jing who lives and dies for her sake. XL is not a good choice for XY, because he has his own ideals and goals that he wasn't willing to give up in order to make XY the centre of his universe. 

I don't think XY should sacrifice her opportunity to have her needs met. I believe that her feelings for XL exceed her feelings for Jing, but since XL couldn't give her what she wanted, I don't think there's anything wrong with her choosing Jing. She made a practical choice to meet her needs and she has every right to do so. My issue is the quick turn around between "choosing" XL and running back to Jing which had me questioning her sincerity.

Even after knowing about the Lovers Bugs? That was not enough a confirmation? Mind you, I don't think that that means she should choose XL given the whole impending death thing that he had going on.

 blabla100:

XL knew about her 3 weaknesses since the beginning, as well as her wish for a forever partner. From the moment he fell în love with her, I belive his main purpose was to work towards helping her achieving her 3 goals, including helping her settle with "the right person" who will forever remain by her side.

I don't think those 3 wishes neccessarily translated to a wish for a forever partner. This was only apparent after she regained her female identity. I can see him interpreting "no one to rely" as simply that, a person that she can rely on and at the start he could provide that for however long that he could as he belief she wasn't adverse to short-term companionship. 

 blabla100:

By the same logic, I don't belive that her accepting Jing means that she loved XL less.

You're preaching to the choir here as I absolutely agreed that she loves XL more than Jing :-). Heck, my interpretation of the Lovers Bugs means that I don't even think her feelings for Jing reach that "love" state. 

 blabla100:

XY didn't choose Jing, XY choose herself with XL's help. I firmly belive that if not for XL who kept pushing her away from him, one would have died out of loyalty for the army, while the other out of love and loneliness.

I do agree that if XL hasn't pushed her away she would have ended up with him and died of a broken heart or like CX's mother. If XY didn't love him so much to the point that she would be willing to risk being abandoned, XL wouldn't have to take such drastic measures to kill her hopes. 

I'm not quite understanding this distinction between choosing herself and choosing Jing. Do you mean she chose to continue living instead of dying with Xiang Liu? If that's the case, she could do that without being with Jing. However, XY's psychological issues have not improved enough for her to stand on her own, so she still chose Jing to be that companion that she needed. IMO, of course.

 blabla100:

I'd even give XY a bonus point for the crystal ball.

I do give XY point for the crystal ball. Unfortunately, I'll also take point away for it happening while she is engaged to another man with her marriage looming. I already talked about my view on the way XY handled this entire situation, so won't go into it here.

Again, thank you for continue to engage in these exchanges. If you don't, I'll have no one to reply to and I'll just be talking to myself. LOL!

The meaning of Poison in Lost you forever (part 1)

Note: in this note, I use "she", "her", "herself" to refer to both WXL and XY. 

I would like to start my note with the excerp of the introduction of the first volume of "Lost you forever - Like first seeing "in the 2019 revision

Lovesickness is like a glass of poisonous wine. It is sweet in the throat and ecstasy in the bones. Until it enters the heart and lungs, there is no cure. When the poison breaks out, it breaks the heart and lungs. Only the smile and companionship of the sweetheart can cure it. If it can not cure it. , all that remains is the deep love that lasts until death. The story continues.

Poison throughout most of the novel was the visible connection between Xiao Yao and Xiang Liu. We hardly see and hear XY expressing her emotion or feeling to XL. In fact, she used poison to express her thought, her emotion to him. That is the unspoken language, message from XY to XL. 

First,  poison was her best skill which had saved her many times in the past, given her strength and confidence to cope with difficulty in life. And in their first encounter, her skill and talent in poison (together with the song to lure fei fei) drew XL's attention and played significant role in XL's decision to spare her life. In order to survise, WXL agreed to "work" for XL. A first XL had certain requirement for the poison that WXL made for him. It seems that in the beginning, XL only cared for the toxicity of the poison; WXL did not have idea on XL's usage.  She had thought that he had used the poison to harm someone else so she made the poison so weird appearance. XL did not care. After some time, she deduced that XL used the poison for himself to train.  Thus she made the poison with the most horrible taste ever.  So the poison in this period that WXL made ought to followed XL's order about the deadliness. It seems that XL also had certain understanding in poison. Althought, WXL had freedom in the taste, appearance of the poison, she still had to follow his requirement in toxicity. This period lasted for 1 year. 

Other than, occasionally a mall white condor would come find Xiao Liu, bringing something and taking away something. Xiao Liu made the poison for Xiang Liu but always held something back. If the poison was beyond deadly that it fit his requirement, but then it would have an odd color or smell. Whatever the reason, it was impossible to use it to kill those powerful people under tight protection.

Xiao Liu thought that as time passed Xiang Liu would come raise a fuss but Xiang Liu appeared to not care about “color, smell, and taste” and as long as the poison met his specifications he accepted it all.

Xiao Liu used his haphazard medical and poison skills to deduce that Xiang Liu was a very unique being and his power came from using poison to train. All the poison that Xiao Liu produced was likely consumed by him.

After he figured it out, Xiao Liu breathed a sigh of relief, and then proceeded to make the most horrible tasting poison ever.

After 1 year, XL probably had no more doubt about WXL that she could harm Sheng Nong army or him, he wanted to know more about WXL and came to Mazi's wedding. I don't think the way WXL interpreted XL's visit correctly. In her view she considered his visit and gift as the warning that he had one more hostage. WXL considered his visit as a threat. Moreover, her attemp to literally poison him was regarded as her revenge for his punishment of 40 lashes to her. 

Xiang Liu looked at the excitement in the world and asked with disdain and confusion: "When they all die, I'm afraid you will still be the same as you are now. Is that interesting?"
Xiaoliu said: "I'm afraid of being lonely and not being able to find long-term dependence. Short-term companionship is also good."
Xiang Liu looked at Xiao Liu, who poured him wine diligently, "Since you're here, let's have a wedding drink. I brewed it myself."
After Xiang Liu drank a glass, he said calmly: "Except for the poison in the wine, there is no redeeming feature."
Xiaoliu asked with concern: "Are you poisoned?"
Xiang Liu looked at Xiao Liu with disdain, and Xiao Liu was slumped.
Xiang Liu asked: "Do you really want to poison me?"
Xiao Liu said honestly: "I am not Xuanyuan's soldier. There is no life-or-death hatred between you and me yet. I just want to whip you a hundred and eighty times."
"Stop dreaming in this life." Xiang Liu drank another glass of wine and drifted away.
Xiao Liu said to Shi Qi angrily: "Sooner or later I will find his weak point. If the poison can't kill him, I will walk backwards."
There was a slight smile in Shi Qi's eyes. When Xiao Liu saw his transcendent look, he wished he could squeeze him hard with both hands. He couldn't help but pour him a glass of poisonous wine, "Drink!"
Seventeen took it, tilted his neck, and drank.
Xiaoliu was stunned, "It's poisonous."
The smile in Shiqi's eyes did not dissipate, but his body fell softly. Xiao Liu hurriedly detoxified him and cursed: "You idiot!" But there was a little unexplainable ripple in his heart.

About the WXL's poison action on YSQ, that came suddently from WXL's frustration to XL. She was angry because XL undermined her poison, and didn't take her ability seriously. In her eyes, she felt that YSQ's transcendent look meaned he didn't understand her feeling. She vented her anger by order YSQ to drink the wine. This action also underlined her power, influence on YSQ which is opposite to her relationship with XL. YQS's acceptance without hesitation and his no complain reaction later gave her proof that YQS fully obeyed and willing to take her request. Thus that explained why there was a little unexplainable ripple in her heart.

After Mazi's wedding banquet, Nine-lives Xiang Liu would occasionally come and sit in the small courtyard of Chun Tang, drink a few glasses of wine that Xiao Liu poured for him, and eat a few slices of snacks made by Xiao Liu. When he left, his face remained calm and his heart did not beat.

Xiang Liu's attitude of not taking Xiao Liu seriously at all angered Xiao Liu. When Xiao Liu entered the medical profession, he took a wrong path from the beginning. The purpose was to kill people, not save them. Xiang Liu took his poison as a jelly bean, and after letting him reflect, he decided to sink his mind and study how to harm people, and continue to move forward on the wrong path, with the goal of poisoning the devil sooner or later!  (Chapter 2 - google translate)

So, from the above excerpt, we can see that after XL and XY had more meetings, knowing each other better and building their "friendship", WXL started to improve his poison skill in order to make a poison which could have poisionous effect on XL. The reason for that is: 1) she still wanted to revenge on him for the 40 lashes; 2) she felt that XL was at higher position in their relationship and XL undermined WXL, thus she felt angry; 3) Her self-esteem was triggered. She had already said that she had no life-death hatred with XL. Thus the line "if the poison can't kill him, I can go backward" doesn't mean she wanted to kill him but she wanted to make poison that could threathen his life so that she could play controlling role (like XL did), deciding his death/life or could return him what he had done to her.

@Blabla100

what she really wanted was for someone who will never abandon her. Yes, her  fear of being abandoned came from her wrongly belief that that's because no one in the past put her first / loved her enough, but then again, wasn't she kinda ok with Jing when he became clan leader?

Because of XY’s insecurity and negative attitude, she did not trust anyone , she needed someone who was willing to give first and she was the 1st choice in that man’s heart. Jing gave her such promise even though he was unsure and in fact could not deliver it in practice. 

there are several reasons that XY was “ok” when Jing had to accept the clan leader role.

1. being clan leader did not mean he would abandon her

2. Jing’s grandma would die soon, thus his biggest family obstacle and strongest connection would soon be gone

3. He did it because of his grandma which proved that he had kind, soft heart which she liked most from him. Based on her conversation with CX in chapter 47, saving Jing and healing his heath, his heart gave XY hope that her scars from the past would be healed too. She treasured him as her achievement, responsibility 

the problem of being clan leader was that Jing could not return her YSQ quickly as he had promised her

 Kimiya78:

Guys one thing that I don't get about poisonous bug is that the 2 sides can't be together cuz of what? 

It's not the poisonous bug that keeps XY and XL apart.  It's like Romeo and Juliet, their families were enemies.

 Kokuto:

I don't think she was all that great with Jing becoming clan leader.

No, XY was not happy with that because she just needed YSQ. But she still could compromise with that. She did not bin him when he became clan leader. She even wanted to help Jing's grandmother with the bug problem. Jing had hoped that his grandmother would approve XY but she was strongly agaist XY due to XY's complicated political view. And within a few months, FFYY got pregnant. And then XY's hope shattered.