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 Elise:

At least he survived in an alternate universe! Seriously, this AU is incredible.

YaoLiu Nation is amazinggggg 

There is another alternate universe that is Tan Jian Ci approved (he made a reaction video on it)

https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1cu411n7Uy/?buvid=XU6770A61E320F9AC75DD085F25765D97517B

 MissUnderstood50:

Every time I thought I was over the pain of knowing XL would die in the end, here I go, feeling dissatisfied and unhappy once more. I have always been a bookworm and loved reading books as a child until now. But this one  just forcefully bulldozed its way into my consciousness and heart like nothing I have ever encountered. What a novel Tong Hua wrote ! My hubby kept asking me what is it that I am watching. Like most ladies here, I rewatched episodes a lot, and I watch it in our basement with a big screen so I can look at TJC, aka XL. Sorry, but not sorry; I am glued to XL, not XY. 

I've gone through the same thing (i still can't watch a new drama at the moment). 

even the actors themselves admitted that it took them months to get over their characters. From memory, i think Tan Jian Ci in his interview said that staff were in tears when they he was dubbing the final scene and i think he also said that he tried not to cry. Yang Zi in a separate interview i think mentioned that she couldn't stop crying on her final scene as well. 

anyhoo... 

@liddi recommended two fanfic novels

https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/555723806 - i prefer this one 

and the other one,  there's a link here somewhere. I know its not tong hua's "official ending" but with an ending such as this, i needed to find closure 

@AH

"I'm not sure I would read that scene in the gambling den as implying that betting on XL/FFB will mean that you will lose everything." 

Perhaps you are right, but I had the impression that the house only allowed her to keep on going with the winnings (without sending someone to stop her roll) , and not that the house is making her / helping her win. In any event, her luck did stop once ffbei showed up, do you belive that's because the house / Jing had finally put a stop? 

@bugei Thank you, I do need some closure here. 

 kitty_momo:
When does Xiaoyao even find out that it is called the Lover's Bug?

In the novel, it seems to me that it is chapter 26 from the mouth of Se Mai Er:

“I don’t know what kind of bug it is but I do know its name. It’s called a Lover’s Bug and legend says “Lover’s Bug, Heart to Heart.” It sounds a lot like what Princess described.”

Xiao Yao is then described as "stunned and in a daze." I think chapter 28, XY and FL are getting engaged and chapter 31 she starts to make the ice crystal ball.


 blabla100:
I'd still add 2 more scenes to your list though

True, I forgot! And also when she saved FFB from being caught the night he stole a map. She's not that inactive... My bad! 


 kitty_momo:
To me, this sounds a bit like a subconscious admission of "I don't regret getting involved with you, if I had to do it again, I'd still choose to fall in love with you"

About the leaked script "XY (deflated): You are right! The deal we had was completely fair. If I had to do it again, I would still choose to move the bug into you. It is all my own fault... "

Maybe @AH  can help us on this but for me, we will have to wait until we'll watch the scene to catch XL's reaction. XY is drunk but XL a priori doesn't know that she knows the name of the bug and so he cannot conclude that she's basically confessing "I don't regret loving you!"

Edit: And we cannot even conclude that XY acknowledges that the bugs relies on love and we cannot conclude either that she implies that she loves XL.

 blabla100:

@AH

"I'm not sure I would read that scene in the gambling den as implying that betting on XL/FFB will mean that you will lose everything." 

Perhaps you are right, but I had the impression that the house only allowed her to keep on going with the winnings (without sending someone to stop her roll) , and not that the house is making her / helping her win. In any event, her luck did stop once ffbei showed up, do you belive that's because the house / Jing had finally put a stop? 

I'm not 100% certain of what's happening in this scene. It seems to me that there are at least four options.

(1) XY's wins really are happening thanks to pure luck. Every time she increases her bet and wins (and everyone who bets with her also wins) it's just pure chance. When she finally places all of her winnings on one bet (after FFB comes over) and loses, that's also the result of pure chance. The only thing out of the ordinary is that the house didn't try to stop her legitimate winning streak (because Lie Ji Chang felt assured that TSJ would cover the house's losses), even though XY expected them to. If this is the interpretation that Tong Hua intended, then your further interpretation of the intended meaning of the scene (as foreshadowing or an analogy for XY being willing to bet on XL/FFB and losing big) would also make sense. I think option two is more likely to be the interpretation that Tong Hua intended, but that's just my speculation.

(2) We know from other parts of the novel (excerpt copied below) that FFB sometimes goes to the gambling den to make money when he's short on cash, and the reason the house doesn't ban him for it is that he also comes back when he has money and gambles it away to even things out. So it's possible for FFB to intentionally go on a winning streak, and also possible for him to intentionally lose when it's convenient for him. XY might be able to do the same thing. In which case she might intentionally be going on the kind of outrageous winning streak that would normally get someone kicked out. As the novel says, she's hoping to cause a scene when the house tries to stop her. But to her surprise, they don't try to stop her and she keeps on winning. When FFB walks over, she has lost interest in causing a scene and decides she's had enough. She places all of her winnings on one bet and intentionally loses, leaving her free to walk out of the gambling den with FFB. Which she promptly does. Now that I'm thinking through all the details, I think this interpretation is most likely the one that Tong Hua intended.

(3) We know from the beginning of the scene that XY was almost not permitted to enter the gambling den, and she was only allowed entry when TSJ sent his astral nine-tailed fox to indicate to the guards that she was his guest. Based on that alone (XY being TSJ's guest), the house ensured that XY went on a winning streak. If that is what happened, then XY losing on her final all-or-nothing bet could either be the result of a signal from TSJ or Lie Ji Chang, or it might just be that she hit some understood threshold where even a guest of TSJ would not be permitted to continue winning. I don't think this is the interpretation that Tong Hua intended, but it's a possibility. 

(4) TSJ specifically asked Lie Ji Chang to let XY win every time, even when she would've otherwise lost. Until FFB approaches her table, at which point he asked Lie Ji Chang to have her lose. I don't think this is the interpretation that Tong Hua intended, but it's a possibility.

-----

Chapter 19:

One time after lunch, Bei only had two coins on him and they had no choice but to take a twirl at a gambling den to earn enough money for the rest of their afternoon play. The gambling den proprietor saw Fang Feng Bei and instantly looked upset, it was likely not Fang Feng Bei’s first time there to earn money. Thankfully when he had money he would gamble and lose a lot so he wasn’t banned from there.

 blimarch:
Maybe @AH  can help us on this but for me, we will have to wait until we'll watch the scene to catch XL's reaction. XY is drunk but XL a priori doesn't know that she knows the name of the bug and so he cannot conclude that she's basically confessing "I don't regret loving you!"

I posted the corresponding scene from the novel a page back. https://mydramalist.com/discussions/lost-you-forever/110123-xl-and-xy-story-and-romance-warning-spoilers?pid=2782535&page=165#p2782535

The connotation of that line in the novel is that, even knowing the consequences of her choices (i.e., XL/FFB using her promise to take her away from her wedding the way he did), if she were to go back in time she would still choose to transfer the bug from ZX to XL (and make the same promise) in order to protect ZX. 

Unfortunately, not a line that I view as XY indicating that she doesn't regret loving XL. 

As you noted, XY was aware that the bugs were called Lovers' Bugs at that point, but she wasn't aware yet that the bugs would cause the hosts to die if they didn't love each other or if they turned on each other. So she wouldn't be aware that the bugs were proof of her feelings for XL. 

 AH :
if she were to go back in time she would still choose to transfer the bug from ZX to XL (and make the same promise) in order to protect ZX.

In the novel she thinks to herself that she would do it again in order to protect Cang Xuan, yes. What I meant by change was that in the script they omitted the protecting Cang Xuan part, which might or might not be significant. Most of the things Xiaoyao is thinking to herself during/after the wedding robbery are said out loud very explicitly by her to Xiang Liu in the leaked script, so I was a little curious if the writer had some sort of intention when making this change :)

It doesn't even have to be about love or the meaning of the bug, I was thinking kind of a "I don't regret getting entangled with you even when I think you're being an asshole" sentiment. About the practical reality of getting their lives connected through the bug, not necessarily about the deeper meaning of the bug. It's hard to say though!

In the novel Xiaoyao finds out about bug being the Lover's Bug in chapter 26, but when does she find out in the drama? Does she even know by the end of S1? I think she doesn't know, but I'm not sure.


 blabla100:
Xiao Yao glared at Fang Feng Bei and placed all her winnings on one bet….and then promptly lost."

It would be interesting if this was foreshadowing, but I also don't want it to be foreshadowing because I don't want it to be the intended truth. It would be nicer if the Tong Hua didn't think that betting on Fangfeng Bei/Xiang Liu necessarily means losing everything </3


 blimarch:
She's self-deceiving herself, trying to comfort herself. Given the amount of ""gaslighting"" she's been subjected to, this is barely cutting off the damages and her sanity.

I've also thought about Xiang Liu's later behavior towards Xiaoyao as gaslighting actually. He knows exactly what she's like and what she's susceptible to, so he knows exactly what to say and do for maximum confusion.


 blimarch:
XY's obliviousness. A real debate in itself. I can't forget how her obliviousness is depicted in the novel for her relationship with CX. It's really over the top.

It really is. Not sure if she's intentionally ignoring Cang Xuan's behavior (that would be on brand), or if the idea of seeing Cang Xuan in a romantic light is too absurd to even consider thinking about (maybe Cang Xuan is sibling-zoned?). And in the drama even very early on, their behavior is so... not sibling relationship imo. So much gentle head stroking, lying with her head on his lap or shoulder, affectionately holding hands, it all seems very ambiguous. Maybe it's because she's emotionally stunted due to trauma.


It's a shame that if we're to believe the leaked script, Cang Xuan won't go off the rails cray cray to the point of Xiaoyao completely checking out in S2. And if Xiaoyao really happily gets married shortly after Xiang Liu's death and peacefully retires to Qingshui Town... who will be eternally yearning for someone in the end? The only eternal yearning I can see is Xiang Liu yearning for Xiaoyao, with the longingly gazing at her tear pearl as he tragically dies and everything. Forever yearning in death. But if Xiaoyao isn't eternally yearning for Xiang Liu and Cang Xuan isn't eternally yearning for Xiaoyao, that would be really odd. I hope S2 comes out before become the person that goes off the rails cray cray.

It’s been fascinating reading this thread and all the great discussion in it! It has been illuminating!

Tong Hua seizes your heart, then seizes your mind, wrenches them all around, and makes you love it the entire time. She leaves you with endless things to feel about and think about. She’s done this even to me, who is known as a pathetically practical person. I’ve never before encountered anyone who could do this to me. I’ve never cried and spontaneously cried so much. This part isn’t talked about as much, but she makes a lot of statements about higher level concepts and principles, which provide a lot of food for thought. I just love her writing and storytelling.

Here's an example of how pathetically practical I am. When my husband proposed to me, all I saw in the engagement ring were some new kitchen appliances (lol). When we went to the jewelry store and were about to exchange it for a much smaller ring, I saw the look on his face, which immediately gave me pause. Then, I told the jeweler that I’ll just keep the one I had. My husband’s sad, disappointed look turned into a happy smile. I never regretted it.

When I first started watching Cdramas (in 2020), some of them started off with major conflict between the leads. I would have to push the “I believe” push button to watch the rest of the drama, because I didn’t think the conflict would be overcome in real life. I would just have to let it go. I didn’t have to do that with this drama, because I already knew who XY would end up with. But, what if I did?

I also don’t really believe in people truly falling in love with two or three people at the same time. There’s so much energy involved. For a pathetically practical person, it’s easy to dismiss the first cousin, CX, because of close blood relations (more modern thinking?). It’s also easy to dismiss the nine-headed demon with a scary reputation, XL. But, what if I didn’t dismiss them immediately? If I can push this “I believe” push button with moderns, then why don’t I do this with historicals too?

I need to re-read the book again with a new perspective or re-watch the drama again. If I push several more “I believe” push buttons, including ones involving CX and XL physically hurting and scaring XY early on, then I can see the story with fresh eyes.

If I can…, then… XL is the obvious one. TSJ is a great one too. (My husband is more like TSJ than XL.) CX is a great one too. Tong Hua… she wrote this story this way on purpose! She wrote three great love rivals at the same time! (For me, the happy ending with XL would involve him being magically brought back to life.)


I think XL did the right thing in not pursuing XY fully, because he knew he was going to die. But, he couldn’t help himself in terms of helping her and spending time with her as a good friend. This is the part that perhaps speaks the most to me. I’m a big believer in friendship boding well for a long-term happy relationship as a couple. The physical passion eventually dies down. What’s left is day-to-day interactions. Being friends and loving ones helps a lot.

I am beginning to wonder if the script's decision to shift the location of Xiang Liu's death from a remote island, to the wilderness at the outskirts of Qingshui town is due to the following. The nail to that theory would be the lack of actual indication that it is a contributing reason for their retreat back there, apart from the place holding happy memories.

In Ep4 of the leaked script, when Xiang Liu sang Chi Chen's love song for A Heng, Xiao Yao noted that the song felt incomplete.  In Once Promised  (my physical copy translates it as The Promised), Chi Chen sang this song in its entirety before the final battle against Xuan Yuan, to which A Heng sang her response - her pledge to their ill-fated love. The highlighted section is the part Xiang Liu refused to sing for Xiao Yao, a parallel foreshadowing of his own death and a wish he would never express.

Once Promised  Vol 2 Ch15

Chi Chen stared at the night, was silent for a moment, and then really started to sing.

哦也罗依哟
请将我的眼剜去
让我血溅你衣
似枝头桃花
只要能令你眼中有我

哦也罗依哟
请将我的心挖去
让我血漫荒野
似山上桃花
只要能令你心中有我

兄弟们
我死后请将我埋在她的路旁
好让她无论去哪儿
都经过我的墓旁
Oh hey oh hey,
Please cut out my eyes
So my blood splashes on your robes
Like peach blossoms on the branches
As long as I am in your eyes

Oh hey oh hey,
Please take out my heart
Let my blood spill in the wilderness
Like peach blossoms on the mountains
As long as you have me in your heart

My brothers
When I die, please bury me by her roadside
So that no matter where she goes
She will pass by my grave


[As the desolate song echoed far, he was asked how one would respond to such a love song. ]

Chi Chen calmly answered, "There are two types of responses. The first is 'If I cannot forget your reflection, I will cut out my eyes; If I cannot forget your person, I will dig out my heart';  the other response... " Chi Chen fell silent for a long time, his gaze fixed at the light from the thousands of lit tents.

In the miserable wind and bitter rain, suddenly out of nowhere, a faint sound of singing was heard.

山中有棵树呦
树边有株藤呦
藤缠树来树缠藤呦
藤生树死缠到死
藤死树生死也缠
死死生生两相伴
生生死死两相缠呦
There is a tree in the mountain
There is a vine beside the tree
The vine wraps around the tree The tree wraps around the vine.
If the vine lives and the tree dies, they will be entwined until they die
If the vine dies and the tree lives, they are still entwined in death
Accompanying each other in death and life
Intertwined in life and death.


Feng Bo's ears pricked up and he listened for a long time. He only heard the repeated words of "life" and "death" and felt it was inauspicious. Chi Chen on the other hand broke into a bright smile, patted Feng Bo on the shoulder and said, "Go back and ask everyone to drink together", appearing to be in a good mood.

 liddi:
I am beginning to wonder if the script's decision to shift the location of Xiang Liu's death from a remote island, to the wilderness at the outskirts of Qingshui town is due to the following. The nail to that theory would be the lack of actual indication that it is a contributing reason for their retreat back there, apart from the place holding happy memories.


 liddi:
She will pass by my grave

So the part of Chi Chen's song that XL doesn't sing is about being buried by his love's roadside after his death so that, wherever she goes, she would pass by his grave. And you're thinking they had XL die outside of QS town and had XY and TSJ choose to live in QS town to fulfill the vision from that unsung part of Chi Chen's song (i.e., the location of XL's death will be in a place that XY will pass often)?

That rationale seems better than no rationale for the change. Although it still doesn't feel nearly as right as XL dying on an island and XY and TSJ leaving to explore the ocean's islands. 

 liddi:
Once Promised  Vol 2 Ch15

Thank you for the translation ^^

 kitty_momo:
In the novel she thinks to herself that she would do it again in order to protect Cang Xuan, yes. What I meant by change was that in the script they omitted the protecting Cang Xuan part, which might or might not be significant. Most of the things Xiaoyao is thinking to herself during/after the wedding robbery are said out loud very explicitly by her to Xiang Liu in the leaked script, so I was a little curious if the writer had some sort of intention when making this change :)


 kitty_momo:
It doesn't even have to be about love or the meaning of the bug, I was thinking kind of a "I don't regret getting entangled with you even when I think you're being an asshole" sentiment. About the practical reality of getting their lives connected through the bug, not necessarily about the deeper meaning of the bug. It's hard to say though!

True.

 kitty_momo:
In the novel Xiaoyao finds out about bug being the Lover's Bug in chapter 26, but when does she find out in the drama? Does she even know by the end of S1? I think she doesn't know, but I'm not sure.

I think it was liddi who reminded me earlier in this thread that Se Mai Er doesn't exist in the drama, so XY hasn't heard about the bugs' true name yet.

 kitty_momo:
I've been wondering for a long time if I consider XL's behavior to be noble idiocy or not, and I still can't make up my mind.

It's a great question. And, it makes me lol, because I wonder too! But, having thought about it more, I don't think he was a noble idiot. He knew that his time was limited. So, he spent it the best way he could. He helped XY and enjoyed her company. He made his life more rewarding. What an amazing guy!

So many engaging discussions to catch up on.

First things first, welcome @MTH23! So good to see you here. Tong Hua is a master in shattering the heart, leaving such a feeling of desolation for days and days. 步步惊心 was my very first taste of her particular brand of poison, and 长相思 is killing me all over again 12 years hence, but I can't walk away.


 MTH123:
I think XL did the right thing in not pursuing XY fully, because he knew he was going to die. But, he couldn’t help himself in terms of helping her and spending time with her as a good friend. This is the part that perhaps speaks the most to me. I’m a big believer in friendship boding well for a long-term happy relationship as a couple. The physical passion eventually dies down. What’s left is day-to-day interactions. Being friends and loving ones helps a lot.

For me, even in those early days, he saw a kindred soul in Xiao Liu, and her unspoken wishes in her description of herself were carved in his heart, long before the lover's bug was planted in him. He already knew how his life would end, so he never made any pledges to her because he would never give her a promise that he could not keep. This part of him really stands out for me because his word is gold, and he would give his life to keep it. Instead, he kept her at arm's length while quietly setting things in motion - equipping her to protect herself, ensuring she has someone to rely on for life, giving her the vast expanse of the ocean to go to - his final love letter to her which he masked behind a series of calculated transactions, resolutely never letting her know the extent of his sacrifice. We know he is at peace that his well-laid plans came to fruition, but I still ache unbearably over the what-ifs. 


 AH :
That rationale seems better than no rationale for the change. Although it still doesn't feel nearly as right as XL dying on an island and XY and TSJ leaving to explore the ocean's islands. 

I am just trying to find some sense out of the alleged script change. I did wonder why the location of Xiang Liu's death was changed, and this is the best answer I can come up with. Or it could be that it is just cheaper to use an existing set, seeing great efforts were made to construct Qingshui town and its vicinity *shrug* But yes, I would still prefer how the novel ended - her grief over his death propelling her to the ocean - honouring the 3 things Xiang Liu gave his all to fulfill for her. 


 blimarch:
. XY is drunk but XL a priori doesn't know that she knows the name of the bug and so he cannot conclude that she's basically confessing "I don't regret loving you!"

Edit: And we cannot even conclude that XY acknowledges that the bugs relies on love and we cannot conclude either that she implies that she loves XL.

By the end of S1, Xiao Yao never found out the name and behaviour of the bug she planted. Unless I missed it in the script, I don't believe she knew what kind of bug she planted in Xiang Liu at the time the Qingshui town scene post-Feng Long wedding played out. As such, I am inclined to think that the rationale behind her words are similar to the novel - that she would still choose to save Cang Xuan and move the bug to Xiang Liu in spite of the consequences she would suffer later on as a result.


 bugei:
There is another alternate universe that is Tan Jian Ci approved (he made a reaction video on it)

https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1cu411n7Uy/?buvid=XU6770A61E320F9AC75DD085F25765D97517B

Thank you so much for sharing this! Clever use of scenes from Under the Skin, Oath of Love (?) Psychologist, The Myth and Lost You Forever, beautifully edited. Love it!