Five Stars

It was funny how Ko and Sang were bickering and Gang felt like he was third wheeling. His friend is right about Gang being like a sly fox towards him. AH! The head nurse is giving me creepy vibes and the president of hospital just told her important details. I am loving the story of 3 of them she is planning to write. “Don’t want to be jealous of my child” and Ko saying she wants a son in the supermarket… These dialogues are hilarious. So proud of Sang that he is willing to face his trauma head on! Ah that patient keeping the butterfly. Such a heartwarming conversation in the bus between patient and Sang and his character growth was amazing! The way he helped the patients become grounded who was having PTSD. The jacket and the butterfly pin is the same in the picture. The head nurse needs to reveal herself now. Why on earth did she kill Sang and Gang’s mother? Was she jealous of her? But why? Was she caretaker/nanny to Ko? A family is when there is family portrait. We need remember all these dialogues from the show. They are golden. Be there for him and support him quietly, don’t pry about his feelings and thoughts. His friend is the best! Oh my god, Gang’s conversation with the president, I cried    Yeah! Family photo is sooooooo nice <3

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Ko Moon-young = Ko, Moon Gang-tae = Moon, Moon Sang-tae = Sang, Nam Ju-ri = Juri, Lee Sang-in = CEO, Yoo Seung-jae = ArtD, Jo Jae-soo = Friend, Oh Ji-wang = President, Kang Soon-deok = LandladyThe subtle smile on Ko’s face when Gang picked her up and hugged her and she could just let go and put her weight on him. That smile and her saying you are warm shows that all she needed was someone to care for her and validate her feelings. It was beautifulHer manipulative side comes through so beautifully in every episode and I am enjoying that and slowly accepting her for who she is :)It’s so sad that Gang says that his brother reads his face, so he needs to fake, and I feel like most all of us live like that in life. We struggle to show our real feelings because either we don’t want our loved ones to get upset or we know people don’t care and accept our feelings. Gang calling Ko’s name has such different reaction from Ko and Juri. Both think it’s unfair but for different reason hahah and I think in life, we all do that. We all tend to give reason for a same situation based on our experiences. Unless Gang tells why he called her name and dragged her out, real reason behind it will never be known ??‍♀‍Also, the way Gang says to his friend that being with Ko makes home forget everything is so so so so painful. It’s like his whole life, he was never able to think about himself ever and now she somehow makes him feel that, he needs to think about him too :( :(

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Ko Moon-young = Ko, Moon Gang-tae = Moon, Moon Sang-tae = Sang, Nam Ju-ri = Juri, Lee Sang-in = CEO, Yoo Seung-jae = ArtD, Jo Jae-soo = Friend, Oh Ji-wang = President, Kang Soon-deok = LandladyI am loving this series more and more with each passing episode. Loved the ending scene where they show how manic patients imagine things like club and all that when he is in hospital. He director and writers have put in lot of effort to “show” what people with mental illness see and feel. It is such a hard job, but they are doing such amazing job!! When he says that it wasn’t his fault for being born with little less IQ than his siblings and all he wanted was love affection and attention and he did lot of things to get that but at the end, it pushed him into having mental breakdown. I CRIED  What he said is true! Like how is it his fault to have less IQ???!!!?!?! It shows that how illness like hypertension and all has medical component but environmental component (lifestyle changes like diet/exercise etc) is necessary management, to treat mental illness, sending someone to hospital isn’t enough. Patients’ needs proper environment to become better and keep the disease under control!! They need supportive home and family and friends. Also, I love the way Ko imagines that Gang is with her and she self-soothes herself when she was scared and was having panic. She learnt and used the tool she learnt exactly how therapy works. Like you learn and tool and try to use it and see if it works for you and she is learning which is amazing character development. Even though she has ASPD and she manipulates the whole situation to how it should work for her benefit, she gave the patient a voice to be able to express what he felt by taking him to rally. Everyone needs to have an agency and it is shown beautifully here.At the end what a Gang felt, that liberation feeling when he saw manic patient just being himself on the stage and how he was always a caretaker and never got the opportunity to be himself, so he imagines himself on that stage. Ufff we all have felt similar things like wish we would all let loose and just tell what’s on our mind. Isn’t it?Way Sang said that for autistic people, even relatives are like close strangers but then he goes on to say that he is collecting money for Gang shows that even though they might not express love how others express, they still care about their closed ones, think about what they want and express in different ways. But when Gang heard the word ‘close stranger’, the way his facial expression changed, it must have stirred so many emotions in him. He is been taking acre of his brother his whole life with no sense of self and identity and likes/dislikes of his own and to hear that he is a close stranger but then how he composes himself back to understanding and accepting his brother. Every episode is making me cry. Anyone with me?Ko calling all human beings as hypocrite! Damn!! That hit bulls’ eye

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Ko’s heart is going to break knowing her mom killed Sang and Gang’s mom. I am not ready for that. If she is “empty can” then she wouldn’t worry but she isn’t and it is going t hurt her bad. If we were in Gang’s position what would we do? Would we tell her or not? We also would probably fee guilt like this isn’t it? Juri and CEO ship is sailing haha!I like the fact that Ko actually listens to advice like the grounding techniques which was taught to her by Gang she used it and now she listened to the friend and respected his words about no prying int Gang’s life. She knows when to listen to people and when not too and that is really nice. Yay! She is part of family and he is going to protect her life no matter who comes in yayay Damn head nurse! Are getting triggered by your own guilt of abandoning KO?Is that why you are speaking rudely to other nurse? Landlady is the best person ever. The way Sang described are you feeling shy and all the facial expression. It was spot on. This drama is full if golden words “A kiss is better than a fight”. We all got to frame he golden words spoken in this series. Loved the conversation between patient and Sang where they talk about trauma and overcoming it and finding door. Such simple but meaningful conversation. It broke my heart when I heard Sang saying he can’t draw facial expression and the integrity he has by saying he won’t copy expression from some card as he can’t claim it is his work. He knows about plagiarism and it speaks volume of his character and who he is as a person. Ko is an amazing boss. She understood his difficulty and told him a solution and gave a deadline so that he can work towards it. She did not get angry for his difficulty nor tell him that he is not good enough. That’s is really good. Ko’s golden words: who turn blind eye to abuser is worst than abuser. Hits the bull’s eyes. The friend is so nice too. But we don’t know enough about him. I want to know more about him. Friend is falling for ArtD haha! Oh, why did he tell to head nurse, why?!?!? Oh, dad’s confession and Ko’s telling about fairytale to Juri broke my heart. The trauma Ko had to endure to see her dad kill her mom and no one to take care of her as he had brain tumor. Did the mother escape and come to hospital where dad lives to take revenge? Looks like that. Isn’t it? I say this again, landlady is the best. I can’t see Ko cry or Sang cry or Gang cry. This is so heart breaking. Oh my god. Damn head nurse. Now father is gone, you can’t leave your daughter alone? What the hell?

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How did he get that car? And the way he thinks about her in formal way first and then informal way of telling her name when driving shows that he cares about her. I actually don’t know what illness the patient has. Ouch! That cut must have hurt her. It’s the same palm he got hurt too. Ko stating that Gang placed his brother and patients before everyone else, shows that he still isn’t thinking about his own happiness or desirers. I really like the way she used her tool of 1, 2, 3 to ground herself to control her angry towards the patient. She is using whatever is being taught to her, which is amazing. Where did the patient go? She just disappeared. What?? Kiss?? I did not see that coming. Oh my god…. But yeah the way both counted 1 2 3 and he still couldn’t hold himself back and he thought about himself and what he wants! Finally!! I hope he won’t keep going back and forth and confuse Ko also more. I hope he sticks to her. What is the story of friend? He is just following them around for 10 years?? Where is his family? Where did they meet? Ko is taking care of Gang, not just wanting him to take care of her, which is a huge character development, like she did with umbrella in the rain when Gang was holding umbrella for Sang and getting wet. Gang is finally opening up to her and telling what he truly feels like it is nice to be taken care off. He could never express those easily before. Healing in progress. How nice. So happy that finally opened up to her and shared the story. So much healing in this episode. This head nurse gives me creeps. The way she said, she won’t come back. Practice weird acting?? I am sure head nurse is the mom and she put the patient up to it. Funny analogy of asking girls parent’s for permission for marriage. I am really liking the open communication between Ko and Gang and he is explaining to Ko why Sang has insecurities and what she can do to earn his trust. Landlady is the best mother and the CEO character is sooooooo nice. The way Ko’s facial expression changed towards ArtD when she heart that Gang sent her and not the CEO was so funny. How it is easy to explain via example, the way Gang tried to open Sang’s mindset is very nice. The confrontation between brothers is good. Finally, Gang is able to express himself and fight back. He is finally able to breath. It so refreshing to see that. When Gang said fighting with his brother was one of his dream and going to school in an uniform: it broke my heart. Such simple pleasures of life but it’s a dream for many. Tears in Sang’s eyes when he saw Gang smiling in the dreams! Awwwww…. Also the allowance part and finally he called Ko’s name!!! He accepted her into family <3Damn it.. the mother has to spoil things with butterflies now.. It is the head nurse for sure!

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Five Stars

The way head nurse looked at Ko. I can smell something fishy. All this mess started with that idiotic care taker who went around to gossip without knowing anything! This is why people should not gossip in life and also why lie to his brother? Why couldn’t he say the truth? How much guilt is Gang carrying? Oh my god.. it breaks my heart. He said something out of anger when he was 12 and for that he is carrying his guilt and doing things for rest his life. That is so painful. Also I did not know that nurse can counsel patient without doctor knowing?!?! Ah this head nurse and the patient hat short conversation was intense and fishy .The landlady entry was like when kids are fighting, mom comes in to get them back to line hahah The President’s analogy of three legged race is really good! It’s no holding back but are relaying on each other. I think all relationships are like that. One has to be strong and lean on other and vice versa to maintain a relationship. When gang said, he woke up from dream, I cried a bucket. Damn! How he still believes his whole life is just to take care of his brother and that he cannot have anything else   Oh my god why is Sang reading that book? First time Ko opened up her heart and it’s shredded to pieces. To the girl who isn’t supposed to feel anything, the amount of pain seen on her face in the beach is heart breaking. Gang knows that he wants to let her into his life but a slight disagreement between him and his brother, took his many steps back in the progress he had made. Urgh!! This feel like therapy haha you make progress and then small life event and you go back so many steps. What is head nurse scheming??? Why on earth this show making me cry so much urgh.. The landlady is the best. The CEO’s words were gold: we cannot number people. This head nurse is giving me creeps. Please how can that patient be Ko’s mom? Ko’s mom is psychopath/sociopath, I think. No way she is the patient. Someone is manipulating her for sure.

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We all have the feeling which Gang had isn’t it? We do something out of impulse and we think, why on earth did we do that! Oh man, Ko is hilarious. She is slowly growing on me and the friend’s theory about virus haha.. How did he even come up with that!! When Sang says “Don’t be delusional and drink your soup!” We all need such friends in life to wake us up sometime. And Gang’s friend saying he will do whatever he asks because that is what loyalty is. #truefriendship.Oh dEEr :D :D :D ArtD trying to set Juri up with CEO is soooooo cute. Who is the mother? Head nurse?? It is nice to finally see how Ko and Gang are trying to make them both get out of their comfort zone and heal each other. The place they went to looks soooooo beautiful. It was nice to see a layer of her where she feels scared but in a funny way. What Ko said is true. We can’t keep carrying burden of secret, we need s safe space to vent, to be seen and heard and validated and accepted without judgement. The story of king with donkey ears! Dinner scene was funny but awkward. Feels like weird family gathering when you are with relatives you don’t want to. CEO is really sweet and nice. AH the expressions on Gang’s face when he was talking to his brother and I guess it is the first time ever to leave him alone. It is like how parents feel when they leave their kids for first time and how kid feels. I did not see that KISS coming! DangggggI love how they keep showing their younger self in the story. It is like they are healing their childhood trauma. Like how Gang remembered the “wrong” memory about his mother, Sang also remembers the memory differently. He was the one who left the younger brother in water but from what he had heard earlier about death, he remembered it differently. I hope he can remember the correct memory correct!

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For the first time in show, you can see both of them smile and it’s not empty smile. It’s very joyful and filled with warm kind of smile. The way Ko wants him to compliment her is almost like how as kids we crave that from our caregiver and want to feel appreciated for what we have done. She knows she accomplished something, and she wants someone else also to be proud of that. She is trying to heal her childhood wounds slowly through him. She is healing slowly and can see that with her being little lighter and smiling genuinely compared to before. Gang is also slowly letting his guard down around her and able to smile more. Yay to healing!! Why do I get weird feeling from that head nurse? Why does banter between Ko and Sang feels like how siblings fight haha. Oooo I am curious about this patient now. Is she the mother? Ah!! Too many suspects. The emotions displayed by Gang when they eat at the Chinese restaurant where they used to eat as kids is amazing! That tears and smile conveyed so much. Oh my god!! The umbrella scene is the best till now. Yay!! She noticed Gang is getting wet and goes to take care of him. Healing in progress. It’s hilarious that she had her eyes fixated on the pen and she was doing everything to get the pen but oh my goodness…. Gang being jealous is so healing! He has never been able to think about his feeling and this is the first time he is able to be in-touch with his feelings. Healing in progresssssssss! Best part about the love story between the patient (even though it was against the rules) was consent! He asked for consent before giving her a kiss. Even though Sang is older than them, after seeing Gang and Ko together, he was feeling may be jealous/separation anxiety/fear of abandonment? The minute he say the Mang doll, he couldn’t control his feeling and nor could she, as the doll was the first time someone gave something to her to make her feel better. But the fight between Ko and Sang was like sibling fight. Ah! The smile on his face when he got suspended. I am sure he left like a huge burden was lifted off his chest. He was never able to express everything he feels and this was the first time he could and that smile conveyed so many emotions!

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Seung-jae = ArtD, Jo Jae-soo = Friend, Oh Ji-wang = President, Kang Soon-deok = LandladyWhy did they have to start the episode with her flashback…. breaking heart again  It is hard for people to accept love and care, if they did not receive it while growing up. It feels alien and you could see how Ko was struggling to feel good about receiving care and also at same time, dismissing his care by her words. San’s words of body don’t lie like your heart aches so you whimper hits bulls eye again. Out mind might forget trauma but body never lies and it remembers! This show is making me fall in love with it more and more each episode haha Conversation between ArtD and CEO is funny and the slow burn dialogue of hers haha! We need such characters in the show to lighten it up else this is too heavy. I have soft spot for the CEO after he went to Ko and asked about hallucination. He cares for her and not just money. Right now, I can see Ko and Gang being attracted to each other. But it still feels like he is being attracted to what is familiar in terms of his whole life has been about taking care of other person and for her expecting love from someone who wasn’t giving that. I hope it changes soon to her taking care of him because he needs that else this relationship feels so wrong! I hate the manipulation but that is who she is. One need to be strong to handle the manipulation, but Gang isn’t and its sad urgh!!! Okay: I ship the CEO and Juri hehe Is it that patient who took the book her mom? Urgh! Suspense is killing me. We all never know when our end is, thinking what we speak is so important. The guilt the patient is carrying for saying such words to her daughter is so painful. Friend is the best character ever! Awwww so sweet.. and the landlady.. all these side characters are right amount of filling required! Finally Gang was able to talk and let his guard down a little with help of alcohol and Ko’s facial expression when he got her the dreamcatcher and told her the story! Her eyes conveyed so much emotions. The flashback of their childhood where because of all the things he went through, where he has broken memory but now it’s filling up. Ah!! But the pain he felt when he realized his memory is heartbreaking. I cried a bucket. The cheerful dog story is beautiful and the way it relates to patient, Ko and also Gang! The ending when both of them smile after the haircut is the most heartwarming and genuine smile till now in the series! They are all such good actors. Amazing

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Ko Moon-young = Ko, Moon Gang-tae = Gang, Moon Sang-tae = Sang, Nam Ju-ri = Juri, Lee Sang-in = CEO, Yoo Seung-jae = ArtD, Jo Jae-soo = Friend, Oh Ji-wang = President, Kang Soon-deok = LandladyDamn!! A+ for ACTING :)Ah!! I knew that Gang had identified Ko but did not want to agree. I really like that he is straight forward with her and speaks his mind and not beat around the bush like so many other dramas. But his dialogue of he is tired of being “needed” by others so that he can take care of them is gold. Being born to take care of his brother, he surely wants to avoid being another person’s caretaker especially when it comes to romantic relationship, yet he can’t get her out of his mind. His struggle is too real. She is so damn manipulative. I understand why she is like that, but it is so hard to fully accept her being that way and she knows how to play on both the brothers, emotions to get what she wants. It was such a painful childhood memory. When we are angry or emotionally upset, it is easy to tell things which we don’t mean but as a person suffering from autism, it will be hard to forget those words or to know the reasoning behind them. No wonder of both brothers has fear of abandonment and don’t trust each other completely: older one has heard the younger one say it was good if he died but the younger ones actions showed that he cares for his brother but older one just walked away when younger was unable to swim. How Gang’s mother always dismissed him and disapproved his actions, makes him crave for approval and can’t go against what he was “trained” to do all his life, like take care of his brother and so he has no life. Ah!! Enmeshment is too strong. His whole life, his identity has been taking care of his older brother, it is hard for him to let go. It is almost like he has to give up his identity and also, he needs to make sure his brother is okay else he fears the disapproval he got when he was child. This emotional turmoil is shown on his face so well when he is sitting on the terrace and thinking and the Landlady! She is such an amazing mother. Listening to her itself is so healing!! The president of the hospital is so funny haha. The way they are hiding her mom’s face tells me that her mom is not dead and alive and somewhere close by. Argh! Hate to wait for the big reveal. Her mom is really a psychopath and alive and trying to control her. Urgh damn it.The smile on her face when she listens to Gang tell his brother that no, it’s okay to be different and eventually you will find someone who will accept you, says soooo much! Subtle smile but so powerful and full of hope. That nurse is too creepy for me. Somehow, I don’t get good vibe from her. Is that head nurse her mom??? Her PTSD moment broke my heart and I was in tears but also him being there and hugging her and not abandoning her filled my heart with happiness. Also, My Asian heart was filled with happy to see pressure cooker and rice heheh

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Ko Moon-young = Ko, Moon Gang-tae = Moon, Moon Sang-tae = Sang, Nam Ju-ri = Juri, Lee Sang-in = CEO, Yoo Seung-jae = ArtD, Jo Jae-soo = Friend, Oh Ji-wang = President, Kang Soon-deok = LandladyStarting from the time the patient’s mom yelled, it is so true that that’s how some parents yell and mostly because they can’t control their own emotions and they just dump it on children not knowing what else to do.Ko’s dialogues are always hitting the bull’s eye haha. This time it was like how we humans are like products with expire date is to true. Most of us treat other people the same way. There is nothing like unconditional love. There is always expectation and you want something out of another person and when they don’t meet it, you discard them. It is hard to find people who will not do that like it’s either person is super close to you and be there for you all the time and expect the same from them or it’s a superficial relationship. But the Gang’s dialogue of why children need to be useful and the way politician responded was such a trigger for Gang because his mom told him that he was born to take care of his brother. Man.. this shows will surely bring up lots of emotions to lot of people..We can see that even though the Juri is a nurse, she dislikes Ko because of her ASPD. She knows it’s not her fault but the contrast between Juri and Gang in terms of accepting Ko for who she is even though both work in the mental health profession depicts how in real-life too, when personal emotions gets mixed up, we end up seeing black and white rather than grey and forget the spectrum of human emotions and feelings and just box people into good and bad.It’s also so clear that coz of her personality, Ko can’t feel emotions and how Gang challenges her to think and make her tap into and look inwards to see if she feels any emotions/ understands but calling her empty can. That really hurt her! We could all see that, isnt’ it?Even though Ko said just to manipulate Gang that she loves him and he is pretty and pats his head, because no one did those to him before, he automatically gets drawn to it. His inner child craves those because he never got those before from his mother or friends or family. Like how all of us have inner child desires which we never got, and crave for, they depict it so well by showing his younger self.Is Ko’s mom a psychopath (can’t wait for the big reveal of suspense)? If Ko was in better environment which was more nourished and loved, maybe she wouldn’t be like this but it’s sad reality that if parents have mental illnesses then children are more prone and unless parents are aware and ready to give them supportive care, children can’t get better and the cycle continues. The scene where Ko’s dad tries kill her and she just lays down on floor laughing but tears roll down her eyes, but everyone is with her dad and no one with her, is such a gut-wrenching scene. Just because she isn’t incapacitated in a way people understand, everyone just ignores her completely. Imagine growing up when all you hear from your own dad is that you are a monster and you need to die, and dad tries to kill her when she is young! No wonder she doesn’t want to be associated with him or take him for walks. But no one wants to understand her perspective and blames her.Her dialogue of even “you won’t be able to understand me till the day you die”, sitting on side of empty road while diverting the ant which is coming close to her instead of killing the ant, is most beautiful but also most painful scene. And the hidden message from the book that zombie kid isn’t supposed to feel anything, but he felt warmth of his mom that means even the kid who isn’t supposed to feel anything, felt the warmth. So, I guess instead of just assuming that you know everything about what one feels, one should ask. Like how she asked, does the kid wanted to satisfy hunger or kid needed mothers warmth

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Ko Moon-young = Ko, Moon Gang-tae = Moon, Moon Sang-tae = Sang, Nam Ju-ri = Juri, Lee Sang-in = CEO, Yoo Seung-jae = ArtD, Jo Jae-soo = Friend, Oh Ji-wang = President, Kang Soon-deok = LandladyReally liking the series for showing how people with mental illness seeing the world and feels. It is hard to show that, and they are doing very good job of it. I like how they showed someone with autism might see things like animated way. Like how when he sees what he likes like dinosaur, he keeps talking about it and fixated about it and that is how it usually is. They have shown very clearly how society will react when they see if someone who just keeps talking to oneself about a topic and immediately just scream and resort to violence and brand them ‘psycho’. It shouldn’t be that way but when you see that in the episode, it hits you like oh wow! Yeah this is how we as society usually behave. (Shame on us).Ko and her ASPD and her fixating on him and how manipulative she is Damn! I know that is how her illness is and how is born but yeah it is hard to accept someone completely who is that way. Isn’t it? Also, Gang is just been caretaker all his life and he has so sense of self and he is trying to feel or know what he likes or dislikes, but he can’t as his duty of taking care of his brother stops him. Gang shows this struggle and also the emptiness he feels in this eyes so well !! Ahhhh why are they all acting so well haha I am in Aww with all their acting..

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Great introduction to character and the illness. They show very nicely how anti-social personality disorder (ASPD) folks are very cold, distant, manipulative and don’t care much about feelings or emotions of people around them. They show very clearly how if they want something, they will want to get it. They also show very nicely how people with autism behave and how it is for the caretaker of someone who lives with mental illness. Little girl saying that her dad is just mentally ill and not to separate her from him. That was very mature. Personally, have seen that many times, kids empathize and understand easily than adults. Also, how Ko is so cold and distant and the way Gang tells his friend that it’s not her fault, she is born that way. I am like wow!! If everyone in the world had same compassion and understanding, then world would be such better place! With ASPD, it is hard for them to get attached to people and love someone. And she is been raised with a mother who keeps telling her she a monster and everyone will leave her. So, may be in her mind, she is the witch (that’s why the whole children book is witch theme and dark themed). I think she needs someone who can show her that no matter what, they won’t abandon her and love her and accept her for who she and “see her” and “hear her” and validate her, may be then it will be like therapy and she can get better!!

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