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Xiaoyao's "Quotes on Sobriety" make people feel very unhappy and depressed. Xiaoyao suffered too much in her growth, and she created a hard shell for herself to resist harm. She has completely given up on herself and ignored her true feelings. She seems to be "protecting" herself and "strong", but in fact she has been hurting herself .
Behind her seemingly cold temperament is a heart that is riddled with holes and extremely fragile, fearing loss, loneliness, isolation, and separation .
The alienation and abuse from relatives in Xiaoyao's childhood caused personality disorder and lack of character. As a result, in the future, he avoided feelings, was not confident, did not believe, and could not recognize them clearly. One of the characteristics of Xiaoyao's psychological problems is that he doesn't know himself, doesn't control himself, and doesn't heal himself .
In other words, people with mental illness who are often referred to as never think they are sick;
At present, she has her own fixed way of thinking and behavior, and she has no ability to control it;
Unless professional psychological intervention is provided, it is almost impossible for him to recover on his own.
Xiaoyao has type C AvPD avoidant personality, DPD dependent personality disorder, compensatory psychology, smiling depression, and post-traumatic syndrome. Let’s talk about personality disorders caused by childhood trauma:
First, avoidant personality disorder
Usually, patients who have been subjected to "suppressive education" for a long time in their original family, or experienced ridicule early in life , will internalize the humiliating experience and form a negative self-image. They do not believe that others are well-intentioned , nor do they believe that they are worthy of love .
Xiaoyao's childhood experiences include rumors, beatings, and insults when she was imprisoned by a fox, which caused great psychological pressure and eventually internalized it, forming a psychological disorder.
Patients with avoidant personality disorder are often accompanied by社交恐惧，对负面评价极其敏感，害怕被拒绝和被抛弃，会先拒绝和抛弃他人。
- I said to myself at the party: I am lazy and not sociable.
- Determined to spend time in the sea, fearful as a dream, it is actually the fear of being tied to the person you love, thinking that the other person will eventually abandon him (because he will not accept her; he thinks that the other person has never loved her).
- Xiang Liu took off his waistcoat and lay on the bed. He first said something harsh and said he wouldn't see her again, then turned around and went to get the medicine. Those who say no before wanting to do something will not be hurt.
The picture below is from Zhihu, Avpd avoidant personality disorder manifestations,
Corresponding to some of Xiaoyao’s quotations, here are some examples:
Social Inhibition:
- Talking to A-Nian: "In relationships between people, one person must take the first step... I have always been selfish and will never be the one to take the first step."
Excessive sense of risk:
- No matter how much hope I have today, there will be much harm in the future. Instead of doing this, I might as well rely on myself.
- There are thousands of people who make promises, but it’s hard to find those who keep their promises.
- Even if I fall, the only one who can catch me is myself.
Avoiding intimacy:
- No one in this world will wait for anyone forever. When they are tired, they will leave naturally!
- The time of harmony is always short-lived, just like the happiness in the world is always momentary. When the flowers bloom, they wither, and when the moon is full, it wanes, but this is the case with all the beautiful things in the world.
Second, dependent personality disorder
It usually comes from the doting and over-protection of the family of origin, and it can also occur in families that are extremely lacking in love .
- Xiaoyao lost the protection of her parents when she was a child and lived alone in the wilderness. She was without the warmth of family at a very young age.
Dependent personalities find it difficult to be alone and independent. Without support, they will fall into a sense of fear, emptiness and worthlessness. All the actions and sacrifices we make are for the purpose of "not being ignored" and "seeking attention".
- I took the initiative to find monkeys, played with snakes, and built trust with foxes; I took in Lao Mu, adopted Mazi, and Chuanzi, and took care of their lives; if we don’t have a long-term dependence on each other, we have to be with each other for a short time.
Dependent personalities have no self-awareness and are overly obedient to the will of others. When an intimate relationship ends, they will feel abandoned and may have thoughts of suicide.
Dependent personalities are difficult to get along with because of excessive dependence. After repeated setbacks in dependent behavior , they usually experience collapse and spontaneous treatment and are relieved, or some severe cases go to destruction.
Give up yourself and seek perfection:
- As long as you live in this world, you must swallow your anger no matter how unfair it is, and you must take a step back no matter how unwilling you are.
- After drinking very bitter medicine and eating two pieces of sweet preserves, you won’t feel the bitterness anymore. As long as you think more about happy things, you won’t feel the pain anymore.
- Even if you cry, you have to walk your own path. After all, you can't escape. Instead of shedding tears, it's better to keep your eyes open and see the road ahead clearly.
self sacrifice
- It’s not because of how good or worthy she is, but because of my father and Xuanxuan, I am willing to pay for A-Nian first for my father and Xuanxuan.
- Grandma told us before she died that we should support each other. If you are living a good life now, I can ignore everything, but with your current situation, I can't feel at ease even if I go far away.
- My little abacus is very good! Now I let you lean on me a little, but I plan to rely on you completely in the future!
- During my conversations with Xuanxuan, I expressed my need for each other many times, that we would accompany each other, and that we would stand in front of my brother when his life was in danger.
Fear of being alone and feeling helpless
Feeling helpless
- Unable to protect themselves, with nowhere to go and no one to rely on.
恐惧被抛弃
- People think I have a kind heart, but in fact, it is just because I am weak. I feel at ease when I am with the weak. I feel that I am in control of everything, that I am relied on, and will not be given up.
Third, compensatory psychology
Blind compensation without a clear understanding of one's own shortcomings and defects often leads to overcompensation, resulting in abnormal development in certain aspects , destroying the coordination and unity of personality, and in turn aggravating psychological conflicts, causing adaptation difficulties and poor interpersonal relationships.
Many people also have a similar compensatory psychology: when they encounter setbacks, losses, or difficulties, they turn their needs for one object to other objects. The specific ways of expression are displacement and sublimation, striving to get rid of them . The mood of doom is particularly strong and urgent .
As mentioned above, Xiaoyao has a dependent personality disorder. When her dependent behavior is repeatedly frustrated in relationships, she will have an emotional breakdown, which will induce her "self-treatment" to be relieved, or go to the other extreme, or even lead to destruction.
Every time Xiaoyao gets sad at Xiang Liu's place, her progress with Jing will improve by leaps and bounds. This is a frustration of "dependence" and induces a compensatory psychological mechanism. For example, Wang Ji and Xiang Liu quarreled at the beach, swam in the sea all night, and then had their first kiss in the Dragon Bone Prison. After the fish played with lotus leaves and expressed their love sweetly, Fangfeng Bei left decisively, followed by a fireworks kiss, love singing and dancing.
- After drinking very bitter medicine, you won't feel the bitterness after eating two pieces of sweet preserves. As long as you think more about happy things, you won't feel the pain anymore.
Xiaoyao’s compensation characteristics:
1. Unconscious
In order to relieve the psychological sadness and pain, unconsciously choose another person to release love and relieve the heartache. (Jing replaces Xiang Liu)
2. Will sublimate
Use more intense expression methods to achieve better healing effects. (A more passionate and real kiss; singing and dancing instead of songs to seduce Zhao and the Siren)
3. It will not really cure
It cannot replace the original pain, nor can it cover up the true love. The effect is always temporary. In other words, her love for Xiang Liu has never diminished because of her emotional entanglement with Jing.
4. There must have been emotional frustration before.
Fourth , post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) severe depression
Merlin tortured and killed Xiaoyao, who suffered a fatal violent attack on her body, and psychologically the most painful memory of her childhood was once again revealed.
Xiaoyao's description in Seaberry is very similar to the feelings of a severely depressed patient. Wrapped up in layers, sinking in darkness, immersed in the abyss, unconscious, unwilling to think, without motivation, and the body is not one's own.
Xiang Liu spent 37 years covering this cold heart with the warmth of his heart's blood, bringing it back to life bit by bit. The number 37 means "affectionate", and it is also the antidote for Xiang Liu to heal Xiao Yao.
After a major trauma, the unconscious self weakens and falls into a feeling of abandonment. It produces feelings of being helpless and lonely , and falling deeply into loneliness, depression, and helplessness.
After waking up, Xiaoyao did not see Xiang Liu, and then developed a deep identification and dependence on Jing, who sacrificed her love for her and was also dying. This so-called "emotion" is still a mental illness. The impact of this unhealthy emotional dependence on Xiaoyao:
1. Too humble
2. Overindulgence
3. Complete loss of initiative and self-worth.
4. There is no way to leave or end the relationship.
5. The alienation of the other party will bring great pain .
Xiaoyao's attitude towards Jing changed from being dispensable to being dependent on each other; after Jing got married and gave birth to a child, Xiaoyao felt that she had lost her only "reliance" and suffered every night; later, in order to help Jing solve household chores, she did not hesitate to show off her lustful appearance, which attracted the attention of Jing. Houhe Fangfengyi reveals flaws.
Psychological stress factors are increasing day by day, common mental disorders and psychological behavioral problems such as anxiety and depression are increasing year by year, and cases of psychological stress events and accidents caused by patients with mental disorders are increasing
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