I Am What I Am (2022)

Amatonormativity from the perspective of someone who has no desire for romance or sex

I had my eye on this movie for a while and was super happy to find out that this was shown at a Japanese film festival (where the title for this movie was 'I Am What I Am' and completely sold out!). So of course I went to see it and I ended up loving it. So here's my review.

In order to give a good review I must first explain 3 words that some people might be familiar with, but may be new to a lot of you.

1. Amatonormativity: the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship. - a term coined by Elizabeth Brake.
2. Asexuality (also, ace): a label for a sexual orientation that describes people who experience little to no sexual attraction.
3. Aromantic (also, aro): a label for a romantic orientation that describes people who expeirence little to no romantic attraction.

This is a movie that - at its core - is about amatonormativity. It shows how it can harm anyone, but particularly those who are aro and/or ace. The Kasumi, main character of this movie, is aromantic and asexual (aroace) and values her friends and family. However, it seems like everyone around her is more focused on romance and tries to push that on her.

What the movie does really well is showing how people may have very different reactions when coming into contact with someone who is aroace and genuinely does not have any desire for sex or a romantic relationship.
As someone who is aroace, I appreciated that they never made Kasumi doubt her identity. Throughout the movie it is very clear that she knows that she is aroace, that she is happy with who she is (it's just that she wishes other people would accept her for who she is as well).

I reccomend this movie to everyone.
To those who are not aro and/or ace themselves, I recommend it because it can be an eye opener to see how focused society is on romance. It is not always a bad thing, but it is good to be aware of it, especially if you or someone close to you maybe is not interested in romance for now, or ever. To know that without romance, someone can live a life just as fulfilling and happy.
& To aro and/or ace people, I reccomend it because - even if your life has been very different from Kasumi- it is likely that you'll watch some of these scenes and relate to it on a personal level because something similar has happened to you. I teared up at some moments because I have been in (almost exactly) the same situation as some scenes. Watching it on the big screen, it was both painful, frustrating and like a relief because it felt like being seen and recognised.
It is wonderful that this movie further spreads awareness of asexuality and aromanticism.

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